Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 85

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 85

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

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Henri’s staff wasn’t much to look at, I thought it was just some carved driftwood with a crystal ball at the end the first time I saw it, but I couldn’t deny its results.

Over the course of a few weeks, Henri raised an army of laborers and began her work on her Necropolis.

Much like the Dwarves, I allocated a section of Ylstu to her and her Undead. It was easier than I expected, since there were very few people who wanted to live near the mass graves that were made in the region, due to all the battles that took place in Ylstu.

Anyway, much like the Dwarves, Henri and her entourage of Undead rapidly cultivated the area with the help of others in Ylstu. The Dwarves were more than happy to send excess stone their way, while Wyverns and Harpies helped move anything that wasn’t needed away from the sight. Henri used her budget to recruit a few, professional carpenters, and some stone masons, but they mainly oversaw the work of the Undead.

But their help wasn’t necessary.

They were just around to speed things along, because Henri had more than enough labor to finish whatever she set her mind to.

I’d made sure to burn the bodies of all my soldiers, and the Empire didn’t leave a single body of any Kindred behind, but that's still a lot of bodies buried deep over the course of the centuries-long war. The bodies were around for so long that they lost all their magic and essentially just became cadavers. There was no chance of them becoming anything besides Zombies and Skeletons, which made them little more than Golems made of corpses.

I’ll freely admit that they were creepy, but I wasn’t going to say no to a few hundred laborers that could eventually pay taxes in the future. The Necropolis, after all, was meant to empower the Undead over a long period of time. While Henri’s initial plan was to use it to stabilize the transition of her family’s undead servants into stronger forms of Undead, she confident in the Necropolis’ ability to push the development of the regular Undead forward.

The Zombies and Skeletons weren’t going to grow into stronger types of Undead, but they were going to get stronger, find their bodies mending, and essentially develop their own personalities over time.  They’ll just be people.

People who can work night-shifts with ease and didn’t require various things that the living did.

I was definitely going to have to work on making an agency that registered an unthinking, unfeeling Undead from one that could feel and think in the future. If I didn’t, I was sure that I was going to have to deal with people pretending to still be “developing” and avoiding taxes by doing so.

It was going to be a real pain to handle, but that wasn’t going to be my problem.

The one going to oversee the district was Henri, and if she didn’t do her job well, I was going to demote her and find someone else to take charge.

She might be the Lich who powered and maintained the Necropolis, but I was still the man in charge of the region who had control of the largest, military force in the region. While she was unlikely to do anything stupid, like treat sapient Undead like slaves, I was ready to throw her out and take hold of the situation.

Until that came to be though, I was fine with her taking care of all the hard work, while keeping an eye on her for any egregious missteps.

If she fucked up, she gets demoted back to the researcher.

If she succeeds, I get a new district with lots of new taxpayers that I didn’t need to administrate.

I won either way, so I was fine with standing by and seeing things progress without interfering until I needed to.

…

There are two kinds of Undead.

The ultra-powerful ones that lived in ludicrous luxury and the weak ones that lived in graveyards or forgotten battlefields.

I’m overgeneralizing because I’m too lazy to be specific, but I’m sure that I’m right, so I’ll just move on.

Anyway, I wasn’t interested in a dingy, dark, and corrupted realm to be right next to Ylstu. While I wasn’t selling property yet, and didn’t have any intention of doing anything besides offering 99-year leases, I intended to make sure that Ylstu’s property values didn’t stagnate or fall. Since I owned the land, I would be the one losing “money” if it started falling in value, so I made sure the tell Henri to not make a shitty tomb or graveyard.

Hell, I offered her money so that she’d make some sort of massive, haunted mansion with hundreds of rooms.

While Henri didn’t take the money, she innovated on that idea, and I would be lying if I said wasn’t impressed by what she chose to do.

A castle.

The schematics were impressive, but surprisingly reasonable and affordable, since I gave Henri the all-clear to recover what she could from her mystical tower. Ylstu had a lot of available stone, and the Kindred were very good at moving large blocks of stone around, and they had magic when things got rough. It helped the Henri and her people lived near the Empire, so she was privy to how they constructed their fortifications, but the castle was mostly possible due to the number of Kindred living in Ylstu, the amount of money flowing through Ylstu, and there being plenty of recyclable debris from Henri’s old haunt.

