You gotta be squidding me

Request: Hi! Could you write a gay (mlm) store about a male siren with sharp teeth that keeps bringing his human mate fish to show his love please!! And could it be fluffy??

A/N: I love a good title-pun. This is short and cozy, enjoy!

Merman x male!reader || sfw, very fluffy

“You gotta be kidding me!” You scream when the third fish of the week appear on your doorstep.

You don’t know what’s about the people on this island, but since you moved two weeks ago, you’ve been finding fish on your door every couple days. You don’t know who is it, you don’t know why they do it, but it’s low-key disgusting to pick up a dead fish.

“Somebody left a dead fish on the doorstep again,” you complain to your boyfriend who is just walking in the living room, half asleep still.

“What are you going to do with it?” He asks, eyeing the fish in your hands with a confused glare. You point at the trash, opening it with your foot as you throw the fish inside. “Why… Why don’t you like my fish?” He asks in a soft voice, making a confused sound.

You turn around to look at him, who looks about to burst out in tears. “What are you talking about?” You ask back, as confused as him.

“I’ve been going out early in the morning to catch you some fish but you throw it away everyday and I don’t know why.” He sounds miserable, as if the idea of you throwing away dead fish is completely weird to him.

But then it hits you: “When did you learn how to fish?”

“I… I… I need to tell you something.” You signal for him to go ahead. “I’m a merman.” His voice is serious but you are looking at him as if that’s a joke.

You don’t plan to, but you burst out laughing. “Yeah, right.”

He’s not laughing, though. He just blinks at you very slowly, tears forming in his eyes before he transforms right in front of you. You let out a very manly squeal (that sounds a lot like a pig-scream) as your boyfriend transforms into a merman. Right in front of you. A fucking merman.

“What the fuck?!” You scream, approaching him in disbelief until you are close enough to touch.

He hums in acceptance when you reach out to touch his fins, letting out a pleasure grunt that makes you shiver. Fuck, he always sounds so good. You explore his body with your fingertips, being very careful as he lies there, on the floor, lower body of a fish.

“Why did you leave me fish?” You finally ask.

“To court you,” he deadpans as if it’s self-explanatory. It isn’t.

“But we are already dating,” you tell him, confused. You were dating for a few months already. For fuck’ sake, you are living together in his beach house. Oh, beach house… That makes sense now.

“I… I wanted more. I want more.” He takes a deep breath as you caress his tail scales. “I want you to be my mate.” You look at him, puzzled.

He explains what mates mean, how it’s a lot more than simply marriage and how he’s been trying to court you into being his mate for months and he thought he was getting rejected because his fish weren’t good enough. That makes you laugh, and he lets out a sad huff.

There’s a tension in the air, and you want it gone. “Do I need to eat the fish?” He laughs and the tension dissipates. He shakes his head. “Okay. I’ll be your mate, but no more fish.”

“No more fish,” he agrees, grabbing your short hair and pulling him to you until your mouths join in a kiss.

Well, a merman boyfriend is not that bad… if you ignore the fish.