A Perfectly Logical Guide to a Superhuman Apocalypse: Chapter 16

A Perfectly Logical Guide to a Superhuman Apocalypse: Chapter 16

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Wordcount: 2500

Commissioned by Arksoul

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I’ll admit it.

I never expected to be the guest of an AI made by a megalomaniac, but here I was sitting across from it while being served a simple meal of flatbread and tea. It didn’t exactly have the facilities to provide for people. In fact, there was evidence that the room I was in was a recent construction on its part. Chips of metal and wood in some places, the fresh smell of laser-carved wood, and the overall sparseness of the room were the biggest hints.

Well, besides the AI’s apology for the poor accommodations, but that was beside the point.

Anyway, the question any reasonable person would be asking would be why I was in India. After all, I’d just been double-crossed, the super-scientist that I wanted didn’t exist, and it was highly likely that a lot of people were out to kill me. I wasn’t going to go around trusting anyone in the continent so soon after my last agreement ended. Getting trapped with bricked weapons made that unappealing, but thankfully I managed to get an in with another client.

Even if that “in” was with a self-replicating AI with pieces and chunks of its creator lodged in sacrifice units. Thankfully, I was just dealing with a regular, humanlike gynoid instead of one of those freaky, featureless, and pure-white puppets this time around.

The AI spoke up after I few moments of considering my offer.

“Your project has incredible merit. Settlements off-world and enforced boundaries between humans and myself give also give it greater appeal.” I’d thought long and hard about things when I got back home. After a few naps, binging some movies, and frying my brain with some games, I still found my plan of getting off world appealing, instead of just a panicked delusion. “Though, I must admit, it seems foolish to abandon Earth. There is much to be valued here.”

“Sure, for someone who can survive nuclear winter, famines, and whatever bullshit super-scientists will cook up, Earth seems pretty nice.” The AI obviously wasn’t inclined towards being an unfeeling, calculating machine. It had likes and dislikes, a strong survival instinct, and preferred to deter enemies instead of killing them. That made it more humanlike than most of the superhumans I’ve met who let power get to their heads and just acted like violent apes who used what they had to get what they want all the time. “But, for a squishy human like me, it’s a hellhole. I’d rather have a safe location on Mars or on the Moon, and with your help that place can be luxurious too.”

“I am capable of providing such technologies, even if I must research and develop them, as well as provide maintenance. However, I must ask, do you not feel that it is in poor taste to leave your home? I could have left India, yet I remained nearby, instead of seeking shelter in North Pole.” Ah, a philosophical question from an AI regarding my abandonment of my “home” planet in favor of safety. A question regarding whether or not there were more things important that safety and security. Was leaving Earth and washing my hands of it, the place where my people was born, worth luxurious safety off world? “Ah, I see.”

My face at the question gave off my thoughts on the matter, but I spoke just in case.

“Listen, Earth isn’t my home. I’m not particularly attached to it or anything. There’s pretty places here and there, history, culture, and good food, but I’m not taking those things over my safety and satiety.” In the end, I’m a selfish person. The fact that I didn’t go out and throw myself into heroics, fighting the good fight, and taking no profit was evidence of that. Even though I wasn’t selfish enough to tell everyone else to fuck off, and do whatever I wanted with my powers regardless of the situation, like an asshole. “I’m looking for a transaction here. I offer you my services, you offer me yours, and we get what we want by bargaining and compromising.”

“Logical, but ultimately questionable. You cannot say for certain that the way you are living now will let you live without regrets.” The white-haired, yet tan-skinned gynoid hosting Shiva’s AI insisted and I put my face in my hands. A lecture on self-actualization and personal values from an AI I previously thought was out to conquer the world. Though the AI now just looked like an ordinary young woman, albeit with a body shape that would take years of hard work and genetic luck to manage, I had to remind myself that I was talking to something with the ability to become an apocalypse all on its own. Not an idealistic college graduate with hopes and dreams about humanity’s potential. “Would you be happy abandoning the Earth, Designation: Egress?”

