Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: 133

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: 133

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

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Kurama informed me of my southern neighbor as my ship descended towards the ground. A few hours after I started breaking down the enemy column, messengers came from my colleague down south, and a grave matter was raised.

That grave matter was, naturally, whether I had the right to just fucking kill all the Empire troops going to cut me off from the rest of the Kindred.

Because they were debauched perverts who wanted to conquer and enslave their foes, instead of just killing them.

Yeah, I was more than a little annoyed by the situation.

“Relax, my dear husband, I will resolve this in your favor.” Kurama hung onto my arm, while my ship moved to dock at my colleague’s war camp. I looked down at the camp and had to blink. They had warehouses and transports. It wasn’t a war camp. It was practically a raiding and harvesting facility whose source of funds I just dammed up. “Unless, of course, you don’t want me to. A light skirmish against these sluts who don’t know their place will be quite relieving for you.”

I had to admit that forcing my southern neighbor to act like half-decent human beings sounded pleasant, but the problem was that I couldn’t exactly do that with the current political climate of the Empire. My last destruction of an entire noble house caused a lot of outrage and that outrage stalled the Kindred’s response to this attack. If I did the same right now, my expected reinforcements might never arrive.

So, sadly, I had to take the more difficult road.

“No. We can’t afford to do that… yet.” It was hard to admit and I barely managed it through gritted teeth, but Kurama nodded at my words as we docked at the war camp/harvesting operation being conducted by my southerly neighbor. The gangway lowered before an entourage and a carpet, which led to a rather large tent. My neighbor’s banner had a black crow with outstretched wings. One of its talons was holding arrows and the other was holding a heart. “Remind me who this is again?”

“The Duchess of Crowsfield is an Elder Harpy of great renown. Quite a few of your Harpies are from this region and they have endured the tides of war between Kindred and Empire for centuries.” I was going to say something about the name of the territory, but I was used to Kindred naming conventions. They were either simple or slutty. If I had to choose between the two, then I’ll pick the former. In a way, I supposed the name was pretty badass too— “They have done so by focusing on being scrappers. They provide auxiliary troops in battles, then they loot and pillage to their hearts content. They are derided as thieves, but the advantage of a few battalions of flying warriors cannot be underestimated… well, until you’ve shown them their inefficacy with your achievements.”

“Huh… so how many jobs have they gotten since I’ve pushed the Empire’s lines back and revolutionized aerial warfare?”

“Very few. Keeping them docile and content has taken much of my budget, although they have provided quite good gifts in turn and opened up trade.” For a moment, I thought Kurama was praising herself and her achievements, so I looked her way. That was a mistake as she took the opportunity to pull her kimono forward and show me what Harpies thought were good gifts to send back. “They’re quite fragile creatures, so they like to be constrained and bound properly when they’re going to mate. They’re quite skilled at making ropes and knots, despite being all claws, don’t you think, my dear?”

Naturally, my chief diplomat is wearing Shibari underwear while advising me through a tenuous situation with my neighbor.

That’s just how Kindred are.

At this rate, the noble I’m going to be meeting with will be wearing a bunny-girl outfit and the only person who’ll find it strange will be me.

Anyway, I made the best of the situation and moved forward to handle the situation, so that I could keep killing the Empire.

From the sound of things, my neighbor didn’t want me to stop.

She just wanted a cut of the profit.

…

Kurama handled the initial talks, but because the situation was informal, there wasn’t much need for pageantry. The tent held only our personal guards and trusted associates, and there were no outside intermediaries, so there was no need to make a show of things. I didn’t speak until about fifteen minutes after we entered the tent and the foundation of the situation was set.

My southern neighbors wanted to get some captives to use and sell as living sex toys, which was why they pruned the supply line instead of cutting it off.

My attacks on the columns were devastating and technically on the boarder between their lands and mine, which made it a gray area.

In truth, the situation was more like talking about hunting rights for pests instead of an invasion… which put me in a good mood when I finally gave my fellow noble my offer.

