Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: 102

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: 102

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

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Bekat frowned as she looked upon the reports.

Mekh wanted to remain updated on the situation. I couldn’t blame the Pharaoh for wanting updates, since we were covertly using criminals to steal from his peers. Since he provided permission for the whole endeavor, he was technically the one responsible for it. Well, anyone with two brain cells would put together that I wouldn’t be able to do everything on my own, so he’d have to be involved.

As much as I wanted to believe that all my enemies were idiots, years of punishing experience taught me otherwise, so I let the Pharaoh put his very fastidious, devout, and just retainer onto the project.

Even though I saw what was going to happen coming from a mile away.

“This is… you are fine with these results!?” The Anubis shook as she held the reports from my Kunoichi, Harpies, and Wyverns assigned to watch over and assist the thieves in their objectives. I made it very clear to them that they needed to value their own lives over the thieves. “Eight of the thieves are dead!”

I shrugged.

“I expected more of them to be dead. They’re honestly doing better than I thought.” I lounged on the patio of my private villa that overlooked the ocean, while reading the reports and passing them over to Bekat. Tanis lay one a warm rock while going through the reports on a table taken to the patio. She was trying to get a tan in a far-too-tiny bikini, while I was enjoying the breeze beneath an umbrella that I had made by one of Mekh’s crafters. The Pharaoh had a small factory churning them out for sale now. “Not all criminals are decent at their job, even if they’ve managed to not get caught.”

“The majority of the deaths were by your guards and citizens!”

“Well, they broke the rules and I made it clear what would happen if they did.” I raised an eyebrow at Bekat and cast a sidelong glance at her as she sat on a small stool to my left and read the reports beneath an umbrella provided by one of my Kunoichi. “They’re still plenty dangerous, so I can’t ask my people to risk their lives to capture them and bring them to Mekh, y’know?”

This time Bekat raised her eyebrow and I allowed her to be right, even though I wasn’t wrong.

I just lied.

“Alright, that was I lie. I could ask my people to do anything, because they’re my people, but that doesn’t mean I will. I care a lot less about the lives of criminals.” I reached for my drink. Limes and sugar were plentiful in the Pharaoh’s lands. It wasn’t Max Coffee, but it was refreshing, especially when kept cool by ice. Mekh had magical artifacts for that sole purpose and lent me one for my stay after my last visit. Practically unlimited magic sure was convenient. “If they decided to attack my people and escape, ignoring all the warnings to hold still and be captured, then they’ve become my enemy by endangering my people.”

My words made Bekat frown.

“You would have someone killed for being a mere threat to your people?”

“Yeah, you wouldn’t? My people are mine. Threats to them are threats to me. If someone tries to kill one of my people, it’s the same as trying to kill me.” If one my people from Ylstu died because of my orders, then they’d do it for Ylstu. They’d do it defending their home and their people. This mission was on Roseanne’s behalf, and by extension Mekh’s, and I wasn’t going to have my people die for them to make me look better. “I’m sure that you and your Pharaohs have some special way of handling things, especially since most of you lot are immortal, but it’s not the same everyone else. Most people aren’t immortal. Those criminals made their choice to stop existing when they attacked my people.”

I was sure that criminals in the Pharaohs lands were treated differently. The criminals here were immortals, since they came from the common citizenry. How did it work if they weren’t technically Undead? I had no clue. That was for Henri to figure out when I brought back all of the information that I could.

The situation at n was impressed convicts trying their hand at killing guards and trying to escape with decidedly final results.

“If you accepted the offer of obedience collars, then they would still be alive.” Bekat pointed out.

“And ruin the Pharaoh’s long streak of abandoning slavery for so many years? Yeah, I like you guys too much to do that. Oh, and I’d rather die than use that sort of thing.” I said the words with a smile, but the Anubis shivered and Tanis looked up from her work with how I said it. The idea displeased me so much that I entered hyper-polite, but hyper-pissed mode. It wasn’t a Skill that I could call upon, much like most of my other 108 Skills, but it arose sometimes to great effect. “Do you have any other suggestions on how to keep selfish criminals under control besides turning them into slaves without free will, Bekat?”

