Another Break, Again, But For Real This Time

I have been informed by my roommates that "announcing a break in which you actually just do a bunch of work on Bioshifter instead of Vigor Mortis" does not count as taking a break, and "having a mental health problem serious enough to prevent you from working for a day" also does not count as taking a break, and while these things make some amount of sense when spelled out to me they are the type of thing that struggles immensely to get through my skull. So I've mostly been ignoring them.

But not I feel like I have lately been struggling more and more with deadlines, having more bad days than usual, dreading the chapters I write more, and... oops, that's starting to sound like burnout. Which would be bad.

But god damnit, I really, really don't want to take a break.

I write web novels in large part because I read a lot of web novels. I've seen this song and dance from the other side: the author updates less frequently, posts more non-story announcements, and there's this general sense from the reader side of things that stuff is slipping. I already feel like I'm there, that I'm taking too many breaks, that I'm getting complacent and lazy. Except, apparently, I haven't taken any breaks, I've been working six days a week for months on end without so much as pausing after completing the volumes I've completed in that time. And healthy authors don't do that. Healthy authors schedule lots of breaks. And sick days aren't breaks. I know all of that, yet I'm posting this big rant to justify taking rest anyway because it feels wrong to me, to let myself relax for a moment, to risk the utter dread terror of taking that rest and still not wanting to write after it's done. That's what I'm afraid of. That I'll be complacent and lazy and just another author that leaves things unfinished and falls off the face of the earth.

I have been convinced that is not a rational fear. I have been convinced that sometimes I have to stop, because humans can't just keep going and only rest when they're physically unable to do anything else. But it's difficult for me. I don't think I deserve to stop writing, not when all these words are still stuck in my head and waiting to enter yours.

So, uh... yeah. One week. One week of actually not doing any work, except... ugh. Some stuff I've been putting off with Amazon. But! Other than that! Which won't be much! I'll totally rest! It starts now, and the next chapter will be the 11th (Bioshifter)/the 13th (Vigor Mortis) at the latest. Expect those times. Maybe smack me if I write anything sooner than that, which I might. I dunno.

Sorry everyone. I'll be back soon, and hopefully better than ever.