Harry Potter and the Monster Books Part 3

"Weird," Harry muttered when he reached into his jacket pocket to grab one of the wrapped candies that he'd picked up from the corner store and found something that shouldn't have been there. He pulled the domino sized obsidian tile out of his pocket and stared at the gemstone runes that were inlaid in the obsidian.

Hermione glanced up from the short story she was reading about a demon mad scientist and looked at the rune covered tile that Harry was holding in his hand. "Where did you find that?"

"In my pocket," Harry replied as he studied the shimmering gemstone runes. "Have you ever seen runes like this?"

Hermione set the monster book down on the nightstand then stood up and stepped closer to Harry so that she could examine the tile. "I don't recognize any of them. When was the last time you checked your pockets?"

"It wasn't there when I bought the candy this morning…" Harry trailed off as a floating window appeared over the tile. "Huh, it's asking me if I want to learn the spells it contains, it even has a list."

"It's talking to you?" Hermione asked warily, thinking about Riddle's diary.

"No, there's a floating window like a video game, it's just text," Harry assured her as he skimmed the list of spells.

"Do you think it came from the stranger that saved you?" Hermione asked thoughtfully.

"I sort of blacked out when I got the spells from the orb so he might have slipped it into my pocket and he was in a hurry," Harry mused.

"What type of spells can it teach you?" Hermione asked.

"Bestow Alternate Form: Sexy Cowgirl: (Transformation), Conjure Tome of Insanity, Create Spell Tile, Plant Growth, Purify Crystals, Rain of Slime, Regenerate: (Teeth), Stone to Flesh, Summon Candles of Magic, Summon Foxfire, Summon Naughty Invisible Flying Device, Summon Pineapple: (Explosive) and the Twisted Invocation of the Bloodstained Arena."

"That last one sounds a bit ominous," Hermione admitted.

"Yeah," Harry agreed as he selected the alternate form spell, curious how it worked and if it would give him more information. He smiled as he realized that he knew how to cast a spell that would permanently give creatures the ability to transform into sexy cowgirls. "Huh, I was half expecting the spell to vanish from the list when I used it."

"That's a decent collection but we should be careful," Hermione suggested, her desire to get an adult to check things warring with her desire to learn the strange magic.

"In my defense, I was trying to see if I could get more information about the spell if I touched it but that just gives you the spell," Harry explained before she could start lecturing him about safety.

"It was worth a try," Hermione admitted. "What spell did you pick?"

"The transformation spell, it was at the top of the list," Harry replied as he selected the spell to conjure the Tome of Insanity, figuring it might be useful against the death eaters. "Huh, the Tome of Insanity actually cures insanity."

"Then why call it the Tome of Insanity?" Hermione asked, thinking about some of the other spells she'd found that had strange names.

"I don't know, maybe because it drove people insane trying to figure out how it works?" Harry asked.

"Is that a joke or did it come with information?" Hermione asked, not actually sure since Harry had a decent poker face most of the time.

"Just a guess," Harry replied with a grin. "I didn't get any background on the spells, just the basics of what they do and how to cast them."

"Do you think the spell to create spell tiles is how they created the tile?" Hermione asked thoughtfully. “Being able to learn spells instantly would really help some of our classmates who have been having trouble in defense.”

"Let me check," Harry replied as he selected the spell from the list. "Yeah. Do you want the good news or the bad news first?"

"Bad," Hermione replied.

"I'm going to need an egg sized chunk of purified obsidian and a small handful of gems for each tile," Harry replied as he selected the spell to purify crystals. "The good news is that the spell to purify crystals makes finding a sample of sufficient quality a lot easier than it should be and I can add multiple spells to the tiles."

"We can probably find everything we need at a crystal shop or a new age shop," Hermione mused.

"Probably," Harry agreed as he started selecting the rest of the spells on the list.

"Can I borrow the tile when you're done?" Hermione asked.

"Sure, give me a minute," Harry replied as he finished grabbing the last couple of spells. "Huh, the arena spell would be amazing for Defense."

"Why?" Hermione asked.

