Journal Entry 2: Struggles with gaining.

I have a feeling this is going to be a multi-series entry, as there's no possible way I could touch down on all of this at once. I asked my buddy Brian for some advice on tonight's topic, and he suggested we discuss clothes/growing out. I thought that was a fantastic idea.

First, I was a fat kid. I was no stranger to ill-fitting clothes and ugly outfits. I wore what would fit 90% of the time, and the 10% I spent trying to squeeze into brands that weren't made for me. Once I lost all of my weight, I LOVED to shop. Loved fashion, loved looking good, all of it. That's probably the only thing I miss about being my skinny self. 

At my smallest, I was a 32x32 pants and a medium in shirts. Today, I'm a 48x32 (if I wear under the belly) and a 4xl-5xl shirt. Being this size, I find that I have to order the majority of my clothes online. Most big and tall sections of American department stores are only available in discount stores, and there's seldom a good fit. The prices in the big and tall market are so inflated, that the jeans I used to pay $44 for at Nordstrom Rack now cost me $139 at DXL, my local big and tall store.  Is it all worth it? Absolutely. 

I have had to (at the very least) refresh my wardrobe monthly for the last year and a half. I find that I've been growing out of bottoms faster than anything, which is pretty hot. Shirts usually last 25-35 lbs. Luckily, I don't hold a corporate job so I am not forced to dress any sort of formal. I typically live out of Under Armour tee shirts, A&E Shorts and the occasional button-down, all of which are found online. My friends do comment a lot about how I'm always rotating my outfit, and that I never wear the same thing for long, but I'm sure they've caught on. 

I tend to be very conscious and mindful of my appearance when in public, so I never really have had the chance to "grow out" of anything before up-cycling it and selling to buy new, larger clothing. I may have a thing or two that I *really* love and I hang onto until I can't fit anymore, but it's rare (unless you're my 2xl CK boxer briefs.) 

To be honest, there hasn't been much thought behind my growth as far as clothing goes. My lifestyle is very fat-boy conducive and I really don't show up anywhere that I'd be expected to dress well. I enjoy my beach bum look, and I don't think I could trade that for being a formal boy. I have fears growing out of the 5xl shirts I own, mostly excited, but many fears. After 5xl, most brands and designers I enjoy don't make anything. I'm going to have to find new classics, new favorites, and from what I've heard, it only gets harder as you get bigger.

What do you guys think? Do you think it's time to leave vanity behind and become a big fat boy, full time? Once I grow out of these clothes, there's no shrinking, no going back. I'd rather lay naked in the a/c and become a human garbage disposal for a bunch of fattening food.