Curses & Crafts: The Kettlebell

Have you ever wanted to buy a magic spell? After all, you can order just about anything you want nowadays and have it delivered to your doorstep in no time: electronics, clothes, food… anything at all. Why not magic as well?  Good news for you; Curses & Crafts is now open for business. Visit their website, find the magic item you want, and make an order. You can have the product delivered to your home address or have it sent as a “gift” to whomever you want. Just imagine the possibilities, picture what might happen when that box is opened. Here is one example…

***

“Arnie!” Lilly shouted up to him in his bedroom. “You pig! Quit leaving your shoes and jacket lying in the middle of the foyer. I tripped over them again.”

“Did I?” he replied without bothering to take his eyes off of his video game. “Sorry. Just kick ‘em to the side.”

“I shouldn’t have to,” she shouted. “Also, there’s a box outside the front door that’s got your name on it. That one you’re getting for yourself.”

“What is it?”

“I dunno,” she replied. “Looks heavy, whatever it is.”

“The kettlebell!” Arnie said to himself, realizing that his order had finally arrived. He paused his game and rushed downstairs.

“Watch it!” Lilly said, hugging the wall as she passed him going the other way.

Arnie hurried outside to the box sitting on the stoop. As Lilly had said, the wood-reinforced cardboard box appeared to contain something heavy. He double-checked the label, seeing his name on it as well as the Curses & Crafts logo.

“This is it!” he said, squatting down to lift the box and struggling to get it more than a couple of inches off of the ground. “Oof,” he said, realizing that he would need to focus to lift it. “At least, this is the last time I will ever struggle with lifting anything,” he said before giving it another try.

Arnie hoped that the magic was real, that it would do what the website promised when he ordered the kettlebell. As he hefted the box into the foyer, he imagined what the magic would do for him. By just grabbing the kettlebell, his muscles would swell and his body would grow, leaving him bigger, buffer, and stronger. Afterwards, he would be putting most bodybuilders to shame. He had always been small, always been teased for being a wimp. Never again would people look down on him and call him “runt” or “shorty.” He would be the one looking down on everyone.

Arnie slid the box into the middle of the foyer and closed the door. Then, he ran to find a box cutter in a drawer. With a quick swipe, he had the box open. Inside, he found a 30-pound kettlebell, colored black except for a ring of gold paint around the base of the handle, which seemed to be just waiting for him to grab it. He nearly did, but his hand hesitated. Something about it scared him, but he could not say what. He considered it for a moment.

“My clothes,” he said, realizing that growing into a muscle monster would tear his small clothes to pieces. He might want to go change into something looser and more stretchy first. Instead of lifting the kettlebell out of the box, he tipped the box to the side to let the weight slide out of it onto the floor, where it stood up on its own, just waiting to be picked up. He pushed the box off to the side and rushed upstairs again to change into something more appropriate for muscle building.

Footsteps approached his door, and Lilly said, “I’m leaving for work. Tell Mom I’ll be back late.”

“Okay,” he said, stepping into a pair of sweatpants. He left his room and stopped in the bathroom to get one last look at his wimpy body. It was time to say goodbye to being this pathetic.

“Dammit, Arnie!” Lilly shouted. “I told you to quit leaving your things in the middle of the foyer.”

Realizing what she was talking about, he replied, “Wait!” Then, he rushed down the stairs. He reached the bottom just in time to see Lilly grab the handle of the kettlebell with her right hand.

Lilly slid the weight to the wall, but she paused when she tried to leave it there.

“I can let go of it,” she said, trying to pry her fingers off of the handle with her free hand. “What’s going on?” The ring of gold paint on the kettlebell glowed brightly for a moment. Then, the gold disappeared altogether.

“Oh no!” Arnie said, seeing the muscles flexing in her arms as she struggled with the kettlebell.

Although her attention was focused on her hand, Arnie could see that her body had begun to grow. The dark polo shirt she wore clung tightly to her torso as her chest and back muscles swelled. The dark jeans she wore were showing more ankle down below them and belly above them as her body stretched taller. Soon enough, she noticed the increasing tightness of her clothes.

“What the hell?” she said, standing up straight, easily lifting the kettlebell still gripped in her hand. She looked down at her body as it thickened up with solid muscle. Her bra snapped free under her shirt. Meanwhile, her legs extended and thickened like tree trunks as her arms expanded with bulging biceps and triceps. Moments later, she was towering over him, her head approaching the ceiling as a mountain of muscle grew beneath it.

