The New World Rewrite(Chapters 39 & 40)
Added 2021-08-23 19:57:10 +0000 UTC39 Infestation
Ready f
Comments
Well done! Great chapters
Idan tal
2021-08-24 10:41:38 +0000 UTCAlso i feel a little bit of onomatopoeia at the beginning of the interaction with Elijah would be good, and separately Torix mentions Yawm's awakening but they don't have any clue about him being on planet yet or even his giant tree so that needs a little edit. Other than those gripes I love the changes, even referencing Daniel's bad charisma perk affecting Kessiah was quite awesome. And thank you for fleshing out the characters more, Kessiah is a more believable ass and Althea can stand much much more on her own, its awesome!
Connor Alexander
2021-08-24 10:14:28 +0000 UTCI'm loving the new chapters! Got some fixes that you may have missed here too: Further adding to the mental pressure, [hows] of agony echoed in from all directions hows -> howls.
Connor Alexander
2021-08-24 10:07:09 +0000 UTCI really enjoyed these chapters! Excellent rewrite!
Trevor
2021-08-24 02:37:50 +0000 UTCAfter changing up these chapters, I feel like they're some of the strongest in the story now. It's interesting going through the story because at times, there's very little to bite into. At other times, theres spots like this where I have a whole armada of good material to just polish as much as I can. And that's what I did here in spades. After fixing several continuity errors and logical inconsistencies, the strengths of the plot are able to shine through much more. The brutality, the crushing reality, and Daniel's perseverance, it feels like its coming together. The man's made of metal, as he said, and in these chapters, man, he shows it. There's also quite a plot shift here as far as Michael and Kelsey are concerened. They're still alive at the moment, though just barely. It's a different diferection that I felt emphasized the story and the quiet moments more. Instead of heavy guns blazing all the time, there's the dull, droning silences between the madness. I'm putting those moments in and using them to show the weight of the situation and the toll its leaving on Daniel. It's also going to be used to add wieght and gravity to other characters. After all, it isn't as if one person's struggle is only an opportunity to show more about them. It's an opportunity for others too. Either way, I'm proud about these chapters. I hope you all like them.
Monsoon117
2021-08-23 20:02:56 +0000 UTC
