My Weekly Gag Villain Job is Pretty Fulfilling: Chapter 12

My Weekly Gag Villain Job is Pretty Fulfilling: Chapter 12

…

Commissioned by Arksoul

…

Rather than deciding on what I wanted, I instead decided to see who was willing to take up either role.

Unfortunately, given the state of the world, there were a lot of people at death’s door who I had my Imps on the prowl for.

If they were going to paradise or whatever, I just told my Imps to give them a sedative and moved on.

If they weren’t, then we took them in to rest.

If those individuals happened to have powers, we took their bodies and stored them in the abyss as well.

Thus, I was in our new basement speaking to a potential new recruit.

“So, let me get this straight. I died, you took my soul and body, and now you’re offering me a job?” Alex died in a gang fight on the western seaboard. While most nations tried to pretend that most were moved into reinforced, self-sufficient cities, while those who weren’t lived in protected small towns, the fact remained that there were ruins where people still eked out a living. Territory was held by gangs, people lived off old infrastructure and relief efforts, and people with powers were petty kings. “Are you serious?”

“Yep. You have the perfect power for it. Those barriers you make integrate well with the Legion’s.” Alex’s brow furrowed, and she held out her hand. A rectangle came forth from the limb composed of shadow. The parts that didn’t survive the battle I replaced with Shadows. She was only technically alive. Her true self was the soul inside a crystal and was puppeteering her own body. “Oh, and you were set to be dismantled and reborn to try again until you reached paradise. I intervened and took you out of that process for eternal rest, instead.”

“So, you’re my boss or something? The guy who can make me do anything you want?”

At that, I shook my head.

“You’ll have leeway, the ability to live on your own, and a stipend. It’s also easy to set you up with another identity. You can change how you look, too.” I made a show of changing faces, features, bodies, and clothes. After a moment, with a furrowed brow, Alex found she could do the same. She settled on just repairing her clothes and making her limbs look normal. “You can eat, sleep, and do as regular people do while you’re off the clock. And I will be giving you commands that you’ll need to follow, but only while you’re working, and we can talk about them before I give them.”

“… I’d say it’s too good to be true. What’s the catch?” Alex grunted and crossed her arms while putting her booted feet on the table. A long-haired, tanned tomboy gangster should be unconventional enough as a rival on the opposite side of the Sentinels. She looked good enough to have her own fanbase to root for her. It’ll also open the chance for her to ‘betray’ me later, too. But I’ll cross that possible storyline later. “You’re going to turn me into a monster?”

“Your duty will be to fight our opposites. The Sentinels of the Light, while I focus on other matters.” There was a lot of background work to do. A lot of balls to get rolling. Not to mention the fact that they were looking for me now, given my recent encounter in Japan. The chance of them just trying to dogpile me when I appeared was too high. I was strong, but not strong enough to defeat them all at once without killing one or two. Another Sentinel would just be found, and the survivors were just going to be more powerful the next time that we met. “It will be a difficult job. Three times a week. Once every Saturday supporting a monster. But you don’t need to win; you can be anywhere else in the world with a different face and identity, and so on. Details are negotiable.”

Alex’s brow was furrowed as she considered my statement for a while.

“… You’re turning this whole fight with them into some sort of ritual. Like a cartoon.” I just nodded at the assertion, and she sighed. “Well, I’d rather be out there doing something with cash in my pocket than just rest all day, as nice as it is, rather than handle being born again.”

She held out her hand, shifting it from one form to another, before returning to her original.

“If you start going mad with power or decide to ravage the world and start massacring people, I want out. I’ll give 100% and do whatever you ask if you put me away or let me do what I want when you do that.”

That was an easy enough thing to agree to, but I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote it down and gave it a signature with a flourish.

“The rest we can hash out, but I’ll give this to you as proof.” I stood and extended my hand to her, and she stood and did the same. We shook hands. “So, how do you feel about attending private school?”

“Not on your life.”

“Dark, broody motorcyclist that appears on town outskirts?”

