Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 90

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 90

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

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Bekat produced a scroll and threw it upon the ground, while a servant brought out a vase. The scroll shimmered with magic from the moment it rolled open, while the servant pulled out the contents of the vase. Multi-colored grains of sand issued forth and I realized that I was looking at the Pharaoh’s version of a magical map.

The various grains of sand created swathes of land, formed into structures, and created terrain of various altitudes. It was impressive, but it was obvious that there were defenses against it. The various cities and villages were circles with names due to some form of magical protection. Still, it was an impressive piece of magic, especially if it could update itself in real time, but it wasn’t that much better than the magical maps both the Empire and Kindred used back on the continent.

Creative symbols and drawings could show topography and altitude with ease, after all.

But I put my feelings on the matter aside as symbols arose over the multitude of cities the Pharaohs had across their lands.

Most of the cities were situated close to the world’s version of the Nile. The massive river that created the fertile lands which supported the Pharaohs until they figured out magic. Even after they did figure out magic, I was sure that they kept close to the river for the sake of transportation. Rivers were relatively easy to navigate since you could only go up or down its length and get somewhere eventually. It was a lot easier than making a massive highway system, but provided practically all the befits.

Anyway, the Pharaohs had at least fifty cities along the river with dozens of villages each.

From my readings about the Pharaohs, I learned that most of their population stayed asleep in vast, magical tombs and only left when commanded by their city’s Pharoah. Those who chose to spend their immortality productively stayed above, worked, ate, and multiplied like regular people… but their numbers were relatively low due to the small amount of people that chose to do so. Most of the cities, according to Tanis and A’Bel, would have a quarter million people at most while most of the villages would have a tenth of that.

But for every one person above ground, there were five or six asleep and awaiting orders to be roused from the pleasant dreams.

So, needless to say, the fact that all the cities and villages were split in half between two factions was pretty bad.

“Hmmm, it looks pretty fucked.” I gave my thoughts on the matter without hesitation. Bekat took my words in stride and nodded, while I did a recount of the number of cities and villages with one of the two marks. I wasn’t sure who mark was whose, but there were only two, so it was easy enough to figure out that the cities and villages were relatively split in half. “Which marks are for Apophis and which is for the Pharaohs?”

“The scarab represents the Pharaohs, while the fanged snake the Apophis.” Bekat explained readily and with a wave of her hand the plain sands that formed the sigils changed. The stylized, Egyptian scarabs took a golden hue and sand that formed the serpents were replaced by black grains. I get it, woman, you’re on the Pharaoh’s side. I’m new here, but I’m not that stupid. “As you can see, most of the inner lands wave the banner of the Apophis. They wish to go forth into the lands beyond the Nile and conquer what lies beyond.”

I filed that little tidbit of information away for later, but focused on the problem at hand.

The border between the two factions was too clear-cut.

“Tell me about these cities and villages.” People usually didn’t pick sides if they’re the ones going to suffer. The villages and cities between the two factions had a lot to lose, so I didn’t exactly believe that they declared themselves with one side. People tended to be stupid, but usually people weren’t stupid enough to paint targets on themselves. “Which of them can be swayed to join the Pharaohs.”

Bekat’s features curled into a snarl when I pointed at a few cities and villages marked for Apophis, but I didn’t waste time with that.

“Oi, you asked for my help, so I’m trying to get numbers on your side. Or, at least, less people on their side.” It didn’t matter if we could get more cities on our side. What mattered was making it so that the Apophis had less on their side. It would be great if we could convince one of the cities on the fringe to withdraw and just stay natural, because that was a city and a few hundred thousand Kindred that didn’t need to be handled. “This is how warfare works. Every fight avoided is a victory.”

My words barely reduced the snarl on the Anubis’s lips, but the hate in her eyes of those opposing her people lessened somewhat.