I was tempted to just say yes and respond like I didn’t give a single fuck, but I was trying to make a sale and the AI was obviously enjoying this conversation very much.

The things I did to land contracts were just ludicrous sometimes.

“I’ll be honest, I’m looking to take as much of Earth that I like with me, but I’m sure that I’ll keep coming back to visit sometimes.” I took in the obvious clues and told the AI what it wanted to hear, along with a few pebbles of truth. In truth, I wouldn’t visit Earth just because, but the rest of what I planned on saying was true. “If I could stop it from turning into a blazing inferno without any worth, I personally would… but I’d like a way to do that with a fallback position. Just like you wanted a piece of yourself on the moon, I want a shelter that’ll keep me safe.”

I’d save the Earth from imploding just because it had some stuff that I liked on it, which I’d miss if didn’t exist. It wasn’t because it was the planet humanity was born on, or even because I had strong ties to it, but because it had a few things that I liked and would probably look for in the future.

It’d be inconvenient if it was destroyed.

“I see, then that is enough for me to accept your offer. I will provide and assist you in your creation of a shelter on Mars, if you assist me in stabilizing this planet against dire threats.” My reaction to those words were obvious, because a frown formed on the AI’s gynoid interface. A furrowed brow over golden eyes told me that the AI was displeased. “How is the offer unacceptable? I have offered you a job that you would do regardless for a reward that you are willing to have, Designation: Egress.”

“The problem is that it’s too much, even for what I want. I don’t know if you’ve been looking around properly, but there’s dozens of dire threats to the planet’s existence.” That took the AI aback. I supposed that it was because the AI didn’t have much orbital assets, because India wouldn’t let it. So, I made sure to explain. “I checked on a lot of places after I left my shelter, and guess what, India’s not the only place with things that can kill a lot of people and ruin the planet.”

The AI’s brow furrowed more deeply and it spoke after a moment of thought.

“Explain further, Designation: Egress.”

I usually kept information close to my chest, because it was usually vital, but the AI in front of me could probably make a few spy plans and have them search over the world if I didn’t answer. So, I just took the opportunity to inform it of threats that it would find, if it decided to invest in some long-range reconnaissance activities.

I started from the top.

“North America’s southern portion currently has a massive theological empire rising out of it. Superhumans are God’s messengers, normal people are to be cared for, and technology is getting hoarded and kept safe.” I went with what was happening around my shelter first. By around, given my power, I meant the continent. I’d checked on a few places, and I didn’t like what I found, even though I hadn’t even checked Mexico or Canada. The former was probably a hellhole. “Across from that theocracy is a budding state built off of old American values, but they exist mostly because they let old villains go, and they’re rapidly progressing in tech. Both sides have superhumans capable of toppling cities on their own. Then, there’s the remnants of most of the US Navy in Hawaii, who probably has nuclear weapons, and who I had to destabilize because their dictator was a psychopath who tortured children and ate people.”

That was one continent, and I considered talking about India, but the AI was already here so I just went straight for the places I’d just zipped over to check on.

“Europe is just full of city-states and villages, which are all fortified to hell and back, and I saw literal field battles with melee weapons being thrown in there. They’re basically revolutionizing warfare again, and whatever comes out might colonize the entire world.” I’d only checked up on a few places, but that was relative to me. Given my abilities, taking a quick look all over the world took just a few minutes. I’d glanced over a lot of places to take pictures of safe spots, and while doing that I just took a look at what was happening. “Africa’s warlords have consolidated and there’s like four big ones fighting over the entire continent, and the winner will probably dominate the rest of the world. The Russians and Chinese have mostly nothing aboveground, but there are smokestacks, rail lines, and mines everywhere just chugging away… and I couldn’t even get into Japan.”

