Growing into the Job, Post 524: Car Ride to His Appointment

Okay, so again, he asked me to show this to you, to help tell the story. You probably know this by now but this is from my journal entry for that day, when we needed to take him for a drive to his appointment. I tried to write it more like a “story” story, so it’s easier for you to read.

Anyway, here it is. Sorry if it’s not really all that good, but it’s mostly true. 

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<<<From the Journal of Aubrey Henson>>>

The last ten minutes or so felt like a little dream. Just me and him behind the front desk, the clatter and shuffle of the waiting room fading into a cozy kind of quiet, like we were tucked into the corner of the world where nothing bad could touch him. I’d given him a Sudoku - easy level at first, but he said “I think I can handle a Medium” in this tiny, trying-to-be-bold voice that made something low in my belly go warm and melty.

We worked on it together.

He was so focused. Little brow furrowed, lower lip lightly tucked between his teeth. His legs didn’t touch the floor from the guest chair we’d set next to the counter, so they swung idly back and forth like a kid’s. Every once in a while, he’d glance up at me, like he needed reassurance that he was doing okay. I’d smile and give him a little nod, or rub his back gently, and his whole face would soften.

It’s crazy, this feeling - one that’s gotten stronger each day since Melissa gave me more time with him, asked me to keep an eye on him without her around as much. Like, all I want to do is wrap around him,  tuck him under my arm like a blanket or pull him right into my chest. Just knowing that he was sitting here, small and warm and safe in my care for just a few minutes, filled me up with this quiet pride. Like I was doing something important. Like I was his for a minute, and he was mine. It had been years of working here, me waiting for a feeling like this. I’d had a crush on him since my first day here, so this was special. That he was so small, so needy now? That made it so much sweeter. This moment could go on forever and I’d be happy. 

But then - boom. The girls arrived.

From the back hallway came Lakshmi, then Josie, then Randi and Shanette behind her, all walking like they were on a mission. Not even going to lie - I felt it in my chest immediately, like a pressure drop in the air, or one of those little storms that happens only in your stomach. Every single one of them took one look at Dr. J, all 4’2” of him curled into the armchair next to the desk with his tiny legs swinging, and their whole auras changed. Got bigger and warmer and heavier. Like, sort of like what I was feeling already. But with all of them, all four ladies coming to the front desk at once, it came in one big wave, like tsunami-level maternal energy.

“Hey, Aub, you guys having fun?” Randi grinned, sounding like she’d just walked in on a birthday surprise she hadn’t expected.

“Oh for sure,” I said, looking down at him as he looked up from my tablet, up from Sudoku, with those big brown eyes. He looked at me - oh, gosh, he looked at me! - wondering if he should speak. “We’re having a nice time, aren’t we, Dr. J?”

He nodded, and I think he said something. Something quiet, something small.

“Well, Dr. J, you have your appointment soon,” Lakshmi said, a new perfume drifting from her once she came into his space, something familiar, “Aubrey and I will help get you there-” 

“And I’m gonna drive!” Josie announced. Her pupils had dilated as soon as she saw him, like they wanted to take more of him in.

“And some of us have to work, so I can’t go with you guys,” Randi said next, with mock exasperation, “but at least I’ll help get Squirt in the car.”

Shanette nodded, hair bouncing, practically beaming. “Same. And I wanna give him a kiss goodbye.”  I could feel the excitement in her immediately, when she leaned over the desk towards him; her pulse jumped when his eyes went to her enormous chest, which squashed onto the upper shelf. “C’mere, cutie - give Mama Shanette a smooch.”

When he didn’t immediately stand for her, she pouted and blew him a big, plumpy air-kiss - <MWAH!>. She did see his eyes go wide at her boobs, though, which made her giggle and blow him a new flurry of <Mwah mwah mwah mwah mwahs!>

It made me laugh, but honestly? I felt it too, this attraction to him - more than usual. I dunno if it’s the whole “Melissa’s out of the building” thing or what, but we were all starting to act like he’d been left in our nest and needed constant mother-hen supervision.

Dr. J looked up at them all now on the other side of the desk - Shanette to Josie to Randi -  with those big brown eyes and kinda blinked like he didn’t know whether to smile or run. Poor thing; I think the episode with Jewel had him really thrown off - and there was something else too. He was nervous about something. 

Still in the chair aside him I leaned down toward him, so our faces were level. I kept my voice soft. “Hey, sweetheart,” I said gently, “it’s time to head out now, remember? Josie and Laskhmi and I are gonna drive you to your appointment, okay?”

His little mouth twitched. “I - I could just drive myself…”

I’d become really, uh, sensitive recently, weirdly so. So when I smiled, I felt what was behind the words before he even finished them. A tiny pocket of frustration, of course. Shame too. Like some part of him really still believed he was the adult man he used to be. That he should be able to do this alone.