"It conjures a training arena with wooden golems, nothing that happens in the arena can actually hurt you which is probably why it picked up the weird name."

"That would be a twist," Hermione agreed, figuring there were probably versions of the spell out there where people weren't protected. "What about the spell to summon a flying device?"

"The device only works if you're naked or nearly naked," Harry replied as he handed her the tile. "Just focus on using it then select the spells one at a time."

Hermione focused and smiled when the window appeared over the tile after a couple of seconds. 'Did they put things in alphabetical order or does the tile just sort the spells?'

Harry mentally went over the information about the spells that he'd learned while he waited for Hermione to grab everything. 'I should probably give Neville the Plant Growth spell since it works on magical plants as long as you have enough magic and the foxfire would be perfect for lighting the mines as it's permanent unless you dismiss it.'

"The Stone to Flesh spell would make mining a lot easier since you can control what part of the stone is turned into flesh, it would be easy to get level floors and smooth walls," Hermione mused after grabbing all of the spells. "The only problem is figuring out how to get rid of it before it rots."

"Did you miss the fact that the slimes from the Rain of Slime spell eat just about anything organic?" Harry asked.

"I was trying not to think of that spell or the version that only eats clothes," Hermione admitted as she handed the tile back to Harry. "We should probably avoid sharing that one."

"To be fair, the clothes eating version also eats grime and dark magic…" Harry trailed off as he got a crazy idea. "Do you think we could talk Sirius into covering the house in slime for a couple of hours while we catch a movie or something?"

"Probably," Hermione replied then smiled when she gave his idea a bit more consideration and realized that it had a lot of merit. "That's actually not a bad idea."

"Seriously?" Harry asked. "I was sort of joking."

"That version of the spell only lasts a couple of hours and it also removes stains and cleans just about everything it touches, with the exception of clothes."

"If the clothes don't exist, it's hard to argue that they're dirty," Harry offered with a grin.

"True," Hermione agreed. "If we move the clothes we want to keep into one of the mines and ward it against the slime, the entire house will be clean by the time we get back from the movies."

"We'd have to talk Sirius into using the alternate form spell," Harry mused.

"That shouldn't be hard, it's just an extra form and it would give him the chance to get out of here," Hermione pointed out.

"Trade?" Harry asked. "I'll cast it on you and you can cast it on me?"

"Deal." Hermione cast the Bestow Alternate Form: (Cowgirl) spell on Harry, finding the spell easy to cast which was a bit crazy considering it permanently gave someone an alternate form and she'd never actually cast it before.

Harry returned the favor and then flipped the mental switch that had appeared in his head, causing a swirl of red and gold sparkles to surround him.

Hermione stared as the sparkles vanished, revealing a busty and mostly naked red haired goddess with Harry's emerald eyes that looked like she'd just stepped out of a naughty magazine cover. She glanced at Harry's black leather chaps then up at the cowboy hat she was wearing. "We're going to have to go shopping."

"Yeah…" Harry trailed off as he heard people walking down the hallway. He quickly changed back and sighed in relief when all of his clothes reappeared.

"I'm just saying that if the Ministry is sending dementors after people, we should figure out a good way to deal with them," Ginny argued as she walked into the bedroom with her brothers following her.

"Everyone needs a hobby," Fred pointed out as he walked over to the frame that led to the mine Harry had given him. "If you find something that works better than the patronus charm, let us know."

"Speaking of finding interesting things, can we get a copy of the monster book?" George asked.

Harry glanced between Fred and George. "I need you to promise that you'll take this seriously, the monsters can be dangerous and I don't want anyone dying because I handed them a dangerous artifact and they didn't take it seriously."

"We'll be careful," Fred assured him. "We might joke around a lot but we're actually pretty careful."

"When it's important," George added.

"I'll trust you." Harry conjured a monster book and handed it to George. "Let me know if you find anything interesting."

"That's the plan," George replied with a grin and walked through the frame and into the mine.

"Thank you," Fred told Harry then followed his twin into the mine.

"Can you think of any good muggle books that have gold in them that are safe enough to jump into?" Ron asked Hermione.

