Gym slut: the confession

A/N: Catch up with the rest of the series in the collection. I was really nearvous to post this part because it feels a lot more intimate or personal than others, so let me know what do you think, please. Also: No gonna lie… this is going to hurt a bit. Enjoy?

Inar (POV) x fem!reader || sfw, angst

He stared at you for what felt like the whole night. Staying awake and thinking about your words. After your soft confession, his heart wouldn’t stop racing, his mind spinning as a thousand and one possibilities crossed his mind. But above all, the fact that you still didn’t know about the mate bond was haunting him.

He knew he should have told you sooner, everyone around him told him so. He knew. But he also knew you were a bit skittish when it came to commitment, and being his mate was the ultimate commitment. There was nothing more profound and intense than a mate bond, and he had been feeling it all along. Well, maybe not all along, but pretty much.

And he knew he fucked up a bit when he remained silent about it.

His siblings gave him hell about it, they all treated him the same way he felt inside: like a stupid asshole. He should have told you the first time you fucked, but instead of that, he left you there because he panicked after sharing you. Other monsters were all territorial and shit, but the fact that you were so needy and desperate and liked what happened only made him second guess himself even more, and he ran. Like he always did.

A fucking coward, the little voice in his head supplied. Fuck.

Before he realized, it was early morning, the sun barely on the horizon when he decided he needed to get off some steam and nerves before he would spin his head so bad he would second guess himself out of telling you again. He needed to run… but this time to come back to you.

So he left you there, looking all cozy and soft, hugging the pillow as soon as he slipped from under your body. His heart skipped a beat at your content sigh, and a tiny smile played at the corner of his lips when he put on his sneakers and went out the door, grabbing your keys on his way out.

He knew you were a morning person, but it was way too early even for that. So he stepped outside and took off running. He wasn’t a big fan of running, but when he couldn’t go to the gym, running would take his mind out of his problems. Not that you were a problem, more like he was. His racing mind was. His self-doubt was. He was a mess and his brain kept repeating all the hurtful things that made him a bad partner for you, a bad mate. But you needed to know, he knew that.

He was going to tell you.

Today.

After stopping at the coffee shop you liked, he ran back, trying not to move the travel cups too much. He set the coffees on the table and showered. You were still sleeping peacefully, but he didn’t dare stop to look at you or he would overthink it again and wouldn’t tell you. And it was time. He was in love with you for fuck’s sake. He needed to tell you. He already started this relationship keeping secrets, he couldn’t keep it hidden anymore.

Fuck, regret had a bitter taste in his tongue as he dried himself and put back his clothes with a wince. He didn’t think it through when he went running, his clothes felt disgusting, but he couldn’t have a serious talk naked, because then you’d be naked and he would end up with his head between your legs again.

He went back to the living room for the coffee and back to the room. He caressed your cheek softly, leaning down to kiss your forehead. “Wake up, sleepy head.” He tried to remain calm, but his heart was beating so fast he felt like he couldn’t breathe properly. But he was determined to do it. “We need to talk,” his words resonated in your room as he stared down at you with the coffee in his hand as a peace offering.

You sat up and the sheet slipped down. The sight of your naked boobs distracted him enough to clear his brain for a millisecond. He took a deep breath as he turned around to grab some of your clothes, passing them to you. You slipped a big shirt (he was pretty sure that was his and you stole at some point) over your head without even thinking about it.

“Good morning,” it sounded weird when you said it mid yawn, but that only made him smile. “What do we need to talk about?” You rasped out, your voice still rough after a good night’s rest.

He looked at you with a knot in his throat, all the nerves coming back to him with vengeance. The run didn’t really help, he was still jittery and confused, his anxiety so high he could almost taste it. And he didn’t know what to do about it, he was awful managing his anxiety on a normal day, but knowing he had to share difficult news? He wanted to disappear.

You stretched, and he saw you wince, grunting at the pain. He went into nurse mode immediately, everything forgotten in his rush to make sure you were okay. Grabbing your ankle and pulling it up until he was inspecting the swollen skin: “Does it hurt? Do you need a pain pill?”