By my first visit, both the foundation and the inner keep were already done and, both were being furnished. Wings were being added to house Undead in bulk, while several rings of walls were planned to create several curtains of defenses and space for districts in the future. It was being constructed piece-by-piece, in accordance to what supply Henri could build without inflating prices, because she had time to spare and she was willing to wait to do things right.

Needless to say, I was pretty impressed by the entire affair.

This is the part where I say I’d be more impressed if Henri wasn’t an exhibitionist, but surprisingly that wasn’t the case.

“Lord Hikigaya.” Henri gave me a bow as I entered the inner keep. The foyer behind the armored doors was a large open room that could easily be transformed into a battlefield. The only entrance to the rest of the keep was at the top of a flight of stairs where only five people could stand abreast, and there was an extended platform with waist-high, tasteful rails where archers and mages could launch attacks with relative impunity. “The castle is yours.”

Henri curtsied in her black, frilled dress. It wasn’t a massive ball gown, and it covered too little for medieval times, but it was far more clothes than she usually wore. The expanses of skin that it showed made it clear her stance on underwear was still just strands of jewelry, and she was covered in lewd, glowing marks, but the fact that she was wearing actual clothes helped a lot. The cool, wide-brimmed hat, her new monocle, and her heirloom staff also helped her out, but that was because I was a sucker for stereotypical fantasy-war.

What was I thinking about before I started feeling grateful about Henri’s sudden loss of exhibitionist tendencies?

Oh, right.

The castle.

“Well done, Henri. This place is perfect.” I complimented the Lich without hesitation, because that was what I truly felt on the matter. The outline of the castle, its speedy construction, and its existence drawing attention away from the town… all of it appealed to me immensely. Henri curtsied again at my praise. Anyway, as tempted as I was to be given a tour of my new Fortress of Doom ™, I had other matters that needed tending to. “Show me what I’ve asked for. I’ll go on a tour later.”

Henri gave a nod and with a snap of her fingers several Zombies came forth from the Keep’s singular entrance. Some of the Undead were clad in maid’s outfits, but a few were wearing butler’s outfits. Their eyes and movements were filled with energy too, so it was easy for me to surmise that they were some of the last of Henri’s staff that hadn’t become Phantoms or stronger forms of Undead.

The servants worked quickly and with practiced precision.

Within a minute both Henri and I were seated before a small tea table with a kettle and a three-floored tower of plates with snacks, as Henri pushed up her monocle and read her notes.

I would’ve been intimidated by all the stares that the Zombies were sending my way, as they lined up ready for orders behind their mistress, but I lived in a mansion with Amazons, Kunoichi, Onimusha, Kitsune, and Kikimora.

I’d be an absolute wreck if I didn’t get used to handling my nerves while Kindred stared at me like a piece of meat.

Anyway, Henri spoke while I helped myself to some tea and one of the pastries.

“There is very little information on the Pharaohs, Lord Hikigaya. In fact, there’s so little that I wish to come along to study them, but I cannot because of my unfinished Necropolis.” Henri sighed and shook her head, as she handed off her notes to one of her subordinates by simply holding it over her shoulder. She sat back with a contemplative expression and crossed her legs without flashing me. She didn’t even cross her arms to prop up her boobs. This was monumental progress! “However, from what I can gather of their abilities… I don’t believe that I would be of much help, if I was with you.”

I gave a nod to have her explain further.

“Their mastery over Undeath is beyond the rest of the world. Their entire realm is a vast Necropolis created through massive monuments they call pyramids.” Henri gestured with her hand and on the table appeared a pyramid in all its triangular glory with her castle to scale. All her servants were wide-eyed at the sight, while I just accepted it. I was familiar with the ancient wonder in my word, while they weren’t. “They are covered in marble, gold, and arrays of magic which propagate mana throughout their lands. Even the lowliest of their subjects are given a second chance after passing.”

It was pretty neat to know that pyramids in this world were built to give everyone in a country several lives, but it didn’t actually help me in the long-run.

