Good News, Bad News, & Being HotRamenAudio Sucks. I Want It To Suck Less

Good News: The Samus Aran animatic

Is nearly done. I'd wager 95% done. It's 5 and a half minutes for the diarrhea version, and 5 minutes for the pantypoop version. And it looks better than I could've anticipated, enough so that it is difficult not to hype it up for you all. While it was on track for release today, there was just one effect I was dissatisfied with, and it was too important to overlook.

The big diarrhea scene looked unconvincing. The visual effects I used for it weren't selling. In the end, I contacted TheYunkos, animator on Toilet Girl Game 2 (which I did the audio design for, if you need an incentive to check it out), to create a short animated loop of her diarrhea stream. In tandem with visual effects, it will bring the last shot to life (I hope). While he works, I will be taking the evening off to relax before I do a final QA pass.

BAD NEWS - The Hatunse Miku Motion Comic

The Hatsune Miku motion comic is stalling, and it's chances of coming out this month are hard to guarantee. There are three primary roadbumps.

Me: I have a scope creep issue. What was meant to feature one music track, six still images with almost no motion, and some narration with nostalgic sound effects here and there turned into a massive full motion project with twice as many stills as intended (all moving) and more complex sound design. It's just as likely to be delayed by my own ambition than outside circumstances.

Pal: I have said in the past that Pal's story is not my story to tell. But it's always affected our work together, and he has given me permission to explain his circumstances, at least a little bit. He lives in a very unstable household. A member of his family is, to be charitable, "unwell", to the point of being physically and emotionally abusive. He is looking to leave home as the situation has become bad enough that he often spends all day away from his house to avoid them. He is working diligently on the Miku comic through it all, but of course his ability to work is more dependent on the stability of his environment than it should be. Please be kind to him.

The Miku VA: I am back to shopping around for a Hatsune Miku VA. While Miko_Desh proved to be a very talented VA, she struggled to understand the appeal of EFRO at the acting level. When Ubisoft began work on the first 3D Rayman game, they realized that the team was not yet proficient in 3D game development. Rather than bungle the next iteration of Rayman, they produced Tonic Trouble as a training exercise. In this vein, I want to work with her more closely to get her accustomed to doing scat projects, since her Japanese language proficiency opens me up to a lot of often requested characters with no English voice claims, as well as VTubers. We conceived of our own "Tonic Trouble" project, as it turns out she has a spot-on impression of a world renowned Data Scientist (and her mother, but that's for another day) In the meantime, I decided to pursue another VA for Miku since she has great singing talent, but unfortunately they have yet to respond to my inquiry. Until it is locked in, I will not disclose which VA I am pursuing, but I will be playing hardball until I hear back from them... Because it turns out, I really hate compromising on quality. To expand on that:

"It's Done When It's Done"

I want to maintain my goal of releasing two Patron-funded audios a month for Instant Ramen members. But the practical reality of working with the schedules of others has proven, time and time again, to be a major source of stress and exhaustion. I cannot control other people's schedules, health, and circumstances. All I can control is the amount of accommodation I give them and the level of grace and slack I give myself. I tried to keep deadlines in the hopes that members who need to schedule their finances monthly, but still want to listen to the audios, can appropriately determine which projects interest them enough to sign on, stay on, or cancel their membership if need be. But CrimsonSFM and I are working to integrate a Trello-like update board onto the site where you can keep track of projects that interest you. I feel this is a good and more realistic way to manage expectations and ensure members can make informed financial decisions.

As such, what two audios I release each month will be determined by which ones are ready, rather than going in order of which ideas were proposed. This was a relic from when my budgets were thinner. A good example: Alice in Wonderland is "stuck" behind Zhu Yuan right now, which is waiting on retakes and an alt. This will no longer be the case - if an audio is jammed up, I will just work on something else in the meantime. Alice in Wonderland is in a more prime spot to work on than the Zhu Yuan audio, and so I will be pushing it forward until Zhu Yuan is in a workable state.

