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"How long you plannin' on washin' those hands? You're gonna rub 'em raw."
I was jolted back to reality when an adventurer I knew called out to me from behind. By the time I noticed my stinging, cold fingers, they were already swollen.
"If you're gonna be rubbing anything that hard it should be your dick."
"…Get lost."
I shot back a reply without turning to face him.
After wiping my hands, I left the washroom. I guess I was spacing out for a while. I always found myself doing that after a job.
Especially today, though…
"I heard you took down another thug, shot his head clean off his shoulders. Maybe you should let someone else handle those demonic beasts and just focus on bounty hunting from now on, eh?"
…
I gave a quick nod, but didn't reply.
After muttering something about how I'd never change, he wandered off.
I looked down and noticed the blood stuck under my nails from earlier was gone. It was the blood of the bounty that had just been begging for his life.
He was a violent criminal. He'd killed a ton of people, including women and children.
He'd killed so many people and yet, when it was his turn, he was begging for mercy like he was a saint.
He deserved to die.
But did I kill him to make him pay for his crimes?
Was it to avenge the people whose lives he took, and their families?
Did do it because it was my job to as an adventurer?
Or was it because…
As I began to walk, I felt my face grow tense.
People called this world "The Land Abandoned by God." Even so, a sense of order was still somewhat maintained.
I was probably the only person who did this kind of stuff that actually felt uncomfortable with it.
Pushing the thoughts from my mind, I headed for the Guild counter.
The money from the hit was more than enough. His heart, though...That was bothering me for some reason. It should have been somewhat hollow, but it was heavy as a rock.
When I finished this type of work, I never went home. Instead of getting wasted at the pub, or going out to the brothels, I always returned to the backstreet inn where I'd been staying.
The room was quiet.
“I still have a little bro at home, man… Please don't kill me”
I should have taken him out in one shot from far away.
I was just trying to get close enough to finish him off, but that's when I heard those last words. I should have just bashed his head in or crushed his heart.
“He's gonna starve without me… Please, stop! Sto–”
Before he could finish spinning his tale, my gun seemed to take control and fired a blast of magic.
A noise escaped the man's mouth as blood spurted from his chest. It sounded like a person's name. As quickly as I could, I flipped my dagger and slashed the man's neck, finishing him off.
I have a little brother, too.
Not by blood, though.
Even still, he means the world to me. He's a good guy and everyone is drawn to him. He's nothing like me.
As I thought of him, the face of the man I just killed popped into my mind again.
Something was getting to me, but I couldn't pinpoint why. All I knew was that man saying "little brother" triggered something in me.
I killed people for a living. I couldn't tell you how many so far, though.
I knew my hands were soaked with blood, but there was nothing I could do about it.
One wrong move, and that man today could have been me.
I knew that I was a murderer, just with a different title. I learned a long time ago I was no better than anyone else doing this.
But he still held my hand and called me his brother with that same smile.
I was happy for that. His warmth gave me relief.
I thought I could always be that "great big bro" to him.
Until that day, though…
A deep, heavy sigh spilled out of me.
If things kept going like this, I was just going to fall deeper and deeper.
I opened the door to the small shower room to wash myself. I took off my clothes and quickly covered my head with the freezing water.
The sound of the running water echoed throughout the room.
That's when I noticed the water flowing red. No, it looked like that for a second, but it was actually clear. The illusion made me laugh to myself.
I washed in silence. As I did, my hand grazed my crotch. I gripped my penis and found that I was half-hard. The sight of blood must have turned me on without even realizing it.
As if out of obligation, I began to jerk myself off. I just wanted to cum and then get to sleep. I didn't want to have to think about anything else.
The cold water trailed from my head down to my hands. With one hand on the wall, and the other on my cock, I closed my eyes and concentrated on the task at hand.
…Ngh.
As I touched myself, my breath began to quicken. I threw my head back and the cold water hit my face.
I could feel my dick throbbing in my palm, its warmth a stark contrast to the coolness of the water.
I wanted to hurry up and get this over with. I had to focus.
…Hah…Ngh.
A moan escaped from my clenched teeth. Rubbing the head of my dick, a viscous fluid spread across my water-soaked cock. As I twisted my hand and worked faster, I felt myself getting close.
As I got more excited, I was reminded of earlier.
What was I thinking when I saw the blood spewing from his body?
How did it feel when the dagger ripped through his neck?
What did I look like when he took his last breath?
The splatter of blood…
The face of death…
Who was responsible for burning these images into my mind?
As I frantically tried to dismiss the thoughts, my penis grew tauter and warmer, my breath heavier.
I was aware my body was betraying my mind, but I was trying to keep everything under control.
That's not… That's not me.
That's not me.
…Ah…Ghh..
I continued to jerk off with everything I had.
Stop thinking… Just stop.
My firm cock twitched and quivered in my hand.
The sounds of me pleasuring myself, along with my muffled breaths, mixed with the percussion of the water's flow, resonating throughout the small room.
I could feel the climax coming. I wanted it to overtake me.
I didn't want to get lost in my thoughts, I wanted to give in to this carnal desire.
…Ngh…!
After jerking myself off some more, I finished. When I thought about it, I couldn't actually remember the last time I came. The load was bigger than I was expecting, and I was feeling weak.
I leaned my body against the wall where my hand had been as the cold water rapidly cooled down my overheated body.
I opened my eyes and saw the cum running down my shaft and down the drain.
Droplets of water fell from my hair.
The noises I'd been holding back spilled out of my mouth in a raspy sigh.
I sat there in a daze as I looked at all the cum again and contemplated my actions.
A lot of the other adventurers would head to the brothers after work, but I wasn't into that. I felt like I wouldn't be able to hold back and I'd break them in half with all my pent-up rage.
But really, I knew that no matter how much I got off with someone, I'd never truly be satisfied if it wasn't with someone I cared about.
So it was better that I handled it by myself, like this.
With my body still wet, I left the shower and made my way to the bed in the dismal room. My body was feeling super sluggish, and I finally realized that I was tired.
I collapsed on top of the bed, not caring how wet it would get.
I thought I should at least put some underwear on, but I couldn't be bothered. I closed my eyes and reassured myself that my body wasn't weak enough to catch a cold like this.
Oh yeah. I should check out the little bro's shop tomorrow. It's been a while.
And that food he makes…
When I would purposively try and put some distance between us, he would always make his way over here and chew me out. He would look so pissed off, he wouldn't even bother trying to hide it.
I knew I wasn't a good influence. It's why I left home in the first place, but…
I found myself clinging to his kindness.
I knew it was my job, but the more lives I took, the more I thirsted for it. There was something about that fucked up existence that fulfilled me.
But I was afraid to face myself, and was always naturally drawn to my brother's voice and kind heart.
I took a deep breath.
I wanted him to be surrounded by nothing but beauty and peace, like a perfect sunny day.
I knew that much was true.
But the desire to destroy that peace and beauty with my own hands and take it all away was equally true.
I wondered how long I could keep up this façade of "great older bro."
It really was something I thought about a lot
I clutched the sheets tightly and curled up on the bed.
"…Asahi…"
I called out my brother's name in a small voice. Saying it, even to myself, always calmed me down.
And before I knew it, I fell into a light sleep… Thinking about my precious brother.