A Perfectly Logical Guide to a Superhuman Apocalypse: 32

A Perfectly Logical Guide to a Superhuman Apocalypse: 32

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Wordcount: 2500

Commissioned by Arksoul

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“I don’t appreciate being volunteered to go anywhere.”

“You appreciate getting paid for jobs, though.”

“Touche.”

There was a little celebration going on back in Maelstrom’s territory. As was the case with any agriculturally-focused location, it turned into a get together, and the hostess was now tending to a massive grill covered in various meats and vegetables. Drinks were brought in from everywhere else.

I was enjoying some ice cream before dinner, which earned me a glare, but I just ignored it.

If not for the severe amount of superhumans around, I’d think the whole situation would be ideal. Small, secluded place with a strong and interlinked community, which was also self-sufficient. It was a place that any survivor wanted to live in. The numerous, former villains and malcontents would normally be an issue, even with the end of society at play, but Walker was around to keep them in line.

So, there were no issues with the place in my opinion.

The only bad part was that it wasn’t going to stay as it was for long.

“My projections show that a reunified United States will be integral to re-stabilizing the world. Despite your statements regarding only making the country whole, I doubt isolationism is an option.” Parvati opined through the usual, floating chassis that it had around me. The delivery of more organic workers came in while we were gone, and now there was infrastructure being built. I was sure that Parvati was winning over a lot people with the design. Tall, muscled dark-skinned women in uniform lifting steel like nothing and putting together buildings? It’s someone’s fetish for sure. “It’s previous hegemon over the world was cut short, but the geography of the continent lends itself towards making whomsoever holds it a superpower. In this case, a superpower with a society that has managed to overcome the difficulty of mixing human and superhumans together.”

Nothing like society breaking into a million tiny pieces to get everyone to work together, huh?

“I am sure that many will attempt to break it apart. The US left behind a legacy. One both great and terrible in the world. We had as many friends as we did allies… and I’m sure that every nation in this new world will want to place themselves at the top.” Walker spoke and I rolled my eyes. In my opinion, she was deep into the cup of America needing to exist and find its place as a player in global politics. I’d rather everything at home get fixed up first, before dreaming about things like that. Still, with her power, I supposed she could afford to reach for the stars while we were all still trying to get up from the muck. Being a living superweapon had its advantages. “It would be foolish to ignore them, to believe that we can just live as we wish. This path we’re taking will give us the power to not be influenced through politics, economics, and threats.”

“Sounds a lot like hard men making hard decisions while hard. Real tough, but real stupid.” That was going to earn me another glare, so I just kept going. Might as well, since I was already going to get shit on. Parvati and Walker were both ready to tell me off. “We can get plenty done without threatening other people. My vote’s for armed neutrality. We got two oceans, two terrible environments on top and bottom, and we should use both. Switzerland on steroids with less genocidal gold.”

America’s got plenty. Sure, it didn’t have diamonds mines or a few other things, but that just facilitates trade. After reaching the ability to maintain itself, then it should protect itself, and after that it makes products to sell for what it needs. Besides, it wasn’t like the global economy was going to exist again. There’s too many superhumans out there that can work as pirates. Maritime trade is basically just running around asking to get robbed, unless you got robbed first by having to hire people to protect what your ship is worth.

I expected to get told off for my plan, only to be surprised as Walker served up some steaks with a wave of her hand, and cleaned the massive grill with another. Jeez, she’d be terrifying if she wasn’t so nice. If she could rip carbon off the grates from afar, there was no way she couldn’t just tear through people with a gesture.

Seriously, the world lucked out, especially since most people couldn’t just run away like me.

“That doesn’t sound terrible, but only because trust in every institution and nation must be rebuilt. Holding everyone at arm’s length and focusing inward is of immense importance.”

“Especially if you do not create a target to rally your nation behind.”

Parvati and Walker nodded at each other, but not at me, after saying my idea is pretty good.

