Saturday Update!
Added 2025-11-22 15:36:24 +0000 UTCWell, we made it through another week folks!
My week wasn't terribly productive, but at least it was a little better than last week. I had a headache through the whole thing 😂 [ I get week-long headaches sometimes, having anxiety attacks basically guarantees one after unfortunately ]
I did do a tiny amount of writing, but honestly it's not enough to even justify posting the chart. I wrote out the 'waking up' scene for day 2, which involved 3 versions because MC can be in different places/etc. Then I realized that I fucked it up a little because I forgot to offer the opportunity to let MC go the bathroom [ similar to the original ], so I'll have to go back and edit that little bit that I wrote x_x
I keep trying to figure out the reasons for my writers block. I think it's a combination of things. I do think I'm tired/burnt out, but I also think I'm severely daunted. I never really had this issue with Strade's game.
It just felt like lower stakes with him. And his script was a lot simpler. Lawrence's is technically shorter but the different possibilities multiply fast and make my head spin.
And I know that so much of it is just my own personal expectations. I've seen people here comment things like 'I know it'll be great!' and that's so kind, I don't want to seem like I'm ignoring these people, but what I mean is that the issue of writing expectations is truly between me and me. I feel like I've come up with some genuinely great ideas for the outline of the script, and Lawrence is so much more personal to me than Strade. I have this ideal in my head that no one else can see and it's a tower I'm not sure I can climb.
But I want to make this art so badly. I frustrate myself. I paralyze myself.
The solution is simple. I just keep trying. I'll show up again on Monday, and again and again, however much it takes. I feel small and stupid, but I am also stubborn.
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I did decide to switch gears on Thursday/Friday to hopefully shake my brain up. I decided to buy a bundle of samples [ https://ovanisound.com/products/apprehension-engine-three-volume-bundle ] that was on sale for 115CAD. It's basically a collection of recorded sounds that are geared for horror stings and effects. They include a ton of scrapes and drones, and a bunch of cello stuff - exactly what I was hoping to use a lot in Lawrence's soundtrack.
I wanted to open Ableton Live 12 Suite again and mess around because I haven't used it for several months and I was getting kind of worried that I'd forget how to use the progrem [ it's a very complicated program and took me many hours of youtube lessons to learn the first time LMAO ]
I tried to make a track/song entirely out of samples from the bundle:
Certainly not my best work, but it was really mostly just taking two days to get used to the program again. It was a good reminder, and a good way for me to explore all the samples in the packs. I also tried to make something that embodies the slow and upsetting vibe I want for Lawrence's eventual soundtrack.
I've attached the song/mp3 at the bottom of the post [ lawrence_experiment.mp3 ]
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In personal news, like I mentioned in my mini update, I don't expect any more issues with UPS, so that's a big relief. Willow is also doing well- she's still adjusting to her new food but I think she's starting to fully stabilize and get fully healthy. She's certainly been happier, playing more and asking for pets/cuddling a lot.
^ This is her wanting some attention in the morning
^ And this is her being pissed off because her automatic feeder went off while the roomba was going next to it so it was too noisy to go eat right away [ yes my apartment is full of robots now but in my defence I gotta run a business and do everything myself 😂 ]
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Anyway, I'm gonna take it easy this weekend and I'm really hoping that I can get back to normal next week and actual get serious writing done again. I have to get over this hump.
Hang in there guys. Hang in there me. Stay safe next week, and of course, see you next Saturday!
