Real Life Situation

Now, let me apologize for the lack of updates lately. I still haven't finished my answer to the allegations against me in my lawsuit, but I found out that the 15-day deadline won't be set until the judge gives me an order to reply, so there's still some time.

There's so much going on... I don't know how to put everything in a concise manner, but the points are:

1) My sister decided to counter-sue me, by saying that I need to pay moral damages to her. To achieve that, she's using testimony from my older sister, who always hated both me and my mom. I have material proof that me and my sister were getting along just fine after my mom passed away, and I have material proof of several lies she's telling in her counter-lawsuit, but I have no testimony from anyone because I have no close friends nearby anymore. Since moral damages are mainly an emotional thing, there's a chance that the judge will give more weight to the testimony against me than to the material proofs I have against her.

Let me be clear, I did expect her to play dirty against me when I opened the lawsuit against her to sell my part of my mom's house, but I am still shocked by how low she's going against me. The amount she's asking in moral damages is 30% higher than what I'm asking for my part of my mom's house, and she's requesting that my share of the house be reduced to 27% of what I'm asking. Putting it simple, she's trying to invert the whole thing and make me pay the value of my share of the house to her, while also making me lose my share of the house.

If this happens, I am bankrupt. She's not simply trying to argue against my right to sell my part of my mom's house, she's trying to destroy me and my family. She wants to drive me bankrupt so I lose my own house and lose my family. She's making numerous slanderous accusations against me, claiming that I'm dangerous to my daughter, to destroy my family. My wife and my daughter are shocked by this, and my daughter, who's 17 years old already, will testify in my favor. This whole situation, combined with everything else, left me nerve racked for weeks, and I had to fight against depression for days to be able to start coding again.

Last month I was unable to meet the minimum payment on my credit card, and now I'm on the edge of defaulting on it again. I was counting on receiving a pay raise this year, because my job is forced by law to raise our salaries at least enough to counter the annual inflation, but my boss decided to defy the law and not give us our pay raise this year. This, combined with the inflation caused by the floods that destroyed the south of Brazil, made our lives unsustainable.

My checking account is R$ 2900 in the red, my credit card is R$ 1800 in the red, the late electricity, water and phone bills are amounting to R$ 950, and I'm having to pay an average of 8% of monthly interest on top of that. What makes it even more difficult is that I can't talk about it because I don't want to make my wife become desperate. It took me years to help my wife stop being suicidal and overcome all the trauma of her past, and the last thing I want is to make her feel hopeless again. I'm paying psychological treatment for both my wife and daughter, and I'm ashamed to think of having to tell them to stop their treatments.

My mind is a wreck these days and I had to take a lot of vitamins and medicine to have the energy to code again, and had to fight against depression for days to be able to focus on the code again. I'm not paying for psychological treatment for myself, because this would only put me even deeper in the red, which would only make me feel worse.

I'm terrified of the idea of having to ask for donations on Twitter again. I've done that so many times, that I know I burnt a lot of bridges doing that. I'm desperate but I'm kinda acting like a headless chicken at the moment. I'm also spending some time putting more old stuff for sale, because the rampant inflation in Brazil should at least make it easier for me to sell what I have.

Another reason why I had to take a lot of medicines is that when dealing with that counter-lawsuit for weeks, I started to have a debilitating pain and burning sensation in the brain, which feels like a continuous migraine or occipital neuralgia. I'm not sure of what's the cause, but I also have a constant faint pain in the right side of my head ever since I started punching myself in the head a few years ago, and this pain becomes disorienting when the weather is too hot. I did an exam back then that showed a cyst on the right side of my brain, where I punched myself, but the doctor said that it looked like a benign cyst and there was no reason to treat it.

The sole act of writing this post is making me feel down again, but I can't keep letting all of you in the dark. Tomorrow I'll take another heavy dose of medicines, and hopefully I'll be able to release version 0.21.10 this week. I really want to get that pseudo-deviance code fully optimized.