Chapter 18: Bugs, Quicksand, and Thieves, oh my!

<<<Amy Carlson>>>

So, they were trapped in some fae’s realm… and as much as that annoyed her it wasn’t that bad. For one she was learning so much just from the plant life alone, could she recreate it… not without a lot of trial and error (which was a rather novel feeling) but well… watching Tay promising violence on that cat deeply amused her. Finally, her sister understood just how insufferable Tattletale was!

Honestly, Amy wouldn’t have nearly as big a problem with the villain if she didn’t just expose her shameful secret in the middle of a bank they were robbing! Though admittedly she wasn’t in a good headspace back then, and maybe her issues blew everything out of proportion.

She got better of course, but it wasn’t an easy road. And in hindsight… the obviously adopted girl developing a crush on her stepsister wasn’t as bad as she imagined. Looking back on it… if she actually regularly trawled PHO she probably would’ve found Panacea x Glory Girl shipping threads and maybe fanfics about their ‘Forbidden Love’ or something like that.

But that didn’t matter, instead she kept a hold of Tay as they made their way through the forest and towards the swamp. And she couldn’t help but wonder what this place would throw at them next; first a Stranger of a cat that reminded her too much of Tattletale, then a tea party with a Mad Hatter, a Dormouse, and a White Rabbit. Then finally Tay had somehow pissed off the goddamn flora into not pointing them in the right direction!

“... That cake didn’t go as far as I’d have liked,” Taylor said, “You getting hungry?”

Amy sighed, “A bit…” She admitted, “... You think on the off-chance we somehow wind up here again we could get some recipes for those cakes from the Hatter?”

“We might,” She replied, “I wish I had a watch, also quicksand to your left.” They’d gotten too good at noticing that. They’d been in the swamp for, it felt like, forever. “And one of those weird mosquitoes on the tree on our left. You wanna deal with this one?”

Calling it a ‘weird mosquito’ was as accurate as it was not. The body shape was right but it had dragonfly wings, breathed fire, and she could swear there was venom leaking from the needle.

“Yeah I got it,” Amy said before she grabbed the nearest tree branch and after getting a little closer proceeded to smack the bug as hard as she could.

And, while it didn’t kill the bug, it did knock it down onto the ground, and the follow up hits finished the job. And she didn’t stop smashing until it was a puddle of goo and bug bits… she also used it as an excuse to vent some of her own frustrations at the situation they were in.

Taylor looked a bit impressed, “Got some issues there?” She asked with a smirk.

“Please, you know we both don’t have issues,” Amy snarked, “We have subscriptions.” She added dryly as she rested the branch on her shoulder, “But in this case… honestly? I’m just getting tired of all this…”

“I feel the same,” She replied with a sigh, “How big is this swamp!? We can’t even start a fire for some clear water because everything is so damn wet!” She stomped her foot to, presumably, emphasize the point.

It squelched unpleasantly and got stuck in the muck, making her trip and proceed to get her arms stuck too as she caught herself.

At least Amy didn’t snort too loud, “Here, let me help…” She said trying and failing to keep amusement out of her voice.

“I hate this swamp,” Taylor growled, struggling against the mud for a few moments before freezing, “There’s something in the mud. That is not-” She didn’t manage to get the rest of the words out before she yelped and was rapidly pulled into the ground.

It did make a proper hole and tunnel at least, but it was too far to jump without getting hurt… or stuck.

“Well, well, it seems you need our help after all!” A rather eccentric voice said from behind her, “Midshipwoman! Send your hound to retrieve her!”

A black dog whipped past her vision and dove into the hole, practically running along the tunnel wall as it went.

“Do you have to be dramatic all the time?” A girl asked, quietly. She sounded about as pained as Amy did when dealing with Taylor.

“Wait… Why does that voice sound familiar…” She felt like she should remember that voice…

Turning, she saw… perhaps the most stereotypical possible pirates she’d ever seen. Even in arts or cartoons. They were dressed in very floofy clothing too.

They also looked rather familiar.

A short and young looking, if physically mature, black girl, a blonde with a ‘I’m smarter than you’ look to her, a large black boy, a burly girl surrounded by two dogs, and an effeminate french boy… and the blonde was arguing with the french one.

