Chapter 175 – Tangled and Complicated

When it came to matters of the heart, Yamada Ryo was… perhaps a little slow on the uptake.

But she wasn’t stupid.

She could notice Kita’s behavior on most days, so even if she wasn’t the most sensitive person in the world, Ryo could still more or less guess what was on Kita’s mind lately.

That included what had happened over the past few days—how Kita’s relationship with Aoki Kei had suddenly turned tense, and then, by the afternoon today, somehow returned to normal again…

What exactly was going on between Aoki Kei and Kita?

Ryo cared.

Were they together?

She cared about that too.

Now, thinking back, she could finally understand that strange, baseless sense of foreboding she had felt earlier in the day at the KL company’s venue.

And because of that, an odd, almost unreal feeling welled up inside her—

About three months ago, it was Kita who was curious, Kita who was asking her over and over whether she and Suki-san were together.

Back then, Ryo, on a whim, had replied with a playful, “We’ve been together for a long time.”

And now, three months later, she was the one wondering about Aoki Kei and Kita’s relationship…

The thought stirred a faint, complicated feeling in her chest.

With that question lingering in her heart, Ryo glanced at Aoki Kei and spoke up.

But even as she asked, she didn’t expect a clear answer from him.

The reason was simple.

She had the right to ask, but Suki-san had the right not to answer.

And when it came to a question about his relationship with someone else…

Would he really answer?

Especially after that day in Uji, when he had avoided her question entirely…

Hearing Ryo’s sudden question, Aoki Kei froze for a moment before quickly catching on.

He suspected that all the earlier small talk—everything before the “Does Kita like you?”—had just been a buildup to this one question.

But right now, that suspicion didn’t matter.

What mattered was how he was going to answer this question.

Did he need to hide it?

If he were the kind of scumbag who played with girls’ feelings, chasing short-term pleasure without a second thought, then yes—he’d hide it.

He could secretly date Kita while keeping things with Ryo the same, avoiding any need to draw boundaries.

But Aoki Kei wasn’t that kind of person. He couldn’t do that.

When Kita had confessed to him, all he’d said was “Thank you.”

There was no need to dodge the question, no reason to lie.

Since Ryo was asking, he would just tell her the truth.

After a short pause, he nodded lightly.

“Mm. Yes.”

Ryo hadn’t expected such a straightforward reply.

She tugged the thick hoodie she was wearing upward, hiding part of her face.

“I figured as much.” She spoke quietly, then stayed silent for a few moments before turning her eyes back to Aoki Kei.

And then, she asked the very same question that Kita had once asked her three months ago:

“Are… you two together?”

Her voice was cool, but there was a faint trace of hesitation in it.

By then, they had already reached the dessert shop.

Aoki Kei stopped walking.

Turning to face Ryo, he met her gaze in silence for a moment before answering honestly:

“No. Kita confessed to me, but… for certain reasons, I basically turned her down.”

“Why?”

Ryo took a small step closer as she asked.

“That’s… because of my own considerations, I guess. I feel like I’m not… well, in any case, I refused.”

“Your own considerations? But Suki-san, you do like Kita, don’t you?”

Her tone was still calm, but she took another half-step forward, closing the already short distance between them.

“Ryo,” Aoki Kei sighed lightly, “having feelings for someone doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be together.

Just because I like sweets, does that mean I have to taste every dessert in the world?

People hesitate, they weigh their choices, and eventually they either let something go or step forward with conviction.”

“Suki-san,” Ryo blinked and shook her expressionless face ever so slightly, answering in a gentle but firm tone, “Why shouldn’t you try every dessert you like? If there’s nothing stopping you, why not at least try being with her?

It’s like seeing a flower you love in a field—even if the mud dirties your shoes, reaching out to pick it isn’t the wrong choice, is it?”

She looked straight at him as she spoke.

By now, the two of them were standing very close—almost as close as they had been earlier in STARRY.

Aoki Kei opened his mouth, but found himself unsure how to respond.

Ryo wasn’t wrong.

But… could he really do as she said?

