The Summer Secret of a Housewitch

In one corner of the Multiverse, a witch lets a nosy neighbor in on the neighborhood secret...

TEXT FOR INTERNATIONAL READERS

Ah, summer. There's nothing quite like it. For most moms though, it's a hot, busy hell; their kids are out of school, said kids are running through the house at all hours demanding attention...But not for the mothers and wives of Jefferson Lane. For us, summers are a time of peace and relaxation, where we can simply be free of the stresses of life for a glorious three months.

"But Madison, how do you do such a thing? You have three kids, and a needy husband!" I hear you say, and, well, I'll let you in on a little secret. You see, every woman on Jefferson Lane is part of a coven. We're all witches, and before you start picturing the green skin and long, warty noses and a severe allergy to water, no, it doesn't work like that. We're just women who figured out the easy road in life and are living or best lives. Eternal youth, riches, knockout bodies even after birthing three kids (well, us older members, at least, newer witches have to pay their dues by being adorably chubby and getting old at least once), it's really just the best life.

Where are my kids and husband? Well, you're looking at them! My two teenage boys are all about boobs right now, so they get to spend the summer as my tits! My daughter couldn't stop worrying about being fashionable, so she gets to be my swimsuit. And my husband? Well, he wants to lay around all day, and is full of hot air anyway, so he gets to be this perfect little raft! The other girls do their own changes to their families, like books or furniture, silverware...

"What about everyone going missing?" Oh, honey, that's what the Reality Glamour is for! After we cast it as one coven, after we decide what we want to spend the summer looking like, thinks that our families are just acting like normal! The magic does a mass hallucination, as if our families are still there, thus ensuring no missing persons reports, and our husbands keep getting their paychecks.Don't worry, the magic keeps them all safe from harm or from being lost, and goes away by the first day of school, and our loved ones don't remember a thing. We do love our families, after all. It's the perfect life, and if anyone catches us, we just magic them away easy-peasy.

And speaking of, I hope you don't mind but you know too much, and I need some new sunglasses. Don't worry, it won't hurt, you'll look great and won't remember a thing...See you in three months, darling!