The Japan part sucked, mostly because they had great food and they had a lot of tech that I wanted to get my hands on. Hydroponic upgrades, service robots, and a herd or two of cows would’ve been great to have. In fact, if I had to hire people to start a farm on another planet, I’d choose them first, because they knew how to make the most out of arable land.

But I was getting ahead of myself.

“Most of the Pacific Islands have gone down to infighting, and those who’ve finished that part off, have started building boats or refurbishing old ones.” I continued to relay the information I had on hand onto the AI, who was listening intently. Given its advanced processing speeds, it probably felt that I was a slow method of gaining information, so I hoped that it was using what assets it had to look all over the world. “They’ll be showing up everywhere eventually. New Zealand had the tightest patrols I’d ever seen, and Australia’s somehow filled with mutant animals.”

“Mutant how?”

“The spiders are as big as horses, and some people are riding them now, oh and those people were wearing bleached skulls on their belt. They were fighting against people in ramshackle helicopters and souped-up cars with lasers.” Australia, quite frankly, was something out of some B-movie. Giant insects, mutant animals, cannibals, and people desperately trying to stay alive with superior firepower in the wasteland, with some morons with superpowers thrown in here and there. I’d only checked on the place three times, and the last time I did, I nearly got murdered by something surging out of the tree canopy and going for my neck. I’d be dead, if not for my power and training. “If the survivors win, they’ll exploit what they have and use it. If the cannibals with monsters win, they’ll exploit what they have and use it. And, they’ll both use it well, because they live on a continent that’s mostly desert and they’ll want other stuff.”

I expected the AI to agree with me after I relayed all that important information, but instead the AI shook its head.

“Then, is it not obvious that humanity is returning to form? Slowly, but surely civilizations are replacing the old, and a new one is forming that fits the changes which have been wrought?” So, I wasn’t dealing with an AI that lived off logic. I was dealing with something far worse: an optimist. Can you go back to being an unknowable, deadly thing that I didn’t understand in the slightest, please? I’d prefer a probable doomsday instead of having to deal with a someone who prefers to see everything as an opportunity, because it rarely ever is. “I can see that you disagree. Do you have so little trust in your fellow human beings?”

“Yes. Absolutely. And, I have no clue why you don’t.” It didn’t make sense. This AI should see humanity and find it to be a bunch of stupid, violent things that needed to be put down, if they didn’t follow half-decent social constructs. Laws, customs, and traditions were all that made mankind different from any other animal that could go around in groups. Now, all of that was gone, modern civilization was broken, simply because the monopoly over violence stopped being a monopoly. “You know what? We’re not getting anywhere arguing about this. Here’s what’s important: you want certain things in certain places, which would be a lot easier with my help, and I want things built in certain places that would be easier with your help… so are you willing to make a deal on that or what?”

The AI was quite for a long time, just staring at me through its gynoid body. Golden eyes, surrounded by emerald mascara, on a dark-skinned, fair face framed by wavy, pure-white locks stared at me. The gynoid was clad in pure white silks and jewelry that would make it fit in at an opera or some fancy premier.

Whereas, I was covered with bulletproof plates, forest camouflage, thermal camouflage, and a fully-enclosed helmet with an internal air supply.

The AI obviously had some admiration for humanity, even just aesthetically.

Meanwhile, I looked for ways to avoid humanity anyway that I could.

After everything that’s happened, what everyone else did the world, I couldn’t help but be a little frustrated that the AI was looking at me with obvious pity in its eyes.

But, I swallowed my frustration, stayed quiet, and just sat and considered alternatives as I awaited its answer.

Thankfully, though, it gave me an answer soon enough.

“So be it, then, a transaction between myself and Designation: Egress will be negotiated. Do you wish to begin today or another day?”

I let out a sigh of relief as those words reached me and replied.

“Let’s do it next week at the same time. I’m tired.”

“Very well.”

With that, I finished my tea and took the bread that I was given, and headed to my closest safehouse to decontaminate and make sure that there was nothing inside me that could be a tracker.

After my last deal, I wasn’t going to take any more chances.