Shape of Magic 19: Cave of Reflection

Before we get to the chapter, my apologies for how late this was posted compared to the usual time. Holidays messed us up a bit. That said, the monthly poll is still running for the next 2 days, almost three if you live in SEA, and is available to all 5 and 10 dollar patrons.

Now, please enjoy the story:

<<<Taylor Rose>>>

“Well, damn…” Taylor said as she sat on the flower pedal, “... Is this because I’m not playing along? I mean I was going to interact with them but it hurts…”

Hearing the voices of Brian, Alec, Lisa, Aisha, and Bitch… but them not knowing her? It hurt, it hurt a lot more than she expected. She knew that when this stuff happened in the stories, there was always a story and a lesson to be learned. And fae, or fairies whichever, were all about their narratives and they didn’t appreciate someone disrupting the story.

That said, seeing Amy genuinely enjoying talking to fairy-Lisa did put a smile on her face. She knew her sister did not like her best friend, for good reason, but seeing it made Taylor wonder if they ever actually met… would she still try to give her friend All the Cancer or not?

Probably not, really. Lisa wasn’t perfect, but she wasn’t… malicious. She wasn’t Coil.

But she wasn’t as smart as she liked to think, and she really had a hard time keeping her mouth shut. But despite all that… her time with the Undersiders was the happiest she’d felt since she went to Summer camp. And now, of course.

But she could think of that later, right now she had to figure out a way to get down.

“Hey Amy, do you think the thing about why falling insects don't kill them will apply here?” She called down, looking over the edge of the flower. She’d long since gotten over any fears of heights she may have had before, but it did look like a long drop.

“Taylor…” Taylor didn’t give Amy a chance to talk her out and instead backed up before taking a running go and throwing herself off the flower, “TAYLOR!!”

Spreading her body out to catch the air, she landed hard but, and this was important to her, it didn’t kill her. “I’m ok!” She called out, “I will have bruises!”

“You’ll have more when I get a hold of you!!” A frantic, and undoubtedly pissed, Amy screeched at her.

Taylor cackled, grinning up at her. “Well come down and get me,~” she teased, “And you need my help to get through the castle.~ And robbing the caterpillar! I have work experience stealing drugs from someone.” She paused for a moment as the words registered in her own mind. “That came out wrong, ignore that last part.”

Then she clapped, “I have a plan to contact the pirates. If this Lisa is anything like my Lisa, she’ll notice it.”

“Goddamnit Taylor…” Amy grumbled before she made her way to her, no doubt swearing a streak that would peel paint and impress a dock worker!

“Right, do you have a battery on you?” She asked, assuming the answer was no but it would have made things easier. “From a watch or phone?”

“How about some double As?” Amy asked before narrowing her eyes, “Do NOT ask why I have them…”

“... Might not be enough, but it might work.” Shrugging, she held out her hand for them. “Wires would be good too.” She probably didn’t need those either, but again: easier.

Amy shrugged at that, “No wires.”

She nodded, “Right, ok, so this trick was taught to me in Summer Camp. It’s a really fast, but really dirty way to make a fire.” Taylor explained starting to gather random flammable looking detritus to set up on a particularly large leaf. “It might not work with these batteries, they used a lithium one from a watch for it, but if you short them together batteries get really, really hot.”

That was how it was explained to her anyway, and she could have been misremembering something, but… “Oh, right, can you help me with my bra? Need the wire from it…”

“Fine,” Amy said as she rolled her eyes, “Though I’m not explaining this to Aif or Chuck.”

Taylor just chuckled as Amy walked over and helped Taylor.

Getting it out without stabbing themselves was a bit of a pain, but once it was out shorting the batteries together was easy.

It also got way too hot, way too quickly. “Wow!” She exclaimed, tossing it into the pile of kindling, the wires already burning red and setting it all alight. “I don’t think the volts or amps changed with the size!” Which was a bit weird, the chemistry class she remembered said that shouldn’t happen.

“Magic bullshit, don’t try to logic it Tay,” Amy said dryly as she watched the leaves smoke.

And it was a lot of smoke, at least at their size. For a normal size it would… probably be a lot less.

“Now, will Lisa notice or not?” Amy mused as she looked around thoughtfully, “Though I’ll admit… this is quite a sight…” She added after a few moments.

“Oh yeah, the world of the small is cool,” Taylor agreed with a grin, “I’m always finding new things in places like this.” She was also rather used to it at this point, so she felt she could be forgiven for not being too taken with the view.

Amy just snorted but didn’t comment as she just looked around and took everything in, and Taylor could understand. With how whimsical the world was when they were normal sized, it seemed even moreso now that they were small.

