October 4-Track A-Side: Given (A Mother's Song)

Art by Billis Helg

Writing:
This started with a catchy melody that I tried for a while to make into a chorus, but ended up as a verse pattern here. The music seemed to convey a story of triumphing through a difficult trial, of sunlight after darkness. I searched for scripture passages that would help guide me to structure the lyrics to match that story. Eventually, I reached something that at first I saw from my own point of view - wandering through the darkness of my own hang-ups for years, and finally hearing a call from God that brought some light in. That call would make the song a dialogue, with the "my life..." chorus being God's response.

As I looked at the lyrics, though, I saw that the whole thing could actually come from a single voice - that the story being told was one of labor and birth. I recalled all the women, biblical or otherwise, who struggled for years with obstacles and fruitless waiting before finally being given their biggest hope, a child of their own.

This helped me to understand not only the song, but the idea of love being given out of grace, rather than for specific merit or reason, something I struggle to accept in my relationship with God. When a parent has a child for a specific purpose - a legacy to be upheld, a certain sort of life to be lived that the parent was denied - it usually comes out to be a hardship for both parent and child. How often can the child actually meet those standards? And when they don't, the love is choked, and life itself is darkened. It's the parent who dedicates all their being to having and raising a child, not for any reason, but simply because it is in their heart to do so, who embodies that true love most fully, and allows the child to receive it.

The idea that God gives life out of His pleasure, rather than a logical reason, can trouble my logical mind. But that pleasure isn't a shallow, arbitrary whim; it's that deep love that penetrates us through the generations. Like a mother who gives her body to the process of child-bearing, Jesus gave us His body to pass along that love to all of us, a love stronger than any physical force or obstacle, more powerful than any structure of logic or human understanding.

Recording:
I "cheated" again and assembled additional tracks in the final mixdown, as the song seemed to need a bit more elaborate instrumentation.
1 - MIDI drums/bass
2 - electric guitar
3 - acoustic guitar
4 - synths
5-6 - vocals

Lyrics:
The promise of life, battered and aging
Shadows falling on the past
What did I hope for? Groping for a truth that lasts

Led through a maze, my way through the darkness
Hide from the fear every night
The farther I walked in the less that I could see the light

No matter how lovely, no matter how sure
It all disappeared in thin air
Like a bird looking at heaven above
Who tore off her wing in a snare

I kept banging on the bricks between me and my love
Lips barely making a sound
Still you heard me call and the walls came tumbling down

My life
I give to you, my child
With all my heart, without a reason why

Your life is mine
And no pain, no death, no lies
Will separate you from this love of mine

The moon doesn’t rise, the skies are shaken
Fear is holding tight the world
Still I hear your call and I know that there’s something more

Deep in the dark, I hear your voice come
Break in like a thief in the night
Breaking down the walls and leaving just this love behind

My life
I give to you, my child
With all my heart, without a reason why

Your life is mine
And no pain, no death, no lies
Can separate you from this love divine