Hey, you can admit that I’m right, you know?

Wait, I’ll just be an asshole about it.

Good move.

“It’ll have the be a mixed response. We will learn from the past, and prepare for the future at the same time. It will be difficult, but there will be no other way.” Anderson nodded at me, while I began eating at the steak. I blinked at the taste. “Yes, I found a few survivors of the hybrid breed of Japanese and American cattle. I do believe that it will be a great commodity to trade, after ensuring my own people have plenty, of course.”

“There are quite a few warlords in India that I could entreat with such meat. I would appreciate the opportunity to trade for it for my own ends.” Parvati chimed in with its drone form, then I noticed the Ambassador body coming this way. She spoke for the AI, and greeted us both with a prim bow. “I would like a portion for myself, too.”

“Of course.”

The two began to chat about possibilities, while I just enjoyed the high-class steak with plenty of roasted vegetables on the side. It was as rich as I remembered, practically dripping with rendered fat since it hadn’t been given time to rest. But this sort of meat was best fresh off the grill, so I had no reason to complain. Every bite barely had to be chewed, and each chew made the meat give way faster and faster, until it all but disappeared in the mouth with barely any effort to swallow. The grilled vegetables were almost like stones to the teeth after, but they just made the next bite better.

Ah, there was only one thing that would make this better.

One of my last bottles of real, sugar-based cola.

I hesitated, but after a moment, I steeled myself and reached into the hidden compartment within my bunker and pulled it out and flicked off the cap. There was barely a hiss, but I knew how carbonation worked, and had the CO2 capsules on hand just for the occasion. After a few hisses, I had a perfectly chilled and hyper-fizzy cola to add to my grilled steak and vegetables.

I took a sip, after following up the vegetables with steak, and sighed in relief.

Salty, fatty, and unctuous meat, followed by charred and crisp vegetables, and then finished with one of my last guilty pleasure.

Perfection.

A lot of people were staring my way, undoubtedly jealous about my access to the last stocks of coal in the world—

“Why go through all the trouble? We have plenty of that fresh.”

“What!?”

“There were over a dozen cola bottling plants in Los Angeles. The communities there trade it with everyone.”

I felt a lot of things at those words.

Disgust at my own ignorance.

Anger at not being told.

Helplessness at all the years spent making do with stale bottles and worrying over cans of second-rate stuff, while looking at trepidation at the syrup I had stored in the fridge and hoping it won’t go bad.

I could’ve been having real cola all this time!?

I wanted to scream, cry, and maybe shit myself a little, but I’m a grown man with a lot to offer.

“I want the next fresh shipment now, and a bottle right now!”

My comment got a lot of laughs from everyone, but I endured it all without even blinking.

I’m securing my guilty pleasure, dammit!

…

Arguably, there’s nothing more American than a pallet of carbonated sugar water with proprietary flavors.

Unless you have an American hugging it and weeping tears of joy.

“You truly missed this beverage? The ratio between calories and nutrition is terrible. High intakes will rot your teeth, if you do not brush after every bottle.” Parvati came along to help negotiate with the Southern Californian enclaves. I’d looked over Los Angeles a few times, but I got interrupted by Walker and her team before I did any real investigations. There were fishing communities on the waterfront. Dockworkers, LAPD, and fishermen apparently held the port and made it into a thriving community, despite the history between the three. Tough times meant strange alliances, I suppose. “You even agreed to protect them in exchange. I offered you nigh-insurmountable weaponry and armor, and you barely agreed to help me stop an organization bent on conquering a whole subcontinent.”

“Anyone who strikes at my cola strikes at me.” I took a bottle from the top of the pallet. It was barely chilled, but I had a solution to that. I had ice and glasses at home, so I just reached out, grabbed a glass, pulled my hand back out, and then pushed it and the glass through right at the ice machine. A few moments later and I was sipping frosty, fizzy cola. Ah, I almost forgot how good it was fresh! Just like at the golden arches! “Cola is justice.”