The rest of her clothes came apart, no longer able to contain the body within them. Seams split, fabric tore, flesh burst free leaving only torn scraps of cloth hanging from her otherwise naked skin, showing off the impressive definition of her ripped and buff muscles.

She was huge, and still she grew. Every part of her from the chin down had already expanded to an improbable size, from her thick neck and broad shoulders, to her barrel chest and massive limbs, to her enormous feet and hands, and still she grew. Arnie had the impression that he was in the presence of something beastly like a cow or a horse as she packed on even more hulking mass. She was already the biggest person he had ever seen, and still she grew. Then, just before her head was about to touch the ceiling, the changes stopped, and she grew no more.

The all-black kettlebell, which she had struggled to even slide across the floor, now looked tiny in comparison to the huge hand that effortlessly held it. Arnie realized that its power was most likely all spent now.

“What… What happened to me?” Lilly asked, her voice deeper but still feminine. She gazed down at her chest, swollen with so much pectoral muscle that her breasts had nearly disappeared on top of them. Had Arnie not been able to see her bare crotch, he might have mistaken her for a man. She held up the kettle bell and asked, “What the hell is this thing?”

Arnie stammered his way through an explanation, describing the website and the magic spell he bought from it, trying to explain his reasoning. All the while, his giant sister loomed over him, ready and able to take violent retribution on him if what he said upset her further.

“Will it wear off?” she asked, when he had finished his explanation.

“It’s not supposed to,” he said, wincing. “Sorry, I wanted it to be permanent.”

Sighing, Lilly set the kettlebell down on the floor and began tearing off the remaining scraps of her clothes that clung to her uncomfortably tightly.

Arnie felt terrified and confused. Lilly was an actual giant now and so improbably strong. Somehow, she had grown even bigger than he had expected to become by using the kettlebell. Could this be a side-effect of some kind? He wondered why. Maybe her extra growth was due to her being older than him or being a girl, or it might be something else entirely. There was no way to be sure.

She let out a heavy sigh.

“Lilly?” he asked. “Are you alright?”

She gave him a dirty look and walked off to the bathroom down the hall. He followed and watched as she struggled to sidle and stoop through the doorway.

“Oh my God!” she said, crouching down, looking at her reflection in the mirror. “I can’t even see my whole upper body in the mirror. I’m too big!”

“Lilly, I’m sorry,” he said, hoping to calm her down.

She sighed and crouched through the doorway again, nearly knocking him over as he tried to move out of her way. He followed her back into the foyer where she picked up the box and began examining it.

“Are you mad?” Arnie inquired, his hands nervously clasped together on his chest.

Paying little attention to him, Lilly let the box drop in disappointment and turned her attention back to her massive body. She lifted her arms and flexed them, her muscles bulging out like boulders. She tested lifting the end of a couch up with one hand. It rose a whole foot into the air, effortlessly. She set it down gently and stood up again to look herself over again. After some consideration she said, “This feels weird.” Flexing her arms again, she added, “It’s like I was eaten by a monster, but then I took over the monster’s body.” 

“Then, you’re not mad?” he asked, hopefully.

“Oh,” she said, “I’m furious. You turned me into a freak. Just look at me. I’ll never be able to live a normal life because of this. I mean, I’ll never wear any of my old clothes again. I won’t even be able to buy clothes that will fit me, or shoes. How am I supposed to be able to find a guy who would want me now? You’ve turned my life into a disaster, and, you know what? I’m gonna enjoy taking my anger out on you right now.”

She grabbed the front of his T-shirt with one of her meaty hands and lifted him up, his feet kicking helplessly as he hung in the air.

“Please,” he said, “I’m sorry. Don’t hurt me.”

“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m not planning on hurting you. No, I’m going to take my time making you as miserable as you have made me. I’ll make sure you never forget what a pathetic little wimp you are.”

She carried him to the basement door, opened the door, and reached behind him. Then, taking a firm grip of the back of his underpants, she hoisted him up by his waistband and hung it from the top edge of the door. The wedgie dug painfully deep into his crotch, but he felt helpless to unhook his underpants to free himself.

“There,” she said, satisfied. “That’s a good start. You can hang there a while and think about what you’ve done.” She smiled. “Yeah. That feels good. I think I might actually have some fun with this body as long as it lets me keep tormenting you.” Her stomach growled. “For now, though, I’m going to go eat everything in the fridge.”

She stomped into the kitchen as Arnie suffered, wishing he had never ordered that damn kettlebell.

***

Another satisfied customer of Curses & Crafts, but there are many more. Please, let us know if you have any ideas for novel products to add to our already vast and varied catalog. Until next time, happy shopping.