66. Liar

A/N: Hi. Chapter time. I'm very happy with all the positive comments I've gotten from the Fulgora art. It helps a lot to see how much people are enjoying the story. Thanks for your patience.

My shopping trip with Thea and Castalia doesn't have many stops after we exit Costco. The main thing I need that I couldn't track down there is a proper sewing kit to turn some of these outfits tail-appropriate, a process that is surprisingly involved. Fortunately, a quick internet search finds hundreds of people who have already thought way too much about this, offering plenty of options that will hopefully turn out a lot more comfortable than just 'big hole in pants.'

"We've got several options, Thea!" I cheerily inform her as Castalia flies us back to base. "Or… hmm. On second thought, you might have slightly fewer options than most."

"What do you mean 'most?'" Thea asks, wrinkling her nose. "There's like, three people with tails in the entire world. Me, Anath, and Mel."

"Ah, but you see, there's also furries! Like Su-san if she was honest with herself," I say.

"…Huh?"

Oh, does she not know? I figure Anath might have explained it at some point, but… actually who am I kidding, it's Anath, even if she tried explaining it, Thea probably still wouldn't understand. Should I… hmm. No. Not right now. Given her personal hangups with her body, she'd probably find the idea somewhat distressing, to be honest.

"Okay, in her incarnate form, Su-san has a wolf tail, right?" I say. "But compared to your tail, most mammalian tails are very thin, so she just has a tiny slit in the back of her skirt and it pokes right through. Most of the volume is just floof, after all."

"Sure," Thea allows. "Just like Anath."

Wh… that massive thing? Really? Anath's tail is wider than her torso! Is it seriously all just fur? …It is, isn't it? I guess I've never really thought about it. Now I want to see a shaved Anath. I bet that would be hilarious. Fun for later, though.

"We can't do that with you. Your tail is so big it encompasses most of what would otherwise be your butt. If we just leave a big hole for them to go through, and it tears even a little, well…"

"I am intimately aware of that, thank you," Thea blushes. "That's why I wear my overalls all the time! The extra layer helps a lot with making sure I never accidentally show someone my bumhole. Wherever Nana gets our custom clothes from is pretty good, so thankfully it's never happened, but I'm always scared about it."

"Right," I nod. "Anatomically, the bottom base of your tail is a bit… close, so any hole in your pants, no matter how well-designed, is a bit precarious by itself. So I'm thinking… tail turtleneck."

"Tail… turtleneck?" Thea says, wrinkling her nose. "Like a short sleeve in the back of my pants for the tail to go through? Wouldn't that look kind of goofy?"

"A bit, but it'll guarantee you never have to worry about clothing integrity even if you're wearing tight shorts or something," I say, not at all biased by my desire to see Thea in tight shorts. "I think it'll work great."

"Well… I guess I can try it," Thea allows. 

Yesss! Mental fistpump.

"We're here," Castalia announces shortly before shoving us through a wall and causing all three of us to end up back at the Preserver base. Part of me feels an urge to shudder as ninety-nine percent of my radio contact is suddenly shut off, the entirety of the internet vanishing from the back of my mind and cutting short the ten different threads of thought that were idly trowling through forums and social media sites for the best ways to use all the fabric I've acquired. Right. How annoying.

"We should get an apartment or something," I complain.

"Wh—like, together?" Thea asks.

"Sure, why not?" I shrug, summoning my new sewing supplies into my hand to begin my experiments. "Castalia and I already used to live together, and I'm super rich now, so we can get somewhere with three bedrooms. It might be hard to find a landlord who'll want us around after what happened to our last place, but I'm sure I can deal with that one way or another."

Thea opens her mouth to say something, but the only sound that comes out is an adorable otter squeak. I can only assume this means that my plan is the best plan ever.

"I would enjoy living with you again, but it is likely too soon to make such plans," Castalia says. "You have only been awake for two days, and Uma'tama was clearly rushing your addition to the Earth Guardians. It would be prudent to keep you somewhere safe and more easily monitored until the Preservers have a clearer understanding of your situation."

"Bah. Prudence," I complain. "Always getting in the way of a good time."

"I prefer to use it to get in the way of bad times," Castalia says, "and with you in particular, I want to make sure we never have to repeat what happened again."

Memories flash through my mind with perfect clarity, and it's very hard to resist the urge to simply delete them forever. Maybe Thea would even like me better that way. …No. No. Stop thinking about that right this instant, Luna.

