Chapter 17: Teaparty

<<<Taylor Rose>>>

“You know, one day I’ll look up and not be surprised to see a cave ceiling,” Taylor said, “But today is not that day, tomorrow isn’t looking that good either… or the rest of the week even…”

Amy just rolled her eyes, “Oh shut up already,” She said, “Though you’re not wrong… hard to imagine that this is all under a hill…”

“Magic is bullshit, as a Blocker of Clocks would say,” Taylor quipped with a faint nostalgic smile. “And a bit scary, if I’m honest.”

Today was shaping to be a rather pleasant one, granted Amy (and Taylor in all honesty) were still recovering from meeting their grandparents… and the impromptu lesson on fae negotiations. So the sisters decided they would just wander the prosperity to try and unwind. They both still found fae odd, but seeing as this was their life now they had to learn how to deal with the issues the fae brought with them.

At least the Queen Bee was reasonable, and though she said she would wait for them to settle into their new home it was obvious that the Queen was eager to have Amy improve her hive.

So they were walking along the boundary of the estate, pausing every so often when they spotted something beyond the iron fence. Never mind the voices and music they would hear on occasion, which Aif was very stern in telling them to never listen or follow the voices. Even if the area they were in was more ‘friendly’ to humans neither of them wanted to get lost and be toyed with by the fae.

Though for both of them, hearing Danny and Vicky calling for them made their hearts ache. While she didn’t have the best relationship with her dad, Taylor still loved him. And Amy well… Taylor knew the story between the two sisters.

“So, are we going to visit the garden today?” Taylor asked, “I know you said you wanted to check out the magical plants yesterday.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Amy said with a nod, “So… I’ll be honest though, I have no idea what I’ll do with all that honey I’ll be getting…” She added with a faint blush.

“... Make tea with it?” She advised, “Sell it in bottles? Oh, we can make mead with it!”

“Mead, huh?” Amy just shook her head, “Eh, I’ll figure something out. If anything, maybe Aif will have a good idea.”

“Maybe, maybe,” She replied before pausing, “Is it just me, or are things getting weirder than usual?” Colors were shifting to be their opposite, which didn’t normally happen even in Avalon.

“That’s… odd.” Amy said, “Pretty sure we didn’t cross the boundary either…”

“... Amy,” Taylor started, “I can’t feel any bugs.” And that was not normal for her. It made her feel isolated, trapped even. She was better about it than she used to be, but it still wasn’t pleasant.

“... Well shit…” Is all Amy could really say as she looked around and… “Wait, where did the fence go?”

“I’m more worried about the sky, in that one exists right now,” Taylor replied, looking up, “Hey Amy, have you ever done acid?” The swirling stars and colors reminded her of a painting, The Screamer she thought.

“No, but I have been hit by an emotion beam that made me extremely relaxed.” Amy said, “I still don’t like Dean, but that was the most relaxed I felt since I triggered and he has my thanks for that.”

“Ok, so what’s the chance there are hallucinogenic mushrooms in the garden?” She asked, “Because I can’t think of many other explanations for this.”

“I think there’s a reasonably good chance.” Amy said, “Maybe spores? But I never heard of a mushroom with hallucinogenic spores before… but this is magic so who knows?” 

“I’m not a fan.” But then, there were a decent amount of things she wasn’t a fan of, so hearing that probably wasn’t a big surprise for Amy. “So what did Aif say, if something weird happened just say her name three times or use your pendant to leave?”

“Yep,” Amy said, “Wanna try her name first?”

“Aif, Aif, Aif,” Taylor said before frowning as… nothing happened. “Welp, I tried, you’re wearing your pendant, right? We just have to loop it around our necks and you use it.”

“Yeah just let… me…” Amy patted herself down, “I swear I put it on this morning! Where…?”

“Well, shit…” Taylor said, “Wands?” They weren’t technically supposed to use them, but they always had them just in case. Not that she could find hers. “No wands either. Great. Violence it is then.”

“Why… hello there, it’s been so long since anyone’s tumbled down the rabbit hole.”

Amy and Taylor turned to see a floating grin and a pair of eyes leering at them from atop a tree branch that wasn’t there moments ago. Something about the disembodied grin tickled at Taylor’s memories but for the life of her she couldn’t figure it out why they seemed familiar.

“Hmm, neither naive lost girls nor uselessly trauma ridden waifs. No, no… Old souls it is… interesting.”

“But we didn’t fall down any holes?” Amy started, “Did we step into a mushroom ring accidentally? If so, we apologize and will be willing to pay for our intrusion with hard goods and negotiation.”