“Maybe when we get out of here, and get our powers back, you could make something to let you see from my perspective?” She suggested, “The relay bugs worked, so I don’t know why it would be impossible.”

“You just want them to expand your range.” Taylor just grinned, as that wasn’t a denial!~

“Come on, don’t you want to see what I see?~” She teased. She would have said more, but loud stomps started echoing through the air, pulsing almost, and they were very gently picked up by two giant hands.

They then covered their ears when Lisa said something, but instead of hearing any words it was more of a boom of sound that knocked them on their asses.

Lisa, to her credit, winced before whispering. Whispering from her perspective at least. It was more bearable thankfully. “Ok, we were going to use this to get into the Queen’s vault, but it will work for Caterpillar instead. Just, um, ride in my coat pocket?” Even as she spoke, she carefully slipped them into it.

“Like we have any choice!” Amy shouted but she certainly didn’t mind, if anything Taylor figured she was venting her emotions seeing as they were currently in the middle of something so she could fall back on her usual trying to strangle her.

Emphasis on trying. Taylor smirked and, with a shimmy, got behind the girl for a hug. “Relax,~ the originals kept me safe even after Bakuda blew me up.”

“Fine…” Amy said with a sigh as she leaned into the hug, “Tay you’re going to have to talk to them you know,”

“... Do we have to do this?” Taylor didn’t whine, and maybe if she told herself that enough she’d even believe it.

“Yes,” Amy said, “You know you talk in your sleep? I’ve heard you call out their names sometimes. Telling them you're sorry and so on.”

Taylor just stayed silent, and Amy continued relentlessly.

“I know you hope that one day you’d be able to reach them with magic? But you have to face the possibility it might not happen,” Amy said, “I know they’re not your teammates, but I think this will be your last chance to actually say goodbye to them. Cause I’m pretty sure Dumbledore had that mirror destroyed.”

Taylor frowned. “The mirror wouldn’t show them to me anyway. I want to see them again, but not like my mom or dad.”

“Well, I never asked what you saw,” Amy said with a shrug.

“You and the orphans, and the matron, safe and happy with your own families,” She replied, “And Hera, Herm, and Ron, of course.”

“Mmm, I saw something similar,” Amy admitted, “Though I saw Vicky, Carol, Mark and the rest of New Wave as well… I was accepted by Carol… heh, even after dying and getting a second chance I still desire Carol to treat me like her actual daughter…”

“I know that feeling,” Taylor replied with a snort, “So… how are you finding the criminal life?~” She couldn’t help it, it was too easy.

“Eh, three out of ten. Pleasant company but I was under the impression that the Darkside promised cookies,” Amy snarked with a faint smile.

“You get the cookies after your first bank robbery,” Taylor replied gravely, “That’s the true moment I joined them, before I was just an intern.”

“Hmm, well depending on the quality of the cooking the rating may improve,” Amy said in a very posh voice.

“Brian makes the best cookies,” Taylor replied with as much smugness as was possible. She thought it made a good Lisa impression at least. “I have confirmation of a precog on that- we’ve stopped moving.”

“Ok, we’re here,” Lisa ‘whispered,’ “All you guys have to do is get in the back and steal or burn the stash. He already has a fire going, so you won’t have trouble with that. Probably.”

“Well, let’s get to it,” Amy said with a sigh, “Did not expect to be involved with a crime in all honesty.”

Taylor giggled as they were pulled out and set down, the ‘pirates’ running into a small cave. “Come on, you can’t tell me you’ve never committed arson before. Everyone’s done that at least once.” Her grin could probably be described as ‘shit eating’ but Amy didn’t smack her for it.

The girl was gaining a sense of humor, a miracle in all honesty.

“I will neither confirm nor deny it,” Amy said, “And at worst I was an accomplice. But the worst was hiding evidence of Vicky’s ‘excessive force’ when dealing with E88 thugs.”

“... You know, considering everything that’s happened so far,” Taylor started, “What are the odds we run into the Wards or Vicky in the castle?”

“Oh fuck me,” Amy moaned, “That’s very possible… at least I might get a chance to finally punch Gallant in his fucking face…”

A belt of laughter rang through the air as the cat returned, head floating in place, “So violent, but it’s good to see that you’ve finally remembered how children’s stories work. Of course, you’ve forgotten oh so much else that should be obvious too!” It laughed again.

Taylor huffed, “It’s on the tip of my tongue, cat!” She grumbled.

“Do I have it?” It asked, “But that wasn’t what I was talking about! Cave, dear, you’re walking into caves. And you don’t remember!”

