Delay! :(

Charming friends! I regret to say the next chapter update will be next week or the week after. I made the classic blunder of writing 1/2 of two different chapters, and so have neither finished! D'oh!

• 1. Next chapter of Bx Drops is half done. Emily may, er, be becoming worse at school and finding new hobbies, heads up.
• 2. I've been rereading The Infinity Device. Can't wait to get back to that universe! I'm thinking I'll be moving it up the schedule.
• 3. New story is almost done! I've been determined to write a simple fun ludicrous story that has a particularly stupid premise. It's my goal dammit. 

What I've been reading:
- Nice friendly Master PC story: Trust

What I've been staring at:
- Yay culture changes (SFW but weird): K-Pop Beats
- Yay beautiful lady for identity change thoughts (SFW gif): Heel placement

I have family coming into town for the week. I'm hopeful of finishing next chapter by next Friday, but hesitant to promise. Cross your fingers!

Best!
Barker Tree.

PS: If you'd like to preview my simple & ludicrous new story, here's the rough draft of the first 1/2! 

 Reality Jerk Off Wand

I unwrapped my present. It was from my grandfather, and was badly wrapped, as usual. He always wrapped my presents badly, but they were always worth it. One time when I was ten he gave me a shoebox that had just $5 in it, which my mom tsk’d at. How could someone so rich be so miserly? But later in my room when I looked through the box, I realized there was a hidden floor with $5000 underneath. So that was the kind of guy my grandfather was. That sort of humor. 

“What he get you?” Aoife asked curiously. She was my roommate, we had been best friends since high school. Yes, before you asked, she is *super* Irish, flaming red-head, beautiful blue eyes, was forced to take Irish dancing lessons in her youth. Anyway, we ended up in the same town, me for work, her for grad school, and we decided to room and save up money together. 

Yeah, hot girl you’re rooming with, it’s not like that at all. She was gay, or bi, or something, and had totally weird taste in people. Not *weird,* you know what I mean. She just had a “type,” and it wasn’t me. Which was great, we got tight in high school, we fought the system together. The system won with you, John! she laughed at me when we moved in together. I had become a product engineer and wore a collared shirt every day. Oh well. 

It was my birthday, and she had even thrown a mini private party for me and picked up a cake that was still in its plastic box. I had three presents: the first was some nice wool socks from my parents. The second was a new translation of Flaubert that Aoife had gotten me. It was a little joke between us. She was a French literature grad student, and I even though I teased her about it, I always enjoyed the books she got me. 

The last gift was from my grandfather, and Aoife was super excited to see what it was. I had told her how he was like a rich, high-level pervert. I pulled off the last of the wrapping. A nondescript box. I opened the box and pulled out a wine bottle.

“It’s empty,” I said, hefting it. She shook her head amused.

“There has to be more, right?” she said. I had told her about my previous gifts. When I was eighteen, he had sent me a wad of $10s wrapped in what a note said was a cock ring, which he said would give me superhuman stamina. Yeah, right. I pitched that right away, after counting the bills. When I was twenty-one, my grandfather had sent me this nude magazine, but like, full of sweet-faced girls with great girl-next-door bodies posing with various things like soccer balls or a cookie cutter or a computer game. The pages were filled with twenty dollar bills, with his usual joke note that said if I came on one of the girls, and smushed a twenty-dollar bill against the cum, and said some “magic words” I’d meet her the next day and she’d fall madly in love with me. I mean, how gullible did he think I was? 

“He got you a “genie’s lamp” last year, right?” Aiofe said, taking the bottle. 

“Yeah, and I pitched it immediately! God it stank. Like cum. If there wasn’t so much money, it would be harassment.”

“You rubbed it though, right?” she said, shaking the bottle against her ear. “Hey there’s something in here!”

“Of course I didn’t rub it!” I said. “It was greasy with… I think it was lube. It was gross. Here, try to corkscrew.”

Aoife popped out the cork. She shook out a little wand. It looked like something from a Harry Potter movie. 

“There’s a note!” she said. I read it aloud.

*Dear grandson. This is a reality Jerk Off Wand. Place a jerk off curse on someone! Just say the spell, wave the wand, and the next time they jerk off, it’ll become true! Forever.   Love, granpa.*

“Yikes,” I said.