Comments
Love the music production so far 💖 your work has grown so much within these newest projects, it’s very inspiring to see. It takes a lot of energy to be the kind of person that pushes through despite all the feelings of burnout. Take care of yourself and remember to take lots of breaks! Much love Gato : D
Alice
2025-11-28 23:56:01 +0000 UTCHello Gato, sometimes the body reacts before the mind realizes what's happening. Lawrence's story is way more personal than Strades, and maybe you're unconsciously reliving things from the past for the sake of the character. Get some rest
[⌆] Ellen
2025-11-25 02:49:42 +0000 UTCOh my god, the lawrence experiment file is amazing wthhhh 😮😮😮 Like, if this what you come up with on a WHIM? I cant wait to hear the full length soundtracks and you dont even have to worry about it being bad cause thats simply not possible. You’ve been serving us banger after banger, i dont know how you can be so creative but i admire it sm 😭🩷
Nasa
2025-11-24 02:02:43 +0000 UTCHis whole thing is just being curious about what he’ll get so I think he’d find it interesting and try to test it like most other reactions. I don’t usually answer character questions like that and often don’t have much to say, so you might not wanna subscribe for answers or you’ll be disappointed 😅
Gatobob
2025-11-23 19:51:37 +0000 UTCI’ve thought of Strade as a boar and Lawrence as a Jackalope [ or jackrabbit or deer if I have to stick to real animals ] For the Tpof gang, Maybe a cat for celia, bear for mason of course, and maybe a hyena or weasel for derek 😂
Gatobob
2025-11-23 19:49:36 +0000 UTCHi Gato! Sorry for being off-topic, but I subscribed again just to find out the answer to this question: How Strade Would you react to a victim whose nervous reaction is laughter? For example: He brings the knife to the victim, and instead of fear, screams, tears, and pleading, he hears hysterical, loud laughter.
Богдан Тян
2025-11-23 19:14:10 +0000 UTCThis is my weekly cat serotonin boost, thank you so much lmao. I live for her. Although Gato, I must ask, if you could depict each of your characters as animals, what would you chose? (Outside of the obvious fox in the room we're not looking at rn lmao)
Ellie
2025-11-23 16:22:05 +0000 UTCNot sure if it's different on mobile but on desktop it's right at the very bottom of the post!
Gatobob
2025-11-23 13:27:41 +0000 UTCStrade's soundtrack was like a steady heartbeat, a subconcious reminder that you are an animal. The Lawrence test hits hard and chaotically, almost like every little thing you observe makes you flinch and struggle to catch your breath. Basically, I love it already :] 👍🏼
Li Yang
2025-11-23 13:25:38 +0000 UTCoooo I like the uncomfortable feel of the song
Sky Kitsune
2025-11-23 09:42:55 +0000 UTCUnsure if it's just me but I can't find the mp3 test sound for Lawrence.... But rest if you can. I know no matter what people will love the 'new' Lawrence <3
PurpHallow
2025-11-23 06:00:27 +0000 UTCI think it makes total sense that this project is weighing heavier on you. Working with a character who holds up such a personal mirror to the world means feeling that pressure (and desperation) to depict that reflection in a way that others can understand and connect to. And it's clear why that weight wasn't there with Strade, who is the type of character that is more a celebration of what the creator loves creating rather than an exploration of the self and inner struggles the way Lawrence is. Both characters have their purpose. I know Lawrence and Ren resonated with the fandom a lot because they delve into personal human experiences, and I feel for you about the additional weight that adds and empathize with how paralyzing that's at risk of being. I just wanted to say that Lawrence will continue to resonate with people even if you need to change him to better say what you wanted to say in the first place, or depict something you understand more deeply now. You've changed with your experiences and years like every human does and it makes sense that your art would too. It's a beautiful thing. And if Lawrence changes, it will only open new opportunities for new people to connect with him in new ways. And all the people who like his first iteration aren't losing anything, they'll always have that snapshot of what your art expressed at that time. You got this! Don't let that analysis paralysis get you down. Sometimes all you need is some time and space to process where the block is coming from. Thanks for sharing your experience working on these projects week to week, it's really inspiring to understand the ups and downs of creating projects with this scope.
Car
2025-11-23 00:37:05 +0000 UTCAs someone who has tried to write their own visual novel, I’m floored even by your ability to plan the scope of the routes, especially for Lawrence’s game! That alone is already so impressive- no wonder writers block onsets quick, the whole thing seems like a lot to keep track of (I’ve tried and failed myself lols).
ALemonYoYo
2025-11-22 23:37:56 +0000 UTC
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