“Here, here, and here. These… loathsome cities and their surrounding villages are the most likely to avoid conflict or become betrayers once more.” I looked at the cities that Bekat pointed at and it made sense. The three cities she pointed at were practically surrounded by open plains, had no natural cover, and weren’t close to any marked mines. A long time ago, they probably had vast amounts of lands dedicated to agriculture, but the Pharaohs were beyond that now. That left their lands as battlefields for two opposite sides to meet. “They cities of bread, barley, and reeds ought to be undone for their betrayal of their oaths and promises… but avoiding battle against them would be an immense boon. The battles waged there have always been too bloody.”

Again, I took note of the important information that slipped through Bekat’s lips, but decided against talking about it.

I had a lot of questions to ask, ideas to share, and plans to keep to myself to make myself look better later.

First and foremost, though, I needed to know how they waged war.

…

“They’re morons. I can probably take over this country in a year.”

“Don’t.” Ur sighed.

I lay on a sofa set on a patio that overlooked the ocean. The guest palace was made from smoothed sandstone with plenty of carpets everywhere to handle the drab looks. The hallways were wide to allow air to flow through the entire complex, while each guest received a large suite with multiple rooms, a patio to enjoy one vista or another, and servants ready to cater to their every whim.

And, of course, listen and report back to their true master.

So, I had the Kunoichi clear out the patio and A’Bel protect me from any magic before talking.

My Amazon bodyguard tried to wear the suit Kurama had made for her, but the heat of the desert got to her. Ur elected to wear her usual clothes… and fit right in. A lot of the desert Kindred were parading around in jewelry, tiny bikinis, detached sleeves, and crotchless, silk pants.  A certain Roman Emperor would’ve approved of the decision of the Kindred here to letting others see.

But back to the issue of the Pharaohs.

“They fight with ancient weapons, ancient tactics, and ancient strategies. They have messengers on horseback for their commanders instead of even trying to use signals!” I couldn’t help but complain after all that I found out. “I almost want to side with the Apophis because they’re trying to do something different. If the Pharaohs didn’t have all the coastal cities… well the Apophis are apparently enslaving bastards, so I still wouldn’t, but still!”

The Apophis planned to reach out towards the rest of the massive continent that the Pharaohs lived on. Most of it was uncharted and unexplored, but a few scouting expeditions sent years ago travelled straight for a decade, found no end, and spent half their journey on the return. There were a lot of tribal Kindred out there, along with some human tribes, and they most definitely didn’t deserve a stagnant immortal empire coming in and enslaving them.

A’Bel laughed, either at my thoughts or my words, but spoke up after my first thought ended and as I started figuring out another gripe to make.

“It would be grand to see you turn this boring land into something befitting its reputation, my dear summoner, but you cannot. Before the Pharaohs secured their lives and that of their people, they took hold of their lands." A’Bel lay on a sofa as well and had a large fan made from massive feathers fanning her. She luxuriated in the sun with her entire back bar. Thankfully, Ur positioned herself perfect as to cover most of the Demon’s curves from sight. Well done, my bodyguard. “They have armies of true warriors within immense pyramids beneath the sands. Should a foreign foe usurp a Pharoah, the eternal armies beneath the sands shall rise. They will be armed with the ancient magics, weapons, and armor they used to secure their own immortal souls.”

“Hmph, sounds like I just have to have them kill each other instead… which is already happening right now. Hell, it’ll probably be easier than beating them myself.” The ones who win in an internal conflict were always those from the outside, especially when the fight was balanced. The Pharaohs needed to pay for outside assistance by trading valuable commodities from their lands, as well as ruining their own reputation by asking for outside help. Apophis would need to exploit tribal societies in order to win, despite being part of a massive superpower, which was a loss in reputation itself. “They kill each other. We make the winners beholden to Roseanne. Easy.”

“Indeed, it easier to step into a conflict at full strength and have other become indebted to us, but that is not our mission Hachiman.” Ur spoke up as the voice of reason. I turned her way and my bodyguard’s toned, tanned abdomen dominated my vision. Correcting my vision, I managed to look up and meet her gaze over her crossed arms as she lectured me. “Lady Roseanne instructed you to open diplomatic channels and re-establish trade. If you wish to have no part in this conflict, then it would be prudent to accomplish to objectives and simply leave.”