"…Fair," I say. "Very fair. Okay. Keep it in mind for the future though, alright? I don't wanna live somewhere without internet. It's nice to have something to do at night other than just… choosing to not exist until daytime. I've experienced far too many timeskips already, thank you very much. I'm a veritable Rip Van Winkle."

"Understood," Castalia nods. "In that case, I will call Uma'tama and ask them to schedule a time to speak with you at their earliest convenience. Clearing up any ambiguity regarding your status will be an important first step."

"What's the second step?" I ask.

"I do not know," Castalia answers. "I am still worried about you. You say that you are free, but if that were a lie, you wouldn't be able to tell me, would you?"

Beside me, stress fills Thea's body, fear blooming out from her soul. Shit. There's no way Castalia can't feel that; I have to deliver a good lie here.

"…Sorry. I know you're both terrified on my behalf," I say. "And I really don't blame you! But again, as I'm sure you noticed eight months ago, my actions can be forced, but my emotions can't be. If I'm ever compelled to work against you again, you'll be feeling the tealing."

"Tealing…?" Castalia asks, tilting her head.

"Teal," I clarify. "Blue-green. Hopelessness. I will want to die."

"That's another thing I'm worried about," Castalia admits. "If the cage can control your actions, does that not mean it can de facto exert control on your emotions? For example, forcing you to—"

"Stop!" I interrupt her, putting my hand over her mouth. "Don't say whatever you were going to say. If anyone does take control of me again, what I don't know can't hurt me."

Her eyes widen slightly, and then she nods.

"I understand. Apologies," she says. "I will watch you as carefully as I can. I will not hesitate to help you this time."

"Thank you," I say, trying to focus on my relief above my panic. Ugh, she's already got me thinking about ways I might be able to manipulate my own emotions to better hide secrets. Next time I'm on Earth, I'll be looking up meditation techniques all day. In fact, I need to prioritize that. I can't risk Castalia finding out on her own terms.

"Speaking of friends who can help me," I say, "I wanna visit Chloe and Bean after we get these clothes adjusted for Thea. Are you gonna be up for more excitement today?"

"I would love to see them again," Castalia nods.

"Great," I nod. "Then just give me a bit to fix up Thea's clothes and we'll go. What about you, Thea, are you up for meeting my other friends? I'd love to introduce you to them!"

"Um, you mean like, human friends?" Thea asks, fiddling with her hands.

"Yeah…?" I confirm. "Is that a problem?"

"No! No, I've just… never had one of those before? I don't think I've even talked to a normal human in… probably like eight years!? Oh gosh, has it really been that long? Oh no, oh poo..."

"You snuck out and got coffee with me that one time, right?" I ask. "You talked to the barista."

"That doesn't count!" Thea insists. "I mean like, a real conversation. Your friends are going to think I'm a freak! No, scratch that, they're going to know I'm a freak because I'm already almost at my limit for staying in my incarnate form. Yeah, actually, on second thought, how about we don't do this today?"

Nooooo I want to see my friends today! Can I just go without her…? No, she'd get even more depressed. If I want to go I need to convince her to go with me, and it's in her best interests to socialize and learn to love herself a little more anyway.

"Let's get these clothes figured out and see if you're feeling any better afterward," I offer. "Give us like, ten, maybe fifteen minutes, Castalia? I don't know how long all this sewing is going to take but I am a robot, so I bet I can be a pretty literal sewing machine."

"Okay," Castalia nods, her phone levitating itself out of her back pocket. "I'll call Uma'tama."

I take Thea's hands, running backward as I drag her along to her room. Once inside, I shut the door behind us, put up the privacy ward, dump a shitton of stuff onto her floor out of my storage space, and immediately get to work on a pair of shorts. Thea, for her part, simply flops face-first onto her bed and deactivates her incarnate form in one swift motion, the blade on the end of her tail clonking to the floor as she hangs halfway off.

"We should tell Castalia," I say bluntly.

"Huh?" Thea says, lifting her head and turning to me. "Tell her wh—oh. No! No, no, no, bad idea, absolutely terrible idea, we're not doing that."

Oh. We're not… no. It's fine. I can argue my case. I can convince her. She's not like Melpomene. She doesn't want me to just shut up and obey. That's why this is fine for now, right? My fingers quickly start to move, disassembling the contents of the sewing kit and laying it out in front of me before I grab a pair of shorts to modify. 