“Men,” Amanda said, amused, lounging on the couch waving the wand experimentally. “Hey, this feels pretty good for a twig!”

“Fake wand: still a better gift than Flaubert!” I joked.  

“Hey,” she said. “You *liked* Les Mis. Remember?”

“Yep. I didn’t believe you. But you were right,” I admitted. That book fucking rocked. 

“So is your grandfather certifiably insane, or what? He doesn’t actually… like, believe in magic, does he?”

“Maybe it’s true!” I said, getting a knife for the cake. “Hit me with your worst jerk-off curse.”

“You love your grandfather’s gifts,” she said, flicking her wrist. “You love jerk-off curses!”

Nothing happened. She handed the wand over to me with an apologetic shrug. 

“Your turn, birthday boy. Hit me!”

“I wish you loved jerk-off curses!”

“Now there’s an unrealistic fanta…” her good-natured smile died on her lips. The wand glowed and then gave a little *brzz-zap!* and light shot out and hit her right on the chest. A bright light surrounded her briefly, and then zoom compressed inside her.

“Aoife?” I said, jaw-dropped. 

“Did you just… curse me?” she said. 

“I don’t know!” I said, staring at the wand. It had to just be a light show, right? She shook her orange hair and pushed it out of her hair.

“Maybe it was the word wish” she said.

“I wish I was the CEO!” I said, flicking me wrist at myself. Nothing.

“Let me try,” Aoife said, taking the wand. “I wish you were the CEO!” brzz-zap! Light jumped out and hit me in the chest. It had a little physical force, I stepped back a bit. Aoife leapt with surprise and dropped the wand. 

“Oof,” I said stunned. I blinked. This felt weird.

Aoife shook her head.

“Look, whatever this is, it’s *not* magic.” She took a few breaths to calm herself. “It’s just a gross novelty wand. You know how old men are. Well, men in general. You know, I might just go to bed early John, if it’s the same to you.”

“Sure,” I said, watching her leave. She had nice legs, a cute ass. She probably wasn’t feeling what I was feeling, because I was suddenly *really* horny.

“Happy birthday,” she said, before she went into her room. 

JOHN  

I sat on the toilet. The thought of being the CEO of my design company was really turning me on. Like, I was super stiff. That was weird, right? Or maybe not. It was kind of a power thing. I gripped myself experimentally. Not because I believed in jerk off curses, but because it was my birthday and I was super horny. 

I mean, I was 29 and a pretty low man on the totem pole. Running errands for people. But imagine if I walked into the room and everyone turned and whispered! Alicia, please drop this off at HR for me, and she’d be delighted, yes sir!, it was kind of erotic, being powerful. He’s so young! people would whisper with envy. And rich, I’d be rich, heck, I am rich, ooh, this felt good, abandoned my cheap clothes for my tailored shirts. I unbuttoned a few of them. Mm, wow, this was…

I opened my eyes and let go of myself. I looked at the beautiful white dress shirt I was wearing. A jacket had been hung at the door. What the…? But as I watched, the jacket morphed back into just a towel, and my shirt was the same cheap red and white checkered shirt as before. 

Um, this wasn’t the curse was it? Experimentally, I grasped myself again. Honestly, I already felt a longing for it. I tried to think of something else, something I usually did, my first college girlfriend, but it kind of left me cold. I wonder what she would think of me know, if I were the CEO? There we go. Oh man. I wonder if she scrolled my Facebook page in jealousy, that was a nice thought. I hired a PR company to curate it, so it was a ludicrously good profile. It wasn’t a huge company, but big and niche enough to warrant that kind of underlings. I liked having underlings. Oh god. I was getting closer. I wonder if Stephanie had finished her assignment yet, or if she had… bzzz my phone in my nice shirt buzzed, and I pulled it out. Sure enough, Stephanie had…

Jesus! I let go of myself. It really was a jerk off curse! The jacket was back, except it looked nicer than before. I quickly logged into my phone, a new 8 digit passcode, and checked my Facebook profile. Damn, it was nice. Tasteful. But it melted away as I looked at it. My own drab profile. Some shared NASA posts and gaming news, a few likes here and there.

God, I wanted to be a CEO. But it would be permanent, the note said? If I orgasmed? No, I’m not gonna mess with this. Shit, Aoife. I buckled myself up and stumbled outside to the living room.

To be finished, refined and posted formally in the near future... !