Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: 115

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: 115

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

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I didn’t appreciate the Kindred capital the first time I spent time there.

In my defense, I was going through some serious bouts of guilt and depression, until I decided to throw myself at something constructive and fulfilling. All I saw was a place of debauchery and excess that had some things that I needed and a lot that I didn’t. So, I painted it all in a poor light, and went off to Ylstu so that I could make a staging area that could launch attacks deep into Empire territory.

Now I looked at Kindred Capital in a different light.

It was still a place of debauchery and excess, but now I was also aware of the factions that plied their trade within it and struggled to get more power and influence.

The largest merchant guilds of the Kindred were located in the capital and everything that was bought and sold in the capital went through their hands. In their competition with one another, any business that had any merit was bought out within a year of its foundation, and included in their portfolio as they gathered money and power to influence the established nobility to their side or continue to pay their tithes to those they had.

The nobles of the Kindred were split into several factions which coalesced beneath two confederations with different ideologies. One wanted to make war with the Empires and I would’ve gotten along with them, if not for their desire to see men treated like cattle. The peace faction wanted to hold the line and start establishing defenses, and progress their society, but they didn’t like me because I was rocking the boat too much and some of the changes I was introducing wasn’t the kind of progress that they liked.

Roseanne had her own party, mostly stemming from the two more radical portions of the Kindred’s ruling echelons, and she effectively had her own agenda. While I’d never fully, utterly support a politician, because I have more than two braincells, she had admirable goals of creating a society that let Kindred and humanity coexist, as well as wanting the Empire to no longer be a threat to her people. She even liked the though of all her people being well-fed, educated, and invested her own treasury towards improving the overall economy for all her people.

Despite being a politician, she had a history of actually doing good things and credibility, which was a strange thought… so I expected to throw my lot in with her and call it a day.

I learned quickly that wasn’t an option.

The moment I entered the capital, I found myself beset on all sides by sluts.

Not sluts for dick either.

Sluts for power.

Regardless of their history, personal beliefs, and stated alliances, everyone with an ounce of skin in the game propositioned me because I had the most power any one man could offer in Kindred society. From Warhawks that thought I should spend my life as a meat dildo, to the haughtiest noble angry at me for taking away their peasantry, and even the merchants that hated my control over certain key markets… I received envoys, letters, and gifts from them all so that they had a chance at getting to Roseanne through me.

I could’ve asked Roseanne to tell them to stop, but I wasn’t malicious enough to put more shit on her plate than she already had. She had to revamp her processing of reports, audit her new outposts in her nobles’ territories, and learn all she could from me, while ruling an entire nation. In essence, the Demon Lord had two full-time jobs, was going through a crash course in elementary and high school from a foreign world, and had to go on business trips to make sure everything was in order with her newest projects.

I’m a terrible person, but I’m not nearly enough of an asshole to stress her out more.

So, while assisting and teaching her as much as I could, while going to Ylstu and corresponding with my staff back home… I decided that I should do my best to handle the issue that arose between me and the rest of Kindred high society on my own.

If I made a mistake, or fucked up, I wouldn’t hesitate to ask Roseanne for help to get my ass out of the fire.

But, until I did, I was going to do my best to lessen her workload instead of a liability.

Man, I’m such a nice person.

…

Ur looked at me.

I stared back.

The Tanuki merchant who came to meet with me for lunch was dragged out of the room. The trail that she was leaving was swiftly cleaned up by the maids I brought to my guest chateau at the capital.

I decided to go against my Otaku nature and break the silence.

“Is it just me or are all the Kindred hornier than usual?” I decided to spend some of my midday meeting, speaking, and deciding whether to work with the various nobles and merchants coming my way. It was a big, involved project that involved researching their lineage, affiliations, and possible goals, as well as preparing myself for political mind games and ‘talking like a normal person instead of an asshole.’ “What the heck is going on?”

Ur took a deep breath before answering whilst shaking her head.