Quality First

I have come to accept no expense is too great. Some audios haunt me because I chose budget over quality. However, I also have to accept it is not always realistic for me to pursue a project just because it's next on the docket. While I can try to control a project's budget by how I write it, or how I block out the artwork, getting the right VA for the job and telling the story properly is important. While I will never scrap a project for cost, I may insist on a project not moving forward until it is realistic to pursue it.

Case in point: In October of last year, a project focused on Morrigan from Darkstalkers won a poll. Her accent proved to be an issue, and the performance I got was underwhelming. Nearly a year later, I auditioned TheVoiceVixxen for the role, and she was stellar as the Scottish succubus. I will thus be moving forward with this long overdue project. I will, however, need to make it an All-Access audio, despite my initial desire to release it for Instant Ramen, because TheVoiceVixxen is just very expensive to work with at $60 per minute of spoken word. Basically, I will need to do whatever I can to ensure the project is done the best it can be from now on, because nothing feels worse than releasing something you hate.

Transparency And Being Fair To You And Myself

The idea of spending more and extending the deadline for two already long overdue project was one I wasn't proud of making, but I came to accept it was necessary when I examined what drives me to make audios. I've been mentally unraveling the last several days over compiling delays, life circumstances for myself and the talent associated with HRA, and the fact that I have not been authentic as a creator, and in turn it has made HRA more of a slog and a source of stress than necessary. And the only joy in the process was this Samus animatic. Which made me realize my priorities have been all wrong.

I couldn't tell you why I made audios. I can tell you for certain it is not for sexual gratification. I do not get any enjoyment out of making pornography. I have never once "enjoyed" my own projects and I receive a lot of criticism about this behind the scenes, being accused of taking advantage of an undeserved community. Let it be known that this fetish is pretty much my sole sexual interest. But the end result is the same - there is no pleasure going on here. With no real answer, I was adamant that it was just a job. But as I overworked, spent more than necessary, and looked back on projects not as business successes or failures, but as part of a canon of my own achievements, I couldn't deny that the true center of HRA is to find pride and excitement in the work that I do. "I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it. And it made me feel I was alive."

I don't consider it selfish or wrong to be purely driven by profit, and I take a lot of pride in the business side of things. But my words ("I do it for the money") and my actions ("I spent an additional $50 for an effect on an already expensive project even though coomers won't care if its animated poorly) don't really line up, do they?

I'm just a man who likes to write and edit. I mean, I hate to write and edit. But artists hate making art. That's actually why we do it. I do treat this as my art, even if I have ambitions beyond NSFW. Which is why I know when suffering for your art is "fun" and when it just plain ol' sucks. I will continue to treat this as my job - taking it seriously and respecting people's time and money. But I started viewing running the page as the job, not making the audios themselves. And let's be honest - I just haven't done a very good job at running the page as a well-oiled content machine, as was my initial goal. Now I think I just want to be proud of what I make. I'll do my best to avoid putting my own desires so far above yours' that I fail to deliver due to self-indulgence. But at the time, I am just failing to deliver because I'm not running the page well, and I am not running the page well because my emotional energy is going in the wrong direction.

Is the Samus animatic late? Yes. Do I think it will be worth the wait? Absolutely. It's fucking awesome, and I am glad I took my time with it. It would be nice to always feel that way, rather than the ambivalence I've conditioned myself for the last several months so I can get it done and move on. That's why I don't feel so bad digging my heels in to let the Miku motion comic be completed with a humane schedule for Pal and the best possible VA for the role. I know to an extent that means I run the risk of playing with your money, but I will do all I can to minimize the risk on your end with a less intrusive, more real-time form of updates and communication... one that won't end up spamming your emails.

I hope you will enjoy the Samus animatic as much as I do, and I hope for good news for Zhu Yuan and Hatsune Miku this month. But I have other projects I can focus on in the meantime, and I hope you will enjoy those too. I'll see you all on release day!