“Cave… oh! Cave of… Reflection? I think?” Amy scratched her cheek.

“I knew you weren’t too slow, just particularly so!” He, it, replied with a cackle. “Enjoy!” And then he vanished with a pop.

“... I really don’t like that cat…” Taylor grumped, though, despite saying that, seeing it felt so… nostalgic.

Like it resembled a character from a story her mom would tell her…

“Right, Amy, we get the stash and burn it fast as possible before fleeing?” She suggested, turning to see… nothing. “... I really hate that cat.”

“Hate, hate, hate,” The word echoed in the new darkness, “Contessa deserves it. You deserve it. Coil, Jack, The Endbringers deserve it. Monsters, monsters, monsters. Ugly, ugly, ugly.” It was in her voice, because of course it was.

Not that she’d never thought those things before, some of them were even true. Most of them, really. “I didn’t deserve it.” Except that one.

“Really? You didn’t enjoy showing the PRT up? Proving their incompetence? Ruling as a Warlord?”

She frowned. “Anyone that doesn’t feel satisfaction from doing someone else’s job better than them is too empathetic for their own good,” She reasoned as she walked, “But that isn’t what you’re talking about, is it? This is about Emma.”

She was, at least, self aware enough to recognize it. Didn’t mean it never hurt enough that she felt it though.

“Emma, Emma, Emma… you never did find out why she turned on you. Why she tormented you? Doesn’t that bother you?”

“It did, and does,” Taylor replied, “I’m scared I’ll drive Amy away too, Hera, Ron, Herm… scared I’ll make some mistake that’s unforgivable. There’s a reason I’m not too bothered by the idea of dying. Again. What would it be, three times now?”

“Why even bother with them? People always betray you. Dumbledore, the teachers, Aif and Chuck? They’ll show their true colors eventually, they’ll fail and ignore you. Just like Danny did when your mom died. All you need is yourself and no one else!”

“The Undersiders never did,” She countered, “They kept secrets, but so did I. I can’t blame them for that. Amy and Riley didn’t, even when I handed them my life.”

“Grue cared only for his sister, Tattletale wanted to use you against Coil, Regent was practically a sociopath and incapable of caring, and Bitch cared more for her dogs than anything else!”

Taylor winced, she had thought those things about them more than once… “Maybe those are all true, but it doesn’t change reality. They worked with me, bled for me, saved my life multiple times while putting theirs at risk.”

Whatever it was was getting angrier, the darkness coalescing and… ‘Ah.’

It wasn’t Taylor Hebert looking back at her from the mirror. Nor was it Skitter, or Weaver, or the Hero she’d always wanted to be.

Khepri sneered. “You tortured them. You hurt them, tormented them. You took their minds and forced them to obey. You are the second greatest monster Earth Bet ever produced.”

“Yes,” Taylor replied, there was no use in denying what was true after all. “And I don’t deserve the second chance I’ve been given. I don’t deserve a family, or friends, or anyone loving me. If I’d gotten what I deserved, Contessa would have executed me. But she didn’t, so here I am.”

Taylor couldn’t tell Khepri’s expression, or see her eyes but she could feel the weight of her stare.

“Then why don’t you do it?” Khepri asked, “Why don’t you give yourself what you deserve?”

“... Because as far as Earth Bet is concerned I am dead and buried. I’ll never see my home or my dad again. I’ll never be able to visit my mom’s grave, or spend time with my friends.” Taylor paused, “Because… just because I feel I don’t deserve a second chance doesn’t mean I’m going to waste it. And… because it would hurt other people if I did. At least if I die doing something important they’d understand, they’d recover, but if I killed myself they’d wonder if they did something wrong, if they missed something, if they could have saved me.”

A memory twinged, “Just like Lisa did, and Brian with his sister’s trigger.”

Taylor took a deep breath before sighing, “I know I’ll never get rid of you, but I don’t have to listen like your words mean anything either. You’re a lie, and I don’t listen to liars.”

Khepri seemed irritated at her words before scoffing and turning to walk back into the darkness she came from.

Taylor just continued walking and after a few minutes she found herself approaching a light, and as she walked into it she found herself standing outside the cave. Looking around she noticed Amy wasn’t with her, and wondered just what she was dealing with in the cave.

<<<Amy Carlson>>>

“Alright, hit me,” Amy said, “Let’s get this over with.”

“Can’t do brains, can’t do brains, leaving someone in depression,~” Came a singsong voice, “I’d have saved him from that you know, a quick cut, a little implant, a soft tweak to his hormones.~” She recognized that voice.

