Devil's consultancy 31

Not my best work, I'll admit, but this road trip arc is kind of experimental anyway.

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Tanya had gotten bored with irritating Richard, as was her right as a little sister, after about three hours. Enough time for them to cross state lines, and if they had gone on the direct route, they’d be approaching Metropolis in time for lunch. 

Instead, they passed through Columbus, where the local metahuman threat was a group of Neo-nazis called the Fourth Reich. But the local Titans Initiative, one of the first state capitals to adopt one, was led by Citizen Steel, who was living metal. Not exactly an amazing power, but excellent when dealing with people rather than, say, large traffic pileups with many injured people. 

“Can you do something?” Richard asked, growling at the delay. “Magic things faster?” He was under strict instructions to not do any vigilante work while on the trip, to only act in ways that Richard Greyson, acrobat and ward of Bruce Wayne, could do. Going to help with a twelve car pileup when there are already emergency services on site was not one of those things. 

“I could.” Tanya said calmly, looking over the accident that was fifty car lengths ahead of the traffic jam. “It has been a while since I’ve spoken with Citizen Steel…” She took out the appropriate phone from her pocket dimension and searched through her extensive database of Justice League associate phone numbers for Citizen Steel. What was his name again? Check the contact profile… ah yes, Nathan Heywood. Turning on the voice filter, she opened up the call. 

In the distance, through the little magical magnifier she had projected in front of her allowing her to see Mr. Heywood clearly, he stiffened, but smoothly finished his moving one of the wrecked cars away from the rest of the pile. “Sorry, that’s the Justice League’s ringtone.” He said apologetically to the paramedic next to him. Stepping away, he answered: “This is Steel. I’m in the middle of a disaster, make it quick.” He said firmly. 

“Oh, I apologize.” Tanya said, “This is both urgent and will take several minutes. What kind of disaster?”

“Traffic pileup.” 

“Then through this phone, I’ll lend aid, my own.” Tanya incanted, sending a sizable amount of magic to project through the phone and manifest as a shadow being that mimicked her demon form. Given that she wasn’t actually projecting her power from space or Gotham, this was actually possible without needing to physically travel through the call. “Rhine. Berechnung. Mahou.” Tanya began, drawing on additional power without letting the words go through the phone, before echoing the rest through the shadow puppet. “Thrown together are these cars, injured mortal’s blood now tars; separate and safely part, send the mortals via cart.” 

The area around the pileup suddenly lost gravity, everything gently floating apart. The injured people floated towards the waiting gurneys (with minor magical patch jobs on their worst injuries), the dead floated towards the side of the road, while the cars were lined up on both sides of the highway, awaiting tow trucks. The shadow puppet retreated back into the phone. 

“Yeah I have a few minutes to talk.” Citizen Steel said after a moment of seeing the effects of her magic, walking aside and letting the police set up traffic cones to allow the jammed up cars to start trickling through the site of the accident. “What’s up?”

“I need important information about the Fourth Reich’s mastermind, Vandal Savage.” Tanya said. “I know that’s not time-sensitive, but I will pay you two thousand dollars if you pretend it is.”

“Ah, that guy. Yeah he’s bad news.” Citizen Steel said, nodding along. “Why the interest?”

“Let’s just say I was contracted.” Tanya said evasively. “Magically solving the jam lets me do that without revealing why I did it. I just need you to play along. I make your life easier, you make mine.”

“I don’t see the harm in that.” Citizen Steel said, rubbing his chin, “Okay, so the first thing you need to know about Vandal Savage is that he’s immortal…”

By the time the car was almost past the jam, ten minutes later, Tanya thanked Steel for his time, hung up, and after sending the payment via a slush fund she had set up as ‘Rhine’s personal funds’ for exactly this kind of technically-corrupt-but-beneficial-to-all-parties move, held out her hand for a high five as Richard slowly drove forward towards freedom, right past where the metal man was hanging up his own phone. She whistled to get his attention. 

Citizen Steel, when he noticed the ten year old girl holding out a hand, gently slapped it by means of placing his hand in her path and giving way when the car’s movement let their palms meet. 

When Richard finally got to speed up, Tanya looked back and found that the man was now stuck high-fiving every passenger who was on their side of the highway. 

They took the opportunity, now that they were in something resembling a major city, to eat at an expensive restaurant without bothering to dress up for the occasion. Well, Richard didn’t. Pretty much everything Tanya owned for general wear was fashionable enough to be accepted as formalwear for a girl her age. Tanya ate barely cooked red meat, as usual at these kinds of locations, while Richard ate some crab-stuffed mushrooms after deciding that he didn’t want the chef’s special, on account of the cucumbers it contained. 

