Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 93

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 93

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

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The Apophis were impressive.

First, they managed to contact Kurama in an area that the Pharaohs made with the intention of keeping contact with the outside world. That suggested that they had supporters in a location that should be considered very important and should be very well-protected. By doing that they managed to make the Pharaohs look bad and made themselves look more capable, which was something I couldn’t help but respect.

Because I would be a moron not to notice their skill and message.

Secondly, in Pharaoh territory, they had a location where I could meet with one of their own… before I met a Pharaoh. The Anubis was a good representative, and the gift the Pharaoh decided to send was incredible, but there was a definite political game behind the Pharaoh electing not to meet with us after a week in our arrival. The Apophis took advantage of that and managed to arrange for a safehouse in the Anubis’s port, infiltrate without being noticed, and arrange for an audience with one of their own.

Admittedly, the Pharaohs were showcasing a lot, but I was considering both sides as relatively equal now. Not only that, but I was sure that Roseanne’s thoughts on the matter would change rapidly, if she knew what was going on. My boss wasn’t the type to let tradition impede her, so she wouldn’t maintain an alliance solely for the sake of appearances. If the Apophis impressed her enough, she’d probably go out of her way to meet with them and decide what to do with them after.

Yes, even with Apophis’s plans to take over the rest of the Pharaohs and take over the rest of their continent with force. Sure, that would be an issue for those living in the rest of this continent, but supporting the Apophis would result in being in the good graces of a massive, powerful nation with an economy being fattened by conquest and a lot of armies and resources to spare.

She’d meet with them to see if there was anything unsavory going on, just so that she could weigh one side against the other for the sake of her own nation. While international politics weren’t my forte, I didn’t even get to finish high school, I had experience with tough choices and holding a lot of lives in my hands. If the Pharaohs couldn’t offer as much or more than the Apophis, then supporting them would mean Kindred lives under Roseanne died.

The simple math behind this situation was “do what’s best for the Kindred under the Demon Lord” for both her and me.

So, with everything managed by the Apophis, I decided to meet with them.

They were threatening to start a civil war, which could result in the Empire sending people down here to scavenge for powerful Kindred to butcher up and use. However, tipping the scales to one side or another’s could result in that civil war being settled more quickly. That difference could be foreign support flipping a city on the frontlines and drastically changing the battlefield.

Was I opposed to the thought of a massive, powerful empire conquering and making profit from barely-developed or under-developed civilizations?

Yes.

However, could I ignore the fact that the Apophis were a viable ally?

No.

Such was the life of a leader, or in my case the assistant of a leader.

I had to choose what was best for “my” people.

Otherwise, I’d just be a tyrant doing whatever I wanted, even if what I wanted was “right.”

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I had to admit that I liked the aesthetic of the Apophis’s base a lot.

It was carved into a mountainside with its entrance hidden by a façade that matched the sandblasted, craggy cliffs.

The hallways past the entrance were winding and had sharp corners that created long sight lines to prevent anyone from invading it with any ease. That wasn’t the only defenses, either. The floor was smoothed for easy traversal, and that hid the fact that it had an angled incline, while magic lanterns lined the walls on hooks. A few water spells, or maybe an opened reservoir of water, would kill a lot of people attacking it and the lanterns could be taken upon retreat to trap the enemy in winding, dark, and uphill corridors with arrows reigning down on them.

10/10 defensive measure. I was going to tell the Dwarves about it when I get back, so that I could steal it for my final stronghold. I was going to replace the magical lanterns with torches and the theoretical water with oil, so that any Empire trying to storm my mountain stronghold would cook alive in sealed furnaces.

Why bother with arrows and a fighting defense when you can just murder your enemies? Every fight avoided was a fight won, right? So, technically, one’s goals in conflict should be to make the fight so unfair that it’s not even a fight.

But I was getting lost in thought, so I refocused.

The hallways led into a well-furnished room within the depths of a mountain. Carpets covered floors and tapestries hung on the walls, while a magical chandelier floated in the sky. Courtesans, both men and Kindred, lounged on cushions and pillows with intricate designs around smoking devices that spread a sickly sweet, musky smell throughout the room. Given the fact no one was choking on secondhand steam or lacking in oxygen, I was sure that there were a few hidden exits out of the room that doubled as ventilation measures.

