Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: Roseanne Alternative: Part 2

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: Roseanne Alternative: Part 2

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

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Hachiman looked over the command center with a faint sense of satisfaction.

“Right, this is looking half-decent.” Hachiman had designed it after I asked him the question of how to strengthen my personal forces as quickly as possible. After concluding that my forces were sufficiently powerful, he decided it was a matter of lacking information that limited them, which led him to ask about how officers and commanders guided Kindred through the battle. His reaction to having commanders on the field leading from the front was derisive laughter. “This should let you get ahead of everyone else in the world, if what you used to work with was considered the best.”

I looked over it and couldn’t help but me impressed.

At the center was a massive table which contained many colors of sand. He’d worked with my magicians and researchers to create a magic map that changed with every new battlefield. The decisive, domestic advantage many nobles counted upon if their land was attacked was now something that my commanders on the field could acquire. It displayed all troops without sufficient magical protection, elevation, terrain, and updated it all in real-time.

That alone would’ve revolutionized warfare, but it was only one of three new devices only my magicians and artisans could make.

The left of the tent was dominated by tables where petty officers would give and receive orders from those one the field. They would transcribe and record the situation as swiftly as possible from both sides. It was to ensure accountability amongst officers who might wish for more glory, but also a way to ensure that the commander would be held accountable if they did not heed the voices of those in battle. The communications would be done through a device that mimicked the functions of a “radio” from Hachiman’s world. It was incredibly expensive and required masters of magic to create, but its value was immense.

The right of the tent was in anticipation of future threats and adaptations to our methods. It was a large magical device which would ensure that the command center couldn’t be found by those who can see from afar, as well as provide emergency defenses for evacuation. Such a powerful tool would be immensely expensive, and the entire system was, but only if it was in its full state. It was a modular system that was added onto by requisition or anticipation of the mission. Not every battle will involve powerful mages on the opposite side, so it was unnecessary to have all command centers have anything more than basic protections.

Overall, I was incredibly impressed by the new command tent, with which I will train a powerful corps of officers to lead my expanding Royal Guard. The nobility were dragging their feet and would continue to do so unless I acquired merits or forced them to obey me through trials of combat. The latter would require immense growth and prosperity to be lavished upon all my vassals to prevent them from plotting against me. The former, with Hachiman’s help, allowed me to centralize power and force my constituents to follow me or be left behind.

So far, I had no issue with the current course.

No.

That was a lie.

I had one, severe issue regarding that current course.

“My, my it’s more wonderful than I expected. What a wonderful construction, Hachiman-kun.” I had scoured my lands for capable users of magic. Sorceresses of high caliber were a reclusive bunch who pursued their own interests. Some could be bribed with gold or men to do one thing or another. Most could only be called forth if they were promised with something that could augment their own, personal research. Unfortunately, I had wealth to spare and Hachiman’s innovations and insights to offer… thus I cast such a wide net that I was lucky to find only one vixen that vexed me, but was also irreplaceable. “Where you would have me here as you commanded your army? Right next to you? Working hard in the corner of your eye? Or at your feet?”

The Nurarihyon came from beyond the seas to study the many magical methods and traditions of my Kindred. She visited nomadic tribes, enclaves in the mountains, and many of my nobility to seek the counsel of their magical advisors and crafters. She arrived fifteen decades ago, spending decades to learn all she could, and so she came when I called for a grand assembly… her name was Kaede and I couldn’t help but scowl at her as she winked at me whilst clinging against Hachiman and pressing her bosom against his back.

I took some luxury as he stepped out of her grip, but felt my distaste for her grow as soon as I noticed the light blush on his cheeks.

When they first met he only glared at her for approaching him, but now it was different.

“I’d put you on the frontline and hope you’d get killed.” Hachiman huffed whilst Kaede giggled. She truly found his words humorous in a twisted fashion. Her ebony hair, held up in a long ponytail above her head, swayed with every giggle she made… whilst her act of holding her stomach, propped up her breasts and threatened to make them pop out of her very loose kimono. “But first, check if they’re working. This isn’t a prop type. It’s going to be used in the War Game next week.”