Amy blinked before she closed her eyes and exhaled sharply through her nose, “Goddamn fae bullshit!”

“Are… you the Undersiders?” She asked aloud.

“No,” The boy she was pretty sure she remembered to be Grue said, “We are the Swamp Pirates!” He paused and posed with the group. “But that isn’t a bad name… if we were pirates that worked in the sewers that would be a better name.”

“... Right…” Amy said slowly, “It’s just that… you all remind me of some people…” Though privately she was pretty sure Grue would rather be dead than act like that.

“Well, we can’t remind you of that many people,” He started, “There are not many bands of pirates in the swamp. And that’s why we’re here, less competition. Now, for the payment you owe us for saving your friend?”

“They don’t have anything!” The smallest of them said, “I picked her pockets when she wasn’t looking at us earlier,” Imp(?) explained, “Absolutely nothing. They’re almost as poor as you!”

“Hey!” Grue complained, “At least we don’t have to deal with mom anymore. I don’t think either of us would have been able to stand her constant potion drinking. The last one nearly blew up the house!”

Amy looked at Tattletale (there was no way she’d ever forget that smug expression), “They’re siblings aren’t they?” She asked dryly.

“Yes,” Came a flat reply, eyes half lidded in hidden amusement. “So… why are you heading through the Doom Swamp of Absolute Agony if you aren’t wandering merchants?”

“Trying to get out of this land,” Amy answered, though inwardly she wondered why the swamp was named like that.

It was more irritating than agonizing, really.

“Ah, you’re trying to sneak into the castle!” She noted, “We’ve been trying to raid her vaults for ages. We can never find the way in though. It’s supposed to be absolutely full of treasure.”

Amy was about to reply when Taylor was dragged out of a new hole, covered in mud. “Ow,” She said, the dog barking happily, “Thanks,” She added as she scratched the dog behind the ears, “Huh… you look like a dog my friend used to have…” She muttered absentmindedly as the dog’s just panted happily.

Amy coughed, “Tay? Did your friend happen to look like that?” She vaguely waved at the butch girl who was probably Bitch… or Hellhound, whatever.

“Rachel?” Taylor asked with a blink, making the girl twitch and stare at her. “Why are you here?”

“They’re Swamp Pirates, Tay,” Amy replied, “They, uh, aren’t the people we knew. Just very similar.”

“... Oh, that’s disappointing,” She sighed, “Oh well.”

“Right…” Grue started, “So, you two want to get into the Red Queen’s castle and so do we. We can work together, right?”

“I don’t see why not,” Amy said, seeing as Taylor was sulking, though she’d deny she actually wasn’t over the… Swamp Pirates only looked like the Undersiders.

“Great! Now, we do have an appointment to make with the Snake,” Grue started, “He tells us when caravans are coming through.”

While Amy was listening to Grue, she did keep one eye on Taylor… especially when she tensed at the mention of this ‘snake’ and Amy wondered if this was something that slipped her mind during their trauma-bonding.

“... does he happen to kidnap young girls?” Taylor asked, “Cause if he does, I can’t be held responsible for what I do to him.”

Oh… Amy recognized that tone of voice…

“... I don’t think so,” He replied, “We could ask him. Of course, we call him Snake but he’s more of a frog.”

“Oh thank god,” Taylor muttered, “I swear if you said his name was Coil… well, it wouldn’t be the first time I killed a man.”

“... Oh, she’s like Alice!” Regent said, “Yeah, working with them is going to go great!”

Amy did not like that comparison. Namely the idea that anyone could be said to be like Taylor when it came to her willingness to resort to violence.

“What was this… Alice like?” Amy asked, “This isn’t the first time we heard her mentioned.”

“Well, we never met her,” He replied, “But from what we’ve heard she was sweet, innocent, willing to cut off heads, and clever.”

Amy honestly wasn’t sure what she was expecting when she asked.

“... So… where’s this Snake?” Amy asked, figuring it would be best to get this show on the road.

“This way!” Regent announced, pointing with his cutlass… which was slowly moved by Tattletale to point elsewhere. “That way!”

