Burned out, but coming back!

Hi all! 

I'm sure some of you have noticed that there hasn't been a video in the past few weeks. That's something that's been a constant source of stress and guilt for me, and I'm really sorry! Especially to those of you who are waiting for requests - it's on my mind literally all the time. I just wanted to write a quick post to you all, and explain what's been going on, in case you're wondering. 

My story is not at all a new one, but it's mine, so here it goes. 

Covid has really messed me up, mentally. I'm a deadline-oriented person. I thrive when I'm overworked, and I self-destruct, mentally, when I don't have enough to do. I've always been this way, and luckily over the last several years I've had more work than I know what to do with, which keeps me "in the zone" of pro-activity and solid work ethic. Since all the live music work I'm used to is gone due to Covid, I found myself suddenly stuck in my danger zone - endless amounts of free time and no "purpose". To add to that, I turn to Krav Maga (self defense/fighting) for stress relief and physical exercise, and with that gone too, I'm all out of balance. Again I know this isn't new - I'm sure so many people have similar stories.

How this seems to have manifested in terms of making videos for you, is in feelings of severe apathy/burnout. I've found it really hard to make videos. I hate it - I wish it wasn't the case, but I've just not been able to bring myself to do it these past few weeks, although I've really tried. I know it's counter-intuitive - I have so much "free time" - but what I'm feeling isn't logical - it's definitely mental/emotional, and it's really been holding me back.

Good news is that the funk seems to be lifting now though, and I fully intend on getting a video up this Friday, and each week after that, again, and also on getting back to the Backstage Pass videos for you $4 patrons, hopefully several a week.

Some of you have sent me little check-in messages and I really really appreciate that. I'm good, just - you know - dealing. As we ALL are, I'm sure. 

So thanks again, to all of you, for being here and sharing in this really cool little community. If anyone has any similar COVID stories or just wants to connect, let's start a little discussion here. I promise to be more active, again, here on out. 

Really hope you and your loved ones and families are keeping well.
Best,
Ben