The Nurarihyon curtsied and bent her head in a bow to Hachiman at his words. The action was perfectly calculated as her bowed head drew his attention… and the curtsey flashed him with her very lacy and very sparse underthings.

He levelled a glare at her once again, but his blush deepened.

Before I knew it, I was beside him and diverting his attention.

“Hachiman. You may flirt on your own time. You’re supposed to show me how to make use of this.”

“I wasn’t flirting, dammit. All that’s on her.” Hachiman grumbled and scowled as he denied her, but Kaede’s gaze remained satisfied from over his shoulder as he faced me and scratched his cheek. His denial of her hadn’t affected her in the slightest. My eyes narrowed at her… and he mistakenly thought that I aimed a glare at him. “Alright, alright. We’ll start now from the top.”

Hachiman turned to the table, barely sparing me a glance, whilst Kaede jauntily flounced and pranced to do her duty… in the corner of his vision and bending quite seductively instead of taking a seat to check on one of the artifacts.

My blood boiled.

…

“Oi, if you’re going to glare at me, at least tell me what I did.” Hachiman sighed as he lay on his side on the sofa. One of his hands held up his head while the other flipped through the pages of a book. It's one of the new ones being sent out of the printing presses. He’d asked me to create a competition for up-and-coming authors simply to sate his want for entertainment. It was useful for funds and increasing literacy, but that wasn’t his goal. “I’m sure it’s not my fault, but tell me anyway so that I can tell you that you’re wrong.”

Hachiman’s idle words somehow cut through me, despite the bubbling displeasure boiling within my stomach. I couldn’t formulate a reply to his words… because all that I came up with was pure nonsense that I couldn’t believe even crossed my mind.

Angry at him for blushing at another person?

Angry that he never blushed at me?

Angry that he barely glanced my way as I wore the tracksuit jacket unzipped?

I sounded like an utter lunatic with all those claims… so I bit my tongue, reigned in my anger, and let loose a sigh.

“I… apologize. It’s been an aggravating few weeks.” I picked at my meal, which I was having on the dining room table just a few strides away from him. Hachiman raised an eyebrow at my statement and increased the attention he was offering me. I felt a little thrilled at his concern and readiness to help… but that was how he reacted to everyone, despite his caustic demeanor. His reaction to me was nothing special. That made me grit my teeth, but I forced my rampant, illogical emotions aside while recounting my difficulties. “The Kingdom’s number of raids has increased again. The front is becoming more violent. I know that they’re planning another offensive, yet I can’t get my nobility to muster rapidly enough. Thousands of Kindred will be harvested before I march and reclaim my borders… once again.”

Hachiman provided his insight into the matter with deftness and clarity.

“Huh. That sucks.” This time, Hachiman grinned as I glared at him. Whenever he received what he deserved, he always had an impish smile on his face. At the very least, he decided to sit up and put aside his silly book to speak to me. “What? Did you expect some expertise about politics from me? Sorry, but I’m just stealing ideas from my previous world. I wasn’t part of politics, so I can’t tell you anything about it. Well, besides what already have…”

I rolled my eyes at his suggestion, while stabbing at my steak with my fork.

“I am not going to beat all of my subordinates up until they do what I say. It will be detrimental to the future, unless I decide to wage war and gain enough treasure… which is already detrimental in the first place.” I sighed as I did my best to recount my past few weeks. Kaede had triggered my displeasure, but her actions merely chipped away at the dam that held back so much of my building worries and stresses. “They have their own ways of undercutting my authority, Hachiman. Without rewards and fulfilled promises, simply forcing them to do as I say would—

“Yeah, it sounds like a big pain.” Hachiman suddenly interrupted me and stood up. Indignation rose within me that I could barely stop from exploding out of me, until he took out a familiar game. “It sounds like you need to relax and have some fun, instead of being irritated as hell and putting it on everyone else. So, how about we play around a bit?”