[hr][/hr]

It took a while still, but the conversation with Tattletale, apparently named Lisa, was… surprisingly pleasant. The girl was very reasonable and… honestly funny. Apparently she was the ‘straight man’ for this montley crew, keeping them on task, trying to keep the chaos at a minimum (which she failed at more often than not), and was generally the sole beacon of rational and logic in this whole fucking swamp if not world!

“Funny, I like the Fae-Version more than the original,” Amy thought with some amusement, though she wished she could say the same for Taylor.

It was probably because this Tattletale wasn’t ‘her’ Tattletale that made Taylor reluctant to interact with the Swamp Pirates. Preferring to spend her time with the dogs, she could understand… if she saw someone with Vicky’s face she’d probably react similarly.

“They’re so much alike in some ways…” Taylor whispered to her, “And in others… so different it’s crazy.”

Amy could see that, while Vicky was the one taking courses in Parahuman studies that didn’t mean Amy didn’t pick up some things. Depending on what powers a parahuman gained, they developed… quirks or behavioural tics. Thinkers well… they Thought. While not all the time, the most common quirk among Thinkers was developing a ‘better than thou’ mentality. They needed to prove they were the smartest in the room.

Or maybe that was her lingering anger towards Tattletale coloring her opinion of Thinkers as a whole? Quite possibly.

“They’re a bit happier overall,” Taylor noted, “More expressive. Except Rachel, she’s more or less the same.”

“Well, they’re not in Brockton.” Amy said, “That would improve anyone’s mood. Plus well… they didn’t have to go through all the shit your Undersiders went through.”

“You are not wrong,” Taylor said with a grin.

“We’re here!” Grue, Brian, said, “I’m gonna go and talk to them. Please wait here.” Then he darted inside a large and dingey cave, not even waiting for a response.

“... Okay then.” Amy just snorted before she looked at Taylor… then to Tattletale, “... You know, Tay… you could use this to say goodbye…” She suggested gently.

Lisa blinked, “We aren’t separating yet though?” She said, sounding confused.

“You all resemble Taylor’s friends, her first friends in a long time,” Amy explained, “Friends she never had a chance to say goodbye to,” She added.

Taylor just… stared at the ground, not sure what to say. 

“Then we can say goodbye later!” Lisa replied, waving it off, “It would be awkward to be all emotional without the proper buildup, we need to at least break into a building first. Or steal from greedy merchants. Or mug a random person on the street, depends on how rich that one is though.”

“That’ll work,” Amy said, feeling a chuckle bubble up from her chest.

Even Taylor giggled faintly at that.

“But I think that breaking into a queen’s vault fits too. There will be drama, danger, risk, probably some food in there at some point, and treasure. Perfect bonding activity,” Lisa said with a shrug and a smirk, “So… what treasure you want once we get there?”

“Something to remind me of this crazy adventure,” Amy said after some thought, “Still not sure how we got here though, did we step into a fairy ring or fall down a rabbit hole like the Cat suggested?”

“Maybe you took a nap and were stolen away in the night?” Alec suggested.

“Or drugged and stuffed in a sack!” Imp, Aisha, said with a grin.

Taylor coughed. “I’m not going to speculate yet,” She said, “I’m just going to ask mom when we get back.”

“Heh, you called Aif mom,” Amy teased, “I thought you felt awkward about calling her that?”

“To her face,” Taylor replied, “In this case it’s just an easier descriptor than ‘someone I might eventually consider my mom.’ Less of a mouthful.”

Brian popped his head out of the cave, “Ok, so one problem and one solution, which do you two want to hear first?”

“Problem then solution,” Amy said.

“The problem is that he doesn’t want to help unless he gets something out of it, the solution is that he wants us to steal from Caterpillar. Specifically from his hookah stash.”

Amy just… blinked at that, and even Taylor was somewhat dumbfounded.

“Not to worry, we pirates are excellent thieves!” Alec said, hand to his chest.

“We have literally never successfully stolen anything before,” Aisha noted from behind them, “We usually get run off and then other people take the loot, which is really just the next best thing I think.”