“Alright. Better.”

“One that goes around into slums and puts all the gangs under her control?”

“I’m game.”

“Nice. What do you want for lunch?”

“…There’s this place back home with great burgers.”

I nodded.

“We’ll drop a phone order in. You can pick it up and practice moving through shadows. Oh, and we can eat whatever we want. It just turns to more shadow and power.”

Alex whistled.

“What about drugs?”

I sighed.

“Sorry. No bloodstream or nerves to play with. No dice there.”

“Damn, that sucks.”

Alex bombarded me with questions, while I did my best to answer them.

Ebb was going to give me an earful about choosing the youngest, adequate candidate for the role, but I thought Alex deserved a chance at living after dying so young.

…

Interlude: Adam

…

Task force Lightbringer had more than a few people objecting to the name, especially those who were more religiously inclined, but when the assembled force came together, the name was just too apt to discard.

The IHA basically called in every favor, and anyone willing to get anyone with power vaguely attributed to light.

I was one of the few who couldn’t use any ‘light-based’ power in the group.

My entire contribution was the fact that I could take hits from the Legion, go down, and get back up.

Not many people could, since most energy shields didn’t work.

The ISS and its crew learned that the hard way, if rumors were to be believed.

I felt a tap on my shoulder while I looked at the stylized lantern held like a grenade by a white-gloved hand.

“Sir, the meeting will be starting soon.”

“Ah, thanks.” I gave the attendant a nod and received a bow from the waist in return. We were stationed in Japan. Tanegashima’s space complex was within view. It was a busy port with the recent necessary repairs, and the sound of Single-Stage-To-Orbit vehicles was constant. “I’ll go now.”

“It is my pleasure to serve.”

I was still getting used to how servile all the attendants were acting.

Or how most of the servants were gynoids or androids.

Walking through the halls, I couldn’t help but notice that most of them were supplied by one company, too. Four cherry blossoms in the cardinal directions in black. The name of the company escaped me, but I’ve seen the same symbol on War Maidens and other military machines. The servile gynoids and androids were their civilian offerings, and there were plenty of rumors that the tens of millions produced could easily be given retrofits to become incredible soldiers.

But could they fight against the average Legion of Shadow ‘minion’?

Small, capable of traveling through shadows, incapable of feeling pain, capable of seeing through each other’s eyes, and able to rip through armor, pass through shields, and more.

The number of advantages one footsoldier had was staggering.

They weren’t even the main subject of today’s meeting.

It was the ‘commander’ sighted in Tokyo that was projected in the middle of the room.

“Adam! Over here.” I turned to the sound of my name and found Thuderer seated in a section surrounded by empty chairs near the back of the room. Outside of combat, he wore a bright pink Hawaiian shirt, shorts, and sunglasses. He had a drink at the table and was earning more than a few glances from the rest of the room. It was like he was on vacation. “I see that you’re still in one piece. How were things in the ISS?”

“We were hit instantly in lunar orbit. The transmission back took a minute to spool up, and, in that minute, we were almost overrun.” I told him bluntly. Fighting in the halls of the ISS came to mind. Minions sprouting up from everywhere, there was a shadow that wasn’t a person. Screens conveying what was happening outside showed everyone how the hull was swarming with creatures tearing through the metal can we were using to travel through space. “No one died because everyone was ready to launch already, we didn’t have a normal crew, and the captain jumped immediately.”

“Captain Nagano, right? Good head on his shoulders. Hopefully, all the testimonies will stop the critics from raking him over the coals too much.” Thunderer shook his head. He was speaking pretty loudly. It was a political move, probably. Something he had to pay attention to given his status as one of the strongest from the US. He was likely forming a faction and going to vie for a leadership role in the task force. “Was this thing in there?”

“No. If it was, I don’t think we’ll have lived. I’ve seen the recordings. Azure cut through the minions and larger constructs like they were nothing. She hit that thing’s neck, and it didn’t even leave a scratch.” The Sentinels was a hot topic. With the Legion going public on the moon and repelling the ISS, they started launching multiple attacks all over the world. The Sentinels arrived at every single sighting and dealt with the issue before vanishing without a word. “Then, there are the new ones.”

