Diary entry 11 ❤️ More personal

I’ve made this entry private as it is quite a bit more personal.. 

Firstly, I went to see the home I’m planning on moving into in the next few weeks time (hence the search for another dog has ramped up a bit).. It went okay and I’m going back again tomorrow with my dad..

My mum is being a nightmare.. I did talk about this a little bit once but not details I think.. I’ve never been close to my mum, unfortunately, she never took kindly to me wanting to follow my own path.. Her expectation of me was to become a housewife and not do much with my life.. Unlike my dad, she’s  traditional in her views and we have never really seen eye to eye.. We never really bonded and even now I feel sad I never had the close relationship with my mum that I saw a lot of my friends had with theirs.. We never went for girly chats or coffee or anything like that, she only really spoke to me to tell me how to behave 🤷‍♀️

It kinda broke my heart not having the normal mother/daughter closeness and the family issues and unexpectedly running into some complications a couple of years back (though they were fixed) are a big reason why I want to have kids of my own and build myself a nest, I dream of a house full of love.. 

I got good grades when I was a kid but as I’ve mentioned before I was kinda rebellious and always spoke up if something bothered me.. I come from a middle-eastern culture where traditionally boys are seen as more valuable as girls and remembering that still hurts now..

If I have a girl I’ll never bring her up to believe she’s worth any less than her brother or that she’ll have to depend on a guy.. My family as a whole does not believe that BS and are pretty liberal (hence they are generally okay with my surgeries).. I think I‘ve said this before too, that quite a few of my cousins and aunts have had their noses, lips and boobs done lol.. My mum met a woman about 15 years ago who steered her into a harsh interpretation of religion..

I can’t agree with the most traditional viewpoints that say that homosexuality  is wrong or that people should marry within their own religion so we’re never going to see eye to eye.. I just want to get on with my life and have a family of my own to love.. 

Perhaps I sounds naive but I don’t want a guy who only likes me because of my boobs.. I want him to love me for me 😌

My planned path in life was to marry someone conservative and give up all my hopes and dreams, to not travel, to not have much of a career, to just pop out kids lol and as I have also said before I do love children but I just wanted it to be when I was ready, not because it was a expected of me ❤️❤️

I hope this wasn’t too long a read again.. I keep meaning to do a diary post on my work in fashion but it will have to wait xx 

I also tore one of my fave pink Barbie sweaters 😭😭 I have had a long cry this weekend over the family stuff and the little things that have gone wrong