But even deeper than that? Fear. It pulsed behind his ribs. Heavy, quiet fear of going by himself. Of what they’d tell him. Of what they might not be able to tell him. I don’t even think he knew it was there, but I felt it like someone tugging gently on my own lungs.

I touched his arm. “You’re not alone,” I said. “We’ve got you, okay? Just relax.”

I stood up, helped him to his feet. He’s so little now that I could feel his whole weight shift just from the slight pull of my hand. I let my other hand rest behind his back, feeling the curve of his spine through the back of his scrubs as the others moved around the desk and gathered around him.

Randi offered her hand: “C’mon, Squirt.”

Shanette took his other hand, and was already cooing at him, like she wanted to scoop him up all for herself and tuck him into her chest, “Gosh, look at you. You get cuter every time I see you.”

And Josie made a soft humming noise as she leaned down, sniffed the side of his head. I think I saw a strand of her hair reach out to pet his cheek. “You smell like milk and cookies today,” she giggled, “That’s adorable.”

He blushed like crazy. And we started ushering him out. We walked him like he was the most precious thing in the clinic. Which, to us, he was. 

Five of us - me, Josie, Lakshmi, Randi, and Shanette - flanking him in a loose semicircle, moving him out of FHMA into the atrium, toward the front door. Maybe it was just me, or maybe it was something else stirring in the air again now that Melissa was gone, but I could feel the way people watched us. Some of the newer staff glanced up from their terminals and immediately looked away, pretending not to notice. A couple of patients entering the building or already waiting near the welcome desk blinked and stared openly. I even caught the eye of one of the new Coronado girls at the entrance - she gave a low, amused whistle as she watched us go by, like we were a slow-motion parade. Like she got it. Like she could see what we were - a team of tall, poised, powerful women, escorting our tiny man. His ‘Mom-Squad’ haha. 

And he was so small. Just drifting along between us, his arms tucked close to his body, his eyes wide, scanning the space like it might swallow him if we weren't there to keep him safe. I walked behind him and to the left, watching the back of his head bob slightly as he moved. I could see the hem of his navy scrubs -  tailored to fit, but still faintly oversized - flapping slightly as he walked. He looked…well, kinda ridiculous, but absolutely adorable, and completely ours.

The big black SUV Josie drives was parked in the front lot, and Randi was already ahead, striding up to open the passenger-side back door. She turned, grinning, and crouched  like a teacher beckoning a kindergartener onto a field trip bus.

“Come on, Squirt,” she chirped, playful and warm, waving him towards her. 

He paused, hesitated a second, and I felt something change in him, in his tummy. I put my hand on his left shoulder and said “it’s okay”. He was able to gather himself, and stepped towards Randi and the opened car door. Before climbing in - and I mean climbing - he took a deep breath. 

Watching him, I felt my own breath catch. It was such an effort for him! Randi reached out and gave him a helpful push under the arm, guiding him up into the seat with both strength and familiarity. He let out a soft grunt, one hand on the doorframe, the other gripping the headrest. His legs dangled as he scooted his bottom back into the cushion, and Randi leaned in to get him settled. The weight of her body made the entire car rock slightly towards her...

I walked around to the other side and opened the rear door; I’d be sitting aside him in the rear seat. I saw Randi leaned in, buckling him up, pulling the harness down across him but I swear - for one heartbeat, one little second of imagination flashing across my mind like a lightning strike - I saw something else…

I didn’t see Dr. Jay, four-foot-something and sunk into the leather seat. I saw him more like two-foot something, maybe one-foot something, just like a baby. Not literally - not like, diapers and onesies - but just…tiny. Helpless. More ours than ever. His legs didn’t even reach the edge of the seat, not in this vision. He sat nestled in the padded straps of a five-point harness, in a child’s car seat. His head tilted back slightly as Randi leaned in, to avoid her breasts while her big hands gently buckled the straps across his chest. She cooed at him, playfully making sure the clip sat right against his tiny sternum. And I stood at the other door, the final soft “click” of the harness breaking the spell, bringing me back to reality.

Something was throbbing low in my chest.

It was just a vision, just a crazy thought. That’s all it was. But it felt like a possibility.

And you know what’s wild, Journal? I liked it, in a lot of ways. Yes, in a female power-trip way, sure: imagine if all men were that small, if we had that much control over them, how amazing the world would be? But I liked it more in that deep, marrow-sure way a woman feels when something precious is entrusted to her. I wanted him safe. Secured. Surrounded. I wanted to mother him.

I blinked, and the vision was gone. Just Randi, gently helping him situate. Just me, standing at the open door, one hand resting on the frame.