Huh.

That sounded really, really good, honestly.

“You’re right, Ur. Why should I do more than the absolute, bare minimum for my boss?” I spoke and Ur glared at me. I took offense to that, since I complimented her for her incredibly good idea. The upside-down frown I sent her way only served to make grumble too. What a cruel bodyguard I have. “Alright, alright. I get it. It’s not about doing the bare minimum. It’s about taking the safer route when it's obvious that the mission’s more dangerous than we thought.”

Ur sighed and nodded at my words, while I sat up and considered things aloud.

“Admitting I can’t do everything will pay off in the long-run, too. Roseanne will be less likely to keep sending me away.” Yeah, it was time to properly evaluate the situation to determine the optimal course of action. Which was, of course, the course of action that benefited me the most. “But, if I don’t keep getting results, she might start trying to take Ylstu from me. The groundwork to abolish the nobility is already there, after all.”

Roseanne’s efforts to fix up all her territory were going to pay off within a generation. Increased Kindred were becoming stronger thanks to having better diets and living conditions. In time, the overwhelming power of the nobility could be easily toppled by the masses, and if the Demon Lord backed that uprising… Roseanne would be able to get away with practically anything she wanted as someone who truly made her nation better for her people.

“You must reach the point where you’re too useful to leave alone, while also not being threatening enough to be planned against.” A’Bel stated helpfully. Man, Demons sure knew how to use their brains. I wish that I could do the same. A’Bel, if you’re listening, I hope you know that I’m not a damn moron. “Ah, but you’re ignoring something important, my dear summoner. Foreign friends are the perfect means to retaining your station no matter what, and you are already known and acknowledged by those beneath the waves.”

Ur decided to chime in after A’Bel finished.

“A’Bel is correct, Hachiman. Those who were the contacts for other tribes become irreplaceable. Even those who lost limbs were not discarded, if they had firm friendships to other tribes.” Ur supported A’Bel’s statement with her own brand of knowledge from her own world. It was a tad gruesome, but she conveyed her point well enough. She was siding with A’Bel. “It would be best to not be involved in conflict, but you should look to increasing your reputation while achieving your goals. The Pharaohs will make for fine allies in the future.”

Their statements were both true, but they were ignoring an important point.

“That’s assuming that the Pharaohs win when it’s half of the nation against the other half. The fight can go either way, unless I intervene.” At my words, Ur looked uncomfortable, while A’Bel turned her head my way and gave me a fang-filled smile. “It’s either I do the bare minimum and make no friends, or I do all that I can to get the most out of the situation… y’know… the absolute usual situation that I find myself in.”

I thought about things in silence for a bit, before standing up.

“I need more information before I make a decision. I need to know if these Pharaohs are worth sticking my neck out for.” From what I could tell, the Pharaohs were isolationists who thought they were the end-all-be-all of civilization. That most likely meant no military support, very little in the way of important resources, and luxury imports at most. Roseanne was contacting them to increase her reputation and get some goods for the nobility to fight over. It was useful for the leader of a nation, but not for a developing city-state bordering a nation of psychopaths. “If the Pharaohs can offer me a military asset or two, I’ll think about helping them out. If all they have is a few boxes of gold, jewels, and worthless magical trinkets, I’ll just leave them to handle themselves.”

A part of me rankled at the thought of possibly letting a nation that wanted to enslave others alone, but I had to be realistic.  Ylstu was a month away on boat, I had no obligation to protect everyone in the world, and I had other ways of maintaining the correct balance in Roseanne’s eyes. My priorities lay with making sure that the Empire fell apart and was forgotten by history, making sure that Ylstu prospered, and maybe even living long enough to show off my two, lifetime achievements.

Thus, whether I was going to help the Pharaohs or not depended on the Pharaohs themselves.

They were either going to get an emissary who’ll just make contact or leave after offering some advice… or they were going to get Hikigaya Hachiman and all his years of experience in warfare.