If he really did get together with Kita… could he set aside the band, set aside the future, and still be happy?

To imagine a perfect future—one where even if obstacles arise, you can find a way through—there’s nothing wrong with living like that.

A life without overthinking, without worrying about what’s to come, simply enjoying the present.

Aoki Kei probably understood all of that.

And yet… if he liked Kita, why hadn’t he given her an answer that afternoon?

Why?

When people’s beliefs collide, there’s rarely a right or wrong.

Friend A has never lived Friend B’s life.

Friend B has never gone through Friend A’s struggles.

Naturally, their values will differ.

But after his rebirth—growing up in an orphanage…

Just like Manager Seika and Hikigaya Hachiman once told him—

His personality was… well, not great.

He had a near-obsessive sense of responsibility, an inability to overlook even the smallest risk that could cause trouble.

Most of the time, he hesitated. And even when he finally acted on impulse, it didn’t always lead to the perfect outcome.

Could someone like him really afford to picture such an impossibly beautiful future?

Aoki Kei stayed silent.

They stood so close now that Kei could feel Ryo’s breath against his face, warm and even.

After a few seconds of silence, Ryo seemed to realize he wasn’t going to answer.

She opened her mouth again.

Her questions—on the surface, for Kita—were transparent in their real meaning:

“Suki-san, you like me, don’t you? Then why didn’t you say so that day in Uji?”

“Even if it’s a rejection, you should still give me an answer, shouldn’t you?”

And right now…

Kei’s silence was an answer in itself.

Ryo could feel it—he had a reason he couldn’t accept, but he didn’t actually want to reject her.

She didn’t know the reason.

But deep down, she had a hunch: Kita probably did.

Even so, was avoiding the topic really the right thing to do?

Ryo knew it wasn’t.

And yet, she couldn’t bring herself to dislike Aoki Kei—couldn’t bring herself to resent Suki-san at all.

So now… what emotion should she face him with?

The answer was hazy.

But knowing herself, she wasn’t the type to chase after the “correct” answer.

Since coming back from Uji, Ryo had even started trying to like sweets.

The scent of cream brushed past her nose, only to be swept away by the autumn wind.

She spoke again.

“Suki-san, I like you. I know Nijika has feelings for you too—you know that as well, don’t you?”

She didn’t wait for him to respond.

“But Kita’s confession, Nijika’s feelings, even your hesitation… I don’t care about any of that.”

“I just know that being with you feels… comfortable.”

“So—”

“Even if your thoughts are selfish, even if Kita won’t accept it, even if Nijika minds, even if your final choice is ugly—Suki-san…”

Her voice turned cool as she leaned closer, until her lips were right by his ear.

“I don’t care. In fact—Suki-san… I support you.”

The wind stirred, lifting strands of her short blue hair.

Love is selfish—this feeling does not allow itself to be shared.

Yet love is also noble—some people will give up everything just to have it.

Contradictions have always lived within human hearts. Love without the risk of hurting someone doesn’t exist.

Affection, liking, love—Ryo couldn’t tell them apart.

But she knew you had to take that step forward.

Reason? Calm thinking? None of that mattered.

The feeling of “liking” someone was meant to be impulsive.

And maybe it had nothing to do with personality at all.

When had it started?

Maybe back at STARRY, when he told her, “You need to have personality.”
Or outside the yakiniku place, when he rushed to speak before her, saying, “I want to win.”

When he agreed to all her little requests.

When he played beside her during their street performance.

When they locked eyes after playing Loser.

When he told her during practice, “Your bass skills are absolutely fine.”

When he fumbled, hesitated, and yet still tried to explain himself after a misunderstanding.

It was all so… ordinary. Just daily life.

And yet, Ryo understood her feelings now.

Doubt and confusion—those had no place inside her.

If Suki-san avoided her, she would simply chase him down.

She could be selfish—because Suki-san didn’t dislike her.

In a world of eight billion people, she had been chosen.

So why shouldn’t she be selfish?

Suki-san… Suki-san…

I don’t care. I can make my choice.

What about yours?