"Thea, think about it," I say. "We're not going to be able to hide it from her for long. You're a terrible liar, no offense, and she's already traumatized by everything we went through together the first time. She probably already suspects something. So what's worse: coming clean now, or her confronting us about it after she builds up enough suspicion to power a death laser with?"

"She can power her death lasers just fine either way, thank you very much!" Thea protests. "What does it matter how she finds out? She's going to freak out either way!"

"She trusts me," I say. "I can explain to her why it has to be this way for now. She'll agree it's better than letting me get disassembled by the Preservers."

"Does she trust you?" Thea asks, pushing herself to her feet and starting to nervously pace around. "Didn't you just talk about how she doesn't trust you, because she kinda can't trust you? And she definitely doesn't trust me, so by extension she isn't going to trust you either."

"She's not unreasonable, Thea," I press. "I'm not saying she's going to like it, but none of us like it! It's not a situation that needs to be liked! She'll understand."

"You don't know that!" Thea snaps. "You have no way to know that! You just want to think the best of her because you have a crush on her!"

Huh!? Wait, what? Where is this anger coming from? Is she jealous? I can probably feel it if… ugh, she's definitely a little jealous, yeah. But that's not all of it, not by a long shot. Why else would she accuse me of… oh.

"…Is this about Melpomene?" I ask quietly.

Her eyes widen, and she looks away, a blush of shame forming on her cheeks.

"I don't know, okay?" she mumbles. "Don't ask me that."

I guess I won't ask her that.

"Melpomene never saw me that way, and she was never going to see me that way," Thea admits, gesticulating wildly to cover some of her stress. "I mean she's taken care of me since I was twelve, it would have been weird and gross and I knew that but I just didn't have anyone else in my whole life and she's always… you know, so of course I had a crush on her! But obviously, I dodged a bullet on that I guess! Lucky…"

She trails off, wiping her face clean of even the hint of a tear.

"Lucky me," she concludes quietly.

"I'm sorry, Thea," I say, putting down my work to guide her back to sitting on the bed. "I know this is hard for you."

"Hard for me!?" she sniffs. "God, I shouldn't be complaining about any of this. No one has it worse than you, Luna."

"My situation being bad doesn't mean your feelings don't matter," I assure her. "The person closest to you had been lying about who she was for six years. That's horrifying."

"No," Thea says, shaking her head. "That's the thing I can't believe. She wasn't lying, at least not for that long. You know her. She's not good enough at lying for that. Something changed, somewhere along the way. And if I had just been willing to pay more attention, I would have noticed it. Maybe… maybe I could have even stopped it."

To that, I just give her a hug.

"I said it before, and I'll say it again: everything good that came out of this was thanks to you," I remind her. "Please don't feel responsible for anything that happened to me."

I'm not sure I could bear it if you did.

"Okay," Thea nods. "I'll try."

"Thanks," I say. "Now, let's get you into some hot new clothes and introduce you to my other friends!"

"…Buh," Thea complains adorably, but I just give her another squeeze and get back to working on her new shorts. "Fine."

Yesssss, permission! I get to work as quickly as I can, and sure enough, it doesn't take long to end up with what more or less looks like a pair of shorts for someone with three legs. But of course, the third leg is actually the tail! I don't need to do any modifications to the shirt to help Thea fit in it, but it's important I pick the cutest one to match her shorts. Hmm…

"What do you think, Thea?" I ask. "The black one, to match the witchy aesthetic of your incarnate form, or the light blue one, to match how much of an adorable dork you are?"

She squeaks, and then groans in embarrassment.

"Just give me whatever!" she whines.

"Light blue it most certainly is," I nod sagely, passing over the clothes. 

Thea glares at them like they personally insulted her, then undoes her overalls and slips them off in one swoop. Now it's my turn to hold back a squeak, quickly looking away as Thea finishes changing clothes.

"Done," she announces, and I can hear the blush in her voice before even turning to look at her. "Should I really be showing this much of my legs? We can't exactly pretend this is a costume."

Somehow, I doubt that's her main problem. I've never seen Thea show this much skin in her life, outside of the times I've seen her changing. This is, of course, somewhat entirely selfish on my part, but it's fiiiine. If she really didn't like it, I'm sure she wouldn't wear it. She does have a point, though; there's no way anything resembling humanoid legs could fit inside what she's actually got. 

