Thanks God for 2019

Hey you!

First, I wanted to thank you again for being here with me and supporting my art. You're so cool. 

You probably have many other things to do, but if you're curious, here is a little something I wrote to close and thank the most important year of my life so far (and I'm not even being over dramatic for once!)

When I look back at who I was the first days of 2019, I can't believe that only one year passed. I was so lost, confused and negative. So freaking negative. Lots of "Ouin ouin", not enough "ahah". I was letting life and outside elements decide everything for me and I had absolutely no idea that I could just say stop and walk away, drama free. I was so depressed and focus on it that all I wanted to do was feeding the depression. The ideas of going out, doing things for/by myself or taking care of the baby I was were faaar away from my little brain.

2019 is the year I finally understood my dynamic with the women of my life and where the problem came from (spoiler: me). I wasn't the victim I thought I was, I was just never setting any boundaries and my only focus was to please them (oh Mama issues...). So thanks to the unsatisfied client who decided to tell me enough terrible things for me to question my whole life :) 

2019 is also the year when I realized and decided that it was about time to love myself. Not just accept, tolerate or deal with myself. No no no. Love with all my heart and brain. I started loving myself more than I love anyone else, and that actually made me love others on a way more honest way. I am not kind just to please and be validated anymore. When I am kind, it's because I truly mean it. I  now take decisions consciously, taking into account my needs, possibilities and desires. I am my own priority so I don't need to be anyone else's.

I also created my best work in 2019. Thanks to my ex partner for pointing out that I could do way more than what I was currently doing at the beginning of the year, I finally decided to translate my emotions, concerns and messages into photographs that I'll always cherish. Trusting people to be a part of these projects was a challenge that I'm proud I decided to accept. 

And wow, after 4years of living in a shitty situation (that I put myself in), I FINALLY DECIDED TO FIX IT, and I came back to France. I thought I would never be able to, by a lack of financial and mental ressources. But when I finally stopped swimming against the current, everything happened exactly the way it was supposed to (once, I'll tell you what happened to me after I decided to get back to France and the story is insanely cool). When I started loving myself, I also started feeling the love from others, that I've begged for so many times, but that was always right here. 

I cut lots of people out of my life, but without hate or anger. I still love these people truly and hope the best for them. I just know that the relationships weren't healthy anymore and that it was better for everybody to move on. Even if it hurts sometimes and I often miss them, I don't regret at all. Now everybody I have in my life are people that I want, so I am always happy to see them and put energy in the relationships.

Thanks 2019, I can really say that there was a before and a after this year. I cannot wait to see what 2020 has in store for me now that I'm finally ready to shop for goods!

I hope that 2019 was also kind to you and taught you valuable lessons. Please, feel free to leave a comment telling me what you've learned in 2019 :) 

Take care and see you soon!!