A Perfectly Logical Guide to a Superhuman Apocalypse: 81

A Perfectly Logical Guide to a Superhuman Apocalypse: 81

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Wordcount: 2500

Commissioned by Arksoul

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“Designation: Egress.”

“I’m taking time off. I need it.” I was still at Vancouver checking the city out. I was taking a walk and looking for a brunch place to enjoy after my coffee and pastry. There was a good lox sandwich place here in this city, I was sure, so I was walking close to the wharfs. There weren’t many big ships, but loads of smaller ones that pulled in lots of fish from the Pacific Northwest’s shores. With this much amazing salmon, there should be a good place with lox. Probably not a good bagel, but I’ll take what I can get. “If you’re here to get me to work, you’re out of luck.”

I still had my timetables for shipping stuff around the world, but they were already set up early in the morning after I woke up. I just hopped over to the places, got stuff from point A to point B, and fulfilled my duties for the day. It took more time to bathe, get dressed, and check on my armor’s seals, but after that I just had my whole day to myself.

“I understand. I am here in hopes of accompanying you. Your actions yesterday immensely improved your reputation amongst Vancouver’s population.” I looked over the body chosen by Parvati for this escapade. Hazer haired with pale skin and fair features, she obviously looked like most women in the city, but with a few notches upward in attractiveness. “I hope to increase my reputation as well.”

“Yeah, no. That’s work. Go socialize and schmooze on your own. You can just visit all the places I did yesterday and get good results. Tell them I told you they’re good, or something.” I’m on the hunt for food and to not think. Working to improve Parvati’s reputation around here involved thinking. Heck, it might interfere with my enjoyment of my food. “Go away. Shoo. If you want to improve your reputation, hire me to chauffeur you around the city for a food tour or something in a week.”

“Designation: Egress, please don’t tell me that’s what you’d use your power for, if the world were stable and secure.”

“Your goddamn right that’s what I’d use it for, if the world wasn’t crazy.” I’d call it Egress’s Exotics Food Tour. I’d just chaperone people around the world to eat for eight hours. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and multiple snacks across the day. I make a killing just taking around groups of ten for like three hundred bucks all over the world for food. I couldn’t because most people with power would try to kidnap me if I was that overt with my powers. Oh, and tourism ate shit when superhuman crime just blossomed all over the world. “Now, how about you beat it? I’m here to have a nice, calming day.”

A frown flittered across the gynoid form used by Parvati, but it remained silent as I reached a promising spot.

It was a hole in the wall, a container building nestled on the road in between docks and warehouses. There was a line of workers leading to the stand, and people were munching on sandwiches with one hand with coffee in the other in the morning. I took in the scent. Slightly dark roast, but fresh from a local roaster. Besides that, the scent of frying eggs was in the air, along with toasting bread and the sea breeze.

Even if they didn’t have what I wanted, this was still going to be worth having.

I got in line, receiving a few stares, until I spoke.

“New around these parts. Do they have lox? I’ve been looking for years.”

My question quickly got an answer from the guy in front of me in line.

“If they’ve got lox? Buddy, lox is the cheapest thing on the menu. It’s practically all we ate for years! Why’re you going around looking for it?”

“From California. Docks there are warmwater and still messed up. We won’t have any for a long while.” Maybe, some northern California town had them, but I couldn’t be everywhere or check everywhere out. It’d be too much of a hassle. “If they’ve got it on the menu, it must be good, since you’ve all eaten it so much, right?”

“Hm, yeah. I suppose. Hey, were you the masked guy that showed up at the shrimp noodle place yesterday? Ordered a bowl, gave Mr. Wu some stuff from China, and came back to buy another bowl?”

“Yeah, I almost got a third.”

“Damn, it must be nice to have powers… I’d eat two bowls of noodles, too!” The worker guffawed and gave me a nod, before extending his hand towards me. I took it and gave a shake. “James Catlins, nice to meet you. How’re you liking the city?”