They then proceeded to go to a gas station for the obvious reason and, while they were there, bought another pair of extremely large sodas from the fountain. Plus more snacks. Alfred would not be happy with them if he knew, but that was part of the fun of being on a road trip. 

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One side effect of being delayed so much was that they had no excuse to avoid going to a luxury hotel, because their journey put them in the dead center of St. Louis with sunset fast approaching. They were supposed to be in Central City by now… 

“Does it bother you?” Richard asked as Tanya tossed Pizza up and down while lying on her bed, ready to sleep. 

“What does?” Tanya asked, kicking Pizza into the wall behind her and letting him bounce back to be juggled by her feet. Pizza squeaked with delight at the rambunctious fun. Such a perfect pet… 

“How much everyone falls over themselves to please us.” Richard elaborated, “Just because of the Wayne name.”

Tanya scoffed. “It’s because they’re in the business of parting rich fools from their wealth, and they do that by being so obsequious that you feel like you’re getting your money’s worth.”

“I don’t give a damn about the money.” Richard said dismissively. 

“That’s because you’ve not had to do a single thing to earn it.” Tanya countered, “You’ve dedicated every waking moment to either Bruce’s vigilante crusade or fulfilling whatever requirement Bruce imposed to continue to allow you to do so.” She snatched Pizza by the tail with her toes and idly started swinging the jerboa-like plushie around, to the continued simulated joy of the golem. “With the occasional distraction orchestrated by either Alfred or myself.”

Richard scoffed. “It’s not like Bruce earned it either.” He said petulantly. 

“Yes, but he’s had plenty of time to get used to being respected.” Tanya pointed out, “While you’re more or less experiencing being in charge of your own life for the first time. It’s normal for the differences to bother you.” Tanya liked to consider herself a bit of an expert on growing up, although she wouldn’t dare actually voice this, as she would quickly be proven wrong. “The only thing that’s changed is that Bruce isn’t standing between you and the asskissing anymore.”

Richard took a moment to process her statement. “You really think it’s normal?” He asked. 

“Change is always rough.” Tanya explained, “When I first graduated high school and went to college, I was really taken aback at the radical shift in culture.” Tanya shuddered at the memory. “When it came to getting into a good school, everyone and everything just piled on the pressure to succeed, making it seem as if a single mistake would ruin my life.” She released Pizza, and the golem tucked into a roll as he was flung across the hotel room. Pizza then stood up, still laughing, and scrambled back onto the bed, hugging Tanya and staring into her face begging to go again. 

“What happened once you got in?” Richard asked, clearly invested in her story. 

“All the pressure vanished.” Tanya said, waving her hands to emphasize her point. “Once I was in the school, it didn’t even seem to matter what I learned, what I did… as long as I didn’t fail, and that was not difficult, it was as if I had already won well before the actual finish line.”

That was clearly not what Richard expected. “What?” He asked, bewildered. 

“I was baffled!” Tanya half-shouted, “I went forward on momentum for the first year, acing all my classes by putting my nose to the grindstone, but at the end of the four years I was a real party animal, you know? I had my job locked in months before graduation, good pay, and after I got the diploma it was a straight shot towards success… Until I got murdered, of course.” Calling it a ‘straight shot’ heavily undersold just how much effort Tanya had put in to schmooze the higher ups, but she had never experienced any real setbacks, so it was accurate enough. 

“What are you trying to say?” Richard asked, completely unable to comprehend her point. 

“Even good change takes some adjustment.” Tanya clarified, “You’ve been wanting to get out from under Bruce’s thumb for a few years now, so you can risk your life with impunity.” Tanya used Pizza as a sling with her other foot, launching him again. 

“That’s not why.” Richard protested, but Tanya wasn’t in the mood to listen to his chuunibyou delusions of how his desire to personally inflict violence on criminals wasn’t selfish. 

“Satisfy your battle lust, whatever.” Tanya said dismissively, waving off the correction. “You finally have what you want, and it comes with extras you didn’t anticipate, so get used to it. You’ll be dealing with it for the rest of your life.” Unless he does something stupid like disown himself or something. Bruce is too much of a bleeding heart, he was pained just by the boy going to a distant college to spread his metaphorical wings, he’d probably spend weeks at the Crime Alley gargoyle if Richard went that far. 

Naturally, Tanya would absolutely make the boy regret such an action. “...I guess. But this is the last nice hotel we’re staying at.” He declared. 

“You try and force me to sleep in a filthy hovel just because you’ve suddenly grown allergic to wealth after living in a literal mansion for the last eight years and I will curse you.” Tanya threatened, letting an aura of menace manifest around her via magic. “It will be a humiliating curse, specifics to be determined in the heat of the moment.”