Digitigrade and generally animal-like, her legs end in small little webbed paws that mostly just look like a dog's unless she splays her toes, at which point they look more like flippers. There's no way she'd be able to balance well on such small feet without her tail, which almost never touches the ground, swishing into place as a counterbalance whenever she moves. I wonder if she had to learn that, or if it just came naturally to her when her body decided to grow such a long tail.

All of this is, of course, complimented by the fact that she has completely green skin, and the right side of her body is speckled with even greener gemstones. They grow in small, thumbnail-sized studs all the way down her right leg, while her left leg is totally smooth. Come to think of it, I wonder why Thea isn't fuzzy like Anath. Otters are fuzzy, but Thea doesn't seem to have any body hair at all. Then again, she's not just an otter; her tail is more lizard-like than anything, with a thick base that very slowly tapers down to the point from which a large, blade-like crystal grows. It's more her feet and her webbed right hand that give off the otter vibes. Well, that and the squeaky noises.

"Can I share a secret with you?" I ask Thea.

"Um? Well, yeah, of course," she agrees.

"I wanna just walk around as a robot all the time," I admit. "Don't get me wrong, the skinsuit you made is awesome, but it's not really me. I'm just wearing it outside a lot because it makes other people more comfortable. I'd prefer to live in a world where I don't need to worry about that, and to some extent putting you in cute outfits that show off your mutations is part of my agenda there. At some point, people should get used to how weird this town is, right?"

"Um, I guess?" Thea squirms.

Aww. She really is uncomfortable.

"You don't have to wear that if you don't want to," I assure her. "I just don't like seeing you so ashamed of what you are. I know it wasn't your choice, and that matters. I get that, trust me. If you're dead-set on saying that body isn't you, I'll drop all of this completely. But I kind of get the feeling you're mostly ashamed of what you think everyone else thinks about it. Am I wrong?"

Thea is quiet for a moment, curling her knees up to her chest as she thinks about that.

"…Have I ever told you the story of how I became an Earth Guardian?" she asks.

"No," I admit, feeling an uncharacteristic resentment start to waft off from her.

"I think it's a pretty common story," Thea admits softly. "It was… eleven years ago now, I think. I was eight years old. And the Earth Guardians where I live… failed."

Died, she means. The Earth Guardians died.

"Monsters came to Earth as a result," she continues. "Swarms of them. They would… I saw one rip open the wall of a house to get someone inside. My mom and dad managed to get us all in the car, and we tried to drive away, but one of the monsters… it just jumped right in front of us. We were going full speed. It crumpled the front of our car and ended up getting flung… probably at least twenty feet away. We crashed, but mom and dad managed to get out of the car, get me out of the car, and then…"

She squirms in her seat, full of horror, disgust, and of course, fear. I give her whatever time she needs, staying patiently quiet.

"Well," Thea eventually says, "if car cashes could kill monsters, we wouldn't have so many problems, would we?"

The question is rhetorical. Obviously. Still, I feel the need to say something, to cut this painfully thick tension.

"I guess not," I agree with her.

"Yeah," Thea admits softly. "I still remember it. Mom was carrying me away, and then… the teeth. Just. Wrapped around her. Barely missed me. Another monster got my dad, but they just… left me alone. Happy to eat their kills in peace. I was terrified, though. I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything but watch… until Uma'tama appeared."

That's when Uma'tama appeared? That's when the Preservers decided to make their pitch? What was it? Why then? Was it just the sheer weight of fear that must have been pouring from Thea's soul? Or was it because at a point that desperate, the offer was one she couldn't refuse?

"They gave me the spiel. A noble destiny that was up to me to grasp, yadda yadda. I was just scared to die. So I said yes. And now, here I am."

She holds her right hand out in front of her, slowly flexing her fingers and watching the webbing move between them.

"I'm terrified of monsters," she admits. "That's what made me a good Earth Guardian. So of course I was scared when I started turning into one. I still am. What if another day in the miasma is all it takes for me to lose my mind? What if I end up like Melpomene? Every time I look at myself, I think about it. Every time I think about it, I do my best to bottle it up. I think that's the truth behind my incarnate form, why it looks like it does. My true self isn't human; it's something that hides how much of a monster it is by shoving it all somewhere else."

"Thea, no…" I insist. "You are nothing like a Dark World monster, you know that. You're kind, you're intelligent, you're so incredibly talented, and above all, you don't want to hurt people!"

