Good humor. (selfies, diary)

Diary. Today I had a bowel endoscopy under general anesthesia. Diagnostic procedure. The most tiring was the three days of the diet. The last day before the procedure, nothing at all could be eaten, I drank only water. Plus I had to drink four liters of water with the medicine in four hours. That was hard. ... My elevated bilirubin (destroyed erythrocytes) brings me to quite unpleasant states. Unbound bilirubin is quite toxic to nerve and brain cells. I was diagnosed with gilbert's syndrome (not a serious thing, many people have it) a long time ago, they said it is genetic, but I don’t think it’s that simple. For some reason, my liver does not convert enough unbound bilirubin into bound bilirubin. I take medications sometimes. Now, once a week, I will do a tyubage with magnesia. ... I decided to connect psychosomatics. Psychosomatics says that high bilirubin is suppressed, unexpressed anger. Perhaps. I've tried my whole life to be good. But this is not good for health.)) I admit that sometimes (perhaps very often) I suppress my dislike. I've done that all my life. I need to try something. I'm talking about cynical humor, about ridicule. I never liked it in people and I never allowed myself to do it. Perhaps this is bad for the immune, defense system. When I worked in the medical center, I saw several times how the nuns after the MRI was diagnosed with liver or intestinal cancer. I don't want to end up like them. Cynical humor, ridicule (not necessarily in the face) is a very good protective thing. (People always made fun of me, why can't I do the same?) On the one hand, it sets you up in a positive way, on the other hand, it separates you from others (you keep your integrity), plus it increases your self-esteem. ... I am too kind, this is not good for mental protection, and therefore not good for physical immunity. Cynical, derisive humor helps not to react seriously to people and situations. When you treat everything with a smile and a little humiliation, then you do not strain your nervous system (not seriously, it means I don't need it), you do not have spasmodic reactions, you are relaxed, separated from everything, cheerful and healthy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C94d8_rSqm8