A Perfectly Logical Guide to a Superhuman Apocalypse: Chapter 5

A Perfectly Logical Guide to a Superhuman Apocalypse: Chapter 5

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Wordcount: 2500

Commissioned by Arksoul

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Image spending your entire life strapped to a dialysis machine, because of your kidneys being shit.

That sounds pretty bad, right?

Now add a deformed leg on top of that, so that you need crutches to go anywhere.

Pretty terrible, right?

Okay, now, imagine being below the poverty line in America with an economy in shambles with only a single father on top of that.

That was how Lorraine Anderson came into the world.

From the moment her kidneys started to fail at eight, after being born with a bad leg, she spent her entire life in a box that her father worked his ass off to keep together alone. Lorraine Anderson could only watch her father work and work to keep her alive, until one day the local community heard of her troubles, and they received help from the local church with their living costs.

In a world without superpowers, Lorraine Anderson’s life would just be a heartwarming story about a father and daughter being supported by their local community and becoming faithful followers of the local diocese.

But, instead, at the age of sixteen, Lorraine Anderson woke up one day with pure-white wings, a body that most people would kill for, golden, shining, eyes, and incredible powers.

Some would say that she won the luck of the draw when she got superpowers.

There were plenty of people with disabilities who received superpowers and didn’t suddenly get perfect bodies. A lot of us had increased metabolisms that helped with extra fat, but some people even didn’t get that, and had to get into dieting, drugs, and all sorts of shit to get trim enough for spandex.

But that was beside the point.

This was about Lorraine Anderson.

After her entire life, after how she was saved, and over the years she spent as an ardent believer in the church that saved her, Lorraine Anderson’s thoughts on the matter were different. She saw it as a miracle and a calling to lead the world into a better future. So, she became a hero with a cause greater than just putting away bad guys: she became a hero for the sake of bringing others into an organization that saved her life and her father’s.

In short, she became a zealot with enough power to level a city on her own, and the ability to get other people to do what she wanted with just a few words, a smile, and promises that she didn’t even need to keep.

So, how’d a schmuck like me end up with her?

That’s simple.

I thought she liked me, when she actually wanted me for my power, and I left once I came to that realization.

Sure, I came to that realization after a few months, but in my defense… uhhh… I have no defense.

I’d had other girlfriends besides her at that point, and I should’ve known better.

But she was incredibly attractive and hid most of the real crazy beneath a socially-acceptable level of crazy.

Anyway, long story short, I was looking to get the hell of dodge before she tracked me down.

Again.

…

I decided that, after a interacting with two individuals of questionable sanity in quick succession, that I needed a break from people.

So, I found a nice beach on a deserted island, set up a grill, a chair, and a cooler full of soda and water to spend some time with Jack.

“Well, Jack, we’re in pretty dire straits, but at least we’ve got each other.” Jack was a cute, grey mutt that looked happy to see just about anything. He also looked at me and paid attention whenever I spoke, although his attention span wasn’t that good. Still, I knew how to properly treat a dog, since I had one as a companion for years. “Things are going to be pretty rough, but I want you to know: your life is pretty high up in my personal priority list, so you’ll be fine.”

The trick to having an animal companion was being as equally devoted to that animal as that animal was to you. A goldfish barely needed any attention, while cats wouldn’t care about you existing. Meanwhile, a dog was evolutionary geared towards seeing a human that treated it well as its family and would give its life for its human.

Therefore, treating Jack with respect, care, and attention was essential, because I didn’t want to take him for granted.

With that in mind, I prepared him a portion with my first batch of fresh food in a long time.

I grilled the ground beef into two large patties on charcoal for me, while smaller patties for him. While waiting for it all to come up to medium rare with a good sear, I tore up his portion of fresh vegetables and recently-baked buns to go into his bowl, which I’d carved.

Jackie’s stuff was stored away to never be used again, because I wasn’t replacing her, even if I did call my new dog Jack.

I was getting a new dog to raise.