Thunderer scoffed.

“I can take those monsters on just fine.” He boasted, but it wasn’t without backing. He was one of the handful in this room who could annihilate the least of the Legion outright. A bolt of lightning from the sky, and the next moment one of those deadly things was just gone. “The commander is a problem, but it doesn’t fight. That means we just need to be able to deal with what it sends out.”

I was ready to agree when someone suddenly spoke just behind me.

“Then, are you volunteering to be part of the rapid response group, Thunderer?” I looked over my shoulder and recognized the speaker immediately. Bluefield was a UK-based hero. One of the oldest still in service. She was clad in modernized knight armor and had a wrinkled complexion and pure white hair. Despite that fact, she was the leader of my group, which composed the frontline of the task force. “It’d be a blessing to have you savaging the enemy while I hold the line.”

“Oh? Looks like they put something new for you, Blue.” Thunderer got up and took off his glasses before offering his hand to her. They shook and gave each other nods. They were two old veterans in a dangerous profession. I felt distinctly out of place. “Is that a new shield?”

“Yep. The Sentinels gave the eggheads some information and a few things to put into production. This shield and armor will act like metal against the Legion.” I’d heard rumors of that. The Sentinels transferred knowledge and information as much as they could through the IHA, as well as several retired military officers and even entrepreneurs. If rumors were true, it was magic, but useable by anyone rather than those born with the ability. “Hopefully, they get some real artillery up and running, but you’ll do until they figure it out.”

“I don’t know. It’s hard to park a thousand guns in one place, while I just must sit along for a ride.” Thunderer laughed before looking my way. He gave an inquisitive raise of his chin towards her, and I confirmed that I knew her. “So, Adam knows you? Doing some cradle robbing, Blue?”

Bluefield gave a snort.

“More like he’s one of the few young ones paying attention. It’s a real challenge to handle the tough ones. They’re too cocky. A couple of them almost got killed.” I grimaced at what she implied. It was true. If anything, she undersold the problem. If not for those who got injured having powerful regeneration and our support team having the equipment needed to stabilize them, over half of us would’ve died. “How are your ducklings? They’re paddling along after you and treating the world like it’s their oyster?”

“Bah, they’re mostly part of some faith or another. They call their power holy, divine, or whatever. Most of the time, it’s just energy beams, and they have a chant they need to do in order to blast something with it.” Thunderer scoffed while Bluefield just chuckled. “So, I guess I’ve got the same problem. They’ve got their heads up their asses and don’t want to just learn how to throw their weight around with speed and precision. Which is all they really need in teams like this.”

They were set to keep speaking like old friends when the doors I entered through opened.

“Ah, pardon me. I hope that I did not interrupt.” Danger. I laid my eyes on the newcomer, and the sensation of being before someone incredibly strong almost overcame me. The one who came through the door was a young woman in a simple bodysuit with armored plates. Both Thunderer and Bluefield paused and looked at her with eerily calm faces. “Excuse me, I must reach my seat.”

She passed us by without a word, but I took note that on the back of her neck was the same symbol on all the machines in the building.

A war maiden?

No.

Something far stronger.

Thunderer grunted and drew me from my thoughts.

“Keep an eye on Adam, Blue. Looks like he’s got good senses, unlike all the idiots just leering at her.” Something about his voice had me turn towards him. I was aware that sweat broke on my brow. “That’s the newest Akimitsu combat platform. Tenshi-series 1. Gynoids with just enough cloned human parts to have powers.”

I idly nodded at the new information while doing my best to not look at the ponytailed superweapon that just passed us by.

I could only hope that the ISS would be fixed and more like it would be made to spread humanity across the stars.

Because with all that was happening, with all the threats and advancements that came, I was sure that we’d need to spread to ensure our survival.

Every threat was met with advancements, but how long before we turned those advancements upon one another?