“There are somethings that take getting used to. But that’s the case for every city. Egress. Sorry, I make sure people don’t know who I am, just in case.”

“The height might give you away, boss.” James chuckled and looked past me for a second, then went back to looking at me. “The woman behind you’s glaring daggers into the back of your head. What’d ya do?”

“We’re co-workers and I don’t want to work today.”

“Ah, damn.”

“Designation: Egress, would you like to introduce me to your new acquaintance?”

“There are literally dozens of people around here you can chat up, Parvati. Chat them up.” I got a huff from the AI piloting a gynoid body, and I felt its presence stalk away. James looked a bit shaken… or maybe he was staring at the gynoid’s rear while it walked towards some dudes trying to look cool and not interested at its approach. “Honest advice: that’s an AI that pilots thousands of gynoid bodies designed to infiltrate and get into people’s good graces. If it fucks you, it wants something.”

“She’ll be popular around here then. Bit hard for folks like us to afford the mods to look good.” James shook his head and sighed. Guess there was a caveat to the whole biological revolution going on here. People were healthy and taken care of, but anything past general health and wellness still took a pretty penny. I mean, it gave people something to work towards. It wasn’t like people needed to spend money on homes or cars here. The luxury goal was to invest in oneself and look ridiculously attractive. “So, you’re going to get some lox? I think number three’s the best. Classic. Cream cheese, original bagel, capers, onions, and lots smoked salmon.”

“Yeah, that sounds like what I’m looking for.” We were at the front of the line now, and I realized my mistake before I could act against it. “Wait—

“Hey, Cathy. One number three for my friend Egress here and one number two for me!” James gave me a big grin, while I just shook my head. However, before he could say no, I went ahead and got something out for him and pushed it into his hands. “Hey, what the—boss, this is way too much for a sandwich!”

I put a solid gold coin in his hands.

“Consider it a donation, so you can get that face of your fixed.” I talked loud enough to be overheard. A few people laughed, but there were still some sharp eyes. Needed to nail it in a bit harder. I put a pager in his hand. I made it obvious that he was employed under me.  “Consider it an investment. I need contacts, and you need to look good. Win-win.”

“Bastard, fine.” James nodded a bit stiffly, before turning around and paying the cashier, and motioning for me to follow him. I did and we got to an empty spot closer to the window where food got handed out. Parvati was well on its way to getting the denizens of the wharf wrapped around its finger. Only time will tell if the easy lay route will give it the reputation that it wants here, like it did back with Clancy. “It’d help if you told me what you’re looking for.”

“Anything that can be stored up and shipped around and sold. Nothing crazy like weapons. I mostly just ship around food, so people’s diets aren’t ridiculously plain.” That got James nodding along and he took of his hardhat. Damn, balding already. There was also some wear and wrinkles on his otherwise youthful face. Beneath the skin, he was probably healthy, but hard labor still wore on the looks a lot. “Lots of grains and vegetables all over the US. Cattle herds are massive. Steaks are easy to get. Less so everywhere else, but they’ve got spices, different grains, and all that stuff.”

“Steaks? Damn, I just read about those. Never had the chance to try, even before things went sideways.” James shook his head. I did my best to not look at him and guess his age. He noticed. “I’m twenty seven. Balding’s a bitch.”

“…Damn, Seran’s ruthless. Balding should be a mental health fix.”

“I know, right!?” James scoffed, but looked my way. “So, you know the mayor?”

“Used to work with her before the war. Mostly delivering stuff from all over the world to her lab. Honestly? Didn’t think she was cut out for a public facing job, but it looks like she’s improved since then.” I was a bit worried talking about Seran. What if this guy had some hangups? What if Seran’s situation pre-apocalypse was known, somehow? I didn’t need to worry, James pretty much just nodded along seriously at my words, obviously pleased that I praised his city’s mayor. “Can’t tell you the details on what we’re doing now, but I can tell you that if we don’t, there’s a lot of pain involved for everyone.”