Richard paled. “Ah, right. Three star minimum, gotcha.” He was right to fear her: a planned curse can be creative and ironic, but that also meant it was measured and proportional. One thrown in the heat of the moment had no such guarantee. 

The aura vanished, and Tanya smiled brightly. “Good!” She did a performative yawn, which Pizza mimicked, and she went underneath the covers to cuddle with her golem. “G’night!” She said, which triggered the lights to dim to darkness, no magic required, just technology. 

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The good news about being late to Central City was that the event they had planned to coincide their arrival with was the next day anyway, so leaving St. Louis a bit early to slip into the Flash’s stomping grounds at a reasonable hour was still in the cards. 

Flash Appreciation Day was in full swing, with banners erected above every major thoroughfare. The museum’s official grand opening was at six in the evening, but there was a full itinerary of smaller events throughout the day, like awarding the red hero the key to the city, which she was surprised to learn was an actual thing; she thought that Hollywood just made that up. Granted, it was just a civilian award that didn’t mean anything specific beyond being honored and respected in that specific city, but with a name like that she thought it was different. 

Tanya saw a field full of elementary school students having fun with a relay race, and pretty much every restaurant in the city had some kind of deal on food that was ‘Flash-approved’, which she gathered was code for ‘Wally had eaten it at one point’ due to his legendary appetite. 

They stopped at a smallish park that had no less than five busy office buildings around it, which had a hotdog cart that Tanya knew for a fact was Wally’s favorite in the whole city. When a man who could casually travel anywhere had a favorite, you paid attention. 

“Mmm!” Tanya approved of the choice. It was kosher beef on a freshly baked bun, paired with quality mustard and what was absolutely homemade sauerkraut plus some kind of fermented fruit sauce drizzled on top. “This is really good, Mr. Cohen!”

“Best in the city!” Bragged the proprietor, his dialogue frequently sprinkled with yiddish. “Grandma makes the sauerkraut and amba, Papa bakes the buns.” Flash had mentioned that the old proprietor got a back injury during an incident, so his son now ran the stand. “Me? I get the easy part!” He checked his phone. “Nearly time for lunch rush…” They had caught the man shortly after he opened for business, smartly getting his station prepared with a comfortable margin of error to catch people who left for lunch early to beat the rush. 

Richard was devouring his own hot dog, which was absolutely more expensive than your average food stand hot dog, a whole five dollars (well, technically 4.80, which in this state added twenty cents more for sales tax). You did get a bag of chips, as well as a can of soda or bottle of water from the cooler to go with that hot dog, but it was pricey. “Hey, how many hot dogs do you have left for today?” He asked after swallowing. 

“I started the day with two hundred, so… one ninety four?” Mr. Cohen said, clearly counting up the few sales he got in the last twenty minutes, “I’m freshly stocked. Papa’s got more buns coming in another hour, but other than that I’m set.” He patted his cart’s containers of fixings. 

Richard took out the bundle of cash and a second one that Tanya didn’t know he had. After counting out a thousand dollars, he handed it over. “I’ll buy them all, and you give out free hotdogs for Flash Appreciation day.” He instructed, “If the Flash comes by, you give him as many as he’s willing to eat, even if it’s all of them.” He ate the last bite of his hotdog, and after finishing it he held out the cardboard container. “Also, another for me.”

Naturally, as she was savoring her meal, Tanya was barely halfway through her own hotdog. Well, also she was a third of the teenage boy’s size. “How generous, I’m sure Flash would be proud.” She said sarcastically. 

“You’d know better than I.” Richard said dismissively. He wasn’t exactly Wally’s biggest fan, he thought Wally took things too lightly. Which was just another symptom of his chunnibyou. “Back at the circus, I heard about some rich guy showing off for his date by buying out all the corn dogs and telling them to give them all out for free.”

Tanya hummed. “So you wanted to see what it was like?” She asked, curious. Richard often spoke about his time in the circus, but this was a new one. 

“I’ve been thinking about what you said last night.” Richard admitted after another bite of his hot dog. “How I haven’t been acting like the rich kid I am.” Is that what he took away from that? “Thought I’d give it a try, throwing money away at a whim.”

“Far be it from me to discourage supporting small businesses,” Tanya said, hedging her statement, “-and make no mistake, I’m well aware that you could casually withdraw ten times as much from that bank over there without anyone giving a damn, me included…” With that out of the way, Tanya got to her actual point. “Casually passing around that much cash-” Outside of high end shopping districts, of course. “-tends to get people noticed, and one of the reasons we didn’t take the direct route was to avoid having criminals ambush us for ransom.” It was a serious concern, unfortunately. Richard actually took classes on how to avoid getting kidnapped, and Tanya had to study his notes. Not that they were in much danger, but that’s the kind of thing that can lead to secret identities being revealed. 