"I don't think Mel wants to hurt people either," Thea says. "Not really. But look at everything she's done. What if everything I think is good turns out to be monstrous, too? I… I built guns, for frick's sake! I sold them to people! There's no way I can trust myself."

"Well that's all the more reason we should tell Castalia what's going on," I say, circling all the way back to that.

She stares at me, hugging herself in terror.

"I can't," she says. "I'm sorry, but I can't."

I see. That's pretty clear and definitive, then. I'll have to change her mind by encouraging the two of them to spend more time together. If they can build up trust between each other, we still might be able to stop it from going nuclear. 

"Alright," I nod. "Will you at least come with me to meet my other friends?"

Another pause. Thea holds herself the whole while. But eventually, she nods.

"…Okay," she allows.

"Awesome," I smile. "Thank you, Thea."

"Do you… really like my legs?" she asks quietly.

Oh, gosh. Poor Thea. How can I answer in a way that she'll actually believe… hmm. I reach out to her tiny foot and wrap my whole hand around it, holding her little beans on my palm and giving them a gentle squeeze.

"I think everything about you is beautiful," I tell her, "and your legs are certainly no exception."

Once again, my efforts are rewarded not only with a squeak, but also by the endlessly entertaining sight of seeing her entire face, as well as a good portion of her neck, completely flush brown. She quivers at my touch, completely dumbfounded. Hehe. Try and brush that one off, why don'tcha? 

"Wh… why do you keep flirting with me all the time!?" she whines desperately.

"Gee Thea, that's quite a mystery," I snark at her. "What, do you not like it?"

"Buh…" she whines, covering her face and very distinctly not saying no. "W-we shouldn't… do anything like that…!"

"Do anything like what?" I tease her further, standing up and motioning her toward the door. "Come on, let's get going. We have people waiting on us!"

"Uhbuh!" Thea complains eloquently, but she does ignore her embarrassment and hop to her feet, hurrying after me. "H-how can you be serious about this? How can you mean it?"

"Why… wouldn't I mean it?" I ask.

"Because your whole body forces you to… to do stuff for me!" she reminds me.

"Yeah, but Thea… I like doing stuff for you," I remind her. "I like you."

She doesn't respond, but the blush remains strong even as I turn off our privacy ward and lead us out of the room. I opt to walk backward so I can bask in the fruits of my labors (read: the blushy face) and also to show off how I never actually need to see where I'm going. Not only do I have this entire place mapped out in my head already, but I've got so many sensors that there's no chance in hell I'll run into something by accident. Unless that thing is Melpomene, I guess. I still have no idea how her stealth magic works.

I wonder if I can figure out how her stealth magic works?

She's not my master anymore, I'm certainly not obligated to keep her secrets or her privacy. If anything, it's probably essential to the safety of my master that I can counter Melpomene's spell. Melpomene, after all, is a well-known complete fucking creep and almost certainly a stalker. The last thing anyone wants is to learn she's been sneaking in here and watching Thea sleep or something equally fucked up. I need to figure this out.

Though again: how? I don't know how it works. I just have access to a lot of generalized magical theory when it comes to the task of supporting my master. I'd need to first figure out how such a stealth spell could even work, given it applies to not just sound, sight, and similar senses but also to magic detection. It is, somehow, a magic spell that completely lacks a magical signature. I don't know how that's possible.

…Hmm. It isn't possible. I'm almost sure it isn't possible. There are no emissionless magical spells; the very act of casting magic at all requires dispersing magical energy outside the soul. So logically, whatever stealth spell Melpomene uses must still have detectable emissions… in much the same way I become partially undetectable when my plates are closed. They're just contained within the confines of whatever stealth spell she uses. Something like a bubble that bends light, sound, and other signals around it and spoofs them perfectly out the other side. It might sound ludicrous, but… I mean, it's magic. This is totally within the bounds of reasonableness.

Which means… the solution might be to find something equally "within the bounds of reasonableness," said as sarcastically as possible. If what we're trying to detect redirects all forms of detection, then it's impossible to detect. So instead of detecting it, what if we have a secondary detection system that detects the redirection of the initial detection? It sounds… really stupid when I say it like that, but it's that kind of loophole that might actually work against a magic stealth shield. Though I guess the first step would be to recreate the stealth spell itself so I can actually test any of my solutions.