Some part of me told me that wasn’t enough, that I needed to get ahead of Kaede and her sultry ways… then I noticed that the sand within the device was now colored as well and those thoughts died.

“Our characters have color now!?”

“Yep. We’ve skipped a few generations and now we’ve got photo-real fighters. All we need is some laggy internet and we’ll have surpassed humanity back home.”

I disregarded his words in favor of holding my hand out of the controller and willing my favored character to come into being.

After hours and hours of training with my Dragon Fighter, seeing only a figure composed of sand with faint textures, I now looked upon her in all her glory. She was beautiful and fierce… and all her moves were now accentuated by sand mimicking white gusts of wind and gave her strikes more impact. Her flames were also bright hues of orange and yellow.

“It’s beautiful.” Somehow, I felt like crying, especially as the colored sand formed and shifted to look like trees and forest floor beneath the character models. Helpful bars of sand floated up on both our sides which were labelled Health and Power respectively. I no longer had to recall how many hits I took or how many I needed to land before I could execute better moves. The progress of the game from mere sand figures… was amazing. “Can we play forever?”

“Well, tomorrow is your day off and I’m sure as hell not going to work if I don’t have to.” Hachiman gave me a grin and took a seat on the table. The chime on the door rang and a Kikimora with a cart laden with food entered before curtseying out. Various snacks, good both warm and hot, as well as pitchers of juice were upon it. Hachiman took a seat across from me while taking a plate of cookies for himself. “I figured it had to do with all the bullshit you had to deal with, so I skipped the part where we’d yell at each other and just decided to call for food. You don’t mind, right?”

Kaede, my worries at court, and the Empire’s actions all flowed out of my being as I nodded and took the controller.

This wasn’t the time to be worried about such things.

It was time to relax and have fun.

That was all.

…

I lay on the floor as the clock on Hachiman’s room struck noon.

Hachiman stirred a moment after I did from his brief nap.

I spoke hoarsely.

“We just spent eight hours doing nothing but eat, play, and take bathroom breaks.”

Hachiman’s voice was just as hoarse.

“Yeah.”

The last match had been gripped. I managed to get a handle on the intricacies of it all. Blocking, dodging, and air movement suddenly clicked in the back of my head, while all the combos were all at my disposal. Hachiman had realized what was coming and had prepared by fighting me and wearing me down with snide comments and tauntingly crouching over my character upon every defeat.

But, in the end, at that final, hard-fought-battle… I managed to struggle through a victory against him.

“My head hurts. I’m hungry and I’m tired.” I stated whilst lying on the floor, with a pounding headache, and a growling stomach. We’d barely touched any of the food. We had been both too busy heckling at one another and playing the game. “But I feel fantastic.”

“Yeah.” Hachiman agreed and tried to get up, but failed and accepted his fate to be one with the floor. “Playing hard does that.”

Thanks to being the Demon Lord, I managed to sit up and stare at the table where my character was still standing victorious over Hachiman’s own. He had laid himself right next to his seat, while I had somehow managed to make it to the living room—

“You did three laps around the room hollering about winning before falling on your face and taking a nap, woman. Don’t pretend like you don’t remember.”

A faint flush formed on my face as I managed to walk over to the dining room table… and the cart of untouched food. Some part of my told me that I shouldn’t serve others, but I disregarded it and began filling two plates and two glasses. The food was cold… but we were both hungry enough not to care.

Lessons in etiquette in the past told me to take a seat at the table… but I ignored them in favor of sitting next to Hachiman as he lay defeated on the floor.

I put his plate and glass next to him and began to eat as he mustered the strength to get up.

When he did, he scratched his head, looked at the food, and nodded once before looking at me.

“Best out of five after we eat?”

“Yes.”

The reply left my mouth mid-chew and I didn’t care.

I was going to have fun.