This was probably the first time I was even the slightest bit aggressive against the Anubis.

I almost expected her to curl up and present her abdomen in submission like a dog, though the action would’ve been corrupted somehow by her being Kindred, but I was proven wrong.

Bekat actually levelled a glare my way and sat straighter in her stool.

The Anubis had a spine.

“Pharaoh Mekh granted the criminals to you with his blessing, but your callous treatment of them leads me to believe that you are mistreating the tools which you have been lent, Hikigaya Hachiman Hand of the Demon Lord.” Though still seated, Bekat pulled upon her authority as a retainer of the Pharaoh and called upon me to act properly as a retainer of Roseanne. I couldn’t just wave aside her concerns, because she was now stating it as an actual fact, and I couldn’t blame her when she laid out why she saw it as a problem now. “They are criminals now, but if they succeed in their duty, they become immortal citizens of the Pharaoh Mekh. This is not a death sentence, but a chance for redemption. I believe that if you did not offer a pardon as a reward for these thieves’ actions, the Pharaoh would have never allowed this operation.”

Huh.

That was an actually interesting and kinda irritating set of words, because I was hit with a reasonable argument that was hard to deal with. If I were still some idiot from highschool, who didn’t have to herd disparate tribes from other worlds into a cohesive fighting force, then I would’ve probably been incapable of mounting a response.

But I was more than capable of leveraging my position and giving the right answer to such an occasion, because I’d gone through harder situations that would lead to far more dead people.

“Then, why don’t you tell Mekh what you’ve found and what your concerns are, then bring me a letter about how I should change my way of crippling one of his opponents and giving him far more power.” Retainers were free to speak for themselves. Bekat didn’t speak her mind, because I didn’t have a reason to care, so she spoke for Mekh. It was a gamble on her part and mine. She felt she knew the Pharaoh and I felt that I knew the Pharaoh too. I had nothing to lose, if she was wrong, and only had to agree to change if she wasn’t. “If Mekh really feels it appropriate to use foreign dignitaries as rehabilitation officers for the criminals he couldn’t catch himself, then you’re free to ask him to tell me that.”

Neither an expected temper tantrum nor a squeal of sudden ecstasy came.

Instead Bekat frowned and her brow furrowed as she considered my words and shook her head.

“I see your point, Hikigaya Hachiman. You are correct. My beliefs were incorrect and I spoke in Pharaoh Mekh’s name with my own heart.” The Anubis spoke stiffly, but chose her words carefully and with great care. She wasn’t just apologizing properly, but also obviously learning how real politics worked. What she knew was fine for upholding traditions and meeting normal expectations, but real power and influence required far more finesse… or just enough power, ability, and influence for finesse to not matter. “I apologize.”

She needed some work, though.

“Never apologize. Explain yourself. Say that you’ll never do it again. It’s the same, but you don’t sound weak.” I offered her a bit of advice, before turning my attention back to the reports. I raised an eyebrow at the newest one, before getting up with a sigh. “Alright. It looks like things happened and it’s time for us to move. You can think about being better later.”

Bekat frowned and rose with me, while Tanis cast me a questioning gaze, before I dismissed her to do what she wanted with a wave.

“Did one of the thieves get caught and couldn’t be killed by one of your assassins?”

“What? No. The competent ones worked together and actually got the Claim quicker than I thought they would.” I entered my villa and found A’Bel standing at the center of the room covered in armor that filled the room with the familiar scent of blood, viscera, and steel. Bekat struggled to step forward, but I waded into the presence of violence incarnate with familiar ease. “C’mon. I need you to fly a few of your ships.”

“A Claim will be pursued in force by a Pharaoh and their fleet! My meagre fleet can do nothing, especially if I am the sole conductor!”

“It’s fine. You’re not fighting them. You’re destroying them.” I waved aside her concerns as I met Ur’s gaze. She nodded and ran with the other Amazons towards the porch, leapt off it, and disappeared towards my black ship at the docks. They needed to be quick and strong to do what I asked, but they had both strength and speed in spades, and there were plenty of crew aboard to help them. “We’re going to use all the satchels I’ve brought along to blast the sky apart with fireships.”