“You’ve decided to groom yourself, speak less caustically, and meet with Kindred as equals with respect, my chieftain.” My Amazon bodyguard, advisor, and go-to-killing machine spoke frankly. Ashe, her support for the day, lost her ability to resist the food on the table that was untouched and picked up the plate meant for our guest. My Hellhound tilted the plate’s contents into her maw and began to chew happily with a wagging tail. “You’re treating them all like you do Kurama on your “dates,” thus they are all losing their minds.”

I frowned at that statement and looked around.

Ashe was gobbling up food like normal.

The Kunoichi were all being perverts like normal.

The Kikimora maids were all smiling away like normal.

Ur was looking at me like I was garbage like normal.

“Nothing’s happening with any of you, though?” I muttered and earned myself another glare from Ur, so I decided to turn off the socially-focused portions of my brain in favor of my logic-focused portions of my brain. Yes, they’re completely different parts of me that can’t function while the other’s working. Anyway, I thought about for a few seconds before coming to a realization. They weren’t the sane, normal Kindred that I was used to in Ylstu. “Ah, they’re all semen-starved sluts here, so they can’t resist.”

Ashe munched. The Kunoichi giggled. Ur palmed her face. The Kikimora maids’ smiles all widened just a little.

“Believe what you will, my chieftain. It’s obvious that you don’t wish to acknowledge the truth.” Ur grumbled and took the empty seat before me. A maid entered through the servant’s door with a tray whilst followed with others. Soon enough, there was an extension to my table upon which all present were seated and getting served food as was normal back home in Ylstu. I started helping myself to my lunch with my trusted staff present and accounted for. “Do you wish to contact those three again today, or do you wish to move on?”

“We’re better off moving on and finding Kindred that won’t go mad with lust just eating with me and chatting.” A nearby Kunoichi rolled her eyes and vanished when I glared at her. The moment I looked away from her seat she was back and finished rolling her eyes. A brown-haired Kikimora admonished her and bid her to respect her food, before serving Ashe another helping. The capital’s food was too human-like and not filling enough for Kindred. They lived off of mana here, which I needed to change. “Do you think we can treat them with some Ylstu’s food as gifts or plates to eat before we meet? So, y’know, they don’t have mana in their mind while we’re meeting?”

Ur finished chewing demurely and sighed.

“I’ll do what I can to make it happen, but you should consider being your regular, caustic self tomorrow instead of being who you are now, my chieftain. I believe that would at least have the slu—the nobility of this place wait until the evening to lose to their instincts.” Ur advised me, but I felt like she was complaining for some reason. Now that I thought about it, this was the first time in a long time that we were with one another privately. Well, as privately as my station could allow, because I needed guards and servants at all times. However, this time Kurama, A’Bel, and many of my usual retinue were busy with assignments, so it was just me, Ur, and Ashe. “That should allow this matter to be settled more efficiently and cause less distress in the future.”

I almost said my thoughts aloud, but gut instinct told me to let it go, and so I did.

“Alright, sounds good. It’ll be easier that way, anyway.” I spoke and Ur straightened up a little at my words. My Amazonian bodyguard was pleased with the fact that I wasn’t treating my colleagues with the respect that they were supposed to be given. This was after I listened to all her complaints about me burning bridges with potential allies in the past. It was confusing, but she’d observed three meetings devolve into three attempts to get into my pants, so I couldn’t deny her current advice. “I’ll just treat them like shit, I guess.”

With that statement, Ur nodded sagely and turned her attention to Ashe and begin speaking with her, while I changed gears for the meetings that I had tomorrow.

How far could I get away with being an asshole while working as the Demon Lord’s chief lieutenant in the Kindred Capital?

When I solely worked for myself and my lands, I was free to do a lot of things… but now I had to wonder.

Did my current situation allow me more leeway or restricted me more?

Well, there was only one way to find out: by going as far as I could until I was told to stop by my superior.