Amy had to admit, seeing Bonesaw step out of the shadows in her old costume was not what she’d expected.

“It’s something I’ll always regret not fixing. But I was too afraid to break my rules,” Amy said, “And in hindsight, it was a foolish fear. Carol would’ve never accepted me.”

“I was better at following rules than you, and better at seeing reality,~” She replied, “Still in such denial.~”

“I could argue with you on that, but I won’t waste my breath,” Amy retorted, “But I won’t deny that, though I’m getting better.”

“You could have fixed your sister too. I could have fixed her and you, well, you could have made me look like an amateur.” The monster replied, skipping around her.

“... I could’ve…” It hurt to admit it but the truth was the truth, “But would she have still been my sister? I wanted her love, yes, but I just… wanted her to actually love me and not because I rewired her brain to love me.”

“And then you left her like that anyway,~” She replied, “Even I didn’t do that to my family. You were so scared of being me… And then you were worse!” It laughed at her exaggeratedly, whipping at her eyes to remove fake tears.

“And it’s something I’ll never forget,” Amy said as her fist clenched, “I saw what I did and knew I couldn’t fix it. I was emotionally compromised and… really not in a good headspace at the time. So I did what any surgeon would do and removed myself from the situation. And I accepted that Vicky would hate me for the rest of my life.”

“Mm, and now you’re heading down the same path with Taylor, aren’t you?~” It asked, leaning in, “Let me tell you a little secret… you’re a monster. You’ll always be a monster. Just like me. You were born this way.”

Amy just looked away from Bonesaw and looked up into the darkness, “Perhaps, but just because I am a monster doesn’t mean I have to remain so,” She retorted, “And perhaps we are heading down the same path, maybe we aren’t, but ultimately that’s for us to discover.”

Bonesaw frowned before tilting her head, “And yet, and yet, and yet… you make so many promises. You hide your abilities, you lie about them still, you refuse to help people until you’re forced or unless you get something out of it.”

“I refuse to become Panacea again. My abilities won’t be used for the ‘Greater Good’ or any other bullshit of the sort!” Amy bit out harshly, her voice echoing.

“And so you refuse to use them for good at all,” She whispered in reply, “Selfish, selfish.~”

“So? They’re MY powers!” Amy retorted, “And why shouldn’t I be selfish? I gave, and gave, and gave, and fucking gave until I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown due to severe burnout and trying to live up to the unrealistic expectations of Carol.”

Bonesaw grinned widely in reply, “And so you don’t give anything at all. You let people suffer. You don’t even offer them the chance to make you an offer. No matter the kindness they show you, you give none in reply.~”

“And that is my choice. I’ll extend the offer to my friends when they need it,” Amy said, “Maybe one day I’ll be more willing to use my powers to help people. But not anytime soon. I’m not going to shoulder the ‘duty’ of healing all the worlds ills, I’m twelve goddamn years old… I deserve to have a childhood with parents that actually see me for me!”

Bonesaw laughed, a pitiless sound that made her hurt on the inside. “Seeing you for you!? Jack Slash was more honest with me than you are with them! They think you’re just a sweet, innocent, twelve year old! They don’t know what you did, what you are!”

“And we’ll tell them when we are ready,” Amy said before she gave Bonesaw another look.

“And when will that be? In one year, two? A hundred? When they’re on their deathbed? When will you admit to them that you’re a monster? How long until they throw you to the wolves for lying to them?” Bonesaw asked, leaning further in and looking her in the eyes, “How long until you admit you’re just like me?”

“Maybe after this bullshit adventure,” Amy said with a shrug, “You know… I know this is just the manifestation of my own insecurities, doubts, and no doubt a hundred other traumas and neurosis but I have to say I’m glad it’s you Bonesaw… I actually never got a chance to admit this, or perhaps I was just in denial about it… but well better now than never I suppose.”

Bonesaw looked at her curiously, “And what is that?”

“Thank you.” That made Little Miss War Crimes blink, “While I hated you for what you did to my family, I just wanted to say thank you for forcing me to accept my powers for the first time since I triggered. And that if we met under different circumstances with no Jack Goddamn Slash involved, I wouldn’t have minded being your big sister…”

The figment paused before laughing, “Accepting me, at a time like this? Unconventional.”

Amy shrugged, “Well this is the only time I’ll ever see you outside of my memories, and this is the closest to actually talking to you as I can get.” She said honestly.

“You aren’t, you’re talking to you,” It replied before stepping forward once more. They were almost touching now.

