State of Sterling: The Write Moves

Hello there patrons wot do a patronage of my work!

I hope you are all doing as well as can be expected in this horror show of a world. Despite how scary things are, especially as as a queer person, Iā€™ve been feeling lucky and I do intend to rub that luck in the face of those who wish to see us not thrive.

As yā€™all may know (because Iā€™ve not been quiet about it), Iā€™m very much enjoying a new lease of professional life as a game writer, with a career thatā€™s rapidly expanded this past year. As well as my continuing to write for Vampire Survivors, last month saw the release of Date Everything and Quantum Witch, marking the first publication of my proper narrative writing.

Both games have had great receptions, and Date Everything is doing extremely well. Iā€™ve been blown away by how people reacted to the specific work I did, with TikTok falling in love with DEā€™s Barry Styles and streamers laughing their asses off at my QW dialogue.

Itā€™s been incredibly validating, especially seeing people who have no idea of my involvement or donā€™t know who I am reacting so well. Thereā€™s something ā€œobjectiveā€ about that, seeing the writing itself judged purely for what it is. Itā€™s the same reason I like dating people who havenā€™t heard of me šŸ˜.

I gotta say, itā€™s fucking fantastic to feel like my career is on such a positive track again. Even more wonderfully, Iā€™m doing my dream job. Despite writing being such a huge part of my life, I never dared attempt the kind of writing I always wanted to do. I had many ideas, even wrote them down sometimes, but I was too afraid Iā€™d suck if I made a serious attempt at it. Especially having been a media critic for so long, thereā€™s a particular pressure to ā€œwalk the walk,ā€ however perceived that pressure may be.

You may find some angry review commenters whoā€™ll say Iā€™ve written plenty of fiction already, but Iā€™m legit doing it, and I love it.

Iā€™ve always wanted to tell stories. Itā€™s why I became a wrestler, though sadly I never got to tell the stories I wanted with that career and I donā€™t think Iā€™ve enough time left on the clock. Iā€™m actually telling stories now though, enough to where it can be full-time work, and in a way that directly contributes to the medium Iā€™ve spent a lifetime covering. Not only that, Iā€™m doing it well!

Maybe Iā€™ll make my own game someday. Iā€™d be lying if I said there wasnā€™t already groundwork, but donā€™t hold your breath. Iā€™m realistic enough to not bank on a project that lofty seeing the light of day.

A few weeks ago I announced Iā€™m co-writing Vampire Survivors: The Grimoire, an official lore book for the game. Initially I was involved as an editor and consultant, but I provided some additional material that was so well liked I got bumped up to author status. Iā€™m writing alongside Paul Davies, who has been terrific to work with. I think fans are going to be immensely surprised by what Iā€™ve come up with for the book, and pleasantly so. Itā€™ll be a hell of a book.

Itā€™s also not the only book project Iā€™m attached to.

Life ainā€™t all roses. Iā€™m dealing with a hurried house move because my landlord tried to jack up the rent to Ā£2000 a month. I shit you not. Sheā€™d been creeping toward it, and had me over a barrel in a wholly unfair lease, but she pushed it way too far with such a thoroughly laughable rate. She doesnā€™t even respond to important maintenance requests for as much as she expects, and now she gets to deal with the results of her negligence - theyā€™re not my problem anymore.

I expect her to blame me for the water damage, but Iā€™ve got the receipts demonstrating how only one of us gave a shit about the long-term effects of ignoring faulty plumbing, and it wasnā€™t her. Even by landlord standards, the cheapness and avarice has been remarkable.

This month in particular is chaos. On top of the move, Iā€™m soon about to return to the ring for the first time in ages with a sequel to one of the UKā€™s most iconic matches, Commander Sterling vs. Kidd Bandit for True Grit in Leeds on July 18th. Iā€™ve also gotta get a fuckton of dental work done at some point, and I have a bunch of plates to spin with family stuff too.