Anyway, I watched Jack run around after finishing preparing his bowl of food sans meat, and looked at the ocean from a beach chair on white sands. Sipping on soda, I decided to partake some more in talking to my new animal companion, just like I did with my former animal companion.

“Anderson’s definitely not going to stop trying to use me to get her church all over the world for cheap. Hawaii’s going to either be a shitshow or come at California in force with most of the Fifth Fleet.” Jack’s ears popped up at the sound of my voice and he went over to me with his tiny legs. According to Kaede, he was going to be about the size of a German Shepard in a few months, so I enjoyed him being small and cute for now. Imminent scarcity made his current puppy-form that much more appealing. “Honestly, I think I should start packing up the bunker and finding somewhere else to stay at… but that’ll be hard as hell.”

Over several weeks, I could pack up the bunker and get it somewhere else, even with all its assets. However, I would need to find an area with a geothermal power source and land that can hold the structure in place without breaking it up over time. Earth was big, so there were a few dozen viable places, but that was before the nuclear exchange and rise of superhuman warlords. Putting aside the fact that I’d have to use my powers to both locate and excavate the location, I’d also need a place to stay while I moved modules and did the heavy lifting on my lonesome.

It’d take me fifteen weeks with my power just to move the bunker and everything in its way.

I’d probably need to spend a few days looking and comparing locations with data that I acquired before the world went to shit too.
There’s just so much that I need to do on my own without other people to pay for their services.

Society, even with all its flaws, allowed for the exchange of currency for goods and services, which was magnificent.

I really missed money existing and being worth something.

“Why can’t anything be simple? Why does everything need to be a pain in the ass?” I grumbled, got up, and served myself a cheesy double-hamburger with bacon and the rest of the fixings. I gave Jack his share of the meat patties, before taking a seat, opening a cold, sweet, and fizzy drink, and taking a bite. It was hot, beefy, juicy, and cheesy. It also had fresh, sweet, and slightly acidic vegetables… but it wasn’t the same. The bun was whole-grain, the cheese wasn’t bright orange and didn’t have the right flavor, and the ketchup and mayonnaise was too fancy. I ate it, but it wasn’t what I truly wanted. “Goddamn, do I really have to restart civilization to get what I want?”

Jack gave a woof with a face covered in condiments, shredded vegetables, and beef juices, before digging back into his bowl.

I considered my thoughts for a second, before returning to my burger.

Nah.

It wasn’t what I wanted, but it was good enough, and I wasn’t interested in throwing myself at problems for the rest of my life for something a few percentage points better.

Perhaps, to some people, human civilization was worth re-establishing at the cost of their entire lives, but I wasn’t willing to do it.

If the perfect double-cheeseburger with bacon wasn’t worth it, then the rest of humanity sure as hell wasn’t.

…

I returned to Kaede Walker’s little commune to tell her that she’d have to pay more for me to act against the Paradists, when I found myself looking at something interesting.

A horse-drawn caravan trundling on the roads towards a pre-prepared plaza.

Walker decided to float over to me and answer my questions, especially since I’d looked through most of California and didn’t find any settlements capable of sending out a dozen wagons for trade.

“The caravan is ours, but we have them go forth from our land and trade food with outlying settlements.” Kaede Walker crossed her arms as she explained. I watched as people hugged and greeted one and began to work together to unload the caravan. “I am the primary provider of food in this region.”

“Which means you’re practically royalty.” I didn’t bother to mince words. Controlling food and violence was how royalty established themselves in the past and it worked just fine in the present. Maelstrom had violence in spades and none of the farmers could hope to go against her if they decided to have a strike. Busting a strike was a lot easier if you could go through a mountain without losing breath. “Congrats. When are you going to say that it’s your divine right to rule?”

Kaede Walker gave a hum at my words, but decided to point something else out.

The products that the caravan was unloading wasn’t what I expected from horse-drawn carriages.