“Figures. But I needed to get that off my chest,” Amy admitted, “Besides… a Monster should be honest with itself, shouldn’t it?”

“I’ll always be with you, but you could end it. Right here and now,” It whispered, pushing a scalpel into her hand, “You know where you’d need to cut.”

“I do,” Amy said as she looked at the scalpel before looking at her Dark Reflection before she returned the tool, “And maybe one day I will be able to make peace with everything.”

It chuckled. “We are certainly an odd one… well until that day comes we’ll be here. Waiting,” It said before it dissipated into wisps of shadow.

The darkness vanished as it rushed through, no, into her. In spite of that she felt… lighter. Freer. The dark thoughts were still there but… they didn’t have the same weight anymore.

“Fucking fae bullshit…” Amy muttered with a fond if exasperated smile, “Now, let’s make sure Taylor hasn’t started a forest fire or worse…”

“Not wrong,” Taylor noted, “Also, language. We’re twelve, not sixteen.”

“Fuck off. I just had a philosophical debate with my Inner Darkness who looked like Little Miss War Crimes,” Amy retorted, though it lacked any heat behind her words, just a sense of thoughtfulness, “It was… enlightening…”

Taylor just shrugged and said, “I had an argument with my Depression. It was less so. It told me to kill myself, as though it’s never done that before.” Her hand waved towards a large, for them, cloth bag, “Ready to burn a pile of drugs and leave?”

“Well, I guess that just means my Inner Darkness is far more sophisticated than yours,” Amy teased, “And yeah… it’ll be rather nostalgic really,” She added, “Vicky actually took me to a Merchant drug storehouse she found and we burned the drugs… and accidentally the building as well…” She added sheepishly.

Taylor nodded, “We did similar a few times, the Merchants were trying to get in on our turf after Leviathan,” She explained before pointing up at a candle, “We just knock that off the table then run that way,” and then towards a bit of light where sound and noise was coming from, “to escape the fumes. I already got this rope,” A wiggle with her other hand showed a primitive grappling hook made from a string, “so we don’t even need to climb it.”

“Right, well… once more into the breach I suppose.” Amy said, “You know… I honestly thought my days burning drugs was long behind me and yet here I am.”

“I was making bugs eat them when they popped up near the orphanage, the residual high I got from it felt very weird,” Taylor said before throwing the hook and missing… three times before it finally latched on properly.

“That explains so many of your goofy ass moments,” Amy deadpanned.

“Shut up and help me pull, this thing is heavy,” She replied with a pouting glare, “And stop smirking!”

“She is kinda cute…” Amy found herself thinking before running over to help. She could mull over that one later.

Shaking her head she focused on helping hold Taylor down, all the while grumbling about having to suffer through puberty a second time.

“So, we just light it and leave?” Amy asked, “Just to be clear.”

“Light it and leave,” She agreed, “Pull on three. One, two, three!”

Taylor had not been joking when she said that it was heavy, it took all of their strength to get it to move even an inch… but once it started, it didn’t stop either.

“I really need to get self-modification down, this normie baseline is bullshit…” Amy grumbled to herself.

It slipped off the table with a loud scratching sound and impacted the bag, lighting it up immediately. “And now we run before we get high!” Taylor exclaimed before pulling Amy’s arms off her and booking it.

For a moment, Amy felt insulted before following… the room was filling with smoke really rather faster than it should and she felt light headed. And was everything getting small-wait.

By the time they passed the Caterpillar, who was fat and acting like an insufferable twat to their pirate allies, they were full sized again. “Run now, talk later!” She exclaimed, grabbing Aisha and dragging her along. Ahead of her, Taylor was doing the same with Lisa.

The others followed suit and ran as the caterpillar yelled insults after them.

“I LOVE WHEN A JOB GOES SMOOTHLY!” Grue exclaimed dramatically.

“Brag later, run now!” Taylor barked, and Amy was pretty sure she heard some Skitter enter her voice given how Grue listened.

“She has that effect on people,” Amy thought with some amusement. “Charisma just runs in her veins…”

Her mental voice paused for a moment before… “No, stop that brain. We will think about that later!”

The next few years were going to be hell, she just knew.

But at least they were going to be getting out of the place soon, just one more stop: The Castle and its Vault. Now to hope the Queen was as stupid as the Hatter and Hare implied.

“I just really hope we don’t run into Vicky and the Wards…” She paused in thought, “Fucking hell, I just jinxed it…”

[hr][/hr][hr][/hr]

Probably only one or two chaps more of Wonderland. Next chap will be something different though, a chapter not in Tay and Amy’s homelife but instead someone else’s.