“Make picket lines on both your side and mine. Whoever I scatter on both sides are yours.” Now, I was against slavery in all its forms, but I would be a fool if I tried to wrench the Kindred out of their current system while they were my only ally. I tolerated the situation because Roseanne was actively working to replace it, and the fact that the Kindred needed it to survive and propagate as a species, and barring extreme circumstances, those they captured were treated well barring a few exceptions. I condemned the whole pile of shit, but I didn’t fight against it because it was my ally’s pile of shit, and I was dealing with the mountain of shit known as the Empire. “In exchange, I want you to find and sabotage their aerial defenses hidden in their wagons. Work with me and I’ll let you get your piece of the profit.”

After I made my statement, Kurama gave me a nod to sit down.

Across the table, the Elder Harpy noble addressed me with piercing, golden eyes… and surprisingly covered in plate armor unlike all the other Harpies present. That wasn’t the only surprise, either.

She wasn’t eye fucking me and had a golden band around her gauntlets ring finger.

“That sounds good, Lord Hikigaya, but what sounds better is what was happening before you and yours came along and started reigning fire from the heavens.” The Duchess of Crowfields was blunt and didn’t hold back her thoughts. She laid things out in a fair manner without any hint of antagonism. It was refreshing to talk to someone reasonable and not incredibly horny. “In the last few weeks, my people have made years of profit… and I’d like for that to resume for a few weeks more, especially as my lands are quickly falling under Ylstu’s shadow.”

Kurama jumped on the opportunity to show off her skills in diplomacy.

“A shadow forming because of generous loans on your end, Duchess. Loans we have every intention of honoring.” Kurama politely reminded the Duchess of why we expected them to come to our aid when this conflict began. My southern and northern neighbors both decided to make use of the political turmoil and the attacks to harvest some Empire soldiery to line their coffers. “And, should you wish, you can rise alongside Ylstu. I believe that we’ve already spoken about expanding your transportation abilities? When descending, I saw a few of transports present servicing your warehouses.”

The Duchess sat up a little straighter when Kurama spoke. If it had something to do with the relationship between foxes and birds, I didn’t know, but she was more wary about my wife than about me, despite my accomplishments. I suppose being a mass-murderer, terrorist, and killer of literal gods didn’t amount to much in Kindred diplomacy… well, unless I took my dick out and slapped on the table, I guess.

Revolutionizing warfare? Terrorizing an ancient empire? Becoming an economic and military powerhouse within a few years?

Shut up, I don’t care unless you let me suck your dick, brag about sucking your dick, and impregnate my daughter.

The power dynamics in Kindred society are really fucked up.

Anyway, I wasn’t going to whore myself out, so that was irrelevant.

Besides, I had Kurama for dealing with outside powers.

“So, you ask for my people to withhold themselves from treasure now for treasure later… treasure for which Ylstu holds dominance over.” The Duchess spoke and shook her head. She was proving to be a very shrewd and capable person, which I didn’t put lightly. Obviously, between the lines, she was telling us that this was a better opportunity for them and that we had to do better. It was a decision that any leader would take, even if we threatened to renege on our loans with them. “The proposition is unacceptable. If you wish to offer me something that you can poison with a thought, then at least make it sweet enough for me to be enticed.”

Kurama didn’t miss a beat and didn’t hesitate, since she knew what exactly I was willing to bargain with.

“Ah, then instead of poison, would you simply like some plainly bared steel, because your operations so close to enemy lines… might just be seen as an enemy encampment.” Kurama’s earlier words were the carrot and this was the stick. The atmosphere in the room changed palpably. Their guards readied themselves, while Kunoichi arose from the Shadows, and my Amazons readied themselves. A’Bel went the farthest of the bunch and with bloodlust drew two short swords from nothingness right at my back. “Duchess, I believe that there is a misunderstanding between us: we have not skirmished against you for your lack of aid not because we want you as allies… it is because we want more of the Empire dead than you. But here we are now, with our forces already here and ready, with you right here mere miles away from the Empire’s lines.”