“There are superhumans out there amongst the local populace content to simply produce with their powers now. Their influence is great within the communities they inhabit, but they are not all powerful.” From the wagons came clothes, tools, and weapons. The clothes and tools were like modern equipment and trends, which were a step up from anything a medieval society could make. The weapons were beyond what militaries had before the end. The merchants in wooden carts pulled by horses were handling energy weapons for inspection by a few technicians. “Do you recognize the weapons, Egress?”

I took a closer look by popping next to the weapons crates, which elicited a yelp of surprise from the guards until Maelstrom followed me over without breaking a sweat with speed alone.

A part of me couldn’t help but feel that Maelstrom was bullshit for having the ability to speed up to the point instant-teleportation was nearly too slow, while the vast majority of me couldn’t help but geek the hell out.

“No fucking way. Starr’s alive!?” One of the most hated men in America before the Apocalypse, Andrew Starr sold high-tech weapons to anyone with the cash and the bid. Since the government outlawed the sale of superhuman-produced weapons, that meant his clientele were criminals, and they used his shit all over the nation. A lot of heroes and villains died thanks to mach-1 slugs, orbs of target-tracking plasma, and lasers that literally just made people explode hitting them with enough thermal energy to vaporize all the water in their bodies. “How!? He should’ve had thousands out to kill him!”

“They did not succeed.”

I wasn’t mincing words. Starr’s ways of making money made him a lot more enemies than friends, especially with his policy to sell to anyone with the cash. He had a ten-million-dollar bounty on his head the first year he got on the news and before the apocalypse it jumped up to a hundred million, even though a lot of people planned to do it for free.

I’d figured he’d die on a hill, surrounded by broken superweapons of his own design, and a lot of dead bodies in every direction.

But apparently, the old bastard was around and kicking.

Even though Kaede Walker, little-miss-justice, knew that he was round.

My question was apparent, so Walker answered it even without me asking.

“I’ve decided to start anew. It is necessary with the current circumstances of the world. If villains of the past decide to take up goodly vocations and progress society, then I will not harm them.” There were a lot of words to take in with that statement, but I focused on the fact that Kaede Walker was making laws and policies without any advice or input from those she claimed to protect. Yep. She was being a tyrant. “They will work and help return the world to how it once was… unlike the Paradists, I will spare them and enlist their help.”

“Is that suppose to entice me to help you more, Walker?”

“Yes. It is. I know that you enjoy many creature comforts and have many assets at your disposal with long lives… but you will still need repairs and technicians to aid you. Many of them will die under the Paradists for their past.” Kaede Walker made her case and met my gaze. “So, I ask of you to keep your former bargain with me and not renege upon our deal. We both benefit from the Paradists being halted before they reach us.”

I wanted to refuse Kaede’s offer, but she bore down upon me with another statement.

“You are not one to run from your problems either, Egress. I know you. You end threats decisively… and your former lover and her mad, zealot kingdom is most definitely a threat to your freedom and comforts.”

It was true.

I wasn’t the type to sit on my ass when something I liked was in danger.

Even if my relocation was successful, that was just running away from the problem that was a massive organization after to capture and use me up.

Therefore, running away would just be a waste of time, since I’d eventually go after the Paradists anyway.

And, if I was going to go after them, then… I might as well get paid for it and risk less of my own skin, right?

Kaede knew this, so she proposed something else.

“Help me. I don’t wish for any more bloodshed. Your help will allow me to extend my reach and stop conflict and focus on rebuilding.”

I thought about it for a few moments, before coming to the most cost-effective decision.

The one that didn’t have me risking my life and still had a chance of getting what I wanted.

“Alright, fine. I’ll be your transporter… but I’m not fighting for you. And, if you fail in whatever plan you have to deal with them… I don’t want any issues with me handling shit with my own hands.”

I put down my stipulation and Walker had her hand out ready to shake, along with a piece of paper to put it in writing, when I finished saying it.

Damn, if she was that ready, I should’ve charged her more.

Years of isolation have weakened my ability to gauge people for things I wanted!

Forget worrying about society decaying and losing my bunker, I needed to get back into the groove of charging people for all they’re worth before I get swindled!