Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: 144

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: 144

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

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“Technically, due to relativity, if you were to impregnate me within the next century, it’ll be as though we met and had sex within five minutes of meeting.”

“Really? While I’m having breakfast, A’Bel?” I glared at my Archdemon who just luxuriated at her own words. I did my best to ignore how red Kurama suddenly was while picking at her own meal from across the table. “Alright, fine. I’ll bite. What do you want to tell me that can’t wait for another half-a-hour?”

“I don’t want to fight The Shard of the Goddess.”

“Why don’t you want to fight The Shard of the Goddess?” I checked our link. It was there and working as intended. I could have her fight against the living cancer cell encroaching on my land right this instant. “Explain.”

Because I wasn’t a piece of shit, I was eating the same rations my citizens were getting, which was primarily mushrooms, pork, and bread from our stores of grain. Most of our cellars were still full, thanks to the fact that pigs and mushrooms were growing well within the Dwarves’ mountain, while grain was easy to get because of my ship.

I took a bite of the meal, while A’Bel mulled over the question.

She surrendered and decided against not telling me the truth after a few seconds.

“It would be very, very boring. My ilk and her own have fought each other since time immemorial. We are both weak to one another and strong against one another, which simply leaves our battle to be nothing more than a whimsy of fate.” A’Bel confessed with a sigh from her seat at the table. Henri managed to shake off A’Bel’s first words in the morning and started eating again, but it was obvious the Necromancer was enthused with the fetish and had been calculating how relativity factored into our own relationship. The deepening blue on her face told me that she found it quite nice. “You can tip the scales in my favor, but it will surely be up to fate on who wins or dies. It would be far more prudent to fight against the Goddess with forces you lead yourself.”

Ur decided to speak up at that from my right.

“Unacceptable, Hachiman is not to enter battle without good reason.” Ur shook her head and glared A’Bel’s and her lieutenants backed up her glare. Just about everyone at the table had people right behind them talking and eating their own meals at standing tables. The dining area was big and I made use of the space. Did it feel like I was the only male in a sea of attractive females of various shapes, sizes, and skin tones? Yes. I did. “Your boredom is not a good enough reason, and the aid you will have in your battle against the creature will be more than enough to assure your victory.”

“Empire warrior is of great strength, but Ylstu is of greater strength.” Ashe spoke up from beside Ur and her Werewolf lieutenants were quick to nod and agree. The seat to her was empty, since Bekat was off back to her home to get some aid for Ylstu. That was a long journey on a flying ship, and it’ll be a while before she comes back, but I was sure that she’ll come back with the cavalry. “Ylstu will be achieving a great victory!”

“Indeed, it does not seem possible that Ylstu’s support will not ensure your victory, Lady A’Bel.” Tanis gave her own two cents. She took up most of the left side of the table, even with her tail coiled up and she had the largest staff behind her. Her subordinates were sequestered around standing tables enchanted to mute the sound coming their way, because they were always a hectic, bunch of office ladies. How did stockings, skirts, and suit tops become commonplace in Ylstu? I don’t know. Probably because of some Hentai law written into this universe’s code. “The recent acquisition of so many vaunted Undead Amazons, even with them only beginning to learn how to use the mystic arts of Warriors… that alone should ensure your victory.”

After everyone else had their say, Kurama decided to speak up.

For the sake of my sanity, I did my best to convince myself that wasn’t somehow a fetish that she was taking pleasure in.

It’s fetishes all the way down here.

“My husband’s safety is paramount. It is imperative that he remains safe, but Hachiman has always decided on the best course of action that ensures victory. He has endangered himself before for all our sakes by his own will.” Kurama evenly addressed the issue with negotiation skills that I could never attain. I’m not exaggerating, either. If I said those same words, I’d get glares or outright laughter in my face from everyone in the room. Well, except Ashe, because she’ll just be worried my brain broke. “What do you believe is the best course of action, my dear?”

I considered my options for a moment, before looking over to A’Bel.

“Just turn off the curse you put on her, so that you can get off on seeing me kill her.”

A’Bel went from calm and composed Archdemon lecturing us on fate to pouting like a child in seconds.

“But, I want you to kill her, my dear summoner!”

“I don’t need to kill her myself. Causing her demise is fine.”

“But you can stab her through the heart and step on her neck until it breaks!”

“Don’t need to. Just knowing she’s dead is fine.”

“She’s one of the reasons you’re here! It’s through her machinations that you’re here, my dear summoner! It’s only right that you savagely destroy her yourself!”

“I appreciate the thought, but it’s better that she’s dead.”

“But… but… but master!?”

A’Bel looked like she was about to cry and eyed me with tears in her eyes, which made it honestly difficult to keep eating. Not only that, but she chose her words carefully. Everyone else was now furious with the Popess, and halfway towards reaching the conclusion that I should take part in her murder. Given how A’Bel set everything up to be this way, she probably planned for this months in advance, and practiced her performance.

I can say no to A’Bel, but saying no to everyone at the table was going to take more out of me than I could spare, while running a war.

Thankfully, I had a trick up my sleeve that made A’Bel’s eyes widen astronomically the moment I decided to put into play.

“A’Bel, I order you to lift your curse.” My words, as expected, started to draw fire from the rest of my retinue. However, I readied myself for the next set of words. It took everything I had. My experience in battle, all that I learned living with the Kindred for so long, and the niggling amount of self-respect I’d regained while doing my best to provide and help other people in Ylstu. “The person who contributes the most to killing the Popess can ask me for a small, personal favor.”

My words may as well have been a bomb, because the moment I told them, the room nearly exploded and I found myself confronted by a wall of wanton, lustful bodies, and reddened faces. It was like being confronted by a living, erotic tidal wave that squeezed and squished against itself just a foot away from my personal space. It took everything I had to just blush, instead of getting up and running away from my own dining room.

