about the main channel - highlights and scrapped video essays.

hello! this patreon page was originally made when I was a *video essayist.* a scary, awful phase in any young woman's life. it served as way to get credits in my videos (of which the fire punch video is the only surviving one) and generally support me. that support saved my life, i've discussed on stream before but in case it was missed, the help on here is part of the reason i'm still around. Thank You.

on the topic of streams, that's where i'm at now! i'm sure anyone here now is familiar with that fact or has only known me as a streamer but just in case! I'm here to explain! a combo of time constraints, a computer who can't run premiere, a dislike for my own writing and just a general Love For Streaming that's where I've been. It's great! The credits reward has been shifted to said streams, they play at the end of each one and that mass of names truly helps make up for my awful luck elsewhere in life. 

those vods get uploaded to the second channel, mae vods. but they're kinda unwatchable for some people. understandably to be clear. no one should have to dedicate 12 hours to a stream, I love doing it and people love watching live but I understand all too well what truly gets a streamer in the door in 2023 is Highlights (edited down streams.)

which brings me back to the main channel. i think i'm going to start uploading basic highlight videos to the main channel. it's something i've considered doing for a while but would always flip flop on due to still feeling bound by this unspoken weight i've pulled myself down with. the idea that i'm this youtuber first and streamer second has haunted me for a year and a half now.  it's just plainly not true anymore. i have to drop my weird YouTuber Complex and do what actually feels fun. 

the highlights uploaded to the main channel will start infrequent and light in editing due to a variety of circumstances in my real life (mostly time and pc troubles) but i hope they can eventually become something more professional and frequent. the first one should be going live sometime later today

this is a long and out of nowhere update post but it's been on the mind. the idea people subscribed here for behind the scenes on videos and then got left dry for a year while I figured out the whole streaming thing bugs me. the video thing has been this albatross around my neck forever now, trying to write something and failing. getting to the editing phase and bashing my head against the wall until the wall won. it's something i gave a honest shot and maybe with a more stable foundation from streaming, a pc that doesnt shit itself when i open premiere and time to reflect on what i actually liked about making written works that can come true again. I did genuinely like making videos, despite my own personal neurosis about my writing. if i end up making edited video content again it'll be on the main maedotmkv channel. putting it anywhere else would feel like putting in the towel on that inital Tuber Dream and i sure as hell dont want to do that.

so yes. credits on streams, highlight videos on main. thank you!