*slow exhale*

Hey, there, everybody. 

The annual chunk of inactivity isn't new, but this year was more than just the usual cyclic block and eventual return. Pretty much everyone has been having a hard time of it the past couple years, so I'm nothing special in that regard. This year, though, things were just beyond the pale.

I'd tried to actually focus on a "personal mental health journey" since that seems to be a thing people are encouraged to do lately, but wasn't having much of a great go of it. The more I tried to follow the advice of worrying more about myself and my own internal shit, the more just... mental and non-functional I got. Went so far as to look into medication and that's been a very mixed bag with multiple false starts, to say the least. 

This past month has put a great deal into focus.

One of our dogs tore a ligament in her knee and needed surgery. I couldn't bring myself to ask for help here, since I'd already been getting support from you guys despite my absence, and asking for more would be unacceptable to me. We managed to get the funds needed to avoid putting too much of it onto credit, and her surgery went well. 

In the early morning after we get her home from her surgery, my mate, who'd been stressing about the dog for weeks, had a heart attack. We got him to the hospital quickly enough that they were able to remove the blockage and put in a stent. He's recovering as well as can be hoped for, and all signs point to full recovery and optimistic outcome, with only some dietary and personal habit changes needed. Changes we're all actually eager to implement, since we're a household of old fat guys who kinda need to take better care of ourselves anyway.

The whole situation finally knocked loose a lot of crud that had been gumming up my gears. I had to set all the ME stuff aside and Just Do The Thing. 

In the midst of this crisis, where there wasn't time to worry about my poor sad sack mental nonsense, I felt more >me< than I have in years. What matters and what doesn't in this world was drawn into sharp contrast. I am too old for the self-indulgent 'how do I fix me' crap I've been stuck in non-productively for too long. The machine will never be perfect, and if it takes duct tape and bubble gum to just get it running, rather than sitting around thinking about how best to fix it, then it just needs to be fucking fixed >enough< and move on.

SO, personal pity party time is over. 

Back to work.

I have things I need to worry about and take care of more important than running down every single source of damage and trauma and mental anomaly in my head. We're lucky in that we aren't strapped for cash and my mate has solid insurance, but we're waiting to be hit by whatever isn't going to be covered. I've got too much backed up and owed, and I need to clear the slate. I'm going to trust that people who've waited this long won't be too upset by a little longer, as I need to do some fast commission work in the immediate week or so, but then it's owed headshots and finishing off the last handful of people still on the backlog list. I'm going to try to be more active in promoting the little merch I have out there, as I've always been a bit reluctant to self-promote as frequently as the social media market seems to need, but I am going to be trying to get over that, too. So, sorry if some of my outlets start to feel a bit commercial-spammy.

To everyone who's still here despite the far longer-than-normal absence, there aren't words to thank you enough. To those who left, there is no negative response at all, I am not entitled to anybody's support, especially when my ass is MIA. I'm having to be on a schedule now, so I'm going to force myself to get on that stage and do my dance at a regularly scheduled time, even if all I can muster is bad comedy. 

I value all your support, and all the encouragement I've gotten from those who've been with me during all this. 

Now it's time for me to get back to work at earning it.