To the Duchess’s credit, she was only slightly fazed by the statement and glanced at the massed forces around her, instead of panicking. For a second, she glanced my way… as if I was going to oppose just killing people who were endangering Ylstu, after I literally annihilated an entire household for killing five of my soldiers.

Again, she was a smart cookie, and relented after mulling the matter over.

Get paid her loans with interest, profit off the current situation, and get businesses set up in her lands that elevated Ylstu to the very heights of power in the continent.

Vs.

Get fucked in a way she wouldn’t like.

“I see, then you only came down here to pay me lip service… perhaps there’s some hope for the next generation, instead of just being fools seeking more war.” The Duchess was obviously saving face, but when I was about to open my mouth to call her out on trying to look cool, Kurama shook her head in the corner of my vision. Well, I guess I’m still not allowed to talk. Just look menacing and be quiet for maximum diplomatic influence, I suppose. “Fine then, scatter the Empire my way all you want. I’ll take the dregs and form a proper picket against the Empire… but I expect the payment promised in exchange for the risks my people will take.”

Kurama swooped in for the kill at those words, her scarlet hair swaying as a vulpine smile stretched across her lips.

“Oh, then, I think it's time for us to give our last payment of your loan then, Duchess.” Kurama’s announcement raised a few eyebrows. People knew I had money to spare now, since I spent so long just letting things build up while traipsing around with the assets I already completely owned. However, it was one thing to know that and another to feel it firsthand, as the doors to the tent opened and Amazons entered bearing chest after chest… and the table sank into the floor as the put each of it on. When they opened it, the chests were filled with cut gems and gold coins. “With maximum yearly, cumulative interest accounted for, of course.”

Yep.

Kurama just put down a full twenty-year loan payment in front of my lender.

The interest rate on that was high too, since I took it while Ylstu was practically just sending out friend chicken and just started its transportation business. It was even before the Dwarves came and started finding rich mineral deposits in the mountains. Tanis almost fainted when she first found out about it, and it would’ve ruined me if I didn’t advance leaps and bounds forward, as the ultimate payment for the initial loans was fifty times the original amount with the interest rate building it up.

But, in the end, it didn’t matter because I built up Ylstu to the point where I could’ve paid off the loan completely with a shrug and killed off the interest rate.

I’d kept it around just to get my neighbors to save me, and I considered paying it off when they didn’t.

However, Kurama had a magnificent idea.

Just buy the greedy whores out.

The wonders of having an Undead workforce led by Dwarves digging into the mountains.

The greatness of having a constant supply of very fancy stuff flowing my way from the Pharaohs.

The amazing benefits of being a close ally with the only place in the continent where the rest of the world flowed into it.

And, of course, there was Ylstu’s growth in every respect.

I had money to spare.

“Y-yes! Of course!” At the sight of three chests filled with gold and jewels, the Duchess didn’t manage to keep her cool. She barely restrained herself from leaping at the sight of an entire treasury, and most likely her own conflict-rich territory’s treasury thrice over, right in front of her. “I accept this payment and I will uphold my duties to the Demon Lord and fight against these land’s invaders with all my might!”

I was allowed a single chuckle by my dear wife at the Kindred’s jaw dropping at the sight, while the situation was diffused and completely turned in our favor by Kurama.

“Then, we thank you very much for hearing us out. Let us continue to work together and make the center of this continent a marvel to be envied be all others.” Kurama finished things off by standing up and giving a formal bow to the Duchess. I left with a wave, which would usually cause some ire, but the amount of money I just threw down made that invalid. I caught my wife’s parting words as I exited the tent towards my ship. “By the way, investigate your treasurer. I believe that she’s stealing from you. Take care, Duchess!”

I chuckled as we left.

When it came to diplomacy and intrigue, Kurama had me thoroughly beat.

I was just going to lure the Empire right into them and force them to fight properly or die.

…