Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: 149

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: 149

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

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“So… how long are you going to keep glaring at me?”

“Until you tell me the truth, Hachiman.”

“I’ve told you the truth. I said all of that to mess with her head before she died. I didn’t plan all of this.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Sounds like a “you” problem.”

I’d retreated to my manor, which had been boarded up and had anything remotely considered valuable shipped out. Everything I had valued was placed in the domicile that the Dwarves carved out for me in their mountain hold. If all of Ylstu had fallen, save for that hold, I’d have stayed in my territory and held out until I found a way to take it all back.

However, things were different now.

The frontal attack of the Empire was destroyed, their left and right wings were being torn apart, and finally, the force at the rear had been routed by Roseanne on her way into Ylstu.

Therefore, my home was being refurbished swiftly.

I made the executive decision to have the dining room furnished first, since it was where all the meetings were held, and because I work just fine in it.

So, the Demon Lord was glaring at me from my immediate right, where Kurama or Ur usually sat, while I read through reports on the developing situation.

I managed to read through a single paragraph about more mind-controlled humans being captured before Roseanne spoke up again.

Dammit, I really can’t escape from being micromanaged, can I!?

“Fine. I will put aside my concerns for now.” Roseanne declared. I was a tiny bit intimidated. I would’ve been more intimidated, if I was at the capital, rather than in my own city. “What do you plan to do now that the enemy army is routed?”

I answered Roseanne honestly.

“Eat, take a bath, and sleep. Go on vacation for a few days. Arm the replacement for my ship. Maybe, I’ll mooch off Mekh for a bit, since I need him to build me a castle.” I rattled off the first things that came to mind. Roseanne’s glare intensified, and I answered her with a raised brow. “Oi, you said that you’d put aside your concerns. Don’t you know that lying is bad, if you’re a leader?”

“You proclaim falsehood with nearly every breath.”

“Yeah, but I don’t pretend like they’re true. Most of the time I’m bluffing. I’m usually not a hypocrite, y’know? Except when I need to be.” I felt like I was digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole, as Roseanne’s glare kept intensifying. She was actually biting her lower lip and drawing blood. Scary. “But, I’m being perfectly honest right now. I’m a bit tired, so a vacation and some easy work are in order—

Roseanne slammed her fist into the table and cracked its surface.

“You’re paying for that.”

“Do you expect me to believe that you don’t think I’ll take into account these current victories!? You think that I would ignore the opening that has been shaped by your victory!?” Roseanne pointed at the map on the table, which miraculously hadn’t been blown off from the pressure of her clenched fist. She pointed at the pieces taken off the map. Four whole army groups, their supply trains, their officer corps, their generals, and the Popess were gone. But that wasn’t all. In order to disrupt their supply lines, I took out fortresses and outposts so that my aerial divisions could tear apart their logistics. “Do you expect me to believe that you’re not planning on using the bloody road that you’ve paved with broken blood and bodies from Ylstu to the foot of the Empire!?”

Well, when she said it like that and when you took into account what she believed about me, then I must’ve looked like some sort of master-class manipulator.

Even though I wasn’t.

“Yep, because I don’t have the supplies or the troops for it.” I pulled out the casualty reports. It was relatively minimal for the battle we fought, but Ylstu still suffered. Hundreds of wounded, nearly a thousand, and almost two hundred deaths. “My troops are excellent. The best on this continent, but they’re not invincible. If I went out now, I’d only have half of my forces, and they’ll be tired as hell or walking wounded… and that’s if the idiots didn’t downplay their losses to keep me from crying.”

Roseanne took the paper and I took that as a cue to keep talking.

If I couldn’t convince her with words, then I just had to use the truth about my circumstances.

“My hands are tied, unless I want to lose everything that I’ve worked for. My citizens will starve if I take enough food for a campaign, even with half the army that I have. Not only that, but it’s still possible that our right and left flanks missed a battalion or two that could wreak havoc.” I didn’t hesitate to the list the problem that came with a strike against the enemy at this moment. “Sure, I want the Empire gone, but I don’t care enough about that to risk losing everything that I have, y’know?”

Roseanne was quiet as she evaluated the report on my forces by my scribes.

She took a while to reply, but her words caught me off-guard.

“What can you do with an army that isn’t from Ylstu?”

Still, despite my surprise, I answered simply.

“You don’t need me to lead an army and take what’s left.” I gestured at the map on the dining room table with an open hand. Gesturing with my open hand, I swooped from the path at set intervals and clenched my fist with each one. I hoped that it looked cool, instead of stupid. “It’s basic strategy at this point. Secure the center. Surround the opponent from below and secure land. Your regular generals know how to do that just fine, while my troops and I recover.”

“I see.” Roseanne rose from the chair and walked over to the large, paper map and the various bits and pieces atop it. She consulted the legend on the side for what the pieces meant and judged the situation swiftly. “And, what if I want to do that with as much efficiency as possible and with the intention of killing the Empire, instead of just taking the entire frontier, Hikigaya Hachiman?”

Augh, I hated it when my boss used my full name, even if she was in a black dress one size too small.

Down, Hachiman Jr., interest in her’s only going to you murdered.

“As if I’d give you a plan that wouldn’t lead to that.” I shook my head and gestured at the map again. “Like I said, take their cities and villages from below slowly. That means give them time to evacuate everything back behind their last set of walls.”

“Why would I let treasure and possible enemies leave without trying to take them all?”

“Because, the entire reason the Empire took the Frontier is because they need it for resources, food, and places to put the people that they don’t care about.” I aimed my finger straight down the path of destruction I’d cleaved through the Frontier. It kinda resembled a wound across the continent, which was neat. “Imagine it. You’ve lost most of your arable land and the lands you harvest most of your resources in, and now you have hundreds of thousands of refugees entering your lands.”

