The New World Rewrite(Chapters 1-4)

He placed a point into endurance, making it 19 instead of 18.

Monsoon117

You got confused about the Fighter I. It had 25 points, not fifty. Notifications appeared at 5, 10, 15,20, and 25. That means the twelve points completed a set of three liked this: 13 too 25 would give three notifications. The other corrections were great though, and that fixed some of those tiny errors. Hell yeah.

Monsoon117

Yo, chapter 2 has an error. When he say he has 18 stats in Body of Iron, it should be 19 instead because he has already added a stat point to endurance.

Oluwadarasimi Ogunshote

Micheal and I caved, each of us trying to wisp away a dull, Saturday morning. while away, no comma after dull Everything was hazy, besides for the vibrant, crisp pain in my leg. either 'besides the' or 'except for the' Lightning pain splashed across my mind in an untamed fury. Lightning-intense or some other add-on to make it an adjective My face grinded against the hard floor. ground They arced into a hidden cove, keeping me away from anymore of the blind bats. Their arc formed a ... any more It disintegrated me in a slow, steady drawl, and the sensation hounded me. with a slow, steady drain, Who knew how many of those killers just waited out there in the caves, sitting there, biding their time. biding their time? I needed to power at a speed that defied convention. power up t turns out, training disintegrating your own body was absolute hell. training while disintegrating You've built bridges of bodies and swam in oceans of blood. swum (The have from you've still applies to the second verb.) Welp, the first Fighter tree gave me great gains already, so I choose it before placing all my tree points into it in one go. chose Welp, the first Fighter tree gave me great gains already, so I choose it before placing all my tree points into it in one go. Three notifications appeared in succession once more. Since he has 25 points left, shouldn't it be two notifications now (10 and 20) with three to go? Before that, killing a bat took priority, so I placed ten more skill points into the Fighter tree. He should get the third notification here. I paced further, reaching the cyan shaded pool in about ten minutes. cyan-shaded I relished in daydreams of inflicting this torment tenfold on whoever caused this Schema. either relished (without 'in') or reveled in I put twenty points into II Fighter, finishing the tree. He should already have 35/50, the original 25 plus the ten from earlier. With seventeen skill points left, I peered at my trees. Should be twenty-two. but to quell those fears, I studied the bat’s movements and lifestyles bats' the creatures alternated between comas and napping. He must be engaging in hyperbole. I doubt he could tell the difference from just looking, even if they were visible when sitting still. My plan involved waking up one bat during their comatose before trying to kill one. comatose state I fought the bat during their comma induced state. coma-induced, but I still have no idea how he knows it's a coma. Not wanting even more luck to keep me alive, Not wanting to rely on even more... Or I'd prefer: Not wanting to rely on luck to keep me alive again... I would kite one bat around until my Agony aura finished them off. I would kite one bat around until my Agony aura finished them off. I just had to hope their regeneration was lower than mine. If that rock hit the ground, the bats might’ve been on my like ants over a grasshopper. on me The bat unfurled its wings, popping into existence before it squealed out in a light, airy tone. The bat unfurled its wings, popping into existence before it squealed out in a light, airy tone. I tensed up at the sound, but it seemed like none of the other bats heard it. Wind off its descent brushed my chest, Wind from... Now, it was time for the hard part. I closed the gap between the bat and I before the monster reeled back at Agony’s aura. bat and me. (Way to check: Merge into a plural pronoun ... between us. Since it's us, it's me. If you merged and it came out 'we', it would be 'I'.) I learned from my last fight that these pale creatures mirrored flying bulls more than their aerial counterparts. I think mundane counterparts would be better. Considering the now mellowed pressure, now-mellowed or now-mitigated and that doubled down with the Determinator trees awards. trees' I filled into that emergent build, emerging Marveling at the hideous wound, it unnerved me more than it hurt As I marveled at the Hope that helps.

Jonathan

fixed. EDIT: And thanks of course.

Monsoon117

Oh no I just reread the whole story 😂. Guess I get to do it again.

Xepen

Typo: Eighteen of my total attributes remained in Body of ‘Bron’.

Yanni

Awesome to hear, really.

Monsoon117

I added a PDF attatchment to this and the next posts. It's at the bottom of the document.

Monsoon117

I amped them up quite a bit, and I tried improving the 'flow' of them.

Monsoon117

I love it my man. Forgot how badass those early skill and talent descriptors are. Keep it up 👍

Wow, reads so much smoother, like, wow, small changes=big difference

Bobby B.

Hrm. So I noticed the start of the story is quite a bit more light hearted then what it is later on. I’m guessing that is intentional, though I did find it hard to believe they thought the system interface was a prank. But then again it just highlights that they are naive or just not taking the weirdness of the situation seriously. And I guess that matches danials characters, being stoic yet free spirited and all that. Either way I don’t have any actual criticism just thought I’d add my perspective.

Pretentious Slime

Woot woot

Pretentious Slime

Thanks for the revision, but I want to ask if it is possible to start putting them in a PDF that you can share with your Patreons, or something like that.

IAVL

Thanks and fixed.

Monsoon117

"My eyes adjusted as blinked between rubbing them." Needs an "I".

Lockwood

And so it begins. A new and glorious Era of The Monsoon!

Lockwood

The changes weren't too major here. So, so, so many errors had to be fixed though, and this still hasn't been picked through by an editor yet. That being said, it's far better than before. I do wish I could keep the status screens, but Amazon doesn't really allow for much text editing as far their books are concerned. Hope you all enjoy.

Monsoon117