"Ah, there you both are!"

Oh hey, Uma'tama's here. They and Castalia are chatting by the teleporter room. Castalia's barely moved.

"Hey!" I wave. "You been waiting here the whole time, Castalia?"

"Yes," Castalia answers simply, which… well, okay then.

"Sorry for the wait!" I say.

"Why?" Castalia asks. "Your estimate was very accurate."

Bleh. Well. That's fair I guess!

"I do hope you girls have fun!" Uma'tama beams. "Though if you'd be willing to have a short chat before you go, Luna, we'd much appreciate it."

"Sure, boss!" I say cheerfully, which causes Thea to give me a look. What? What did I do wrong? …Oh, I used to call Mel that, didn't I? At least around the others. It was a nice way to poke at Mel and remind her what she did to me while also not being suspicious.

"Wonderful!" Uma'tama says, a little pulse of happiness radiating out from them. "So. First things first! …That's a good phrase by the way, that one makes a lot of sense. Erm, where were we… oh yes! Is there anything you need, physically or otherwise, that we might be able to provide which would make your fate more bearable?" 

"My… fate?" I ask, suddenly rather alarmed. "Wait, what's my fate, exactly?"

"To be… trapped inside dark Antipathy technology?" Uma'tama says.

"Oh," I say. "No, I mean, it's pretty comfy in here, I'm fine. Thea already installed the aftermarket mods I need."

"If you wish to have someone else look at you as well, perhaps someone with more experience, we may be able to arrange an on-Earth visit."

Oh! Uh. Hmm.

"You mean… another Preserver?" I ask.

"Naturally," Uma'tama nods. "Bringing you to our universe is out of the question, but it would not be difficult to bring an expert to you. Many of us are very experienced with the inner workings of Antipathy technology."

"Uh… no, that's… fine?" I try to decline. "I mean, this is kind of… my body. I'd really prefer to keep the inner workings of it exclusive to people I like, know and trust and stuff."

"We assure you that you can trust us," Uma'tama insists pleasantly. "You have our guarantee that nothing untoward will be done to your soul."

"Okay but what about my body?" I press. "Because again, I'm very much also worried about people messing with that."

"Nothing will be 'messed with,'" Uma'tama insists. "We guarantee that anyone performing examinations on your internal or external physical form will be a consummate professional."

Y'know, I've been noticing something about this cat. Something that Uma'gabo said really stuck with me, too. I think it's past time I actually ask.

"Uma'tama. Can you say 'I guarantee it?'" I press.

"Er. Pardon?" Uma'tama says hesitantly.

"You're always swapping back and forth between 'we' and 'I.' At first I thought it was just one of your weird struggles with English, but at this point it's clearly not. The way Gabo talked, it means something pretty important when you choose either one or the other. And personally? I'm starting to feel a lot more comfortable trusting you when you use 'I.'" 

Uma'tama looks and feels shocked when I say that, staring at me for a moment before breaking out into a high-pitched laugh.

"Oh! Oh my!" they giggle. "What an incredibly human thing to say. We believe I should be flattered… though we suppose this is an effective segue into other questions we need answered. Namely: you've spent a long time with the Dark Rebellion. To what degree would you consider yourself influenced by their ideology?"

Oh! Oh boy. That's a big red flag of a question!

"What are you asking, exactly?" I say, turning the question around. "What do you want to know about what I think? Do you want to know my opinion of you? Do you want to know what I think you did to the Antipathy? Or do you want to know what I think you're doing to the Dark World right now?"

"As a matter of fact," Uma'tama says carefully, "I do not wish to know any of those things, and so it may be best if you don't tell us."

Oh, you seditious little fuzzball! Though honestly, is it sedition? Or is this just a test that I'm failing? Well, either way I'll take their advice and keep quiet.

"Noted," I nod. "What else?"

"Is it true that you're fluent in the Antipathy language?" they ask.

Hmm. Well, there's no real hiding that.

"Yes," I confirm.

"Which means, we assume, you're the one who posted the dictionary on the 'internet?'" 

"Also yes."

"Please remove it," Uma'tama says. Which… huh.

"It's a bit too late for that," I say. "That shit was downloadable. Even if I did get rid of the file from the internet, I don't have any way to remove it from everyone's computers."