You chuckled, pulling your feet away from his hands and standing up precariously. “It’s okay, just a bit sore.” His arm was around your middle instantly, supporting your weight as you two walked side to side to the living room.

He helped you sit down, and stood up before you, unable to stay still as he paced, trying to figure out how to tell you. You interrupted his mental mess: “I don’t know what this all is about, but if you want to break up with me just say so,” you sounded hurt and he turned around so fast he felt a pull on his neck.

“What?! NO!” He didn’t try to sound so loud, but he almost screamed the words at you. You looked shocked and he took a deep breath.

“No? Then what is happening? Why are you so nervous? I don’t…” You were shooting questions at him and his brain was already spinning with every bad word, every self-doubt thought, every awful past experience… but above all: fear. Fear of losing you.

But at that second, he knew there was one thing that would remain true. “I love you,” he blurted out. The words escaped his mouth so easily, it felt like a weight lifted from his chest and he could breath a bit better.

You were gaping at him, your mouth opening and closing like a fish. In any other moment he would have laughed, he would have made a sex joke probably, but at that second he needed to get it out before his anxiety got the best out of him.

“I love you,” he repeated, slower this time. “But it’s not just that I… I…” You said nothing, only staring up at him with big eyes and such a pretty face it was making thinking extra hard. “You are my mate,” he finally let out in a whisper.

“What does that mean?” But you heard, and obviously, you didn’t have a clue what that meant.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart and racing thoughts. “Orcs and humans are different. Some other monsters, too. We have, we have something akin to a soulmate,” you let out a tiny gasp that made a spark of hope bloom in his chest. So he continued: “someone who is perfect for us and that’s… that’s you.”

There. He said it.

He decided to explain a bit more, just for your sake and so he could focus on something that wasn’t his heart trying to escape his chest. “Since I smelled you and realized you were my mate I’ve been… It’s been you. Only you.”

You looked white as a sheet when he looked back at you, and all the alarms in his head started ringing. “So you… You had no choice liking me?” You deadpanned.

It was hi turn to gape. “What?”

“You are saying you have some kind of connection to me, a predestined connection, so you had no choice. You were meant to like me.” Your eyes were shiny with unshod tears and he was starting to panic. Oh, shit. Oh, no. “Do you even like me or it’s just your biology talking? Is this all about it? Are you with me just beca…”

Your breathing was accelerating, and you smelled like you were in pain, but very different from the pain you felt on your ankle. You smelled like pain… and it was his fault. He fucked it up. Like he always did. His therapist’s voice resonated inside his brain, asking him to rationalize, to think before doing something stupid like running.

“Stop. Stop,” he told you, almost like a plea. “It’s not like that.” He rubbed his face with his hands, groaning in frustration.

“What is it like then? Because as you said it’s not good. It feels like I somehow trapped you into this and I…”

He couldn’t think properly because your words made no sense to him, what were you saying? How would you trap him? He was there not only willing but encouraging. He fucking loved you more than his own life… But he was as bad with words as ever.

“You didn’t. Fuck. This is going awfully.” He dropped to the floor, almost crawling to you until he was kneeling in front of you on the couch, his eyes looking up at you trying to conceive all he was feeling inside. “It’s… The mate bond is so much more. It’s not a biology trap, it’s not you forcing me into anything, or your smell or anything like that. It’s just a feeling so deep inside it takes over your whole body. I…” He took a deep breath, trying to organize his thoughts. And then an idea popped into his brain: “Do you remember the first time we saw each other?”

You smiled softly. “Yeah, at the gym, you were talking with Isaak and he waved at me and you turned around, and he introduced us.”

He looked up at you, hands resting on your thighs as he shook his head lightly. “No. That wasn’t the first time.”

“What?” You arched an eyebrow at him, confused.

“The first time I saw you, you were wearing purple leggings and an emerald green shirt that fitted to your curves so well I had trouble breathing. I almost dropped my dumbbell on my foot. You were walking on the treadmill, your back to me, and the second my eyes set on you, my whole world stopped, my brain slowed down and you were the only thing I could see.” He closed his eyes for a second, remembering that first time and how he felt like there was fire crawling inside of him. “It took me two whole days to convince Isaak to introduce us because he kept saying I sounded like a creep and he wasn’t going to subject you to that.” The self-depicting chuckle made his heart hurt.

