The New World Rewrite(Chapters 17 & 18)
Added 2021-07-14 11:02:29 +0000 UTC17 Magic’s Mark
The ma
Comments
Thank you man. I know there were many continuity errors in the beggining of the story, and a lot of the character's progressions didn't make a lot of sense. Balancing it all out is going to make the rest of the rewrite(Yawm arc, etc.) much easier for that reason.
Monsoon117
2021-07-15 11:01:37 +0000 UTCHey man. Just wanted to let you know that I’ve been putting slight corrections in the discord. I enjoy reading what you’ve written and rewritten, and I want them to be the best they can. Even if that means bugging you with spelling errors.
NightShade
2021-07-15 00:56:53 +0000 UTCFuck man Torix is a whole different character at the start with this. I love the change, he has so much more ability and feels more like the teacher we know, just with a more aloof edge. And that fight with the skeptiles was tidied super nicely, the arcane one more in line with the progression we’ve seen of other arcane mages. All together feels hella good as a rewrite
Connor Alexander
2021-07-14 21:29:13 +0000 UTCThe chapters become very long at this point in the story. These two are over 11,000 words in total. Either way, in these chapters, I aimed to improve the explanation of Earth right after Daniel escapes. I also tried to fill in his motivations more as a whole, having him become more human. In general, Torix doesn't jerk Daniel around as much. Instead, Daniel makes more decisions on his own, giving the guy more agency in general. I also fixed tons of grammar, continuity, and tense errors.
Monsoon117
2021-07-14 11:05:13 +0000 UTC
