Growth (1/8)

Hi everyone, I’m Johnny, and I’m a sex addict. I’ve walked down this dark path since my first year of college. No longer living in my parents’ house, I was free to explore my own body --- and quickly I realized how good it felt to have something stuffed in my ass. I did gymnastics since a young age, so it was easy for me to be bent into all types of positions while fucking myself with an object, so I did that every single day, multiple times per day. And by “times”, I meant that I fuck myself to orgasm using anything I can find in the dorm kitchen and in my buddies’ drawers.

All of this was hidden away from others and done in the privacy of my own dorm room, because I was young and shy. My desires had just developed. Being so young, I was afraid to be called a fag by my team mates, as you know, sport culture is so hyper masculine that it is extremely homophobic. It’s almost like, the homoerotic atmosphere is so constantly looming over every locker room, that everyone had to try extra hard to differentiate themselves from it, precisely because they’ve felt it too. They’ve felt the masculinity oozing in the air, and they liked it, that’s why they were in sports to begin with. But they were at the same time, very afraid. I was one of them back then, a promising football player, a hot muscle jock that girls swoon over and guys admired highly. I couldn’t risk it, no matter how desperately I wanted some of my team mates to pound my ass. A big human cock must feel so much better than the cucumbers and egg plants.

But back then, you see, I was just too young, too afraid. My lust hasn’t been developed to the point that I would forfeit all to fulfill it. I was a closeted muscle jock, who at the time didn’t even realize what I wanted. I kept telling myself: I’m not gay, I just like it up the ass and maybe I like the idea of muscles and cocks. Not gay. Every man likes muscles, that’s why we try to become muscular ourselves despite girls not necessarily being attracted to them. We’re really just doing it because we like it, and maybe for other men to see too. Nothing wrong with that. And we like cocks, we draw cock doodles, because that’s where our joy comes from. Of course we like cocks, cocks give pleasure, it is a simple connection. Doesn’t mean I’m gay. In fact, I was very aggressive to the “homos” in public, now I think about it I was exactly the big closeted muscle jock who was aggressively in self denial.

But now I see. Every man loves muscles and cocks because every man on earth is at least a little gay. You’ve gotta be  extremely self unaware and/or self-loathing to not appreciate such manly features on yourself, a man. And I was a manly man, a self aware and very self-loving manly man. I loved my own ass every day.

(Thanks to AbsolutBleu for inspirations!)