“Small!? Define small!”

“Four hours of my time. No sex.”

“What if we want sex!?”

“No sex.”

“Define sex!”

“Anything more than holding hands and kissing.”

“What if we want to kiss your—

“That’s definitely more than that.”

I weathered the storm as well as I could, while A’Bel pouted at me for playing unfairly against her.

But soon enough, I could feel her casting away her curse, and joining the cacophony.

“What if, dear summoner, we save the favor for when you are ready for such things?”

My Demon’s question caught me off-guard and everyone assembled around me focused upon me with laser-like intensity.

I cleared my throat and considered the question carefully before answering.

“Well, I guess, it’ll still be a small favor, but for when that situation arises. I won’t hold it back to how I am now.”

I almost regretted my answer, as the gleam in everyone’s eyes intensified, and I could tell what they all wanted to do with the small favor I promised.

Each one of them, I was sure, intended to use that favor to get definitively ahead of the pack by getting pregnant first.

Except, my wife.

Naturally, Kurama was eyeing up other women and wondering how she could use that favor to get me to fuck someone else.

Because that’s just how my life is.

And, because I’m now messed up in the head, but getting better because of all these idiots, I didn’t retract my statement.

As much as I missed my old life, at this point, I’d be lying if I wasn’t accepting of my new one, especially with all the people I now had around and cared for.

I wasn’t going to hurt them by taking any unnecessary risks.

They were all horny idiots, but they were my horny idiots.

…

Reiser returned a while ago with a bunch of conscripted and mind-controlled students of the Empire’s school of magic. Given the fact that they were raised in the Empire, even with their terrible treatment, it would’ve been stupid to just let them in. However, there were only a few dozen of them, and there was space in some recently-finished apartments that were easily monitored by a hundred or so Undead supported by Amazons.

They were being vetted and prepared to be transported out, because I couldn’t exactly trust them to fight against the Empire.

Reiser was around them because she saved them and knew how they thought, but after they were sent away, I’d planned to put her back on the field.

Plans changed, though, and I needed to talk to her about the Popess and the power she was using.

I considered just asking her, but there were other available sources of information that I could interrogate, so I sent the notice to anyone with such possible information to be put aside and wait for me with her.

Then, I headed to the apartment complex with a reinforced, fully-armed guard of Amazons, A’Bel, and Ashe.

Yeah.

Even if I didn’t look like an Archtraitor ready to end the Empire and wipe it off of history, my entourage was pretty good.

I walked through the halls and enjoyed the fear and terror of all the young Empire peasantry and lesser nobility for a bit. A young woman or two recoiled at the sight of me, while one fainted. Most of the guys kept behind their doors, but some stared and tried to take my measure. I stared them down and surprisingly won every staring contest, even with the burliest dude in the building.

The wonders of having a lot of scary monsters around you.

I recommend the experience to anyone.

Anyway, I found Reiser with a plus one in the communal area of the apartment building and addressed them both.

“Tell me what you know about the Tears of the Goddess and how to kill someone who’s replaced their chest with it.” I spoke bluntly and the short-haired blonde with blue-eyes beside Reiser shook in my presence. Well, in A’Bel and Ashe’s presence, but they flanked me, so it counted. “The Popess of the Empire is coming and I’m going to kill her and the nightmare army that she’s made.”

Reiser spoke up and took some of the heat off the trembling Empire mage.

“The Tears of the Goddess, through certain rituals, can turn ordinary people into Champions and great knights into her Apostles. They are powerful individuals who serve the Goddess. The former will not perish so long as they are in the Goddess’s presence, while the later are her swords that she sends forth to kill her foes.”

The ones with wings are DPS and the rest are Tanks.

Alright, that’s good information.

“How do the “Champions” not die?”

“They regenerate wounds very quickly and feel no pain.” Reiser answered. Her answers were causing some confusion in the young woman present, since Reiser was disguised as an Elf. Her answers, I imagined, were something only a Hero of the Empire would know.  “They are as strong as Orcs and are more skilled and better protected against most magics and physical weapons.”

I turned to the young woman and she flinched, before realizing I was asking whether she had anything to say.

“Um, ah… the Champions can perish in the presence of the Goddess, but it can only happen through infecting massive damage upon them. Over eighty percent of their body must be destroyed.” The young woman stuttered, but managed to give the information I desired. She mustered her courage and addressed Reiser, instead of continuing to talk to me. “H-how do you know—

I answered for Reiser by looking towards A’Bel.

A’Bel snapped her fingers and the magics cast on Reiser faded away to reveal her true face.

More than one gasp of shock came forth from all over the apartment, but I ignored it and met Reiser’s gaze.

I scowled at it, but I didn’t feel the same revulsion and hate that I used to.

Still, though, I looked back at A’Bel and she recast the magic.

“That’s a good enough answer for your question. Now, tell me about the Apostles.”

“The Apostles are rare and are usually chosen from vaunted, skilled individuals amongst the Empires elite. They are brought before the Tear of the Goddess and imbued with power, until they transform into a Champion, but retain their minds… then they surrender themselves to the Goddess and transform again for strength and magic on par with Vampires, but retaining all their martial might and skill.”

I nodded at Riser’s explanation, before turning to the scholarly student.

Her mouth was still slack-jawed from the revelation, but I waited a few seconds before addressing her.

“Have an existential crisis on your own time.” She shook when I spoke to her directly, but soon met my gaze. The student cowered and trembled, but nodded. “Good, now tell me what you know, because I have a Goddess bearing down on my town, and I want her dead before she wrecks anything important.”

The young woman began to speak when bells began to chime all over Ylstu, which only meant one thing.

Long-range attack.