All I see is ass in the tavern
Added 2025-03-16 01:07:27 +0000 UTCFor BASIC and above patrons, a bawdy medieval Latin poem: "All I see is ass in the tavern."
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Omnia quae video, culus in taberna.
Tam magnus videtur ut luna superna.
Non vinum, non panis, nihil in manu,
Sed culus sedet, ut orbis in plano.
Clunesne deae? An donum beatus?
Tam rotundus est ut ventus inflatus.
Si tangere possem, sedere timerem,
Ne mens mea pereat in visu aeterna.
O Bacche, da vires ut oculos tollam,
Ne in taberna hunc tantum adorem!
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All I see is ass in the tavern.
It seems as big as the heavenly moon.
No wine, no bread, nothing in hand,
But ass sits, like a sphere on the table.
Are they the cheeks of a goddess? Or a blessed gift?
So round it is, like an fat fruit.
If I could touch it, I would fear to sit,
Lest my mind be lost in eternal vision.
O Bacchus, give me strength to lift my eyes,
Lest I worship only ass in the tavern!