The new satchels were vastly improved thanks to making contact with some slimes and trading for some of their excess condensate by the barrel at very cheap prices. They espoused it as a very good lubricant that made certain parts stretchy and other parts bigger. The merchant involved in the trade blushed at all the barrels I requested, but I was sure they’d be horrified that I just used it all to upgrade my entire stockpile of satchel charges and acquired enough to improve the rest I made for a long, long time.

The slime wasn’t just sticky and flammable like I’d hoped, but it also scattered and bounced as little globules, while also burning longer and brighter because of its innate magic.  It was magical napalm. I had crates full of it to show off as products to the Pharaohs to scare the shit out of them, but now it was going to be used to help the Pharaohs against the Apophis by lighting up and entire fleet of reed-and-wood ships with napalm as it flew through very windy skies.

The confusion on Bekat’s face at my explanation of satchels and fireships just made it better.

They weren’t just going to get hit by magical napalm.

The Apophis were going to be utterly blindsided by its delivery system too.

Fantastic.

…

I made contact with what remained of the forty thieves and the Jackal pressed the Claim into my hands without so much as a hello.

Rude.

“Get us out of here!” The Jackals eyes were wide and many of the other thieves sported the same look of fear and anxiety. Many of them were wounded and bandaged, as well as helping each other. With a wave of my hand, the Harpies, Wyverns, and Kunoichi that assisted them started escorting them towards the manned flying ships I had at my disposal. The head of the thieves looked at me, then the sky, and cried out. “Is this all you brought!? They’ll chase us down and kill us all! Those aren’t enough ships to hold the line!”

The fleet accompanying us was a fifth of the size of the incoming fleet of fifty ships.

The encroaching armada of ships with white sails looked like a looming thundercloud set to engulf the fleet I prepared.

“Oh, shut up and get on the ship. You’ve done your job, so let me do mine.” I grunted and walked past the Jackal. She tried to reach out to me in panic and fear, but she stopped as A’Bel appeared between the two of us reeking of blood, death, and anticipation. One of her strides were easily three of mine and just the brushing of her armor cut into the Jackal’s furred hand. The Kindred cried out in pain and I glared at my Demon, even while handing the Claim to the fastest of my Wyverns to get to Mekh as fast as possible. “Oi, they’re not criminals anymore. Don’t that shit.”

A’Bel’s emotions told me she didn’t register my words at all.

She only had eyes and focus for the battle ahead, because she was damn battle junky.

“My dear master… please cease teasing me! I need this battle! I need it immediately!” The snarling, jagged, and horned helm that she wore deepened her voice. Some of her sultry tones was there, but it was emboldened by power and might that made the Jackal fall to her knees onto the sand, until a Kunoichi took her up. “Set the sky alight and let me taste divine blood!”

I was tempted to say no to spite her and let the fleet get closer, but there wasn’t anything to do and the ships were plenty fast.

“Fine then, be a bitch.” I grunted and looked to my left. Reiser was ready with one hand crackling with lighting. “Give the signal.”

Riser nodded, raised her hand, and cast lightning into the sky, which was followed by the roar of thunder.

The enemy fleet rushed forward as Bekat urged the unmanned fleet forward with her power as speedily as it could.

And, the enemy fleet moved magnificently to receive the wanton attack be encircling it like a tightening sphere to fire upon it and make sure its “charge” was wasted. They aimed to take it apart completely and definitively… not knowing that they were compressing around powerful explosives that would blow the moment I willed them to go off.

Because, as good as Drider silk string was, nothing beat having a remote detonator for explosives, so I had several satchels made paired with detonators to show off to the Pharaohs.

I just needed on to go off properly and I had dozens, while the Apophis fleet was curling around the ships like a fist around a grenade.

Admittedly, thanks to several peaceful weeks and better habits, I hesitated before hitting the first trigger… but in the end I still did it.

I, as A’Bel asked me to, set the sky alight.