And that's… probably not even a lie! I'm terrifyingly advanced, so I might be able to remote-hack people's computers and delete some of their files, but I'm pretty sure that's not actually super feasible unless I manage to trick a human person using the computer to allow me that access. Which… I could probably do, at least to some people, but it certainly wouldn't be a very worthwhile use of my time. 

"That's fine," Uma'tama says. "Remove it anyway."

Uhhh. Hmm. Okay. 

"Sure, I will as soon as I step outside," I allow. The very fact that this isn't really a big deal and people will still have the dictionary anyway means I'm not really invested in fighting back on this particular issue. Worst-case scenario, I might be able to just reupload it myself in a way that'll be brutally difficult to trace back to me, even if we assume the Preservers have access to better computer hardware than me. 

"Thank you," Uma'tama nods.

"Why just the dictionary?" I ask.

"Hmm?"

"Why just the dictionary?" I repeat. "I posted a lot of stuff. Theories, interviews, pictures of the Dark World, yadda yadda yadda. It's a lot of stuff that isn't a good look for the Preservers."

"None of that is against policy," Uma'tama says. "Just removing the dictionary will suffice."

"Why is only the dictionary against policy?" I ask.

Uma'tama smiles.

"Why don't we circle back to the original question?" they deflect. "Getting looked over by an expert in technology similar to that which composes your body would put many of us at ease. We recognize that this may be a concern for you, however, so please be assured by the following: the procedure will not require you to lose consciousness or control, and you may opt out at any time."

Oh boy, surgery while conscious! That's always fun! …Except yeah, actually, that does make me feel a lot better. I think I'm picking up a little of what Uma'tama is putting down, here. They really are bending the rules for me, and they're trying to bend them as far as possible before they break, but we have to keep up the charade. Something is up with the Preservers, but I guess not all the Preservers are interested in it?

"I think I understand," I nod. "Sure, I'll consent to that."

"Thank you, Luna," Uma'tama smiles. "Please understand, we are very worried about you. Your present state is a significant policy failure. We would like you to accept our apologies."

I'm gonna need a solid plan to deal with this, aren't I? Unfortunately, I'm currently much more optimized towards not thinking about things. What to do, what to do…

"It's… okay, well it's not fine, but I don't have many complaints now that I'm free," I say. "As you can tell, I'm pretty happy. As I think I mentioned, this body is a pretty major upgrade over the old model in most ways. I'm faster, I can think better, I'm not super crippled by confidence and executive function issues, I have access to cool magic, I'm… potentially immortal, probably? So yeah. I would not want to be put back in my old body, that would be hell."

"We'll make a note of that," Uma'tama says neutrally. "Incidentally, do you perchance know what happened to your original body?"

"That thing?" I ask. "I dunno. Melpomene said it was living with my parents, but I never went to check. I don't want to look at the thing."

Uma'tama stares at me. I stare back. Slowly, their little kitty mouth starts to open in shock and horror.

"Oh," they say neutrally, and then the panic finally moves from their face to their voice. "Oh! Oh no! Oh no, oh dear, oh no! We need to find it right now! Please accept our apologies but we are putting your get-together on hold. Luna, please direct us to your parents' home!"

"Er, now?" I ask, and then a telekinetic force that very distinctly doesn't feel like Castalia's yanks me off my feet and starts dragging me into the teleporter room.

"Yes!" Uma'tama insists. "Now! We'll be back shortly girls, please do not worry or panic or be afraid everything will be fine and we'll be right back!"

"Good job, Uma'tama. I'm sure that's the most reassuring thing you could have—" I start to snark, but in a flash I'm dragged through the teleporter and back to Earth. 

In the back of my mind, I get to work removing all the Antipathy Dictionary links I've created online, but in the front of my mind I'm going through a low-key panic attack of my own. The Dark Rebellion thought everything was fine, so why is Uma'tama freaking out so much? Also, oh my god, I have to go see my old body. My body, who hasn't communicated with any of my friends and hasn't tried to escape my parents and therefore definitely isn't me, yet will still have that disgusting sack of flesh I used to inhabit. They'll have my horrible face and my awful body and I'll have to look at it again, and I just… no, no, no, I don't want to, why do I need to be here for this?

"Which way are we flying?" Uma'tama asks.

"That way," I point after a millisecond of consulting a map inside my head.

Uma'tama flies off without another word, their fear not helping my own increasing spiral one bit. It won't be the end of the world, though, right? I've lived a whole life in that body. I can survive meeting it face-to-face.