It was gaudy and debauched, but I liked hidden mechanisms and secret exits, so it got a pass.

Unfortunately, it was unlikely that the Apophis present had anything to do with the design, since she didn’t at all look the type to spend hours coming up with a well-protected safehouse.

No one who sat on a throne of gold and marble would ever do that.

“Welcome to my humble abode, Hikigaya Hachiman. Please… take a seat.” The Apophis was a Lamia, but obviously far more along the monster front. Her “human” portions were a bright purple in color. Her irises were aglow with power that made her irises yellow and pierce through the dim light of the room, while the rest of her eyes were ebony. She wore only jewelry and thin, transparent silk over her body, which all enticed instead of hiding anything. One of her hands held a pipe with a long connection to one of the smoking apparatuses, while the other rested on her hip.  She was much larger than Tanis and her snake lower half coiled five times over her seat of gold and marble. “And, of course, greetings to you, oh ancient, venerated Demon.”

Naturally, I brought A’Bel along as my plus one for this particular mission. Doing otherwise would’ve just been beginning to be taken advantage of and I’d had enough of that for several lifetimes.

“Yo. Nice to meet you.” I grunted the Apophis’s way. My actions didn’t surprise the giant, purple snake monster. Indeed, my words managed to make her chuckle, even when a few of her courtesans started looking more like trained guards than sluts. Oh, wait they’re getting paid. Whores, then. “Tell me what you’re offering and I’ll send it over to Roseanne. If you’re lucky, the message’ll get there before all the ships filled with treasure and magic.”

I tested the waters by acting like I was just an intermediary with a powerful Demon on my side who I used to get to where I now was. As far as hands went, it was safe, since A’Bel was still A’Bel no matter what I did. And, naturally, I didn’t care much about my reputation outside of the Demon Lord’s continent, where I could use it to bully nobles less powerful than me and scare the shit out of the Empire.

Unfortunately, the Apophis saw through my attempt to fade into the crowd and get to do whatever I wanted.

“Oh, no. That won’t do, Hikigaya Hachiman, the most feared foe of the Empire. The man who brought low a Hero twice over, who broke apart a city that killed Demon Lord after Demon Lord, and who has made Amazons, Wyverns, and a Demon his… cannot simply be my messenger.” The Apophis spoke and casually revealed that she had spies and sources within the Empire. Most of that information was what I expected the Empire to know about me. They didn’t know much about my Hellhound, Lich, and… Hero. “Please, take a seat. I wish to get to know you before we partake in any business. Let me offer you some hospitality as my dear sisters have.”

For a second, I thought about saying something about it being impossible to match an entire villa in a hidden safehouse in a mountain, then I remembered that I was basically talking to the out-of-touch billionaires of this dimension.

I won the moment they wanted to impress me.

“My dears. Table, chairs, and a splendid meal for our guest, please.” All the courtesans moved with skill and talent. They hardly made a sound, worked together without saying a word, and soon enough various pieces of furniture were put together until I had a wooden chair to sit on and a long table between myself and the Apophis, which soon began to fill with dishes from boxes beneath piles of pillows. Was it a sign that the Apophis didn’t like having most of their population dreaming and sleeping the days away? “Ah, how rude of me… I forgot to introduce myself. I am Miriam, the least of all the Apophis, and I do so very much wish to see them all brough horribly low.”

The words surprised me more than they should’ve.

I should’ve realized that a group of would-be conquerors and supremacists would send the “least” of their number to meet with a foreigner. It was only natural that individual would have ill feelings about her position in the grand scheme of things. Feudal hierarchies had those on top not really being satisfied unless they knew that those below were having a rougher time than them, since their own jobs were stressful, full of backstabbing, and potential losses in power.

They should really try having a meritocratic autocratic system. People who are fed, happy, and fulfilled don’t rebel. All the positions are gained through merit and achievement, so backstabbing wasn’t an issue to stress about, unless you had some real issues. Sure, being at the very top of it meant working your ass off, but with the purse strings and military under your control, you’re as safe as can be.

