[MMHA] What reminds you of your inner child?

If you wish to skip to the questions, scroll to the bottom of this post!

I won't hold you hostage, haha <3

. . .

Usually I get annoyed when I hear this "I'm just a girl" thing come up simply because of the ridiculous contexts it tends to come up in. However, I realize it's not all bad, and purely contextual, because my own "I'm just a girl" moments are always prompted by happy and innocent things.

Today's event that had my brain jingling happily "I'm just a girl" every now and then was something as simple as putting a navy blue bow with long ribbons in my hair, and every time I was reminded I was wearing it as I bent over (causing it to dangle and tickle my cheeks) or passed by a mirror.

It's a simple, happy little thing that reminds me that I can be happy with simple little things and that's okay. That's more than okay. It's not stupid and it's not immature. Childish, maybe, sometimes. But childish doesn't always mean bad.

I think it's often said in place of "immature" or in situations that give it a negative connotation but it truly doesn't always mean a bad thing. Childish also means innocent, pure, maybe even silly! And similar to the message in the last audio where a kind bartender lady reminds you it's okay to be different, it's okay to be nerdy, it's okay to geek out over something you're passionate about, and you can be confident wearing your geek on your sleeve and that's okay... It's okay to be happy with the little things. It's more than okay.

In reality, everyone is "just a boy" or "just a girl" inside. We all have hurts and traumas of varying degrees that developed since we were a child.

In my experience, in many psychologists' experience, and by the advice of a number of dating counselors/coaches, they will tell you it is a good practice to think of the inner child of your partner (or friend, or family member, or stranger -- someone you care about! But in this context it makes more sense for your partner) when you are dealing with them either in an argument, or day-to-day difficulties. Or even sans rough patches, when you're thinking about how to love them, how to support them, imagine you are talking to the child version of them. This doesn't mean to baby them or baby-talk them of course, but rather to consider the child that is still in them.

We're all similar in that we all still are taking care of and protecting an inner child. Our inner child hosts a lot of patterns both healthy and unhealthy, habits, generational issues, insecurities, traumas, feelings of invalidation, the list goes on-- all stemming from how we were raising growing up. How we were raised, what our environment was, the people that nurtured us or didn't, what we had or lacked, what we heard and didn't hear but needed to, all these things add up, and often times never get dealt with. Which is why there are distinct emotions we experience when, say for example you hear something nurturing from someone and it reminds you of how someone made you feel (good or bad, since feeling the good in the moment can equally remind us of either a time we last had it that good or how we've never had it that good before, or an extreme-opposite we've experienced before). Imagine you, as a child, pure in all your child-ness, not being exposed to something that you as an adult know you need. Now expose that child(you) to the opposite of that thing you need. Now do it again. Now add a timeline of ten years of that to your child's experience. Now add an environment where you see/hear/learn of other people getting that thing you need, you still haven't experienced it yet. You're still being exposed to the opposite.

I think we can all agree that this is a cruel thing for a child. I think we can all agree that that should not be the experience for any child. The thing is, while we can't do much about it as a literal child, as we get older and obtain and maintain more control over our lives, the responsibility shifts from our parents and adults of our environment as a kid... to us. What may have initially felt unjust in our helplessness as we were getting influenced in ways we didn't ask for, now is our time and opportunity to come out on top and heal and support that child. There is plenty of hope to be had since now that child is completely in our care.

So, challenge yourself this: Before you look at the inner child of someone else (namely your partner or future partner), look at your own inner child. What can s/he handle? What can s/he handle taking? What can s/he manage giving? What is healthy/unhealthy for him/her?

And be mindful that the answer to these questions and more like the don't have to stay the same. They shouldn't stay the same if you continue further and further along your journey of healing. That's what improvement is. And you can be grateful and glad about improving too. You worked hard to get here, God wants to see you doing well, and you are meant to be better off. Not stuck. No one deserves to be stuck. Not even you.

So no matter the cards you've been dealt, please hear and heed the words "Anything can change." No case is so hopeless it cannot be turned around for the better. Even if you yourself feel like the hopeless case, haha <3

You have the ability to change things for yourself. To make life look different. Just like you can make life worse for yourself you can make it better for yourself. And for others. But it's important to pour into yourself so you can pour into others. It's important to prioritize healing and nurturing yourself so you can help others do the same.

We can all do this, and we can all do this together. <3

. . .

Now, to tie this all back to the reflective question(s) of the day...

(And please forgive me for the possible cringe I may induce in phrasing this way, haha!)

What is an "I'm just a boy" moment for you?

It can be from a memory or an activity or anything you can do presently that reminds you of your innocence (because you, you precious, you do have it).

(Further) What stops you from doing this thing?

(Even Further) Do you experience any hesitation in either saying or agreeing that you have an innocence about you? Do you experience any hesitation in saying/agreeing you have an inner child?