JJK: Hourglass - CH5

[Nanashi - POV]

Getting my ass kicked by a talking panda during PE was not how I envisioned my life at this point.

“Nanashi-kun~” Panda sang out, his voice somehow both mocking and affectionate, as he landed another comically oversized paw on my back.

I gasped for air, face planting into the ground for what felt like the hundredth time this afternoon, who am I kidding, this was probably the two hundredth time. “Is this really necessary?” I wheezed, pushing myself up on shaky arms, my ego bruised far more than my body.

Out of all the bears types that could’ve kicked my ass, I get my ass handed to me by a panda, the socially anxious bear of the wild.

“Absolutely!” Panda replied, bouncing back on his fear with a grin that could only be described as smug if pandas could indeed look smug. “How else are you going to improve your cursed energy manipulation? By reading a book?”

I rolled my eyes, staggering to my feet. “I am open to testing that hypothesis.”

“Hmmm, noz Books don’t hit back,” Panda retorted, shaking his head.

“I wanna punch you,” I muttered under my breath, dusting off my pants and preparing for another round.

Just as I was about to lunge forward, a thought crossed my mind. “Hey, Panda,” I started, adopting a tone of mock curiosity. “Do you ever get bamboo splinters? You know, from all the bamboo you munch on?”

The trap is set, now all you have to do is fall.

Panda paused, tilting his head in what I assumed was confusion. “Why would I—”

I didn’t give him the chance to finish, using his momentary distraction to launch my attack. It was a cheap shot, sure, but all’s fair in love and war right?

Besides, my ego needed to land a hit.

Unfortunately, my triumph was short-lived. With reflexes that belied his bulky fluidly frame, Panda easily sidestepped my charge, sending me tumbling forward with a gentle push, with his backside.

I landed with a thud. Two hundred and one…

“Nice try, Nanashi-kun. But maybe focus more on your footwork and less on my dietary habits,” he advised, offering a paw to help me up. “If you do that, you’ll soon learn how to use your curse energy!”

Honestly, how is this supposed to help me?

First Gojo kidnaps me, then… he enrolls me in the school, and immediately after he goes all like: Go fight the fucking bear, good luck.

I had no idea what curse energy was, or how to use it.

I didn’t even understand how Panda was talking.

Accepting Panda's paw, I got back on my feet, brushing off the latest layer of dust and defeat. "Yeah, because clearly, the path to mastering cursed energy is getting intimately acquainted with the ground," I shot back, half-exasperated, half-amused. “By this point I kind of feel I owe the ground a date.”

"Focus, Nanashi-kun," Panda said, his tone shifting to something more serious. "It's all about harmony, understanding the flow of energy within you and aligning it with your intentions."

"Harmony, huh?" I chuckled. "Does getting tossed around harmoniously count?"

"Only if you learn from it," Panda replied, a big smile on his furry face.

Just as we were about to engage again, a voice rang out across the courtyard, cutting through the tension like a knife. "Panda! Nanashi! That's enough for now, I already got an idea of how much our new student knows."

We both turned to see Gojo striding towards us, his shades gone, replaced by some blindfold, a smirk playing on his lips as if he knew some inside joke the rest of the world wasn't privy to.

I really hated that guy. I wonder how long before I develop Stockholm Syndrome.

"If it isn’t my kidnapper/teacher," I began, one of my eyes twitching. "How is any of this supposed to help me control cursed energy? I feel more like a human yo-yo than a student."

Gojo's smirk widened into a grin, the kind that suggested he was enjoying this far more than he probably should. "Nanashi-kun, the first lesson of Jujutsu High isn't about cursed energy. It's about resilience. And from what I've seen," he gestured towards the ground, then to Panda, and finally back to me, "you're getting quite the crash course."

I crossed my arms, I really wanted to punch that guy, he had a punch-able face. "Resilience, huh? I guess if being resilient means getting up after being thrown down by Panda over here, then I'm on my way to valedictorian."

"That's the spirit!" Gojo clapped his hands together, the sound echoing slightly. "But don't worry, we'll move on to actual cursed energy manipulation soon. For now, think of this as... building character."

"Building character," I echoed, the words tasting like vinegar on my tongue. "Right. Because nothing says 'character development' like contemplating your life choices while eating dirt."

Panda chuckled, a deep, rumbling sound. "You're doing better than you think, Nanashi-kun. Most students don't even manage to make me use my backside for defense until at least the third week."

Most students? Bitch, I opened more than eighty classrooms, and all were empty, so unless the students were all invisible, which I didn’t totally rule out seeing Gojo had that bullshit shield around him, I didn’t think there were other students.

"Great, I'll add 'Panda's backside defense' to my resume," I chuckled, getting hit by a panda’s ass wasn’t exactly pride worthy.

Gojo laughed, turning to leave. "Rest up, Nanashi-kun. Tomorrow, we start early. And trust me, you'll want to be well-rested."

….

He’s a good kidnapper, but a terrible teacher. Since he brought me here, he has been around less than ten minutes, I had my ass kicked by Panda longer than I have interacted with my supposed teacher.

This is what happens when you trust your kidnapper when he offers to teach you some cool superpowers, you get scammed.

“So, tell me… do you like big boobs or small boobs?” Panda asked after a moment.

I blinked, staring at Panda, who seemed utterly serious about his inquiry. It was one of those moments where you question the series of life choices that led you to this exact point in time, thankfully I didn’t remember much, so I didn’t have much to question.

Oh well, I might as well answer.

“I like them big, if I can motorboat them even better,” I replied, nodding. I liked my boobs like I liked my asses, big enough to cut my air supply.

“Maki~ You have a chance here as well~” Panda sang, skipping towards Maki, who simply looked annoyed at him.