My eternal crush (selfies, diary)

Diary. It is cold outside. Today, as I walked through the forest, the Arctic frosty wind blew right in my face. Blue clear skies, autumn cold sun and a golden carpet of maple leaves underfoot. In general, I like this weather)) ...

PS. John Pruitt, you are my eternal crush  https://player.vimeo.com/video/77238441

1. Algorithms of self-centering, which, like goldfish, were launched by me into the maelstrom of my soul)), continue to raise programs (that contradict them) to the surface of consciousness. … I always thought that I could not cope with something, that I needed someone outside to live. Key - I can do everything by myself. I have my hands, my legs, my head, my brains, my skills, abilities, knowledge, my feelings and thoughts in order to cope with everything that will be in my life. The Universe has given me everything I need. I have enough of my resources and skills to live a normal and happy life. When a person is not confident in himself and does not rely on himself, then he begins to look for external basis, and this is already dependence, psychological gluing, neurosis, manipulation, inferno, violence against himself. Self-doubt - is another algorithm that violates individual mental integrity. ... And also ... paradise. I must have my own inner individual spiritual paradise, dependent of nothing. If a person does not have his own inner peace of mind and joy, then he will look for this paradise outside, because there is a hole inside, not even a hole, but there is already something external installed, already some third-party alien algorithm, a signal installed. … When two integral beings, each with their own inner paradise, begin a relationship - it should be a surprisingly beautiful sight. Each of them enjoys each other's paradise, but no one at the same time abandons his own nirvana and does not replace his paradise with someone else's.

2. I need to stop the locomotive of the activity of my nervous system. All my life I had ambitions that drove my nervous system to a very strong tension. It's like a steam locomotive running at full speed and the brakes no longer work. )) You just need to turn off the mind, turn off the intellect and start learning to enjoy life without any ambition.