But that image was going to stay with me. I just knew it.

I didn’t say anything, just got myself into the car. I’m still getting used to being over six feet, and folding my legs in took some effort. I smiled at him, though, as I sat, and the eye contact we had made me - oooo, Journal - it’s a lot. I have so many feelings!

Randi was saying her goodbyes to him, and Shanette kept her promise, leaned in, and planted a huge wet smooch on his forehead. He looked at her breasts, I could see that, as she did, but then when she leaned back out again to talk to the other girls, he looked back at me.

At me.

I smiled again, vaguely hearing Shanette, Randi, Josie and Lakshmi finalize plans for meeting up later. Once more, I didn’t say anything. I didn’t think I needed to. He and I, Dr. J and me, we have a history. We have a connection. I just offered my hand, across the seat, to him. He looked down to it, and then back up at me. He took it, our fingers touched, and then - whoah.

I didn’t know my powers had gotten this strong.

My heart is STILL fluttering.

Josie and Lakshmi were getting in the car, putting on their seatbelts, and asking how we were doing. I think I answered something vague, but my mind was focused suddenly all on him, and how our palms now touched, our skin-to-skin contact letting me read his feelings so much stronger than before.

So, okay, we were pulling out of the clinic parking lot, and I had to struggle to tear my eyes away from his - so we didn’t look weird, to Josie and Lakshmi. But I was feeling it, I was feeling him, everything he had inside. I mean - he didn’t say anything, not at first. But I could feel it.

He was sitting beside me, quiet and still in the leather seat, his other hand curled in his lap. The sun was coming in through the tinted windows, catching on the edges of his hair, and I could feel his whole little body tighten just a little bit more with every passing second.

It was like this low-grade tremor, not literal, but emotional. A ripple of uncertainty, of tension, of discomfort starting to bloom. It was subtle - he didn’t fidget or whimper or shift in his seat. But I knew. Just like I’ve known other times now, when people feel things they don’t say out loud. That’s the whole new part of me that’s still freaking me out a little. My empathy. My… power? I don’t know. It’s like I’ve got an extra sense now, a sixth one, that just picks up feelings like radio waves.

And right now, the air between us was all static.

He didn’t want to be doing this.

He was thinking about the appointment, about what it meant. About getting answers. About Melissa not being there. I could feel the worry curling in his chest. But underneath all that? There was something heavier.

That fear.

Not of danger. But of truth.

He didn’t want to know what was happening to him. Not really. Part of him did, sure. But another part - maybe the bigger part - just wanted to keep shrinking, quietly, while pretending it was all fine. Being smaller made him more cared for. More coddled. More… loved. (I felt that one especially hard, and I don’t even know how to write how it made my chest feel.)

I sat there, trying to stay calm. To sit still. To be a good girl and not smother the tiny man beside me with a tidal wave of warm, overprotective affection.

But it was so hard.

His anxiety was like cinnamon in the air. Sweet and sharp and clinging to everything. I kept my other hand on my lap. I bit my lip. I turned my head and stared out the window, counting telephone poles.

But then-

Lakshmi turned around in the front passenger seat. Her hair was up in a sleek bun, her badge glittering in the sunlight, and she looked so perfectly composed (as always) when she gently asked, “Dr. J? How are you doing back there?”

There was a pause.

And then his voice, small and a little bit frayed around the edges: “Uhm… okay, I guess? Just… kinda tired.” He paused. “Kinda scared.”

That was it.

That was it.

Before I even knew what I was doing, I made a soft sound - like “aww” but more breathy - and I just moved. I turned, slipped out of my seatbelt, and smooshed over into him. Not hard. Not aggressively. Just…hugged him.

One arm around his tiny shoulders. My body leaned in. And yes - I did it. I hugged his head to my chest. I was wearing my soft, ribbed, buttercream sweaterdress so everything was really soft, and I closed my eyes when I hugged him. It was like instinct. Like wrapping a newborn in a blanket. Like nestling a kitten under your chin. I pressed him softly into me and felt the full weight of his confusion, his embarrassment, his need. It rolled off of him and into me like heat.

And god, the relief. Not just mine. His. It was like something inside him exhaled for the first time in hours.

“Shhh,” I whispered, nuzzling his soft hair. “It’s okay. You don’t have to be brave alone. We’ve got you.”

From the front seat, Josie giggled. “Awwww Aubreyyyyy,” she sang, teasing but not mean. I think she knew exactly what I was feeling. Lakshmi made a small “tsk” sound and turned back around, but even she didn’t say anything. I think she knew too. Because even though it looked a little silly - me squishing a grown man into my boobs like he was some kind of emotional support puppy - something about it just felt…right. To all of us. 

He didn’t resist. He didn’t push me away. He just… settled.