But enough about me and my government being the most stable on the planet.

“Huh, I didn’t see that coming. I thought I was going to deal with someone who wasn’t a turncoat.”

“Hm, well, I prefer “sensible opportunist” in truth, but that is what I am offering. While I’d fight with my sisters against the Pharaohs if given no option, I would very much enjoy letting the Pharaoh’s armies simply slip past my to-be-ravaged-territory and see the others brought low, so that I can gain all their lands and influence.” Ah, that made a little more sense. She was aiming to take the burden of handling lands formerly owned by her superiors as her own. There was also the fact that she was looking out for herself, since she didn’t want her lands fucked over. Hmph, as far as I was concerned, I thought it was a good way to get herself killed, but who was I to shit all over’s someone delusion—dreams. That was reality’s job and I didn’t work for free. “Oh my, oh my. It seems we’ve devolved back to business right after I said I wished to get to know you… hmmm… tell me, Hachiman, how do you feel about becoming my friend?”

“Hard pass. No way. I’m here to reestablish trade. Not fuck around with foreign politics and wars.” I picked at the food laid before me. I was surprised to find that I was eating a different meal from everyone else. Grilled goat skewers, bread, and normal fruits sliced and drizzled with honey. The rest of the tables supped on stuff that reeked of corruption and depravity. I helped myself to some food after having A’Bel taste it for me and getting the thumbs up. “I came here to see if the Apophis could give me a better deal than the Pharaohs for what I have to offer. That’s all.”

My lack of reverence pissed off quite a lot of the courtesans surrounding Miriam. However, the Apophis didn’t even flinch at my words, but levelled glares at all her subjects. Surprisingly, they didn’t cream themselves or start fornicating after being glared at. Most of them glared back at their mistress, while some struggled to keep themselves from saying anything stupid.

All signs were pointing to her being a good leader to her people who deserved her people’s loyalty, just like the rest of the Pharaohs.

I had a strong feeling that the subjects of both sides were devoted to their rulers, which made things a little more complicated, but not by much.

I was still here to verify whether or not the Apophis could offer Roseanne something that she truly wanted.

“My goodness, you’re a difficult man to please, Hikigaya Hachiman… but I suppose a man with less drive than you would’ve perished long, long ago. Very well then… let us hasten our meeting.” Miriam snapped her hands and a few of her loyal servants stood up. A few shot glares at me, but they moved with their fellows to the section of the safehouse hidden by the Apophis’s form. They returned with bundles of parchment and placed it on my desk. I took one and unfurled it. “The Apophis are unlike the Pharaohs in that we believe in the proliferation and spread of our ways and culture. We seek to make the entire world strong and not merely grow fat and weak.”

I unfurled one and found something I was sure that the Pharaohs would never give.

The way to create boats capable of flight, complete with diagrams of assembly, and instructions in the Kindred’s script.

All the bundles of paper were on the same subject, each one another page of details and instructions made with ease of use in mind.

Just glancing at all of them one-by-one told me everything that it was all real, even before I had A’Bel verify the designs.

“That is a gift. The first of many. While the Pharaohs offer things we haven’t cared for in centuries, the Apophis offers knowledge, power, and magic.” Miriam’s smile was wide as she spread her arms and presented the schematics to me. Her smile widened even more as I looked at her, as she discerned what I was thinking. Why the hell was she giving me this and telling me her employer’s plans? I was going to get invested in fucking her over to secure the tech and magic offered by the Apophis… until she spoke again. “And, right before you, sits I… the least of the Apophis… who was forced to learn Kindred script and tongue for this exact purpose.”

Miriam’s words all made sense, but my instincts told me to be careful. Sure, she had every reason to try and backstab her people because of her circumstances… but everything was too neat and simple. If something was too good to be true, then it typically was.

As tempted as I was to take things at face value, I gestured at A’Bel to take the lead for a moment while I thought things through and figured out why my instincts were telling me to not believe a word this Apophis was saying.

A/N: Running the chapters I wrote through grammar check and stuff and doing revisions. Sorry about the lateness, just had finals for the past two weeks.