“I know, I’m not an idiot.” Richard snapped, offended. “That’s why I said it was for Flash Appreciation day. No one’ll look too closely at it after we’re gone.” 

“Good, you’re thinking.” Tanya said, “You’ve got a good head on your shoulders when you use it, just remember what happens if you get us kidnapped.” She was, of course, referring to her half-empty threats to use lethal force in self defense if provoked. She wouldn’t hesitate, of course, but she had plenty of nonlethal ways to defeat ordinary mortals, many of which also kept her other roles secret. 

“You’re such a nag.” Richard huffed, taking another bite of his hot dog. 

Tanya checked the time on her phone. Hm, according to Wally’s work schedule (trivial to acquire), his half day still has ten minutes left. However, in a freak coincidence, the Flash arrived in front of his favorite hot dog cart between her looking down and looking back up. He must have finished up early. 

True to his reputation, Wally ate four hotdogs that Mr. Cohen prepared for him, and when he tried to pay, Mr. Cohen refused. Wally tried to pay again, but then the proprietor pointed in their direction and, presumably, explained the situation. Understanding, Flash then held out five fingers and pointed his other thumb in their direction, and in an eyeblink, he was among them. 

“Hey kids!” Wally said cheerfully, “I heard you bought me all the hotdogs I could eat?”

Richard finished his hot dog and nodded as he swallowed. “It’s Flash Appreciation Day, after all.”

Wally preened at the observation. His face unfocused for a second, probably him looking around at super speed, and he leaned in: “Hey, does Bats know you’re over here?” He whispered. 

“We’re having a road trip!” Tanya exclaimed, “That said: Only if he’s been obsessively checking the car’s GPS.” Meaning: he absolutely knew. In the distance, Pizza responded to her thoughts and started dancing, shaking its butt in front of the hidden camera in the dashboard. 

Richard was much less appreciative of the concern. “I’m going off to college.” He said testily, “In California.” He added. “Tanya wanted to check something out on the way.” 

“I have a list of things I want to do.” Tanya corrected, “One of which was attending Flash Appreciation Day.” Wally was the second most popular member of the Justice League, only losing out to Superman himself. Once she had heard that Central City was organizing the event, she had ensured some extra money and some paraphernalia went towards the Flash Museum to capitalize on the huge PR win that it represented. Specifically, to ensure that there was at least a section dedicated to the Flash as a founder of the Justice League, to further associate the organization of planetary defenders with the media darling that Wally represented. 

“I appreciate you too, short stuff.” Wally said, running his hand through Tanya’s hair with a touch of speed force. Tanya squawked as thirty minutes of hairbrushing was ruined in two seconds. “Hang on.” He said, rushing back to the hot dog stand and devouring the extra hot dogs. 

Fortunately, the results of Wally’s ignorance on the realities of long hair wasn’t too difficult to fix, a bit of magical assistance allowed it to be done with in just six strokes of the brush she kept in her purse, which was one of the few things that was actually inside the purse instead of her pocket dimension. She wasn’t dressed particularly brightly or darkly today, wearing a simple but elegantly fashionable lavender dress with a matching floral hair band and earrings, her nails and lips painted dark purple.

Tanya glared at the speedster when he returned, patting his stomach in satisfaction. “Don’t touch the hair.” She hissed. 

Wally laughed. “Okay, sure. Now, are you going to be at the Flash Museum opening? I was gonna ask Batman to come, most of the rest of the founders are all busy.”

“Yeah, we’re coming.” Richard said, his general sour mood no longer directed at Wally. “As us, though.” He added. 

“I can split off a shadow copy for you.” Tanya offered, “I’m getting better at making it look real.” Usually, it didn’t matter how real it looked, just that it could allow her to extend the range of her magic appropriately. When she was, say, impersonating Batman, on the other hand… it wasn’t anywhere near the top of her priority list, but it was one of the things she was practicing. 

“That’d be great.” Wally said, following them as they returned to the car. “It’s at six.” He added, as if they didn’t already know. “You think you could get Bats to come?”

“Us being there might convince him to stay away.” Tanya replied, shaking her head. “I’d be fine with it, but…” She gestured to Richard. “Him not so much.”

The boy literally growled at the idea of seeing Bruce again, after a few days away. He started up the car. “We need something to do.” He said to Tanya, snubbing Wally. 

“Oh! There’s a new skate park! It’s down the street from the old one and twice as big!” Wally said, before running off. “Race ya!” He shouted back. 

Despite knowing he had absolutely no chance, Richard made the engine roar as he shot off at unsafe speeds.