“Ah, polite ones… yes, a definite improvement over the last to take a tumble down.” The voice chuckled, “And who are you? Let me see… Ah, I see I see~ heh… the Warlord and the Reluctant Healer… but no, you are so much more than what you were aren’t you now? Curiouser and Curiouser~ heh…”

“... Right, so if you could show us the way out, we would be sure to reward you in appropriate measure,” Taylor offered, “Maybe even keeping a copy of our memories, if it so amuses you.”

“Leave? You’ll leave when you learn. Everyone that comes here has something to learn. Something to face. A truth they need to accept. Even that useless waif learned much here,” The voice said, “But, I suppose I should give you a hint to start your journey shouldn’t I? How nostalgic really. But seek the Rabbit and the Hatter, they should put you on the right track.”

“Thank you for the advice, though it isn’t worth much without a direction to start walking in?” Taylor asked, “If you give that, I can offer spider silk as compensation upon our leaving.”

“Simply put one foot in front of the other, silly Warlord. Now off you go, much to learn and see. But keep your head about you, wouldn’t want to lose it… the Queen is rather prickly since the waif outsmarted her.”

The voice, mouth, and eyes vanished with a sound reminiscent of a deflating balloon.

“... Amy,” Taylor started, “Would you complain if I wring its neck out when we find it?”

“... Only if you don’t let me have a shot,” Amy retorted, “... Does this sound familiar to you? I swear I think I read something like this…”

“Yes, yes it does,” Taylor replied, “And from the same feeling. Fae shenanigans?”

Amy just nodded before snorting, “Warlord and the Reluctant Healer… well it's not wrong,” She said, “So, one foot after another?”

“Yep,” Taylor said, “Though we should probably hold hands not to get separated.”

“You had to put that thought out there, didn’t you?” Amy asked, “Hold on, do you have any twine on you? I know this type of thing doesn’t work in fairy tales, but we’re usually more… intelligent than the kids in those. Well, I usually am, you not so much.”

“Yeah,” Taylor snorted, “I actually had it to stitch any tears up… old habits and all that…” She added before she pulled out a spool of twine from her pocket.

“One loop around my belt straps, one around yours? Thin so we can break it when needed?” She suggested, “Or we hold it in our hands and just drop it when needed.”

“Sounds like a good idea,” Taylor didn’t have being caught in a fairy tale on her bingo card this summer, though she probably should have expected it considering where their legal residence was. “So, whatcha think the voice was getting at? I’m pretty sure we’ve come to terms with a lot of stuff recently.”

Amy just hummed before shrugging, “No idea… though I expect we’ll be learning things that’ll surprise us,” She said, “Now if it’s legitimate or fairy bull is another question though.”

“I swear if it’s some ‘you were attracted to your sister’ and ‘you regretted being a villain’ type thing I’m stabbing the person delivering the message,” Taylor said bluntly, handing Amy the black thread’s end. “How about you?”

“Yeah, pretty sure we made peace with that.” Amy said as she took the thread and tied it around a loop of her pants, “Though if anyone talks about Carol and my relationship with her I’m going to give a fae cancer.”

“Can they get cancer?” Taylor asked with a frown, “They’re pretty magical, aren’t they? Anyway, where should we start walking towards? The magic castle with a possibly evil queen in the distance? Or the scary forest to our left? Or perhaps the swamp to our right? Behind us lies a mountain, perhaps there will be a dragon there we can ride…”

“I’m going to try, either way I’m going to be learning,” Amy said, “Eh, let’s try the forest. Maybe you’ll get some interesting bugs?”

Taylor’s head shook, “I can’t feel any bugs. Normally I’d be able to feel worms or ticks, fleas, flies, something. But here? Nothing, at all.” Her hand waved, “And since things we always have on us aren’t on us I have to assume we’re being affected by magic to prevent us from doing things. I hate Trumps.”

Amy just snorted but didn’t disagree, and as one they turned and started to make their way to the scary forest.

It took a strangely short amount of time to arrive there, it looked like it had been at least a mile away but they’d arrived in less than five minutes. They were fit, but they were also only walking and they could not move that fast even when sprinting.

“Is it just me, or does it look like the trees have eyes?” Taylor asked, “Not like real eyes, just wooden knots that look like eyes.”

“Tay, I just saw a literal horse fly a few seconds ago,” Amy said, “I wouldn’t be surprised if the flowers started talking to us. But, I do feel like we’re being watched,” She added as they both looked at the trees for a moment.

And one of the trees blinked?

“... Fucking fairy tale shit…” Amy grumbled.

“No taking a leak here then,” Taylor noted, “You know, we could probably make a spear from one of their branches, there are plenty lying on the ground.”

“How rude!” One of the trees said, “And barbaric! Dear Alice wasn’t as brutish as you!”

“Alice...” Taylor muttered as she scratched her cheek, “And we don’t care! If we get attacked, we should have something to protect ourselves. If you happen to know where a sword is, we will not use your branches to make a spear.”