…

Thunder arced through the skies.

Rain fell upon the cobblestones.

The trees rustled due to great winds.

The doors to my Chateau were being held fast by my Hellhound and Amazons while my maids and guards reinforced every point of entry they could.

Ur was glaring at me and this time I didn’t hesitate to protect myself.

“I did what you told me to! I was an absolute asshole today!” The results of today’s meetings were more fearsome than yesterday’s. Each of my meetings went well, with none of my guests drenching their seats and clawing over the table to get at Hachiman Jr. I conveyed what I wanted from an alliance, told them what they were doing wrong with their entire organizations and territories, and offered to do a better job at what they were doing in exchange for their support. I went above and beyond in making it clear that they didn’t matter to me, that they may as well have been shit that I’d stepped in, and all their achievements meant nothing to me… and now all three of my guests were breaking Roseanne’s mandate of peace in the capital as they worked together to “put me in my place.” My place being, apparently, being the only man in two noble households and a shipping magnate’s boardroom until my hips were ground to dust. “It’s not my fault Kindred literally get off on EVERYTHING!”

Ur’s glare faltered at my words, because she knew that if I talked to her the same way that I did to my guests today, she’d get very, very cross with me. In fact, in the meetings she’d been nodding along and was happy to see the Kindred walk away on their own power after being domineered for an hour straight. My Amazonian bodyguard and advisor’s smile during the day only broke when all three of my appointments returned with their retinues to try and break into my Chateau for the purpose of breaking me in.

Yes, without a semblance of a doubt, this wasn’t my fault.

It’s the Kindred’s fault, because even insulting them led to them being more unbelievably horny than complimenting them when they had empty stomachs!

“I told you that the problem is food and not what I’m doing, right?” Ur palmed her face when I brought up my statement yesterday, while the door to my chateau echoed as evidence to my statement. Ur had the food I requested delivered and prepared before the meetings, then she’d offered them to my guests. They’d partaken, but presumably they hadn’t eaten enough. “I told you that you needed to watch them finish at least two bowls!”

That statement broke what was left of Ur’s calm and she rounded on me with a blazing blush on her face and indignation in her eyes.

“I know, I know! You were right and I was wrong!” Ur gave way with very little grace, as she always did. This was how she was whenever she made a mistake and was caught red handed. The superhuman with the ability to run through buildings and tear through armored knights with ease became a tanned, blushing mess. “Now, can you please give the orders necessary to handle this situation, Hachiman!?”

Surprisingly, I was tempted to tease Ur, instead of just nodding smugly and handling the situation.

But, since duty called, I just nodded instead of partaking in the reappearance of my interest in other people being very cute.

“Alright, then relieve two of your Amazons in their patrol and take them with you to ask the Royal Guard for help.” Even while I strategized, I couldn’t help but have my gaze be drawn towards Ur. For some reason, all the skin she was showing seemed to drag my eyes onto her for longer periods than usual and made it difficult for me to look away. She’d filled out and grown a bit taller over the last couple years, too. Somehow her loss in composure today, and her complaints yesterday combined to make me notice all of her today, instead of just the great friend and comrade I’ve been relying on for so long. It took more than I expected to keep ordering her, instead of tripping over my words and just staring like at her like an idiot. “Stay safe, get help, and come back here. Understood?”

I stared longer than I usually would as Ur breathed a sigh of relief and nodded at my commands.

“I understand. Please stay safe while I am gone, Hachiman.”

Her use of my first name lingered in my thoughts, until I gave myself a slap to the face and refocused.

On one hand, my libido returning after nearly a year without fighting against the Empire and working on better projects was a good thing.

On the other hand, my libido was returning in a land filled with scantily dressed, very willing people while I had so many responsibilities to uphold.

Great, I’m in a healthier mental space, but that space was going to guide me towards problems I didn’t use to have.

The moment Hachiman Jr. starts going up without me having to focus on getting him up is the moment the real battle starts.