Amy’s lips quirked before she looked at Taylor, “So, you wanna take over? I mean… you were the Warlord of Brockton Bay,” She said.

“No, too much work,” Taylor replied, “Collecting the required taxes alone would make me as mad as everyone else here. What would I do if someone tried to pay in pleasant conversation or leaves?” Her grin, and words, caused Aisha and Alec to cackle. Even Lisa cracked a grin.

“... Ass, you know what I meant,” Amy said, rolling her eyes.

“And now you know where my sense of humor came from,” Taylor said, solemnly, “Soon it will infect you as well. Soon.”

Amy just rolled her eyes.

[hr][/hr]

The journey to the Caterpillar didn’t take too long, what with the ship and… pleasant company honestly. Taylor was still fairly awkward with the not-Undersiders, that said she did bond with Bitch over her dogs which… clearly left Taylor feeling somewhat awkward or so Amy assumed.

She mainly talked with Lisa or Imp, though she could only vaguely recall Taylor’s Undersider’s having a member called Imp. But when she wasn’t bickering with her brother she was rather interesting herself really, apparently she wasn’t really interested in being a pirate and mainly joined to make sure her brother didn’t do anything terminally stupid.

Amy never felt such kinship with another person, fae shenanigans be damned.

“So, we’re doing this just to get a frog called Snake some stuff from a hooka,” Taylor commented as she sat beside Amy.

“Seems that way,” Amy said.

“... It’d certainly be something if we just had to ask…” Taylor said.

“But that’s boring!” Grue called from the head of the cart they were using. “Also he wouldn’t just give it. Caterpillar is an asshole!”

Personally Amy wasn’t sure if she should take the thrill-seeker’s comment as fact, or just him trying to get his way. So instead she looked at Lisa and raised a brow in question.

“Oh no, he’s a jackass,” She answered, “I once asked him for some directions to the nearest water source and he pointed me to a toilet.”

“I mean… he isn’t wrong technically…” Though Amy wasn’t going to share that thought, and instead asked, “So how are we going to do this then? Someone distracts him while someone else gets the stuff?”

“Pretty much,” She replied, “Aisha can probably do that, but you two will be running distraction. He likes messing with new people.”

Amy just raised a brow but shrugged, “Seems like everyone does in this land.” She said, “Is it really that boring or because we’re new?”

“Yes.” Lisa didn’t specify which she was answering, but Amy had a feeling she was answering everything.

“Hey, we didn’t mess with you,” Aisha complained, “Anymore than we do anyone else, anyway.”

Amy felt like trying to rob them was messing with them a little bit, but she wasn’t going to point that out. They were really bad at being thieves, she thought.

“So, mess with us, how exactly?” Taylor asked, “Similarly to the Cat or Hatter? Or something else?”

“Oh, you’ve met Cheshire already,” Alec said, “More like that way. Hatter is pretty nice, he’s just weird.”

Taylor just grumbled about if she had her power this would be easier… and Amy wasn’t sure if she agreed with that or not. It probably wouldn’t have hurt.

“He has an open invitation for tea for us,” Lisa said, “Always a fun time.”

If they’d never robbed anyone successfully, that was probably where they got most of their food from…

“Oh, right, we’ll be travelling for a bit, want a cookie?” Lisa offered, taking two out. “I’m pretty sure these are the right ones. If they’re the wrong ones… I’m sure we’ll be able to find you after.”

They said ‘Eat Me’ on the top.

“... Sure, why not?” Amy said as she grabbed on and looked at it, “Why does this seem so familiar though?”

Taylor shrugged and took a bite. “Tastes pretty good,” She said, quickly chewing through it alongside her. “Is everything getting bigger or is it just me?”

They were, indeed, shrinking.

“... Oops, “ Lisa said in… what was probably meant to be a quiet voice, but it did sound rather booming with how small they’d gotten.

“Hold on, I have the cure-” She never quite finished the sentence before the cart hit a bump in the road and sent them careening off; Amy landing on an oversized for her piece of grass and Taylor on a dandelion.

Twenty feet above the ground.

“Well, shit,” Amy sighed.

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