Amy just sighed, “Excuse my sister. We’re new to fairy shenanigans,” She said, “You wouldn’t happen to know where we can find someone called Hatter?”

“Well we aren’t gonna tell you now,” The tree replied, somehow petulantly, “Not after threatening us.”

“Once again Skitter Negotiations…” Amy grumbled, “Come on Tay,” She said as she grabbed Taylor and started to drag her deeper into the forest.

“I didn’t even threaten them…” Taylor complained and certainly didn’t whine, “If I was going to threaten them, I’d have used termites. Or fire.”

“Do you really expect fairies to actually listen to something as boring as ‘logic’ or ‘reason’ Taylor?” Amy asked as she rolled her eyes, “And honestly they’d probably have us walking in circles.”

“Bah, the first thing I’m buying with our allowance is a tree felling axe in revenge,” Taylor grumbled, “Or a knife. One of the two.” Then she sniffed at the air and frowned, “Do you smell cookies?”

“I smell… tea as well,” Amy sniffed, “And… well a lot of stuff really.”

Following their noses they eventually entered a clearing, and in the middle was a long table covered with a tablecloth. Each spot was set out for someone planning on joining for tea if the smell was any indication, and from end to end there were various tea pots, delicate china, dessert dishes, tea cups, and silverware.

Sitting at the head of the table in a veritable throne of sorts was the oddest looking man either of them had ever seen before. Colorful and flamboyant, his skin looking an unnatural shade of… white perhaps?

But his eyes were the most, well, eye-catching part of him. They were clearly different, but not like heterochromia; instead quite literally. One pupil was wider while the other was bloodshot and a pinprick, below two wild bushy and very orange eyebrows.

And to finish it all off was a very large tophat, which was also just as unique as the person that wore it.

“Ah, ah! Guests! You’ve finally arrived, we've been waiting so long!” He paused, “Or have we? Ah, it doesn’t matter! Come, come have a seat! Dormouse say hello to our new guests!? And Rabbit! Please stop fretting with your pocketwatch and help set the two ladies a seat!”

That’s when they noticed a little mouse poke its head out of a tea cup and lazily waved at them before slumping back into its resting place. A white rabbit in a waistcoat just huffed before preparing two seats for Taylor and Amy.

“Come, come! You mustn’t be late!” The white rabbit chided them, “Very important!” 

“... We aren’t supposed to take food without providing something ourselves,” Taylor noted, “Amy, do you have any of the honey with you or…”

“Yeah,” Amy said as she took out a flask filled with honey, “For our hosts for allowing us to join them,” She added.

The odd man just grinned, “Oh, so smart! Not like poor Alice, but well… really her trip was more of a dream really. She was our guest, just as you are! But we won’t turn away an offer in good faith! Now come, come! Please, call me Hatter… but not Mad, I’m only Mad on days that end with Y you know.”

“... I feel I shouldn’t say the obvious,” Taylor said after a moment before sitting down, “Anyway, a strange floating face told us you could help us get out of here?”

“Ah, Chess… still playing the same game?” The Hatter laughed, “But he isn’t wrong really, or well if he is it’s only a little. But really help can only be help if it's accepted. But before we get to the help, please help yourself. The Twisting Vale tea is amazing and the Happy cakes are absolute bliss!”

“I think the melancholy tea is better and the winding cakes are delicious,” Rabbit countered.

“Well of course you would, you’re a sourpuss even if you’re right!” The Hatter said, “But our guests don't need any more melancholy now do they? Oh they’ve healed but some sorrows aren’t so easily forgotten.” 

Before Taylor or Amy could really say anything a teacup along with a teapot floated and started to pour before the teacup was brought to the lips of a purple striped cat that just appeared.

“Ah, lovely brew Hatter.”

“You!” Taylor said accusingly, “You are lucky we are guests of this nice man here or you’d be sorry!”

“Yes, yes. I am Me, and You are You.” The cat's eyes rolled, “And threats? How droll… but I suppose a Warlord is as a Warlord does,” It snipped as it sipped its tea.

“I’m not that anymore!” Taylor exclaimed, “I just have violent tendencies. And control freak ones.” She sniffed and turned her nose up at the cat. She was self aware enough to know that much at least.

“Chess, please don’t rile up my guests,” The Hatter requested before looking at Taylor, “The fact that you are aware does you good, but denying something that made you who you are? Why… that’s rather Mad I would say…”

“I also used to be down an arm but I’m not a cripple now, am I?” She countered, “I can have been something without currently being that thing.” She liked conversing with Ravenclaw students about riddles, sue her.

“But this is neither this or that, this is here and now isn’t it?” Hatter replied, his grin widening, “Who’s to say you’re not Her right now? After all… I believe your control over your House is rather telling.”