"Safe? Your best bet is probably looking at some children's books about adventures that end up with people finding treasure or any story that has a pawn shop in it," Hermione suggested, happy to see Ron using his head on possible uses for his new ability.

"How does the pawn shop help?" Ron asked.

"Most pawn shops have silver and gold jewelry, if you walk in and stun the clerk, you'll be gone before the cops get there and you won't have to worry about the Ministry because they probably don't exist in the book," Hermione explained.

"Sounds a bit dishonest," Ron admitted, surprised that Hermione was encouraging him to rob people.

"Find a crooked clerk, they're a dime a dozen in detective novels," Hermione suggested, forgetting for a second that he barely recognized British currency, let alone American sayings that she picked up from movies.

"Detective novels?" Ron asked, wondering if he should be taking notes. 'Should I ask what a dime is?'

Hermione glanced at Ginny, wondering if it was a wizarding thing or just a Ron thing, a touch relieved when she realized that it was just a Ron thing. "Detective novels generally have some sort of detective or problem solver as the main character, they're basically like aurors. The story follows the detectives as they work through a mystery involving some sort of criminal case, generally meeting a bunch of strange or morally questionable people along the way."

"And the point is solving the crimes?" Ron asked.

"Basically," Hermione agreed. "They generally run into questionable people with money which makes them excellent targets for your ability."

"He might have more luck with Westerns," Harry suggested as he conjured a monster book and opened it, curious what type of stories he'd end up with. "They usually have a bank robbery or train heist and most of the coins are straight silver and gold which means they're easy to sell."

"That's a good point," Hermione agreed. "He'd need to brush up on his Notice Me Not charms because most of the bobbies aren't afraid to shoot people."

Ron shook his head. "That sounds like the opposite of safe."

Harry opened the book to the first story and looked at the title above the picture of a tourist trap shop. ‘Shop Bound Demon Girl, Retail Hell?' he mused as he started reading the short story that seemed to be about a demon named Titania.

"Sometimes you have to take a risk to make a profit," Ginny pointed out.

"I'm not Malfoy, I actually know what a gun is," Ron argued.

"You're not going to get shot, you just have to be careful. There's usually a scene where the criminals are distracted by the heroes or where they're just scoping things out…" Hermione trailed off when Harry flipped the page and she noticed that the clerk in the picture looked like her, if you ignored the fact that she had straight purple hair and shimmering tattoos all over her arms.

"Why does the girl look like Hermione?" Ron asked when he looked at the book.

"The books are influenced by the first person that opens them and my friends are a big part of my life," Harry explained as he continued skimming the story, trying to get an idea of the girl's character since it looked like a decent place to pick up some clothes for his female form and maybe magic books judging by the titles of the books on the shelves. "Her name is Titania and she's basically bound to the shop until someone sets her free."

"That sounds like a nightmare," Ron muttered.

Hermione scowled as she tried to imagine what getting magically bound to a shop would be like, fairly sure it would drive her crazy once she ran out of books. "If we rescue her, can we take her out of the book?"

"Are the people even real?" Ginny asked before Harry could answer.

"Everything in the book world looked normal and the magic books worked when I brought them out so it's real enough," Ron argued.

"What happens to the people if we don't take them out?" Hermione asked, a bit concerned about the ethical issues of leaving people in a world that was just going to vanish.

"I don't know what happens when you leave and the magic fades, maybe that world continues or maybe it's just a fragment of a world and everything is erased," Harry replied.

"That's a bit dark," Ginny muttered.

"I'm not sure how we'd check. As for pulling people out, that depends on the people or the monsters and you normally have to solve their issues or beat them in a fight," Harry explained as he flipped the page, showing a picture with a naked blonde girl looking at a standing mirror while Titania held up a short black dress. "I think there's a curse on the shop or the door that attracts people that can't actually help her break the curse."

"Wouldn't surprise me," Hermione said, a touch surprised that Ron wasn't making a big deal out of the naked girl in the picture.

"We're going to have to hide the books," Ron mused, knowing his mother would have a fit if she saw the pictures in the book. 'Gretel was hotter, play it cool.'