As if that wasnā€™t enough, last Thursday provided an additional spanner in the works with my back blowing out. Literally on the day my comeback match was announced, the spinal hernia relapsed and knocked me utterly incapable. I was very genuinely worried Iā€™d be in for a long one, possibly missing my match, because it felt like a really bad flare up. Iā€™ve done a lot of crying and screaming these past few days.

You literally never get used to pure nerve pain, and to feel it so constantly is a unique hell.

Fortunately, with aggressive physio and obstinate audacity Iā€™m better at ironing the backbone bulge out of myself than I used to be, and as of Monday afternoon it began receding. Iā€™m still hurting a lot but Iā€™m mobile again and improving steadily as the hours go by. I think Iā€™ll be back to normal in a few more days. Huge relief, because the idea of being trapped in that state long-term again is the single most terrifying thought I could have.

Nevertheless, this recent flare up has prompted me to finally acquire a wheelchair. I donā€™t plan on needing it full time any day soon, but it was a smart item to get, and partial use is something Iā€™ll have to start adapting to.

With the writing career keeping me busy, exhaustion from injury, and the stress of a move coming up, the time has finally come to break the streak of ā€œnever miss a Monday.ā€ My goal was always to hit ten years of The Jimquisition and I did that last November, so I feel relatively comfortable taking my first break from the show in a decade.

Relatively is the key word - it still feels weird as a concept, and Iā€™m worried about letting people down or disappointing anyone for whom the showā€™s dependability meant something. I know some people have really counted on it as a part of their week.

At the same time, ten and a half years without a break is immense, and I should practice what I preach about overworking. Also, Iā€™ll be perfectly candid with yā€™all, as you always deserve honesty - on a purely selfish note, I want to demonstrate that I donā€™t need the fucked up demon platform that is YouTube.

I do want to make videos for you and obviously the stability of income from this Patreon has been a godsend for which Iā€™m eternally thankful, but going a while without feeling bound to that fuckawful website and taking time to build a career wholly independent of the show is an opportunity Iā€™ve long awaited. Even at the height of my success on that platform it was a huge detriment to my mental health. Surviving utterly in spite of its algorithm, ad revenue, and all the things that fuck with other creators is whatā€™s kept my morale up.

Yā€™know though, the channel no longer even has basic viability and yet Iā€™m still operating a viable business through it. Say what you like about me, Iā€™ve continued to succeed through a literal failure, and Iā€™ve done it without ever giving in to sponsorship deals, censoring myself, or jumping through all of Daddy YouTubeā€™s hoops. Iā€™ve never had to say ā€œunaliveā€ or some other cutesy term for serious shit (Iā€™ve got a video in the works on that kind of awfulness).

You have allowed me that freedom. Your Patreon support fueled that success entirely. I succeeded because you decided I would succeed.

That became far more of a tangent than planned. Basically, YouTube as a platform is quite genuinely fucking abusive, and sending the mental message to myself that I can choose to step away at my discretion is an important readjustment of my perspective.

I do still intend to earn my keep. Iā€™ll continue to publish reviews and record Podquisition. I also donā€™t plan to be gone for super long, and Zilla has suggested the idea of us putting together holdover material as well to keep you entertained. I will of course keep yā€™all abreast of whateverā€™s going on.

As I said on Mondayā€™s episode, the show will be on its sabbatical after the next video. Once the dust settles from moving and Iā€™ve hit the next milestone with my book projects, Iā€™ll kick videos back up, and I will still have stuff for you in the meantime. Iā€™m currently working on a Cyberpunk 2077: Ultimate Edition review, by the by.

Itā€™s my sincerest hope that you donā€™t feel in any way let down by my taking the time to focus on other things for a bit. You all are why and how Iā€™ve been able to keep going without a single compromise, based on no other factor than sheer belief in the work I do. That is to say, doing right by yā€™all is important to me.

Some of you have commented in the past that youā€™d be happy to see me take a break, which is another reason Iā€™m comfortable doing so. If at all you feel like Iā€™m not doing enough, however, I will take that absolutely seriously.

As always, thank you so much. I quite literally could not have gotten where I am without you. Thank you for deciding I would succeed.

Take care and talk soon,

Stephanie.