And - oh my, Journsl - he got hard. I didn’t have to feel it, I didn’t have to see it. But I knew it. He was growing an erection for me. 

I stayed there, trying to control my new feelings. Holding him. Feeling his heartbeat, hearing his breath soften, and letting my own heart fill to bursting with the warmest, strangest, sweetest sense of belonging I’d ever known.

Just when I thought I should give him a little space, start to lean back and let the moment pass - we weren’t alone, I couldn’t let this go any further - I felt his arms tighten, subtly, around my waist.

It was so soft, so faint, I could have pretended I didn’t notice. But I did. And it just about broke my heart in the best way possible.

So, I didn’t move away. Instead, I wrapped him in tighter - my arms curling around his shoulders, cradling his head against me. “I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered, my voice low and sure.

To that, his whole body relaxed, just a little. And I swear I could feel the tiniest shift in the air between us, something that buzzed beneath the skin - a kind of invisible permission. Like he’d let go of some tiny sliver of shame.

The road hummed beneath the tires. Outside, traffic was light. But inside the car, the atmosphere was heavy with something else. A quiet sort of tenderness.

I felt something else, too. In me.

It’s strange how real these feelings get, how strong. When you have a gift like mine - whatever it is now, whatever it’s becoming - everything hits so much harder. The fear. The need. The fragile hope of it all. But also this other thing I couldn’t explain. This almost aching swell of…readiness. Of wanting to be the thing someone else needs.

So - knowing the answer already but wanting to hear him say it - I asked, very gently: “How are you feeling, Dr. J?”

There was a pause.

Lakshmi glanced back from the front seat, just once. She didn’t say anything - she didn’t have to. Her eyes were soft, curious. She was tuned in too. Josie, hands on the wheel, glanced into the rearview. Just a flicker of a smile in her eyes, warm and waiting.

He swallowed. “I - I’m okay. I think.” His voice was thin. Not convincing. 

I kept stroking his back. I could feel the unease pulsing under the skin, like little waves of static. “Are you sure?” I asked. “You don’t have to be brave with me. You can just be… honest.”

He hesitated.

Then: “I don’t feel good.”

My chest clenched. I pressed him gently into me again, rubbing a slow circle between his shoulder blades.

“Is it your stomach?” I asked.

He nodded.

“And your head? The pressure?”

Another nod.

“And is it worse, the closer we get?”

This time, he was quiet. Then he gave the tiniest nod.

I let the silence hold for a beat.

“Don’t you think we should At least try to get you to your appointment?” I asked him softly.

He didn’t answer right away. Just rested there. Breathing.

“No,” he whispered finally. “I don’t want to.”

Lakshmi turned more fully now in her seat, her voice as calm and neutral as if she were reading from a chart: “Dr. J,” she asked, “Can you tell us why?”

He didn’t pull away. He didn’t even lift his head.

He just spoke, muffled but clear. “I…I don’t think I want to know what’s happening. I mean… I do. But I don’t. What if they figure it out? What if they find out how to stop it?” A pause. “What if… what if it’s just what I’m supposed to be now? And I mess it up by trying to fix it?”

Something in me broke and bloomed at the same time.

I didn’t say anything yet. Just breathed with him. Just held him. He was so scared. And so brave. All at once. But there was more to it, I knew, I could feel him holding it back.  “And what else?” I asked.

He struggled, and couldn’t speak it - that he was turned on by shrinking, by having this world of women growing all around him.

And in that moment, I understood what Melissa must feel, all the time. The feeling that she needed to grow. To become bigger and stronger not only to protect him, to become what he needed, but also - oh, Journal - to give him what he wanted. And now we felt it too. Because he wasn’t just hers. She’d given parts of him to us, she wanted us all to share. Now, he wasn’t just Melissa’s.

He was ours.

“Josie,” I spoke up, raising my chin from the top of his little head, “I think we should turn around.”

“Okay, yes,” she answered, and her eyes immediately went to her rearview, to her side mirrors, checking traffic. Lakshmi, meanwhile, nodded at me when our eyes met and gave me approval. So, with him hugged to my chest, I used my free hand to reach down and untie his scrub bottoms. Lakshmi was already turned around and looking through the glove compartment for some tissues. 

I reached into his pants, lowering them a bit, and took hold of - oh I can’t even describe the feeling this gave me - his erection, the one I’d given him. I felt him freeze, and weakly try to pull away. But I knew he really didn’t want me to let him go, so I hugged his face more firmly to my big, soft boobs. 

“Shhhhh, Dr. J, it’s okay….” I whispered to him, just loud enough for Lakshmi and Josie to hear as I pulled him out and started to stroke. Lakshmi was there with the tissues when we needed. ”This will make you feel better…”

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