Hungry refuges.

Soldiers that need to be rearmed.

Exiled nobility sent to die, because they had stronger enemies in the Empire’s court.

All sent into a land starved of its armies and soldiers and material supply.

Roseanne grasped at my intention and spoke with a voice filled with disbelief.

“You’re weaponizing their very desire to survive!?”

I shrugged at the accusation and leaned back in my chair and looked at the path of destruction I’d cut straight through the Frontier once again.

“I prefer to think that I’ve just done the continent a service and made a nice, long road without any tolls for everyone to freely use. They’re great for the economy, y’know?”

Roseanne stared at me for a bit, and I wondered if my joke was bad, until she shook her head.

“It’s a dirt footpath at best, Hachiman.” Roseanne grumbled before looking back at the map. I raised my hands in defeat. Comedy wasn’t my strong point. “Now, get up and help me plan, before I pull you off your chair by your neck.”

To those words, I had only one reply.

“Alright, alright, I’m heading over there, Roseanne-sama.”

I’ve had enough fighting for a while.

…

“Let me guess.”

“Proceed, my lord.”

“None of them will come back, if they can’t return to their jobs.”

“Exactly as you say, my lord.” Henri primly bowed, while I looked over the processing area for the Necropolis. All my dead troops were present and accounted for. I gave everyone strict rules that they needed to recover the bodies of their fallen and they delivered. The processing area was filled with bodies on flat, stone slabs meant to hold every single body in ice. I wore a thick coat, because the stone slabs were aided by the room’s temperature being maintained below zero. “None who wish for a second life will take it, if they cannot resume their duties.”

“Tch, well, since it happened before, I might as well let it happen again.” I grunted and glared at one of the Undead Kunoichi in the corner of my vision. She blew me a kiss before turning transparent and falling into the ground. The lingerie she was wearing remained on the ground while she disappeared. Once upon a time, when ninjas disagreed, they left logs in their place. Not in this world. It’s either lingerie, pasties, wrappings, or adhesive bandages. Three of those things shouldn’t even exist at this point in history! “Alright, how much do you need until you can bring them back?”

“I can hold them indefinitely, my lord, so there is no need—

“I’m not having them put their lives on hold out of convenience, Henri.”

“Then, your will shall be done, my lord!”

“Good.”

Henri raised her head from a bow, and stepped forward to stand beside me. We both looked at the massive processing center. We’d been prepared for far worse, but barely a tenth of the room had been required.

“You look down on yourself too much, Lord Hachiman.” Henri whispered to me and took a sidelong step, until she was directly at my left. A moment later and she took my arm, holding it, and pressing herself against my limb. It was lewd, because the Lich’s cleavage ended just above her crotch, but I’d been around Kindred long enough to know that there was no way they wouldn’t be lewd. So, I looked past that and paid attention to Henri holding my arm and pressing against me to help me up, since the calm was destroying all the adrenaline keeping me up. “Look upon your works and rejoice. Not a single one of your soldiers have truly perished today. They have merely entered another stage of their life.”

For once, when I opened my mouth to disagree, I found that I couldn’t.

The hundreds of slabs that I’d thought weren’t enough lay before me unfilled and unused.

More than the death of the Popess.

More than the destruction of the Empire’s armies.

More than the cheers of victory that resounded through the whole valley.

The thing that made it clear that I truly, completely, and utterly won was the sight of a preparations I’d made go completely wasted.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Man, even when I win, I can’t help but lose.” Henri laughed at my little joke, and I turned around towards the door. She followed, clinging to my arm and showing her support, while I moved my mind forward towards the future. I couldn’t help but smile just a little, as the doors opened to the rest of the Necropolis, and I found myself looking upon a city beneath a city in full swing and already producing, mending, and working to bring Ylstu back to how it was before the latest conflict and push it into greater heights.

I looked at it all and made my decision for the immediate future.

“I’m taking a break and recuperating. The rest of the soldiers are too, even the ones you’re about to just bring back to life.” I spoke and my Lich nodded at my words, while my bodyguards joined me. Kurama, A’Bel, Ashe, and Reiser were quick to follow. They were present to make sure I didn’t get swamped by lustful Undead, but I put aside that thought for the moment to speak my mind. “After that… then we’ll join the Demon Lord’s armies and taking the fight against the Empire.”

A rippled went through my entire retinue and some Undead close enough to overhear stopped to stare, but I kept moving while they picked up their jaws off the floor.

I normally wasn’t up for speeches, but after my victory, I felt strangely excited.

Despite all the horrors I’d endured, all the pain I went through, and the suffering I was forced to maintain my sanity against… the thought of attacking the Empire now quickened my heart.

“It’ll be over soon. The Empire will fall and this continent will belong to the Kindred completely.” I took in a breath and the air tasted sweet. A future that I couldn’t imagine lay in the distance, obscured, but it was there. I could reach it. “Then, I’ll—”

My speech was interrupted by my Kindred retainers before I could finish.

“YOU’RE GOING TO FINALLY HAVE SEX!?”

It took a moment for me to parse the question that came from so many mouths with such volume that I felt like I’d walked into a wall.

Unfortunately, in my surprise, I wasn’t able to stop my mouth from talking.

“I-I guess?”

It wasn’t even close to a definitive answer, but suddenly cheers louder than what came after our victory over a literal Goddess shook the entire Necropolis.

Fear gripped my heart… and my hips.

Oh, man.

I shouldn’t have said that.