“Probably something about the fascists on the east coast and the monarchists in the middle, huh?” James asked and my silence probably confirmed it. He almost immediately took out the coin I gave him. “If you’re really working against those bastards, I don’t need—

I refused it firmly and pushed it back towards him.

“I’m already getting paid for that. This is all me. I do this to pass the time, get some money, and spread food around. Everything else? I do for my peace of mind… and money.” Perfect strangers are a lot easier to talk to than people that I knew. Man, I really need an actual therapist. There’s a lot to unpack from that, especially since I was comfortable sharing it with a complete stranger. Vancouver probably has a few. “And, on some days, I just take off and find some good food to eat.”

James looked at a loss for a moment, but he eventually just nodded and accepted my payment.

We were quiet for a bit.

Then, he spoke again.

“So, you looking to get with the mayor?”

“She’s on the same team as us, buddy.”

“What? Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“…Damn.” James looked at me suspiciously. I just stared blankly down at him. I wondered what he’d think, if I told him about who Seran used to be. No, better yet, how the idiot was endangering the whole planet by making her perfect villainess princess in Vancouver’s top secret laboratory. Would he doubt me, if such were the case? “Hey, you said that the AI with you has a lot of different bodies, right? How are they—

“As a rule, I don’t let myself get physically manipulated by AI. You can probably just ask, though.” I cut the dude off. I mean, I’ve thought about it. Parvati would drown me in bodies if I did. The AI can just endlessly generate gynoids to anyone’s specifications. Having Parvati make Seran’s fantasy lady would’ve been a lot safer than what she was doing now, but that artificial lifeform was already alive, so that route was out. Anyway, I gave the dude my advice. “You’re probably not going to get anywhere, since Parvati just goes after people with influence and power, but you can shoot your shot. Honestly, maybe you can talk it into setting up a pleasure house or something.”

“That’d be great. We’re getting our wallets bled out going to the red district. I mean, everything’s great and clean there, but it’s still expensive.” James complained cheerily. I just had to roll my eyes. So, he was lacking in funds and couldn’t land a lady because he couldn’t change himself up, but he was still spending loads of cash on ladies of the night? No matter where I go, bachelors never change. He reminded me of myself at his age, before the first murder attempts, kidnapping attempts, and STD scares. “Think we can talk her into setting up something her, so that she can have an in at the ports?”

“Talk to it yourself, dude. We’re coworkers. Allies at best.” I shook my head, and James’ name was called out. I got my sandwich. It was a hefty thing, and upon opening it, I found a lightly toasted bagel, a solid layer of cream cheese, almost a full inch of lox piled up in thin slices, and then a layer of crusher capers and onions shmeared on the underside of the top half of the sandwich. Everything was wrapped up in simple butcher paper. “Go with my blessings, I’m going to devour this.”

With that, I left Vancouver and sat straight down at the first safehouse location that came to mind, and got my helmet off after flicking on a music player to some light jazz to enjoy a dusky, purplish sunset.

I opened one half, took a bite, and almost groaned in satisfaction. The cream cheese was whipped, so it was creamy but not cloying, and had that faint cheesy tang to accentuate the strong cream flavor. The flavor of the salmon was still there, but there wasn’t a hint of fishiness. It was salmon, but with a soft texture slightly tougher than sashimi, and imbued with smokiness. Fatty, smoky, and intensely flavorful combined with creamy and tangy. The warm bagel was almost a relief, and the capers and onions provided brininess, bitterness, and acidic sharpness that brought everything together. If it were just bagel, cream cheese, and lox, I’d have gotten tired… but the seemingly-thin layer of onions and schmear of crushed capers kept me at the sandwich until I was finished with the first half.

It made me want a tall glass of orange juice, so I reached into my fridge and gut a cup, and chugged it down.

The faint taste of onion remained a little, after the orange juice, but the tanginess and sweetness drove away the taste of cream cheese and salmon… allowing me to dive into the next half with gusto.

Damn.

I’m really going to buy a second one, aren’t I?