“Dear Warlord, what the Hatter is implying, in case you missed it, is that saying you’re not a Warlord while doing what a Warlord does isn’t productive,” The cat said.

“The difference between a warlord and a politician is the method by which they gain power,” Taylor countered, “I am very much the second. Yes, I use fear as a tool but is that not how the police themselves function? I make allies and conquer foes with my words, only using violence when it is called for. Thus, I am not a warlord anymore than John Major is.”

“Mmm, I wonder how strong your convictions will be when those you cherish most are threatened?” The cat snorted, “And don’t think I’m threatening either, I’m a civilized cat I’ll have you know. But we both know that other humans aren’t civilized, don’t we?”

“People that don’t bow to laws get crushed by them, as you well know,” She retorted, “Governments maintain power through a monopoly on violence, thus using violence against those that flaunt civilizational norms is acceptable.”

“Ah… but the government of the world you’ve entered is quite broken… and Magicals can be quite Mad at times,” The cat said, “But I tire of debating with a stubborn Warlord, Hatter if you would help the siblings along their path. Ta!” And with that the cat disappeared in a puff of smoke.

“I swear to me, if he shows his face again…” Taylor grumbled before nibbling on a cake. “This is really good.”

The Hatter just laughed, “Chess has that effect on people,” He said, “But truthfully more often than not he does help. It’s just that he delights in being cryptic and riling people.”

“... Oh god he’s like Tattletale isn’t he?” Taylor groaned, “Just wanting to mess with me instead of save my ass.” Her forehead met the table.

“Mmm, more or less,” The Hatter snickered, resting his cheek on his hand as he watched.

“Now you know how it feels,” Amy said with a grin and a pat, “But let me guess our necessary path before you say anything, Hatter. We need to go through the castle, but to get there we’ll have to go through the swamp to reach a back entrance where there are no guards?”

Taylor just grumbled.

“Oh and pass through the Cave of Reflection,” The Hatter added, “That’s actually the most important part for you both.”

Taylor groaned again.

“Of course it is,” Amy sighed, “Let me guess, is the queen as evil as the cat implied?”

“Well, she does have a fondness for beheading people,” The Hatter said, “But if you’re quick witted, I’m sure you’ll manage. After all, Dear Alice did, and she was a naive waif! A pair of Old Souls such as yourself can deal with Queen Bighead methinks.”

“Won’t she have, you know, learned from her mistakes last time?” Amy asked. “And can you tell us what Alice did specifically?”

“No, no of course not! Queen Bighead rarely learns from her mistakes, after all she’s the Queen so she is never Wrong!” The Hatter exclaimed.

“And the answer is no,” Dormouse chimed in, “It’d be boring if we told you how Alice did it, now wouldn’t it be?”

Rabbit thumped the table, “We need to get our entertainment from somewhere! Hatter’s comedy shows got stale ages ago!”

The Hatter harrumphed, “I… can not deny that but I’ll have you know it’s hard to come up with fresh material when you’re trapped in an eternal tea party!” He whined.

“And who’s fault is that!?” Countered rabbit, “Yours! Entirely yours!” Then the rodent threw a cake at Hatter, splattering his formerly nice shirt in icing. “You had the idea to have tea time here!”

“I thought it was a nice spot! I had no idea it would result in this!” The Hatter retorted before throwing a slice of triple layer cake, it looked like a wedding cake, at the rabbit.

Next flew teacups and pots right back, and it was at about that moment Taylor decided they should leave. Amy, having reached that conclusion seconds earlier, was already diving for cover behind a tree. She followed with good pace.

“Come again!” The Hatter called as the food fight intensified, “Always a pleasure to have new guests!”

Taylor didn’t have the heart to tell him that they probably wouldn’t be returning if they could help it.

“At least the cakes were nice.” Amy said, “Though I feel kind of sad for him, an eternal tea party?”

“I don’t… think they’re fairies,” Taylor noted, “I think they were lying about that.”

Amy just shrugged, “Perhaps… though I wonder how that happened exactly,” She said before shaking her head, “Well, let’s head to the swamp.”

“... Normally I’d like to visit a swamp,” Taylor sighed, “Lots of interesting bugs and I’ve always wondered if I could control leeches.” Her shoulders slumped, “We’re going to get attacked by giant mosquitoes, aren’t we? Or alligators, those live in swamps too. Or both. Or Rodents of Unusual Size, though I don’t believe they exist.” She grinned a bit, the reference was too perfect to ignore.

“... It’s entirely possible.” Amy said with a sigh, “Though if a ‘naive waif’ can survive, then I’m sure we can as well,” She added with an amused smile herself.

“We can only hope. Want a bit of cake I saved?” She offered, breaking a slice, which lacked frosting thankfully, in half, “It’s twisty.”

Amy just laughed in reply.

[hr][/hr][hr][/hr]