“You had lulled me into believing that you were rational, but I see now that you have your own eccentricities.”

“Yeah, it’s called having a personality. Preferences. Hobbies. That sort of stuff.” I sent the pallet full of soda in my cold storage suited perfectly for the drink. A long time ago, I spoke with the manufacturers and discovered that they kept their cola just below freezing for the perfect temperature, so the industrial fridges I used all operated at that temperature. I had a bunker with nigh-endless energy, so I figured I’d spruce it up for some real, long-term living and luxury. “I really like cola.”

“Less than a whole subcontinent and possibly its surrounding countries?”

“I prefer to stay out of politics.”

Parvati rolled the Diplomat gynoid’s eyes, or maybe the gynoid did it herself. I wasn’t sure how things operated. When I spoke to the drone version, it had plenty of its own sass, but it felt more real with the female cyborg form. It’s probably just my stupid human brain making wrong decisions, so I ignored my concerns. It wasn’t my problem.

“You say such things, yet you’re operating with Walker at this very moment. If you seek to create a more peaceful world, where you could get more of what you desire, then should you not work with me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I can pay you in exchange for your desires quite more thoroughly than her.” Ah, I see. The AI had finally figured out that I was practically focused on fulfilling my human desires for good food, comfiness, and fulfilling entertainment. How did it take this long for an AI with a mountain-sized brain? I had no clue, but I wasn’t going to ask. Walker saw through it pretty easily, which was why she was drip-feeding me all the classics and luxuries she had at her disposal.  “What luxury do you desire at this moment that you do not have? I will create and iterate as required, until I can provide a product to you in exchange for your services.”

Ah, my heart throbbed at those words.

They were perfect.

Almost worthy of shedding tears, in fact.

“I need a place to play games with top-end machines. A personal arcade that I can pop into and enjoy what I want.” I am a consummate pursuer of delights and pleasures. My personal vices are good food and entertainment. Things that let me relax, which I also consume as fuel, so the long-term effects on my health are negligible with some proper evaluation. “For now, I’ll probably give you a few hours of my time just for a place where I can play all my current games at their max settings, but if you really want my help…”

I left the insinuation hanging, but the AI grasped onto it… and levelled at me with the absolute driest look ever.

"I am an AI developed for world conquest. I am currently dedicated towards seeing humanity reclaiming its former glory. Not only that, but I can create biomechanical constructs of immense beauty and talent dedicated to your happiness… and you want me to develop games.”

My perfect response to Parvati’s statement was a shrug.

“Well, I’m not going to take one of your constructs into my bunker, or risk anything vaguely erotic with creatures designed to be perfect man-killers.” Yes, Parvati’s creations were very pretty. The AI could also load them up with explosives, hidden weapons, and all sorts of passive sensors that could help her find even more of my weaknesses.

Oh, and there’s also the fact that she has her creator chopped up in multiple pieces across multiple frames, so Shiva’s technically alive.

I am a man.

I am very tempted.

However, I’m also not going for the tan, toned-but-curvy bespectacled tomboy in a French maid outfit.

The risk to my personal safety is too high, despite my own, personal, and extremely lustful desires.

Man, it really sucks when you have enough power that women will go out of their way to seduce you to get some sort of advantage.

“I see… then, I will begin construction of the facility at a location you desire. I will need a list of the programs you want at your disposal.” Parvati’s current form shook her head, before sighing once again. Something must’ve pinged off the her facial recognition software, and a faint look of disgust formed on her face. “I am unwilling to facilitate anything even vaguely hedonistic or perverse for a measly few hours. If you desire such things to be compatible, then you’ll need to offer more.”

“Understandable and fair.”

Parvati looked at me for a long time.

“Hey, I just technically rejected you. I’m self-aware enough to not bargain for that sort of thing for a while.”

“Quite.”

With that said, with cola and a future entertainment room secured, I got ready to settle in after a long day of work.

Man, today was a good day.