"Speaking of books, can I have a book?" Ginny asked, curious what type of stories her book would have.

"I should probably do the responsible thing and refuse, but I don't want to be hexed and you're friends, don't make me regret this," Harry told them as he conjured two books and gave one to Ginny and Ron. "And if your Mum finds out, I'm telling her you swiped them."

"That's fair," Ginny replied cheerfully as she levitated the chair and stepped through the frame to her mine, looking forward to reading her new book and poking around some of the safer stories in private.

Ron opened his mouth then closed it as he realized that he didn't want to know what his sister was going to do with her book. "I don't want to know, I'm going to see if there are any sandwiches left," he told them then headed out of the room, adjusting himself once he got outside where no one could see him.

Hermione turned her attention back to the story in Harry's book. "Do you think we can rescue her?"

"I don't know, maybe?" Harry offered as he handed the book to Hermione. "Her previous owner bound her to the shop before his death, there are a number of magical clauses that have to be completed before she can escape the shop but the story didn't actually list them."

"The book probably didn't want someone preparing ahead of time," Hermione mused as she started reading the story from the beginning, trying to figure out the best way to rescue the girl that had her face.

"Makes sense," Harry agreed as he grabbed Hermione's book and started flipping through the pages, being careful not to touch any of the pictures.

0o0o0

"I'm fine, you don't need to hover," Dudley assured his mother. "I'm just going to play some of my video games and relax."

"Stop coddling him, Pet, he'll be fine," Vernon suggested.

"Stay in the house," Petunia ordered, worried about the dementors coming back and finishing the job.

"I'm not going anywhere," Dudley assured them then headed for the stairs, wishing his mother would relax. 'The one time I want the freak around and he's gone. Probably for the best,' he admitted, knowing Harry would probably tell someone about Dudley’s magic which would result in his parents finding out which would probably result in him getting disowned by his father.

Dudley headed into his room and closed and locked the door. He walked over and turned the television on then turned the volume up, fairly sure his father wouldn't bother to climb the stairs for anything short of an emergency. 'Now or never, maybe you're just imagining things or you've lost your mind?'

He focused on the monster book spell that was floating in his head and cast it, causing a book to appear in his hands and making him feel strangely empty in a way that he wasn't used to. He stared at the book in disbelief for a couple of seconds. 'Fuck me, I'm a wizard.'

'Or something,' Dudley decided after a couple of seconds, fairly sure he needed an actual wand for that. He opened the monster book and looked at the title of the first story. 'Al's Monster Gym?'

He studied the black and white picture of an old fashioned boxing ring surrounded by people that looked just a bit off. 'Horns? Is that a giant?' he mused as he looked at the freakishly tall guy in the corner that looked like Lurch. 'Pretty sure those are fangs. Do they even have a junior league?'

He flipped the page and smiled when he saw a pair of topless blondes wearing short skirts, hanging on a boxer's arms as he talked to some type of bookie in front of a ring with a pair of teenagers in the ring. 'That would be the life, getting paid to beat the shit out of people and getting all the girls.'

He spent a couple of minutes reading, enjoying the story of a plucky young monster that wanted to be the best. 'Maybe they can teach me how to hit ghosts or how to avoid them,' he mused, thinking about the dementors. He flipped to the next page and looked at the picture of a demon biker gang standing around a circle watching a fight.

'I'm good, but I'm not that good,' he admitted as he grabbed the last couple of pages and touched the picture of the boxing ring. He vanished into the picture, causing the pages to fall back down, leaving the picture of the bikers on display.

"Hey," Fankie offered when she noticed the unfamiliar teenager in the gym. "Let me guess, you're here to sign up for the tournament and get a bit of training?"

Dudley turned and stared when he turned and saw a girl with pale, almost bluish skin that was wearing a pair of gray gym shorts that said Al's Gym on the sides and nothing else. "Yeah, I want to sign up…" he trailed off when he pulled his attention off her generous breasts and realized that she had bolts sticking out of her neck like Frankenstein's monster and wild black hair.

"Excellent, we'll get you set up then you can fight Victor," she said cheerfully as she grabbed the clipboard and walked over to get his information.