The Lost BitMusical Songs [Part 3]

Thanks for your patience! Next week is still the planned day for the final BitMusical song, but until then, here are a few more of the ideas that never quite made the cut:

Hamiltom (or Nookington)

Game: Animal Crossing

Featuring: Tom Nook

Style: Hamilton parody

Another musical homage/parody, this song would have plenty of fast-paced rhyming wordplay. Since I've had plenty of that already it was on the back-burner, but I liked the idea: it's all about how Tom Nook gets a bad rap. He does though! Everyone treats him like some mafia shyster, but he gives you a house and an infinite amount of time to pay it off. And he buys your garbage like ten feet away from the store! He needs his own Hamilton-style defense song, yessir.

Racin' 'Round the Rest Home

Game: F-Zero

Featuring: Captain Falcon

Style: 80's-style rock

This song was inspired by me getting stuck behind a really slow driver while Mute City from F-Zero was playing in my car speakers. The dichotomy between the pumping electric guitar and the world's pokiest sedan inspired this idea. It's all about Captain Falcon in his twilight days, speeding around the rest home in a wheelchair, dealing with elderly issues and troublesome residents like old man Goroh. Plenty of old jokes abound.

Bowser & Son

Game: Super Mario

Featuring: Bowser and Bowser Jr.

Style: Vaudeville

This one makes me a little sad because it would've been lots of fun for me and my own son singing the two roles. Bowser is concerned that Jr doesn't want to rule the kingdom like him. Jr is mostly focused on painting and being an artist. But then they find common ground: they both want to take down Mario, and that's plenty for Bowser! A song all about parental expectations.

I Beat 'em All

Game: Super Mario

Featuring: Piranha Plant

Style: 50's-style Little Shop of Horrors

For this one, I'd bust out my best Audrey II impression for another singing flower, the ferocious Piranha Plant! This would be kind of an "I'm the best" song, making fun of every major character who did not make it into Smash Bros, while the Plant did. "You think your granny knows who Geno is?"

Mother's Here

Game: Mother 3

Featuring: Hinawa

Style: Ballad

This was the only song idea that was not comedic in nature. Hinawa sings a lullaby to her sons. First to comfort Lucas and Claus when they're young and get minor knee scrapes, then later throughout the events of the game. Very sad, very spoilery. I would've released this sooner had Nintendo released the game over here, but alas.

Waluigi vs. Daisy

Game: Super Mario series

Featuring: Waluigi and Daisy

Style: Loose parody of "Anything You Can Do"

Waluigi and Daisy verbally blast away at each other in this delightful insult song. I dug deep for the most cutting comments possible; here are a few:

DAISY: "You're a purple spinoff leech."

WALUIGI: "You're the store-brand Princess Peach."

DAISY: "Your only friend's a gassy lout."

WALUIGI: "Your third eye even creeps ME out."

DAISY: "Your mustache makes me wanna spew."

WALUIGI: "Well I could say the same to you."

I WAS going to release this during the next Mario mainline release buuut...Daisy was in Super Mario Wonder! Which stars Daisy! So I couldn't go with my original planned ending. Read on to see why:

(Daisy and Waluigi are staring daggers at each other by the song's end, but are interrupted by Toad)

TOAD: Guys! Guys! There's gonna be a new Mario adventure!

(Daisy and Waluigi look shocked)

TOAD: (cheerful) ...And neither of you will be in it!

(Daisy and Waluigi look deflated)

DAISY: ....

WALUIGI: ....

DAISY: ...Well. Wanna make out?

WALUIGI: Yeah, okay.

(they do so)

OTHER LOOSE IDEAS

-"Now You're Playing With Polka!" A direct Weird Al homage, a polka medley of existing Nintendo songs (Jump Up Super Star, DK Rap, The Great Mighty Poo, Ashley's Theme, etc)

-A Lifelight parody about how flowery and meaningless the words to so many anime-style ballads are.

-A list song about Chef Kawasaki making the most delicious dishes to satiate Kirby, but Kirby eats everything indiscriminately.

-The History of Nintendo 3025: a self-parody "what if" song all about bizarre things that Nintendo did from 2025 to 3025. Wars started over shiny trading, games injected directly into your eyeballs, etc.

That's just about all of 'em! But I do have one other song parody that was mostly written that I'll talk about a little later. Stick around!

-Matthew