“How did you convince him?” Your tiny smile warmed his heart enough for the knot in his throat to dissolve a bit.

“I didn’t.” He muttered. “You just happened to appear when I was trying to convince him again.” You huffed a chuckle and something inside his chest relaxed. “And when I turned around and you were there I just went for it and he complied. He almost punched me after that, but the reprimands were so worth it. Do you understand what I’m trying to say here?” He asked, heart beating hard against his rib-cage.

You sighed. “Not really.”

He sighed in return, frustrated by his inability to express himself when he most needed it. “I liked you before I even knew you were my mate,” he tried.

“When did you realize?” You asked, clearly curious.

“A few weeks later, you walked past me and dropped your towel. I gave it to you and… Everything clicked. My pull to you, the way I wanted to see you everyday even if it meant changing turns with my coworkers. I just needed to see you again. My mornings became my favorite part of the day just because you were there. And in that moment… it made sense.”

He tried not to sound too dreamy about it, but remembering it still made his heart beat a bit faster. But you still looked unsure, and he could feel his hope dissipating into a hole of emptiness and despair.

“You still don’t understand, do you?” He looked to the floor, completely defeated. He knew that was going to happen, he knew he was going to fuck it all up. “God, I’m so bad at this…” Your hands found his cheeks and he looked up at you again. “I love you. That’s the thing. I love you more than fucking anything and the mate bond is part of that, yes, but it’s not all. I love how strong you are. I love how you look when you wake up and your mouth is half open and your hair is a complete mess. I love when you walk around like you own the place. And I love when you submit all that power in bed so I can take care of you.”

He could talk about how much he loved you for hours, his friends and family were tired of him doing exactly that… But you looked as lost as he felt.

“Repeat it,” you asked softly.

He knew instantly what you meant. “I love you.”

“Again,” there was a little smile on the corner of your lips and he wanted to kiss it more than anything. But he wasn’t sure it would be welcomed. Not yet.

So he complied and repeated: “I love you. I love you more than anything.”

You smiled fully at him, closing the distance and planting a very soft kiss against his closed lips. He breathed deeply, inhaling your content scent and feeling calmness washing over him. It would be okay.

“What happens if I said no to the mate bond?” You asked, making his heart stop as he gasped. He knew that was an option, but hear you say it out loud was like a bucket of ice water over his dying heart.

But he took a deep breath and responded as curtly as possible: “Then I’d still want you, anyway you’d have me. Or I’ll walk away if that’s what you want. I want you to be happy. I need you to be happy.” You hummed, deeply in thought. He would give everything he had to know what was happening in your brain.

But as always, you surprised him when you asked: “And what if I do want the mate bond? How does that work with humans?”

“It’s just… I don’t really know. I don’t know many monster’s with human mates. Well… There’s my brother, but he’s stupid.” You laughed at that, and he felt a little weight leaving his chest. “It doesn’t need to mean anything to you. I just need you to know I love you and that’s not going to change. You are it for me.”

That was finally the right thing to say, you smiled at him in the way that made his heart beat and his brain to stop spinning for a second to focus on you. Your hands cupped his face as you leaned down to kiss him again, sweetly, innocently.

You took a deep breath, your hands dropping from his face. “I need to think.”

“Okay, I’ll leave.” He stood up and turned around, his eyes fixated on the door before he crumbled. It hurt to leave you there, it hurt to walk away, but he knew it had to be done. You deserved to think, he knew that. He just wanted to be there while you did so, and he couldn’t.

“Inar, hey!” He turned around, hope blooming inside his chest. “I’m not saying no, okay? I love you, too. I need you to know that. I love you. I just need to process this.” He smiled softly, his heart swelling as he turned back to give you a forehead kiss.

“Okay.” He whispered, grabbing his keys and closing the door behind him.

Okay.

A/N: With all the pain in my heart… you get the cliffhanger. But! I will write the ending soon. ;)