“That’s interesting, Henri, but I need usable information. What do they like? What do they dislike? Can I cause a peasant uprising if they piss me off? Those sorts of things.” I fished for information even as Henri’s loyal servants sent death glares my way of speaking to their savior with such rudeness. I gave them all the finger. If it wasn’t for me, she’d be cooped up in a tower planning doomsday, and she wouldn’t have been able to fetch her heirloom. They could fuck right off, even before the fact that I was paying for everything they now had. “I get that they’re stupidly powerful and that I can’t fight them head-on, so tell me what I CAN do.”

Of all the possible reactions to my words, I didn’t expect Henri’s answer in the slightest.

“That is where you are wrong, Lord Hikigaya. I believe that you should arrive on their doorstep with force and power unimaginable, just as the Demon Lord who met with them and brokered the first alliance did.” Henri gestured and the violet wire-structure of the pyramid faded away along with the castle. It was instead replaced by a woman with a Pharoah’s hat, scepter, and a massive snake familiar curled proactively around her… but she was wary of the past Demon Lord’s figure. “They are a timeless empire who believe themselves beyond the reach of other nations. For them to acknowledge others as peers, they must fear them… and only then can a relationship of mutual trust can arise.”

I digested the information that Henri put forward carefully, before summarizing what she said.

“So… Roseanne fucked up giving me this assignment, huh?”

“If I am correct, and I likely am… yes. Lady Roseanne most likely believed that you’d have to strengthen your weaknesses and learn how to treat others with respect, as a weaker individual in a vaster empire.” Henri nodded and took her own cup of tea, as she casually denounced the Demon Lord in front of her Heavenly Kings. Wait, since I did it first, Henri would be stupid not to do the same. The Lich is being as politically savvy as always… what a nerd… “But in this case, appearing as a man who has contracted a Kitsune, bound an Ancient Demon, and as the conqueror of one of the Empire’s Heroes… you will have immense influence.”

That sounded pretty good.

Kurama, A’Bel, and Reiser were all potent powerhouses. The first two were also capable diplomats, so didn’t have to worry about them fucking up. I was bringing Tanis along to manage the large budget Roseanne assigned to me, and to stress-test Ylstu’s administration while we were away, so she could babysit Reiser.

Wait a minute.

“Reiser’s disguised.”

“They will easily see through the glamour. They will know that you have a Hero at your back and call disguised as a mere Elf.”

“Got it.”

With that sorted out, I took a few bites and considered my options, before my mind turned towards another way to get the message across that I wasn’t someone to be fucked with.

“What about my ship?”

Henri froze at that statement and I took that as a good sign and continued.

“It still needs my new Cellphone to power it up, but it can intimidate the Pharoahs a bit, right?” Henri blinked several times at my words, before slowly nodding. My casual mention of my new Cellphone also made the servants glaring at me freeze. That’s right. You’ve all been glaring at a man who has an app called “Dragon’s Flame.” Oh, and I need it to power my warship bristling with magical ballistae. That’s right. Look away and cower! “The Lua’Kona say it’s ready for a voyage, and they’re more than happy to crew it, so… what do you think that showing off the latest advancements in the past couple centuries will shock the Pharoahs enough to get off their lazy asses?”

It was a largely rhetorical question, but Henri answered after putting down her shaking tea-cup.

“Y-yes, I believe that would intimidate them immensely and work in your favor, Lord Hachiman.” I stood and Henri did the same, but she gave me a bow. Since she’d done a good job during the rest of the meeting, I did my best to ignore the state of her seat… and the Lich’s state from the waist down. It was an easy thing to forgive, since she only broke at the end. With that in mind, I moved to leave with a better opinion of the Lich. “W-will I see you before you leave, my Lord?”

The question caught me off-guard, but I answered it after a second.

“Probably not, since we’re both busy, and I need to move fast.” There was a lot to arrange, handle, and get leaving for the desert on my end, while she needed to handle the Necropolis. Therefore, it was unlikely we’d see each other for a while. “See you later, Henri—

I didn’t get to finish my sentence.

Not because my mouth was captured or anything like that.

But because Henri covered the distance between us with a few steps and placed a kiss on my cheek while pressing something into my hands.

Then, she flew away without another word, as her servants raced after her.

A handkerchief embroidered with Henri’s household crest was in my hand.

A lady’s favor.

I was wrong.

She wasn’t making monumental progress.

Henri was changing so quickly that I could barely keep up.